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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 12/14/2008 5:22:33 PM | | Kids need a father figure such as a grandpa uncle etc but the biological father if say he's a loser then your kids do not need them. I do believe the role of a male especially in a boys life is important as long as they have a male role model they don't necessarily need the biological father. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 12/15/2008 3:21:57 PM | Hi room,
Hi all, I grow up not knowing my father who chose to venture a different path in life! My mum played the role of both dad and mum and I take my hat to her because she raised all six yes 6 of us on her own.
Personally I dislike my dad for turning his back more so for not giving a reason for his action so I guess not a good role model!!! I am now a farther and in some ways I wished things were different as a fathers (man) input may had made life experience a little easier to understand. For this reason I decided not to be nothing like my dad and be there for my son (big love).
The twist mind you is that I am a single farther and brought my son up from the age of 2yrs (now 9yrs) as his mum plays no part (will not go into detail) but I try to keep all doors open because I don’t want my son to grow to dislike or hate his mum as I did towards my dad.
I know we all have a story to tell but I feel were possible to keep both parents in your child’s life as both plays a very important role, even if you can rise your child better on your own!
Thank you for taking the time to read, and wish you all the best in the path you walk!
Dre | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 4/21/2009 9:11:24 AM | I have to make a comment on this subject. As woman on here has posted comments on her ex. Alsoth yahoo that commented after her about proving her points right. How would you know?. Did you live with him and her...lol.The guy who i am now married to. I have known him since just after her break up from him. We did not get to gether till nealy a year and a half later. I seen the things he went through with her. They meet while he was still married. That marriage ended, when he sent he back home overseas, when he could see she was never happy there.They ( the woman on here) married before his divorce was through. As he married her early as her mum was dying of cancer.
The mother left money for them both and i do say them both to buy a house together. They moved provinces, then bought a house. She was never happy there though Never tried to make friends and yet he loved thier new home. They had a home now two beautiful twins. He had been in the same job for six years ( we now know from previous forums ,how some dads are bums). He supported her while she stayed home while pegnant and the 18 months she stayed with him after. ( i would ask how do you ever get his a sperm donar from that? omg) Helped her with the house work and even what i know from her. He did all the cooking. ( what woman wouldn't want that?)
What woman doesn't want that...lol. Things started to fall apart when she went home for a visit and started toget home sick.When she got back she wanted to move back to her home town. Her husband could not understand it after all the love and time they had put in there. She decided to leave him and move out. He gave her allthe furniture and signed the house over to her. Asking only that she would give him some of the money from the house.To help him fix the old car he had. So he could keep working and support the children. Also to geta little furniture for himself.
None to say the least he though she was moving close by. Only she had moved them back to her home town. Clear out of the province. He would ring her sisters house, to talk about how the kids were. Keeping it friendly and asking only for a pic to be put up of him. She had herself scarse or out when he called and refused to even put a pic of him up in the room. He went 8 hours to visit them during his holidays only to get crap from her sister and a pay out in words from her. He came to the conclusion it all had to do with her being pissed at him and not chasing her to be closer the kids.
The fact he ws moving on with his life and dating others, pissed her off and she made him have supervised visits. From what i understand from her and his family. There had never ever been a reason or cause for her to do this to him. She knew at one point he had expermented with drugs, but was not longer doing that. Yet she still chose to have kids with him. All the things she knew, she knew before having kids with him. They knew each other 11 year. They were living together three years before having kids.
As i will say woman here and there know what they are getting into before marrying and still do it. None to say the least she diddled him out of any money. Also bagged him here in the forums, yet all the time having a go at him for not being part of thier lives. Why would anyone want to be around someone like that. She is vengful, vandictive and pissed of he moved on with his life. He has known me five year. We lived together two years before marrying. I have two children with my previous marriage. My son was recently diganosed with asbergers. You ask me how he is and what type of person he is?. He is romantic, bought me flowers the other day. He is a fantastic cook and great lover. Fun and exciting to be around.
Hard working and supportive . So great with my kids. I'm not making him out to be fantasic...lol.No one is. He has a big of an ego...lol. Though he is good looking hehehehe..!! He never finishes jobs he starts , hense the old car outside hobby and my new floor...lol. Hates mowing and never calls when late. I dare any man or woman on here to say thier perfect. I'm not...lol. No man or woamn is at all times perfect.His (her ex..lol) 100 times the man my ex is. Yet even with him,my ex has shared care and access anytime he wants. He did wrong by me and the kids by what he did in cheating. Though with the kids he is growing and becoming a better dad, the other woman left my ex for the same reasons. Though i would never denigh him access.I grew up with out my dad.
No matter what excues you use the dad can only harm them because he harmed you or did soemthing bad. He didn't hurt them. As for woman saying other man can make good role models, how come so many complain about thier own dads and the dads of thier kids and how it will stuff up and give them emotional damage. CRAP if your there guiding them and also letting them judge for themselves what thier father is. Then yes they may get hurt, but with your support and all the support that out there now. The damage is not forever!!. Another dad or the next dad is never thier dad. Devorice rates are to high and with that guy out of your life. He may never see those kids again. Yet the dad even in 20 years of you shutting him out , will always be the dad.
This rubbish about him just being the sperm donar, because you choose not let him be there or make it diffecult or doesn't pay you hundreds of dollars in child maintence is utter rubbish and just excuse to keep the sitution as it is and yourself angry with him.
She agreed to many thing with him ,when they broke up. Yet she stuck to none of it. Even appearing on here at onepoint and saying she knew a guy for a short time introduced him to the kids and he disappeared out of thier lives, that they were heart broken. She had previously agreed when they broke up. Not to introduce anyone to the kids. Till she had known them for a year. Did that teach her? No!! She now is claiming another is her fiancee. Younger then her, i must point out she is younger then her ex by 9 years and this guy is younger then her. Never married and has no kids. Yet he has only just come into the situation. Trying to tell man 15 years older then how its going to be. That he will not talk to her and only to him. Even i had to laugh!! I totally belive as it is here. You and your ex discuss the kids thier up bringing in scared care and the new partner may have his say to you. Though should never ever get between the two of you. AS my counciller said. There is always a bad guy and its usually the ex, be you female or male and the partner will always go on the attack if they see the other is being attacked or fought with.
New partners shouldkeep thier thoughts to the new partner and if have something to say share or help with.Should stay out of it. EVERY and i do say EVERy one knows how bitter and nasty things can get from watching tv and forums. How some parents go to the extreme to keep the kids away from the other. Or how some get so heart broken and never seeing thier kids and do extereme things. Lets stop using the kids as pawns. Learn to get on. If you can't, get a mediator and work it out for the kids sake and the rights of the kids. NOT your rights , thiers!! Kids come first only if the kids are in someway in danger from the other parent. ( not out of your fears and beliefs!!) Should a parants ever be stopped from access and the right to know there kids. The comment " Do kids need a father is soooo wrong and old fashioned"
I will tell you this 5 years later she is still trying to pull al this rubbish, lies and crap.Instead of moving on making her kids and happy and facing reality of all the post and things that have eebn said on here. For the most part everyone agrees a kid needs thier father, Except in the face of danger if you take those out and the ones who choose to be single mums. then thats all thats left, DADs have rights to, you choose to have them with him.They will always be part of him. They are not sperm donars ,unless you choose that way of doing it from the begining, again because you chosse to have kids with him. Not through a needle...lol. Good luck to all single parents. Men and woman ,put the kids first,though you may not like each other!!
I'm sorry your sh**y because he moved on with his life is happy loving me and is great with my kids and didn't turn out the lonely sad old man you thought he would and didn't come running at your beck and call. So move get happy and let him have the contact with his kids. NOT on your terms though on the kids and not with black mail and not with weather or not he gives you tons of money!! Does not replace money!! | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 4/21/2009 8:36:06 PM | Last time I checked, to create life, you need an egg and a sperm. Of course children need a father...who else is going to provide the sperm. Children also require a mother....who else is going to provide the egg?
Seriously though....growing up, children benefit more from having a good male and female role model, hopefully their biological parents. There is plenty of studies being done that show that children fare better in life when they have a good relationship with both parents. Sadly though, you cannot make anyone be a parent and sometimes one parent dies. As parents, you do the best you can with what you have to work with. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 4/21/2009 9:01:02 PM | I have a 12 year old girl. Her dad is dead beat. I cannot teach her to hunt, shoot, and other things that she has interest in. I feel that a father figure is important. However, in this current day and age, the biological father is not always the best father figure to have around. Any good male role model is best, an uncle, friend, grandpa.
Moving forward, I teach my daughter that when she chooses a husband, make sure that he will be a good father. Stop the baby out of wedlock thing that we (myself included) have created. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 4/25/2009 6:36:47 AM | | I dunno about girls, but most boys need at least a father figure, to emulate, to play sports (if they're into that), to talk to about male issues when the time comes. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 4/25/2009 7:25:02 AM |
Moving forward, I teach my daughter that when she chooses a husband, make sure that he will be a good father. Stop the baby out of wedlock thing that we (myself included) have created.
It frightens me that births out of wedlock have become so accepted and praised. Girls who grow up without a father have a very high chance of promiscuity. I know that first hand. Craving the attention and validation of men can really drive a girl's life into a very lonely direction. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 4/25/2009 7:33:00 AM | | i totally agree with her, when the guy is a dead beat father he doesn't need to be in the childs life and if u have a strong enough mother thats all u need. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 4/25/2009 11:29:30 AM | Girls who grow up without a father have a very high chance of promiscuity. I know that first hand. Craving the attention and validation of men can really drive a girl's life into a very lonely direction. With respect, that is a very simplistic statement and very mired in cultural/social stereotype and judgment. Your daughter's (or whoever it was you have personal knowledge of) promiscuity was not a direct result of having grown up without a father and craving the attention and validation of men. It is never ever that simple. She may well have been craving attention and validation, but that is the tip of the iceberg and I can guarantee you it wasn't simply because she didn't have a father.
Needless to say, there are an enormous number of girls who grow up without fathers who are never promiscuous and were never 'high risk' of that or other risky behaviours. They are secure, empowered girls whose knowledge of their own self-worth, as modelled to them by their caregivers, male or female, leaves them strong enough and secure enough not to engage in high risk sexual behaviours or anything else that will put them in danger. They don't need to seek validation or attention because they have always felt attended to and validated as they have grown up. And that is not the sole remit of a father or a mother, irrespective of the gender of the child.
It is a pity that we can't get beyond these sorts of very simplistic stereotypes and think about children as 'people' rather than attributing their behaviour to such a simplistic source. It is not whether or not they have a mother or a father. It is about how whoever their primary giver/s is/are and others around them 'parent' and what they model. *That* is what determines their ability to make good/safe choices.
Girl or boy, father or no father, mother or no mother, 2 parent household, single parent household; a child that has always felt attended to and validated will not seek attention and validation by way of sexual acting out. That I can guarantee you. And blaming it on a lack of a father may be what you have been conditioned to believe, but it's just not true.
"Moving forward, I teach my daughter that when she chooses a husband, make sure that he will be a good father. Stop the baby out of wedlock thing that we (myself included) have created. " Well, that's a great Christian message. But you know what, when I chose a husband I knew he would be a good father. And he is. But we were unable to remain a married couple. And now we're single parents.
It is extraordinarily naiive to suggest that whether or not a child is born in wedlock is any guarantee of whether they will grow up with two parents, and even if they do, that they won't have negative outcomes based on parenting. Surely the message is to dedicate ourselves to being the best parents and role models we can be.
That it is wonderful for any child to have a loving and committed mother and father, raising them as a couple is undisputed by anyone I suspect. Goodness only knows it was my dream and I never in a million years thought I'd be a single parent. But it is a very unwise to count on it being as simple as whether or not one is married as to what will make the difference to a child. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/4/2009 9:41:49 AM | I soo agree with you meplustwo.. i grew up without a dad. Nothing wrong with me, quite happy with my life. I don't bed hop and i have been married twice. WHAt is with the dead beat dad thing. Notice most comments come from the canada region.
We have things so different here, with shared care.I also not so close minded as to know there is two sides to every story and would never make comments such as that. Without hereing both sides. So easy to make a call on people we don't know or one sided on here.... The mere comment "Do children need a father"? Thank god ilive here is all i say. Your laws need to change to make it more equal and fair.
Things arn't perfect, yet they always are changing making things more equal and fair for dads , mums , yet still put the kids first! | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/4/2009 9:46:16 AM | | my kids live with me, I love them and am the only parent in their lives. Their mom chooses to not be their but a weekend or so every other month. So the answer to this question for me is YES my kids do need and have their father in their life everyday. Our home is filled with love and compassion. I am still single and we are doing just fine. .......with ONLY their Father. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/4/2009 7:06:52 PM | | YES, of course they need their father...my children have regular visitation with their dad and I know for a fact that their lives would be missing a huge part if they didn't.l | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/21/2009 3:28:28 PM | Go watch Tv for a while. You will see that any of the commericals, the father/husband is either not present, or offish/foolish/dumb. Sit coms arent much better.
So you will believe they certainly think fatherhood is obsolete if not passe | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/21/2009 4:02:47 PM | Today I was visiting one of my best friends. She is a single mother of a boy. I brought my child also, because the two children are friends. She had very little control over her child. He needs a strong father.
Children absolutely need fathers. Children raised in intact homes fare better in most cases than children raised by single mothers, as long as the parents aren't drug addicts, alcoholics, or are constantly fighting, etc., obviously. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/21/2009 4:08:37 PM | | I have to admit that earlier in this thread I responded towards the thinking that children do not need a father figure in their lives but since having one in my daughters life (her soon to be legal father after the adoption goes through) I can say that I definitely see now how much I was letting my daughter get away with and how she responds differently to him. Not saying it can't be done with a single parent (either a mom or dad really) but it is definitely better to have both. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/21/2009 6:11:58 PM | Most men have this innate authoritative tone to their voice. It's alot scarier and definite then a mothers voice. I sometimes have struggles with my son, but a man tells him to do something and he does it, almost immediately. It's a little disheartening, but I welcome the help when I find it.
Can a mother raise a child on their own? Sure! Is it beneficial to have both? Of course!! | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/21/2009 6:14:08 PM | Today I was visiting one of my best friends. She is a single mother of a boy. I brought my child also, because the two children are friends. She had very little control over her child. He needs a strong father.
What that child needs is a strong parent. I hate how you blame his behaviour on her being a single parent and NOT on her lack of parenting skills.
On Topic, children do better when they have a minimum of one loving, involved parent in their life, they do even better when they have two loving, involved parents in their life. I have met many children of two parent families that are spoiled brats who have boundary issues and are not fun to be around. I have met many children from single parent homes that are well-behaved, well-adjusted children that are a joy to be around.
This is not a yes or no answer......children need firm but fair and consistent parenting and lots of unconditional love. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/23/2009 4:47:23 AM |
Most men have this innate authoritative tone to their voice. It's alot scarier and definite then a mothers voice. I sometimes have struggles with my son, but a man tells him to do something and he does it, almost immediately.
That one made me smile NotInnocent. My ex will go toe to toe for a week with my son over some issue. Eventually I will be called or consulted. Five minutes later... he's doing the right thing without raising my voice. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/23/2009 4:59:01 AM | I could have written exactly what you wrote,
My son's father is a Loser,Doesn't give a dam about our son....
Only to show him off when he is all cleaned up..Which for a 18month old boy is hard lol.
Honestly I had a very Strong,Loving,VERY involved and loved my Mom till he died...FATHER
And it was extremely and still is hard for me to adapt...
To being a Single Mom.
I never would have chose this for my son...But seeing as i am strong enough to love,support,protect,and have been here since day one...For my son..I say **** him..
I don't and won't tell my son anything about his dad...He will see and realize one day all by himself that he a deadbeat..and i can be both mom and DAd.HE is mine all mine and I'm sure you feel the same about your daughter.i guess we should feel lucky that we got these losers out our lifes and our kids life before they were old enough to miss them...
You can't miss,want,need,or even love someone unless there around.
Out of sight,Out of mind.
Good luck and I hope you find the Man of your dreams...
God bless you both
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/23/2009 9:22:36 AM |
Most men have this innate authoritative tone to their voice. It's alot scarier and definite then a mothers voice. I sometimes have struggles with my son, but a man tells him to do something and he does it, almost immediately. That one made me smile NotInnocent. My ex will go toe to toe for a week with my son over some issue. Eventually I will be called or consulted. Five minutes later... he's doing the right thing without raising my voice.
This is SO true! Sometimes I even ask my husband to "use the voice", lol! | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/23/2009 9:27:53 AM |
What that child needs is a strong parent. I hate how you blame his behaviour on her being a single parent and NOT on her lack of parenting skills.
I am sorry that you cannot see reality. The evidence of the poor outcomes of so many fatherless children is everywhere. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/23/2009 4:23:12 PM | | All children need a responsible, caring and productive father, and a mother who has these qualities as well. This is however, not every child's situation, and sometimes children have to be protected from parents. Children can grow up to be valuable and productive individuals from single parent households, but that should not be our first choice. Kids can have great relationships with two great parents, even if those parents choose to live apart, but that requires parents to strive to be high functioning individuals committed to what's best for their kids. There are no easy answers to this very complicated question, except that it all lies in the hands of parents to make these things right for their kids. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/23/2009 4:46:55 PM |
All children need a responsible, caring and productive father, and a mother who has these qualities as well. This is however, not every child's situation, and sometimes children have to be protected from parents. Children can grow up to be valuable and productive individuals from single parent households, but that should not be our first choice. Kids can have great relationships with two great parents, even if those parents choose to live apart, but that requires parents to strive to be high functioning individuals committed to what's best for their kids. There are no easy answers to this very complicated question, except that it all lies in the hands of parents to make these things right for their kids.
I agree. I think the most important part of that post is:
but that should not be our first choice. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/23/2009 4:58:43 PM | Not here to judge whether children need a farther or a mother, what i do know is that it can be done by either sexes not saying children could do with either parent from time to time my ex went into a same sex relationship and then moved to spain the year befor our daughter took her final exams at high school all three children stayed with myself my daughter is staying on for a third year at college my youngest son has got one more year at uni and my eldest graduates this year their mother left them 3yrs ago one very proud dad it can be. GOOD LUCK EVERYONE | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/23/2009 5:23:11 PM |
my ex went into a same sex relationship and then moved to spain the year befor our daughter took her final exams at high school all three children stayed with myself my daughter is staying on for a third year at college my youngest son has got one more year at uni and my eldest graduates this year
I'm glad everything worked out for you. Your children were already almost all the way grown up before their mother left, though. | |
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