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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/24/2005 12:35:02 PM | However, if they have both parents into young childhood and one suddenly decides they are not going to be involved any longer, it is likely the children are going to have abandonment issues later in life. You have to watch carefully if they throw themselves into unhealthy relationships and have difficulty leaving other that treat them poorly. They carry over those childhood fears of being left alone into adulthood which results in them going to extreme lengths to avoid being left again.
Ozzie | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/24/2005 12:56:34 PM | Ohhh I see your game onthebus44....LOL Pinpoint all the pretty ladies with abandonment issues and play the daddy role huh, LOL Very effective plan. Just kidding....  | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/24/2005 4:26:16 PM | From my experience - and reading much news reports, many violent criminals
come from single parent home's. I know that despite how much love a mom can offer,
it's no substitue for a loving dad. How many single moms have their
children in counselling???
http://www.divorcereform.org/crime.html
The internet is filled with evidence supporting the NEED for a father. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/24/2005 5:07:15 PM | As a single mother of children who's father came in and out of my daughters life..... I see the results.... lack of trusting males, pick boy's that will leave them... hurt them.... No matter how many males were around them... (uncles, grand-father)... it was still not their dad....
I know... the problem lies in the in-out of their life... yes... I agree... but still... my daughters voice to me (not him) how much he destroyed their life because they feel abondoned and unloved by their father.
I made the wrong move and did not look for another permanent male in my life.... I'm sure it would have made a difference in their lives to have a stable male in the house...
So to answer your question... YES... children need both a MOTHER and FATHER!!! | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/24/2005 5:16:48 PM | While I am highly offended by the suggestion that all children who dont have a live-in dad will be criminals...
I do completely agree with sugarcandy girl. They do need a permanent figure if at all possible. Someone stable and responsible. Hopefully its dad, sometimes it isnt. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/24/2005 5:20:50 PM | | All children need a loving and responsible parent, but not necessarily both parents. I am a single-dad, and I know that when I divorced my ex-wife and became a single-dad my daughter is happier than she has ever been before. Of course, in an ideal world then every child would have two loving and responsible parents, but this world is far from ideal. | |
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gabbyT
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Joined: 5/18/2005
Msg: 33 | |
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/24/2005 7:00:13 PM | | Here is my opinion..Matthew27....Good name btw. My son has his dad in his life. I wouldnt have thought any differently. Boys need a male presence in their lives, be it a Grandpa, uncle, or Father. There are certain things us mothers cant teach our sons..(dont have the equipment LOL). The bond between mother and her son is different than father and son. That bond should not be broken unless father is a criminal or a danger to their children. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/24/2005 8:13:34 PM | i think that being a birth parent mean zero,in the big picture,its 2 bodies 1 night that hit the right biological moment.
A real parent however,is completly different,and yes a child needs a fmale and a male rolemodel in their life to love and guide them. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/24/2005 8:41:08 PM | | Statisics prove that in some demographics (some) children raised with a father (whether biological or otherwise) are more likely to complete school and succeed in life, whereas children without a father figure tend to either drop out of school or do poorly. So in answer to the q, yes in my opinion, children need a father or a father figure. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/24/2005 9:05:32 PM | i am also a involded with a single parent family, Ihave two children of my own a lil girl an boy there father has chose not to be in their lives cause hes to busy with his friends an drugs! I think that is important to have the birth father to be in a childs life, no matter the situation or circumstances, i think it is very important that the father be there an involded as much as he can be, eventually he will wanna be when he finds it's to late an later on in life it will only effect the children! it's the children that have to suffer not the parents an that's what ppl have to realize~! It is hard you can't force someone to be there but try as much as you can! I think that a childs father in there life effects how they grow up, there emotions, feelings, trust, they could grow up hating ppl for there father walkin out on them,!
what about they grown up have kids an everything then they want the one chance to meet there father? what are you suppose to do then? It won't only hurt more later on in life an the older the child the more it effects them!
I am just going threw it so i know what it is like, my childrens father walked out on them an it's very hard especially for a child who is very attached! My daughter is 15 months everyday all day she was a daddy;'s girl till about 5 months ago when he changed his priotories, an his son is 3 weeks first time ever seeeing him was last week an the first an last time, ppl like this are better off not being in there lives, instead of walking in an out of there lives an getting there hoipes up an then crashing an burning them why not be there? what more important things are there in life than your family? | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/24/2005 9:43:12 PM | YES!! Obsolutly a child needs a father. If not biologically then a father figure. Infants/tots who do not have a strong male influence during their development, develops differently then those children who do (neurologically speaking). There is a reason it takes a man and a women to create a child.
Sometimes it's in the best interest to the child of the father is not around, dependant of course on the type of person he is, but it would be very ignorant to ignore the fact that a baby/child needs a mothers love and a "fathers" love. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/24/2005 9:46:26 PM | Sometimes it's in the best interest to the child of the father is not around
As Judge Judy would say; "YOU PICKED HIM!"
If he's good enough for you to hop into bed with, and have children, then we'll assume you're intelligent enough to know he's a decent man. No excuses. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/25/2005 12:58:58 AM | A lot of people have written that children need both parents but no explanation as to why
"in their best interest" etc isn't an explanation | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/25/2005 2:27:36 AM | ok twin....where did you get that data?
edit...nm I know where you got it from.
Your referring to low income families and the point has been skewed ( statistical term for altered to prove a point). Low income families are, more often that not, single female parent families. It's isn't the lack of the father around that affects, it's the income. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/25/2005 5:24:56 AM | You said it before I had the chance Blu! 
I'm an entrepreneurial major who intends to found a non-profit that will benefit low-income children and families, so I take quit a few sociology courses as well. You hit the nail on the head. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/25/2005 5:54:00 AM | oui
children don't need a mother or a father to be happy and well adjusted as I said already.
It's society that makes people believe such.
Hypothetical situation:
I crash on a deserted island. Only me and 3 infants survive. None of them are my biological children. But I take care of them.
do they need their mother and their father to be taken care of? no
bizarre example I know but, true.
I have many friends in Europe and South America. It's totally different than in North America. We do things a$$ backwards here.
In many other countries people don't ditch their parents when they turn 18. Extended families take care of all the children. As long as the children are taken care of and happy it doesn't matter who is doing it.
It's only our society that has us brainwashed into believing we need to have a Leave it to Beaver family for children to have what's " best". | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/25/2005 7:14:21 AM | | Well, good then. We can just have test tube babies and be done with it. Put children out to any family through mail order or purchase over the internet. Make children a item to be bought and sold as they are already by the lawyers and doctors in the adoption community. They would love you, but we can take it a step further and just do it in the labs. I am an adoptee. Learning and reuniting with my birth family has been a blessing after 34 years of not knowing them. Physically, yes, children can be raised by loving parents other than the ones that bore them. Psycologically, shit cant spell, there is something missing that those adopted parents cant and will never fill. We in this country want to give children the best possible upbringing to nourish them mentally and physically and as happy as can be. Doesnt always happen as everything else in this dream of a world, but we can at least try and hope for the best. YES, children need their fathers!!! YES, children need their mothers!!! Their biological ones for the best possible upbringing a child can have in this world. Its not to say that a child cant be brought up happy w/out but the best scenario is with their parents. There is a dream of happiness and prosperity that this country was founded on. I wont say that it was Leave It to Beaver, lol, but a dream and a hope. It has been shaken many times over. Many people havnt been able to see or realize that dream. In this country we have done the best I believe man can possibly do and we continue to try. You can say brainwashed if thats what you like. I say its an attempt to be the best possible caregivers to children. As far as ditching at 18, hopefully our kids are going on to opportunities open to them that are not open to others in other countries to learn, grow (spiritually, mentally), and live a happy successful life (just not by monetary standards, but what life has to offer). Assbackwards here.... Hum, I have to think that we are forward looking and that other countries "families" do this out of necessity because they are not afforded the opportunities, education, we are here. The best case scenario is a Mother and a Father if it cant be the biological ones, then adopted family, and on down. To say otherwise, is to rob our children of the best possible upbringing they can have. I dont know about anyone else, but i want my kids to have the best possible happy upbringing. Again, I say the best possible. That rarely occurs. So as situations present themselves and life throws us its little curves....divorce, death, abandonment by mother or father. We go on with the "best possible". The best possible again is a bioligical mother and father, anything less is less than the best possible but we do our best. To cheapen the relationship of a mother and father to a child, is to lower it to lower standards and rob our children of the "best possible". I guess Married With Children was an attempt to brainwash too... Leave It to Beaver was just a ****ing show. TV, acting, like not real.......entertainment that some enjoyed and some turned off. Society is going down the tubes with attitudes like parents dont matter in the happiness of children or fathers arnt important. Ok, wasnt trying to beat anyone, didnt read all the threads just this one. Yes, lol, fathers are important in the best possible upbringing of a child....there. Peace | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/25/2005 7:30:14 AM | I can certainly see both sides on this. I guess my feelings are just that , YES, of course having the natural parent play a major role in the childs life is ALWAYS the best scenario.
But as a single parent I can fully understand when there would be circumstances that make that impossible. Yes, I think (and intensely hope) that we all would prefer the natural parent to be involved if at all possible. However, we just dont live in a perfect world and I am not going to bash those single moms who have ex's that legitimately are a threat to their children. Is that the way they wish things were, likely not, but what do you want them to do now?
Yes, in hindsight we all could have made better decisions and been pickier. Should I have had a child at 18? NOPE! Should I have ever even been involved with his father in the first place? NOPE!
I was raised in a less than perfect environment which led me to make some poor decisions. It happens, as much as it shouldnt it does and thats the real world, not the ideal of someone. As parents who have potentially come from less than perfect backgrounds, the best thing that we can do is learn and grow. I learned some lessons a little too late and now I have a son. He is here, all the talk back and forth saying I shouldnt have had him wont change that. Here he is at 2.5 and bash me all you want- hes not going anywhere.
My job is to break the cycle through education and personal responsibility, which is what I am doing. So that he can grow up to recognize and value family. All of our jobs are to ensure that we utilize our resources to the best of our ability. If we have 2 loving parents for our children- GREAT, if not, then we need to make do with what we have.
Need a father? YES! But try telling that to a legitimate survivor of domestic violence. Tell her the value of that man being in her childs life. You would be wrong. In some scenarios the father just shouldnt be in the picture and the mother has to compromise the best she can. Its not fair to the child, but if she raises the child right and reaches for support from friends, family, and the community she can raise a healthy, happy, and confident child. They will take a different path in getting there, but they can get there. (note: she can be he in any of these situations)
Sorry to rant, but I just cant stand these idealists trying to put down single mothers who are working hard to overcome their obstacles. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/25/2005 8:50:29 AM | | Hey, blueeyed, wasnt picking on ya, kind of felt like i was there. Something there hit me. Being divorced and being a father and the frustrations of being able to be a father to my daughter w/out others questioning me is very frustrating. I will make my mistakes and i am not always right, lol. If I was that would be boring, but I do love my child and try to make decisions out of love. I get frustrated because the reality of it is, I can not be the father I want to be and raise the daughter the way I would want to raise because to many people want to put in their three cents and because I am not always there my opinion or thoughts dont matter, but when it comes to the money aspect of it (child support) there sure as hell no disagreement there among other parties. It is frustrating, very frustrating. It is not fair to me, nor is it fair to my daughter. I believe many fathers want to be just that a father but mom and her parents are going to raise the child the way they see fit and dads opinion or feelings dont matter shit. Take my heart and twist it, stomp on it, crush it, piss on it, whatever but leave my relationship with my child out of it. It seems to me that society has allocated fathers to a sperm donor roll and pass the buck in divorces and that they are not capable of being a caregiver, so that question in this post kind of hit me and then I saw your post. LOL, so dont take it personally blueeyed. yes, many men do abandon their childs, or should i say boys. I have a lot of respect for you gals that want the father to have whatever contact with the two of yours child and allow it, because then you are beyond the selfishness of you and truly love your child to allow it for their benefit. Obviously, if the father is a harm to the child, no contact. If the father doesnt want contact, there is nothing u can do. There are women who have kids and dont want the father to be there, they do it because the child is something they want and dont want anyone else to be a part of that. They are just plain sick and love themselves more than their child. A woman who raises a child as a single parent, because the father is a "boy" and cant take responsibility for his actions to love that child, can raise a happy child. It is sad for the child that they have to grow up w/o a fathers love because there is something in them that wants that love so much. I do believe they can be happy despite that hurt and u single parents do a great job and society tries to help with that. We all make mistakes, I believe every child is a blessing, no matter how that child was conceived or by whom or a drunken night of sex or whatever and by all means possible I believe that child needs its biological mother whatever the costs. So, I am going to shut up, lol. I have never written here before and dont. Tend to keep my opinions to myself. Topic just hit a button at a trying time. Probably wont write again, lol. So, once again, Peace... | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/25/2005 9:00:27 AM | I completely agree that the fathers role is diminished and undermined by our society and it is a tradgedy. I can only imagine how Id feel if someone told me I could only see my son on weekends.
I have a lot of respect for you gals that want the father to have whatever contact with the two of yours child and allow it, because then you are beyond the selfishness of you and truly love your child to allow it for their benefit.
VERY TRUE! My sons father and I are on okay terms. There is a part of me that really hates that he walked away for over 2 years, and hates that he doesnt contribute. I recently provided him a list (as I do once a year, usually in sept/oct) of things Mason needs. He doesnt pay support (there is an order) and has implied it is bc he doesnt think Mason is benefitting, so it is my way of allowing him to be 100% sure. He has never responded, and when I mentioned to him that I would be bringing the list today he hung up on me. I didnt even want to make the call in the first place bc I knew thats the reaction I would get, and it could potentially ruin the last 7 months of almost weekly visits. SO, after he hung up I was furious, but I waited a few minutes to calm down. Then called back and said "altho I am not happy with what just happened, you know you will always be able to see your son. If you never pay a dime, and never buy anything from the lists I make, you will ALWAYS be allowed to see him. I will NEVER take that away from you... are you still coming to see him tomorrow?"
I didnt want to call back, I wanted to say he couldnt see him. But, my son would be crushed and it is not my right to take away that relationship. His financial contributions and visitation rights are two separate things.
I think you raise the fathers POV which is very good. Sometimes we have to make due without the father. But when there is a willing, able, and safe father (or mother) who wants to be around, none of us should ever stand in the way. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/25/2005 9:18:08 AM | carebear....
I was by no means criticizing fathers or mothers.
And by no means was I suggesting that if they're good parents to ditch them because they aren't necessary.
I was only, and repeat only, trying to state that for children to grow up happy, loved, taken care of etc it is not imperative that they have a mother and a father in their life.
I won't tackle the biological parent thing because I don't think they NEED biological and you do....so we'd probably debate that for a long time lol | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/25/2005 9:24:05 AM | | Amen sister, lol. I know its got to be hard. Dont know personally because I havnt been through it on your end. I do respect that u allow him at all costs to see his son. I am reminded of the biblical chapter of the two mothers claiming the child as theirs in front of a judge. When the judge said we shall cut the child in two and give each half. The mother screamed no and said let the other have the child. The judge then gave the child to this lady knowing that she was the mother by her actions for the well being and love for her child. Your actions speak louder than words and money and your child will love you much more for this when he is older. As far as the child support money goes, if it is benefiting you then it is benefiting the child. Unless your on drugs or something. Child support doesnt mean that it goes into a bank account for the child or toys or clothes but if it helps pay the bills, or grocerys, or hair cut..lol, it benefits the child in any number of ways. If it means you can work a little less and get a babysitter and have you time....that is important for your sanity and therefor benefits the child......It all trickles down one way or another to benefit the child even if it doesnt go directly to them, so, dont listen to that bs of it doesnt benefits the child or feel guilty for something that you want or need.....and spend it as such. | |
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