| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/30/2009 2:25:08 AM | | i'm am a single mum of a 7month old boy, and i don't think the father needs to be around, nowadays you get so much benefits to help you out, and as long as you have your friends and family around you'll be fine. like me a do my best like any mother, and my son is well loved and looked after with me :) | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/30/2009 10:48:41 AM | Oh lizziebahbee, I don't think your child will agree with you as he gets older. Wouldn't the best scenario (short of committed and loving married parents) for your son to have a great relationship with both his mom and his dad?
Why do you honestly believe that a father has nothing of value to add to a child's life? | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/30/2009 1:46:00 PM |
i'm am a single mum of a 7month old boy, and i don't think the father needs to be around, nowadays you get so much benefits to help you out,
Like what?
and as long as you have your friends and family around you'll be fine. like me a do my best like any mother, and my son is well loved and looked after with me :)
That's sad. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/30/2009 1:51:16 PM | My mom moved quite a distance from my dad when I was 14. I tried very hard to make sure my ex stayed in my kids life even to the point that I made a visitation schedule. Today my 12 year old daughter comes home and says that they went shopping in a thrift store for a suit for my ex. She said she tried to get his and his wife's attention multiple times and they ignored her. So much for visitations and trying to have her father in her life. He doesn't even ask about how school is going...ugh.
The most important thing is to have someone that loves and cares about you. An uncaring parent doesn't add anything to their life. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/31/2009 7:23:04 AM | Here is a story i got recently. A woman moved in with her sister. The guy the sister got involved with didn't want her there. The woman moves out. The sister gets conned by the con man into selling her car for 7000 and taking offwith the money.
The woman then moves in with the other sister, to help her out fiancially. That sister wanted the womans guy and he was not interested. She then causes so many fights, forceing the woman out on the streets. The woman then asks the other sister (the one that was conned)for help to look after her kids for the weekend. (as she has Till she gets a new house on her own. Which she has done in one weekend, then is told by her mother. The other sister who was jealous of her beau. Picks up said children , with the other sisters ok and kidnaps them. Taking the children to the womans ex. Who used to be a drunk and beat her. The woman then has to go to court to get the children back. In that one month away. The father brain washes them into being scared of her. The children tell her alll the time. Dad says we don't have to listern to you and that you are not to hit us. Which she never had.Every one said they were the bext well behaved kids. The court had orded her to give her ex phone access. The trouble starts then. The verbal abuse, the damands by the ex.the kids telling her to f off at a very young age. Till she nearly has a break down. She ends up conceding to him having them. He says you can see them anytime. The woman is also told by ex's best mate. The reason he wanted the children was so he would never have to pay for child support. The woman never got to see her kids again. He kept moving, he married, the new wife was jealous of the woman and wanted the kids to love her and forget the real mother. Years later he says he wants his partner to adopt the children and the woman never pay child support.Of course it was all rubbish. She said you will do what you want. ""will never see mykids again till they are adults.!!! She also has tried through the courts. They wanted her to have supervised visits 3 hours a day saturday and sunday. Every week, yet was not possiable as the kids were 5hours away. The woman could not efford to go away every weeke and stay at a motel and pay for the petrol. She now had another child to support and noone can efford to have a weekend away every weekend and support them selves. The womans car kept breaking down,she ended the contact also, as she thought it was only for 4 weekends. Then there was also the visits. That took two steps forward and four back. Each time she made progess, the words from the children were positive ,but when she went home. The phone calls from them were" we don't want to talk to you".Then when there dady says we don't have to talk to you. Yet by the time she left . The kids were saying we will see you soon adn we want to get to know you and then, when the woman went home it was back to we don't have to talk to you. The woman had complained to the welfare workers at what the dad was saying to the kids. They did nothing!! So you tell me? Do the children have a real choice in any or all cases. The woman or the man who has the children, act like gods, hiding behind the old rubbish "we know best" Again i will say the only reason a mother or father should have nothing to do with their own kids. As if one they are unfit ( being mentally ill) Or criminals.Two don't want to have anything to do with the kids. I go with all above.You as a parent have tocut off your feeling for your ex and let the children decided. Otherwise they will end up hating you either way. For not at least having the chance!! | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/31/2009 9:23:42 AM | | Lovely tale but paragraphs and grammar go a long way. I have no idea who was bad in this story. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/31/2009 10:24:09 AM |
I have no idea who was bad in this story.
You were refering to post #481? Looks to me like another tale of 2 people that never should have made babies together. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/31/2009 10:45:44 AM | | I was hoping for the cliff notes on post #481. I couldn't read it. Perhaps it could be edited for content and the highlights reposted. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/31/2009 12:27:10 PM |
Lovely tale but paragraphs and grammar go a long way. I have no idea who was bad in this story.
LOL! Me, neither. I gave up on the second sentence. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/31/2009 2:09:34 PM | To get back totally to the issue, yes children do need a father......if they are going to be a father! Being a part time parent, or a want to be, but cant quite be bothered parent or even a throw money but no love parent... is only harmful to the child!
To me 'parent' means carer, taxi driver, friend, rule giver, bestower of love unconditionally and all those other things that us parents do... it doesnt mean pop in to a childs life for two hours a week, miss phone calls because something better came along, and it certainly doesnt mean lie to your child because they are only a child.........
so I guess us single parents can all offer examples of how not to be a parent........ but no-one one person has the rule book of how the one left behind should get it right... we just do the best we can with the knowlege we have. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/31/2009 2:39:50 PM | ok tell me wether u's think my daughter needs her father, 6 months ago her dad left us for someone else which at the time i was devastated abt but no matter wht made sure my daughter kept in contact with her dad wld stay at his mums house 2 nights a week with him then his new relationship got more serious and she was there constantly. she is 7 years older than him and has a kid of her own who she doesnt see and doesnt like children so doesnt like my daughter being abt,each time my daughter went into to see him she wld go in a strop and my daughter was told to leave the room this is from not only my 4 year old daughter but also HIS mum as she was sick of him doing this to her grand daughter. i went mad at him and said unless his daughter came first then she wont be coming down at all (btw he let my daughter meet her 3 days after we split up we had been 2gether for 6 years). anyway he kicked up a big fuss until i eventually gave in and thought if he is this mad he must care abt his daughter. the next weekend he was due to have acces he left my daughter with his mum only seen her for half an hour and went to stay at his gfs for the full 3 days. 2 months down the line and numerous fights over it and he has his own house due to a fall out with his mum and my daughter is supposed to stay over for 2 nights. his mum picks her up from me and then usually picks her up the next morning so he spends on average 20 hours a week with her at which time his gf goes home. is it better to let my daughter keep goin even though she obv doesnt come first or should i stop all contact as what really gets me is he used to be a really good dad and my daughter adores him. any help wld be great :( | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/31/2009 2:42:17 PM | | sorry abt the grammer above had written it all out and accidently deleted it so this is my 2nd attempt and couldnt b bothered takin my time lol | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/31/2009 3:03:08 PM | | leeghirl, I don't think you have the right to stop your ex from seeing his daughter, do you? | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/31/2009 5:58:16 PM | | Isn't it nice if they do but there are many grounded kids that had but a mom. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/31/2009 6:44:51 PM | im a single mum of one little boy it would be nice if his father could get over himself and bother with his second son. he barely sees the first one and doesnt see this one at all.
My mum always told me it's better to have one good parent rather than two bad ones | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/1/2009 2:44:37 PM | You need a turkey baster and a petri dish. Modern science is a wonderful thing.
Have at it.
I got my weapon holstered when I was 18, these genes aint reproducing. So as far as I am concerned, kids dont need a father, any more than I ever need to be one.
Feel free to breed your own commune, cuz remember it takes a village. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/2/2009 1:02:37 AM | | I have raised both of my children without their father, not through choice and ideally having him here would have been better but they are well adjusted, well balanced fantastic children, they miss their father but they have been brought up well in his absence, i do think that male peers are important though, especially for boys and thankfully i have some great male friends who have been there if they needed a man to talk to or enjoy 'male' time with. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/2/2009 2:14:35 AM | im ex left me when i was 3 months pregnant and doesn't want any contact with my son who is nearly 2. its not like he knows whats happening.
he's well looked after and gets everything he wants. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/4/2009 5:15:14 PM | Im a single mom myself, and I was raised by a single mom also.
I will say that for a child it is important to have his/her father involve in their lives BUT if they never had a father, or tha father wasnt involve then with time the child will understand what really happend. In my personal opinion, I didnt need my dad, I kind a did when I was very young, I always asked why the other little girls had a dad and I didnt. But once I started growing up I started finding out things about him and what happened wiht my mother, then I understood that it was for my own good not having him around. Im old enough now to say I DONT NEED HIM OR WILL EVER NEED HIM.
My ex kicked me out when I was 6 months pregnant and my daughter does not need anything fom him. She will ask one day about him and I wont need to tell her who he really is, she will figure it out alone.
So I think kids do need their fathers but only if they are good fathers. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/11/2009 1:29:27 PM | Kids need stable male figures in their lives to develop role models.
They do not necessarily need to be biological fathers.
It would be nice to have a father for each child but life doesn't work that way.
Many many men do not know what being a father means, and are not interested in learning, or are not interested in growing up themselves.
There are many men who do more harm than good within a family.
But times are changing.
It would be wonderful if more men would really be interested in childrens' development and what kids really need emotionally. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/11/2009 4:12:04 PM | I'm conflicted on this one. My parents have been married for 35 years. I am incredibly close to them both. My own Dad holds a very special place in my life and in my heart. If I got a phonecall from my Mother stating that my Dad passed away I would be completely devastated and bereft.
Now, my daughter's biological father is a very small part of her life. He lives 3000 miles away, and she sees him when he feels he can handle seeing her. He does love her, he does call her. However, he is not a father figure/role model in her life.
Instead, a very good family friend of mine and the husband of my best friend IS. They come over to visit about four times a week and my daughter is all over him and he adores her. He also has a daughter and still manages to spend time with both his child and mine at the same time. He is a POSITIVE MALE ROLE MODEL in her life. It does not make up thoough, for the fact that her own biological father is not/cannot/refuses to be around for her on a regular basis.
However this man shows her what a man is and can be. He is able to provide in emotional sense, that I as a mother cannot. Simply because I am a MOM, not a DAD. I will never say that I can be both mother and father to my child. It doesn't work that way. I am more fortunate than some my virtue of the fact that there is no romatic involvement with this man, yet he has taken part in her life and given her the ability to see what a father can be. It's a bitter-sweet thing. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/12/2009 1:44:31 AM | | Why does there have to be a bad guy, the story is some people should not have had children and those that do. You should realise you had them together, when you suppposedly loved each other. !! You make the choose to have them together and then break up. You hate each other afterwards ,well to bed.Llearn to get on togther for the children. If you can't get a third party to help you out. Not your new partner by the way they will always try to protect the one they love and look at you in the best light and to you ex your always the bad guy. Get over it!!, they need you both. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/12/2009 3:15:11 AM | | im s single mum me and my partaner split up 4 months ago i do still love him but his not intrested about coming home to give it another go but he wonts to play the family roll and come round 4 times a week we always end up fighting cos i wont us to work it out and he wonts to be involved in everything where do you drew the line cos i cant get on with my life while his always here and when i say to stay away he makes me feel bad cos its not far on my boys but im starting to think its more damaging him comig and going as he pleases v tried to let him be here as much as he likes iv even give him a key but he always ends up playing mind games and i seem to take 1 step forword and 10 back | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/12/2009 9:34:43 AM | | all i can say is any bloke can make a baby but it takes a real man to be a dad! | |
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