| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/12/2009 5:35:59 PM |
im s single mum me and my partaner split up 4 months ago i do still love him but his not intrested about coming home to give it another go but he wonts to play the family roll and come round 4 times a week we always end up fighting cos i wont us to work it out and he wonts to be involved in everything where do you drew the line cos i cant get on with my life while his always here and when i say to stay away he makes me feel bad cos its not far on my boys but im starting to think its more damaging him comig and going as he pleases v tried to let him be here as much as he likes iv even give him a key but he always ends up playing mind games and i seem to take 1 step forword and 10 back
I think if it is upsetting you so much you should tell him to hit the road. There is no reason you have to be tortured in all of this. If he wants to take his children for visits then fine. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/15/2009 7:48:16 AM | In a perfect world children should have both a father and mother. But now being in the postition of raising my son basically by myself, I would have to say as long as your child has some kind of male role model in their life whether it be their grandfather/uncle etc...is fine.
My ex does see our son, not as much as I would like but at least he does see him.
I never say anything negative to our son about his Dad. It isn't right. Even if we didn't work out he is still our sons father. Everyday I tell our son that his Daddy loves him and misses him.I show him his photo...and say " There is Daddy"... Even though he is only 9 months, I feel its important to tell him that..
I know alot of people that bad mouth their ex's...what is the point? Your child will just grow up to be a negative person and view you as being the same. Being hateful isn't the way to go...
Just think how you grew up... did you have your father in your life? I did..and am grateful for the childhood I had.
 | |
|
| |
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:47:05 AM | As in message 501, any guy can be a father, takes a man to be a daddy.
In some of the other threads here, it is obvious statistically, good male role models seem to be essential in children growing up to be quality adults.
But I also believe, the other way around, they also need good female role models.
To be a little blunt, who your children will choose to associate with as adults will be based on what they knew when they were children. it is what they will be comfortable with etc..
There are also studies that showed this is the case. Girls that are raised with abusive fathers, tend to marry abusive men. Same way with the boys, if they are exposed to less than quality women, they will become involved with less than quality women.
When you are raising a child by yourself, you do have to surround yourself with quality people, people of character and this includes family members!
Your children will adopt the characteristics of the people that they are exposed to, good or bad.
As kind of an example, if your child starts lying, you need to find out where they are learning from, because lying is a learned ability, they learn it from someone, you need to find it and stop it.
The hardest one is if it's a family member, sometimes for the sake of your children, you need to leave your family behind.
Because your child, now it is your family, everyone else is extended family and it needs to be understood that they are expendable for the sake of your child.
Your child's well being is the most important thing!
DR | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/15/2009 11:40:40 AM | Good line of thought there DR but based on that thinking wouldn't it be more prudent to be wee bit more particular about who the father is also? One doesn't need to look very hard to here how the man they spent so much time with suddenly became unsuitable once the child popped out? That could be part of the problem too.
It is said that there are "bad" men with good hearts but more and more these new mom's get awfully judgemental and could be eliminating what could have been good fathers for a sudden change in priorities.
Just look at how these same women have now decided to become more particular about who they date, kind of putting the cart before the horse, no?
Side note there DR they don't seem to believe in statistics on these boards but it could be allergy. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/15/2009 11:43:45 AM | Good line of thought there DR but based on that thinking wouldn't it be more prudent to be wee bit more particular about who the father is also? One doesn't need to look very hard to here how the man they spent so much time with suddenly became unsuitable once the child popped out? That could be part of the problem too.
It is said that there are "bad" men with good hearts but more and more these new mom's get awfully judgemental and could be eliminating what could have been good fathers for a sudden change in priorities.
Just look at how these same women have now decided to become more particular about who they date, kind of putting the cart before the horse, no?
I still do not understand why some of these women had babies with some of these men. They can't all be "accidental pregnancies" . It is odd that so few of them can seem to admit that they made a mistake, | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/15/2009 5:20:08 PM | Ya know.. futureshock..
Lots of times.. we don't "chose" to have a baby by ourselves, we don't "chose" to get pregnant and then raise a child by ourselves. Lots of times the man leaves after telling you how you are going to get married and have a wonderful family. Lots of times there are proposals, love and marriages planned. Lots of times the absent parent completely changes their colors after the baby is born.
There are so many scenarios. You can't lump us all together. Lots of the stories are true. We all made some mistakes, but for the most part, most of us are truly doing our best.
I wish you could see that. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/15/2009 5:49:57 PM | | My child's father is not around. He chose to move to Texas to chase his girlfriend, after I left him for cheating on me numerous times. And to be honest, she seems to be doing better without him. He was short-tempered, very controlling. I walked on eggshells around him, and I'm actually relieved my daughter won't grow up doing the same thing. As for male role-models, for balance, she has her Uncle Chris (my ex's brother), her paw paws, four of them, and several male friends of mine that have been friends for years (only friends before I get called a whore or something, I'm a bit of a tomboy and get along better with men than with w0men). No, I don't think she needs a father figure. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/15/2009 6:44:08 PM | | look at my ex wife, she walked out on me and her two kids, yet I could'nt let the social system take them so I told the children ' mum has gone and she will never be back', ( the children are not mine biological but i would'nt part with them for anything, we have never looked back since, its been two years this september, and my daughter is now in college looking at university, and my son wants to got into the heavy artillery (Army), so I believe that this question could be said for both parties, it is down to the individual and how he or she may react towards teaching the children and helping them with whatever they need or ask for, by being there for them most... | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:56:42 PM | My oldest daughter shared a birthday with my friend Matt's twins. He was an outstanding father, much better than myself, a doctor and loved by everyone. It was really about his applying himself and making himself available for the twins as well as my own kids. His twins grew up with their mother present in the household but after their birth she detached from them. I never saw him as a replacement for their mother.
He died from a stroke in an Atlanta hotel room, alone. The twins mother had to deal with the kids at last but soon found another man to marry and retired to Kansas.
In my case, I was protective of my children and devoted to growing my business up to Matt's death. As a father, my role is to provide for them in present terms and for their future.
My mother married three times so I had the benefit of knowing men who respected me, and cared for me, the latter financed my first business while I was still in high school. I became a millionaire because of that man by my 19th birthday.
It wasn't easy for women to get child support back in the '70's and I grew up hungry. My mother was a bit of a head case, very pretty and hard to handle in a relationship. She had so much anger after I was born because she got knocked up at 16.
What changed my life was my natural father taking custody of me moving me away from my barrio and introducing me to Roy Masters and FHU. From age 10, I was taught electronics, mechanical engineering, built a teletype with my dad who was an Army Commo SSgt., studied various martial arts and was introduced to a formalized practice of architectural design.
The hardest thing for a father to do is turn his back on his child, even if they just check in at the school bell. There are a lot of military personnel who don't deserve to be apart from their kids and spouses. We all have to learn what family is about and stop letting our own selfish desires consume us. We don't need religion for this step.
God is pretty amazing though. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/15/2009 9:13:05 PM |
Ya know.. futureshock..
Lots of times.. we don't "chose" to have a baby by ourselves, we don't "chose" to get pregnant and then raise a child by ourselves. Lots of times the man leaves after telling you how you are going to get married and have a wonderful family. Lots of times there are proposals, love and marriages planned. Lots of times the absent parent completely changes their colors after the baby is born.
There are so many scenarios. You can't lump us all together. Lots of the stories are true. We all made some mistakes, but for the most part, most of us are truly doing our best.
I wish you could see that.
I do see that, and I think men like that are scum. | |
|
ajh273
|
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 512 | |
| |
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/16/2009 4:09:50 PM |
Side note there DR they don't seem to believe in statistics on these boards but it could be allergy.
LOL!!!!!!! | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/16/2009 4:14:36 PM | I don't think kids need a father - or a mother!
I saw on the discovery channel that if you take a wire mesh cage and put some carpet on it, a baby monkey will cling to it...
Maybe you could do that with human babies too! I should test this theory. I could make the cheapest daycare facilities around!
Muahahahaha | |
|
| |
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/18/2009 5:18:44 PM | | im a single nmum and to be honest my son is better off without his dad , i put up wit years of torment from him and still am and i think it is better for my little boy to be without the hassle of a liar | |
|
| |
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/18/2009 8:41:11 PM | | children, especially sons need a father to understand what manhood and masculinity really is. a woman cannot teach a man how to be a man, at the same time if a woman doesnt have a father to give her a good template on how to deal with a man on a respect level she is screwed. if a father wasnt needed then why is there more poverty and crime in single mother homes than in other households? | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/18/2009 8:47:08 PM |
children, especially sons need a father to understand what manhood and masculinity really is. a woman cannot teach a man how to be a man, at the same time if a woman doesnt have a father to give her a good template on how to deal with a man on a respect level she is screwed. if a father wasnt needed then why is there more poverty and crime in single mother homes than in other households?
Good question. I think it involves more than just the absent father, although certainly for boys that is huge. It is also a difference in the way some single mothers watch over their boys from the time they are young teens on. Many, especially in the inner cities, do not have any control over the boys, and what's worse is that many of them do not expect to have any control over the boys, from the age of about 13 on. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/18/2009 9:43:23 PM | Why are there no debates about "Do children need a mother?"
This question is ridiculous. If children didn't need a father, women would be asexual and capable of impregnating themselves. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/18/2009 9:53:12 PM | Because no man or group of men ever promoted the idea of supression of mother for the uprising of children once they are born as all the opposite criteria from the proposal of the Declaration of Feminism and the ideas set for from the second wave hardlines representatives to destroy the nuclear family.
Btw, if you read the SCUM Manifesto, the idea was to create a society without males where women would be impregnanting themselves through sperm bank and the future advance in genetic engineering technology. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/19/2009 1:40:57 PM | | I believe that having both parents in a child's life is important,but not necessary. My mother lost my father to death when I was 18 months old and she was about to give birth to her second child,and she was a great mother,father & best friend to me and my little sister,I think we had a wonderful childhood.But there was always a desire in my heart to know what the other children had every time I heard them call out to dad. So I say that it does affect children emotionally but they grow and learn to appreciate what they do have,so whether it be a single mother or single father raising their child as long as your a good parent to these kids and show them all the love you possible can that void can be filled. But I also think that men always get the raw end of the deal. I personally know alot of fathers that would make much better single parents than mothers,men need to stop backing down due to alot of women's threats with child support and so on they need to stand up for their rights stand up for their children and let them know they are loved and wanted ,that is what a real father would do. That's just my opinion,coming from someone who grew up without one. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/19/2009 3:39:06 PM | | i have six children and have reared thm on my own with the last ten years,their dad moved out and went on to have more kids.I never got financial help from him and would not have taken it anyway.I am very proud of my kids and of myself .It is true to say any man can father a child but it takes a good man to be a dad | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/19/2009 4:54:05 PM |
It is true to say any man can father a child but it takes a good man to be a dad
Yea, and any woman with a uterus and ovaries can get knocked up, but it takes a good, mature woman to be a mother. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/19/2009 5:51:03 PM | | anyone can be a father but a man in their childs life is a dad. I strong beleive that all children need their father's in their lives. I have an older that still needs her dad at times and i'm always here for her | |
|
Home
login 
