| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/5/2005 7:57:31 PM | I think children learn so much from their parents... both a mother and a father...
No I don't think they are expendable!
I'm always pleasantly surprised and in awe.. when I hear about men that take an ACTIVE roll in their kids lives.. whether married, divorced... or never married but had kids..........
Kids need their dads... they need their love... they need to see how men think and do things.....they need the fathers love.... and they need their fathers advice..... they need their fathers!
I grew up in a situation that my dad.... wanted to be rich..............we weren't on his agenda....It's sad that he missed out on SOOOO much......... YOU see.......... monies money!
Children are where the real wealth is at! Such RICH rewards! 
KUDDOs to the loving daddys! :-) | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/5/2005 8:04:24 PM | vp2
Why ? Because someone with no kids hasn't got any bitterness about it yet ? That's the main difference here after all is the bias. As it pertains to this question, a third party is precisely in order. I wouldn't want somebody with an axe to grind setting public policy for the same reason I wouldn't want somebody who resents all men telling me that father's are unnecessary. | |
|
| |
vp2
|
Joined: 8/29/2005
Msg: 79 | |
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/5/2005 8:09:52 PM | @gotapulse
what you call bias, I call experience. How would a person with no kids know exactly what it takes to be a single parent. Not everyone who's a single parent is bitter. Not every single mother resents men. Would you want a train driver to teach an airplane pilot to fly? If they've never been in that situation, they never truly know the answer. That's just my opinion. I just won't "get on the plane", so to speak. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/5/2005 8:21:48 PM | That's fair enough but what does that have to do with whether we need fathers ? See what I mean though ? It's one thing to say there's a certain amount of experience needed in raising children (although nobody has any until they get the kids anyway) but how does that pertain to the relevance of a father ? If there is no father around how would you know his value then ? Besides, I didn't say all single mothers were bitter about it but even if that were the case they would be the last ones I'd want judging the value of a father in raising a child. Would you want said single mothers telling you that your value as a father is non-existant next to their value as a mother ? This thread asks whether fathers are needed. The last person I'd want to tell me that if I were a father I'd be expendable and replaceable would be a single mother for the simple reason that...well how would she know if she thinks fathers are just males who pretend to be mothers ?
Either way, this isn't to bash single mothers. I'm just saying that you certainly don't need to have children to know whether fathers are necessary or not. It's apples and oranges. | |
|
vp2
|
Joined: 8/29/2005
Msg: 81 | |
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/5/2005 8:36:10 PM | That's fair enough but what does that have to do with whether we need fathers ?
what that has to do with it is if she's been raising the child and having difficulties, or not, she'll know whether or not her kids really need the father. I'm a single father, and I beleive my son needs me as well as his mother. We can at least agree on that. The experience that I refer to is trying to raise a child with or without a father, not just experience in raising a child. I don't remember if the op was bitter when the question was asked, honestly, but I know a few mother's who don't agree with me about whether or not father's are needed. I also know a few who used to think that way, but have since changed their mind.
The last person I'd want to tell me that if I were a father I'd be expendable and replaceable would be a single mother for the simple reason that...well how would she know if she thinks fathers are just males who pretend to be mothers ?
If she thinks fathers are just males who pretend to be mothers, then I take her advice/input with a grain of salt, but I still want to hear it. I also want to hear a single father's opinion. I, honestly, like to know every angle that I can when it comes to my kid. I drew from my experience and situation to say that "yes, kids do need a father". I guess my original post towards you was to simply state that "with experience, comes knowledge. Without experience, comes a hypothesis."
Edit: I re-read the last part, and not sure if "hypothesis" is quite the word I was looking for. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/5/2005 8:55:36 PM | Fair enough again. However, and this is rather important I'd think, we all were raised by someone and in most cases two someones. You don't need to have children to answer this question, you need only walk outside, open the paper or watch television to observe. This can't be answered best by someone who is drawing on their own situation to do the answering because it is necessarily biased. It's Schroedingers Cat in play IMO. The observer changes the nature of the observed. Certainly that doesn't negate the value of what a single parent has to say at all. However, to put it bluntly, how does a single mother know the value of a father in her child's life considering there isn't one ? Really though, how could she possibly say what value he has to their child if she can't see for herself what he could contribute ? Well, that's easy...she draws on the exact same knowledge that any other person would draw upon and that would be the same knowledge that I myself am applying. In fact, the more she draws on that knowledge and the less she draws on her experience to obtain a conclusion which will be necessarily biased and likely erroneous the more accurate and meaningful her opinion becomes. Which , getting back to your original statement, is precisely why anybody can answer this question. It's also why a third party (be they a married couple with grown children or a childless man or woman) is a better source to answer this question because they can answer it far more accurately without the obvious leanings inherent in having somebody with an emotionally based opinion will inject into the question.
It has nothing to do with their parenting skills or their ability to judge either way. It's the simple fact that their experience as a single parent by itself means nothing in answering this question. In fact, it's my opinion that (to sum up) that that situation precludes the likelihood of getting a fair opinion. We're all human and as such I know that some will take offense to my opinion (although they shouldn't if they actually think about it) ....and that's exactly why I hold it. | |
|
vp2
|
Joined: 8/29/2005
Msg: 83 | |
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/5/2005 9:05:24 PM | just to let you know, I do not take offense to your opinion. Everyone has a right to their opinions. I do still have to disagree, in my opinion, that it will always be biased. I'm not biased, I think a kid should have both parents. My experience has shown me that when my son has both his mother and I in his life, he is a lot more well behaved. When my ex-wife disappears, he becomes bitter with a lot worse behavior. I would love to stay and discuss this further, but time for me to sleep.  here, have one on me for the good discussion. | |
|
| |
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/5/2005 9:18:58 PM | I think people are throwing their own situations into this question too much here and not actually answering the question.
sometimes people draw from their own experiences and situations in order to answer the question to the best of their knowledge. Personally, I'll listen to a single parents opinion on a question like this before I listen to someone with no kids. I agree, vp2. ESPECIALLY when the entire topic/discussion is about people's personal opinions. To suggest that one's opinion is less valid than anothers', for any reason, just doesn't make sense. How could a third party answer the question about how someone else feels?!
Do many single mothers still feel that a father is important in a child's life? I am not a single mother, but in my experience most feel that a father is of course important. But if that father decides not to be in the child's life, it is easier for some moms to minimize that loss to their child, simply as a way of dealing with the situation. It was interesting to hear the different perspectives from single parents on this thread.
Do you feel that not having the birth father involved will definitely have long lasting affects on the child's development, and ultimately have emotional effects when the child becomes an adult? I don't think anything is definite. I think that there are usually effects on the individual, but development doesn't have to be effected. What is most significant to the outcome is how the child is raised by the adult(s) who are involved.
And do many people feel that society in general plays a role in making men feel unnecessary or expendable when it comes to raising our children? Perhaps. Here again, though, I think that it is kind of a chicken/egg thing; many people react to absent fathers by suggesting (and making it a reality) that the presence of that particular father is unnecessary; that's just sort of a survival thing. And when it works, it possibly reflects an image of expendability. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/5/2005 11:22:47 PM | I had to reply to the #1 question...Do children need a father?
This can be a question fuel'ed with peoples own personal experiences. In the perfect world
no child would be born without two parents, and would never have to feel the emptyness of one parent missing, but this is reality.
Looking at this objectively there are thousands of children that are raised with one parent be it the mother or the father and they turned out to be fantasic, wonderful and caring people. On the other hand some children blame all of the crap they do on only having one parent. If a child only has one parent raising them, they try to guilt that parent to let them do what they want. Honestly, it's a losing battle.
Regardless if your child is being raised by one parent, two parents (together or divorced), or a whole wack of people. It's the values, morals, and love they recieve as a child that molds what they will become. As much as I hate to say it b/c I have two young girls, once they reach those teenage years they are on their own. We just hope and pray that we did everything we could to make them good people!
I am raising two beautiful girls on my own and I know that they will be just fine. I give them all my love and kisses. That's all any of us can do!! And to any single moms and dads that are out there, just feel blessed to have your angels. Bad things happen in life and we need to take it as it comes and keep going for us and our kids. As long as we are happy, they will be too. Never go to bed mad and always tell your kids no matter how old or how young : you love them, it makes all the difference. All they have is us...SO LET"S BE THE BEST THAT WE CAN BE!!!
SOOOOO....In my opinion it doesn't matter how many parents there are, as long as those children have a whole lot of love. Life has a funny way of working out. Things always have to get worse before they get better so embrace this life, it's the only one you have!
 | |
|
| |
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/6/2005 6:57:41 AM | :A child needs positive role models from both sexes if they are going to grow up without skewed perceptions. Does it specifically have to be a mother and a father...no, but that is ideal. There are plenty of people that grew up in a healthy way that were missing one, the other, or even both. But they did have good role models that taught them what a man was, what a woman was, and how to have respect for both...and themselves.
Ozzie:
Xs2 | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/6/2005 12:58:36 PM | | I thought (because society told me this) that my children needed a father. I lost a lot of sleep when I had my son. I just "KNEW" I was a horrible mother. Children need LOVE; it doesn’t matter where they get it from. When I moved in with my mother. I noticed that my children immediately stuck my mother in the "father" roll....it was a real eye opener. when my mother and I are in a room together my son would repeat "mommy, daddy, mommy, daddy" he doesn’t understand that its mommy, grandma, what he understands is he has two figures in his life that love him, two figures in his life that will take care of him and two figures in his life that will always be there (in his mind) I Don't think children need a "father" anymore. But I do believe children need two Figures in there lives that are for the child’s best interest. If you cannot have a father around. And Aunt, girlfriend, Uncle, cousin, grandmother, and grandfather, anyone else who loves that child and will be there for that child is just as good. (I believe) | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/6/2005 2:25:25 PM | They're better off sometimes if they have a father figure, but many times it's a big mistake for them to have a step father.
I hate to say this; but we men can be very violent creatures. Once you're living with someone it's very hard to get out from under someone like that.
It's just not the same when they're not one's own. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/6/2005 4:44:21 PM | Yes children need a father the same as they need a mother!
If the Father is abusive then obviously he shouldn't be allowed to see the child unless he sorts his act out!
But if the father is not abusive and is a loving caring Father then there should be no reason why he should not be allowed to see the child!
There is too many cases of mothers stopping fathers from seeing there children because it hurts the mother to see the father paying attention to the child and not to her because they've split up! And when it goes to court, most cases are won by the mother and paid for by the father! How is this fair!
Also on this subject as soon as the child is old enough, obviously depending on the state of the father, the child shoud be allowed to decide wether or not theywould like to see the father.
Now the next question that raises is, How old is old enough? well in my own oppinion I'd say any from between 5 yrs old upwards. But like I say these are only my oppinions and I have stayed as far away from the relationship between me and my child!
I've gone a bit off topic here- the question; does a child need a father? Yes just as much as a child needs a mother! | |
|
ta da
|
Joined: 10/3/2005
Msg: 92 | |
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/6/2005 4:55:01 PM | as a father of three i would have to say i play a very important roll in my childerens lives | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/7/2005 12:57:15 AM | Maybe I am too late to respond. I have 2 children, one 14 year old boy and one 2 1/2 year old girl. I have always maintained a presence in my children's lives even though at times it would be easier to walk away. But God gave a child two parents. It is very clear in what those roles are the mother is to nurture and the father is to bless. Now the roles of both parents are exremely important except when there is abuse. Our society didn't get to where it is today because kids don't need two parents it is both parents responsibility to raise that child. Both my kids are wonderful but in my 14 year old there is less respect for both parents especially at the question of authority. I now face the same challenges with my daughter.
When one parent isn't there, it's not about love.... the child doesn't get to see how a relationship is to communicate and grow. Therefore they miss out on key parts of learning about families and relationships. Without a doubt children need a father and a mother. Yes they can be raised with one or the other it happens everyday but no they need both parents..... | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/7/2005 1:38:17 AM | | As someone whose father died when I was fairly young, I can honestly say that no matter how good of a job my mother did raising us, she could not possibly have replaced my father and the lessons a father imparts to his son. As an adult, I came to realize just how much the lack of a male role model affected my choices in life. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/7/2005 2:13:34 AM | Maybe if there's no father figure, contact the Big Brother Society for a
cool guy for him. This society exists because it offers a valuable
need for your kids. Maybe it's not exactly a roll of a father but a male roll model can help guide your children - better than none at all. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/7/2005 7:18:24 AM | | Despite many father's efforts, Family COurt (wrong name for THAT Court), says no; BUT send money | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/7/2005 7:27:06 AM | | Howard Stern asks every stripper that has ever been on his show if they had a father figure. The answer is, of course, no to most every one. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/7/2005 9:33:39 AM | Yes I feel that a father is important in a childs life. But that doesn't necessarily mean it has to be the biological father. Step-fathers or adoptive fathers, an uncle, grandfather, male friend can be a great male role model for a child.
Deb. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/7/2005 12:33:37 PM | | ^ Disagree somewhat. Maybe the stepfather or adoptive father, but not the rest. A child needs to see this father figure or role model almost on a daily basis so that he can learn from how he deals with others, how he deals with his wife, how he deals with disageements, etc, etc. | |
|
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/7/2005 5:13:10 PM | Studies have shown that children without father's do much better than those with no mothers... but I do suppose that children with BOTH do best of all. Considering the fact that the relationship between the parents isnt abusive or disfunctional. But how often does that happen? I mean REALLY...
I think children do better out of toxic relationships, regardless of WHO thier caretaker is,
as long as they have the love and nurturing care that they require.
Whats with all these childless people responding? Isnt this the single parent's forum? huh? | |
|
Home
login 
