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| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/17/2007 9:09:19 PM | You know I've asked myself the same question and made the same mistake by dating someone that I wasn't "really into". I've come to the conclusion that I'd rather be alone then be with someone I'm not excited to be around. I don't think you or anyone else should have to settle. It's not fair to you or the person you're with. By being in that relationship you are both cheated out of finding a better match. I don't think finding someone who exite you is just about looks or even personality, I think it has to do with chemistry. If you don't have chemistry, you can usually tell right off the bat and there's no need to force it.
There are also a lot of women who I'm interested in, but I havn't messaged because I'm 99.9% sure I'll get an unread and deleted back. If you like someone I think you should just go for it, and email them. I mean you really have nothing to lose. I know it's not a great feeling when someone you like doesn't feel the same way, but think about it this way. There's a lot of women that you don't want. It doesn't mean that they're less of a person or that they are unwanted, it just means they're not a match for you. If the women you message don't feel that you could be a match, no harm done. And if they are interested, then you're just that much closer to finding the right girl for you. As they say, "nothing ventured, nothing gained". Just my two cents worth | |
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| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/17/2007 9:37:54 PM |
so since this thread is so old have you met anyone during that time?
Unfortunately I haven't. I think I mentioned this already but about 18 months ago I decided to focus on graduating university then on getting a good job. Now that I've accomplished both of those I want to turn back to this area of my life and focus on making new friends in the city I just moved to and hoping that I might connect with someone. I think spending so much time focused on finding a relationship made me miserable and only hurt my chances. Now that work fills up most of my day it's easier to be more objective when it comes to the other aspects of my life. | |
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| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/17/2007 9:41:30 PM | you sound very level headed . good for you to concentrate on finishing school. now you have a good job ,schooling and a good attitude and you are good looking. finding a relationship now will just be the icing on the cake for your life . i am sure you will have no major problems now. women would have to be crazy to turn you away. goodluck. | |
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| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/17/2007 9:44:00 PM |
If you like someone I think you should just go for it, and email them. I mean you really have nothing to lose. I know it's not a great feeling when someone you like doesn't feel the same way, but think about it this way. There's a lot of women that you don't want. It doesn't mean that they're less of a person or that they are unwanted, it just means they're not a match for you. If the women you message don't feel that you could be a match, no harm done. And if they are interested, then you're just that much closer to finding the right girl for you. As they say, "nothing ventured, nothing gained". Just my two cents worth
This is advice I would have agreed with a couple of years ago but never followed through on. It's amazing how something as simple as a good job and moving to a different city can give you a new perspective on life because I certainly believe my attitude on here (and in real life) has vastly improved. It's not that I'm convinced I'm going to find the perfect someone, just that my goals are different and when other areas of your life start falling into place being single doesn't really feel like such a bad thing. | |
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| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/17/2007 10:26:44 PM | I can relate to a lot of what you wrote in your post. I've been their with the physical attraction situation as well. Everyone has certain expectations or traits that they favor, but what people seldom see is that when you really find the right person looks and rules really don't even matter.
You get to that point by putting yourself out there. Dating is taking chances... chances you feel you are ready to take. It's all pretty much up to you, it's your game. You mentioned you don't like to hurt people... but I think you hurt them more by saying nothing. I don't think people dream of ending up with the person that's really not that into them.
I think it's important to know what you like and go for it. I am not saying to settle for anything less than what you believe you deserve. However, you need to ask yourself, "are these realistic standards, is it really that big of deal? Why is this so important to me?" What you dis liked with one person might look beautiful on someone else. You'll never know until you try. | |
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| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/17/2007 11:14:38 PM |
You're only emailing certain attractive women, but the fact is that hundreds of men who are more attractive than you are emailing the same women.
It's all about attacting a mate, primitive instinct at work here.
Men are looking for attractive healthy females for mating and passing on their gene pool  .
Women are looking for security and a protector in life.
So if you don't appear to have good healthy genes and look like a good protector or a good supporter/hunter for them, they are going to move on to someone else who fits the profile. Or should I say "their standards".
Yes, both men and women are picky in their own way.
It doesn't make it bad, it's just the way life works in the human jungle and this pond  .
Before I meet someone I like to chat and see what kind of person they are by reading their replies to my messages. I do a little for information to see what kind of person they are and how they think and react to questions. Some women are just off the wall and come unglued, better to find that out before you schedule a meeting.
If I find they are attractive in what they have to say and they peek my interest, then I will do the phone call and the one-on-one meeting to see if things click!
There are some real women out there.
However, they are also very hard to find.
I don't think the real women put in their Profile -> I have my passport ready, I like dinner at a fancy place, I like lobster, I like to go to shows, etc.
It's all about me...me...me.. I want....I want...I want...
It just appears to me like they are out for a good time (for now    ) and not serious about a relationship. | |
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| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/18/2007 10:31:13 AM | Hey there....you're learning the ropes at a very young age. I'm more than twice your age and have never been married because I AM PICKY and don't want to be stuck in a nightmare....
There's nothing wrong with that. It requires patience. As far as any kind of dating ....it's a "numbers game" as the saying goes. The more people you meet or speak with the better your chances. I've been on POF since last September, met and dated one guy (twice divorced) and we were getting along very well. I thought he was THE ONE--- NOT!! The communication between us trickled off. Phone calls, e-mails from him during the final week of this past March were practically non-existant. Then when I e-mailed him and asked him point blank if he was still interested in having me in his life and if not, to let me move on,--he responded, "Move on then. I'm sorry." As far as appearance, he wasn't good-looking in the conventional sense but always neat and clean. His personality is what won me over, especially his sense of humor and the fact we had a lot in common and liked a lot of the same things. So give yourself time. You have your whole life ahead of you. Take it from me....being without a "significant other" isn't the worst thing in the world. Being with the wrong person is!!! | |
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| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/18/2007 6:53:57 PM | I am not "too picky", but rather 'extremely selective"..lol.
What is wrong with this? Why should I or anyone settle? I only have high expectations since I am also offering an equal amount or more; thus, it is all relative.
Physical: Yes, I must think he is attractive to have sexual chemistry. Yes, I am VERY selective in what I like (such as I gravitate towards dark hair, dark eyes, and preferably from another country or at least worldy), but commend myself that at least I know what I like. :) Looks rea what intially attarcts us to someone, while their personality is what keeps us interested.
Mental: There has to be a relation of neuron connection and stimulation or only dead air will exist and my interest will wane.
Spiritual: Insight and enlightenment are paramount, as well as somewhat congruent values since my morals are based upon my beliefs.
Emotional: There must be maturity and support to be an equal partner.
Plus many other personality factors....hmmmmmmm so quite the list but I rather be alone than with someone whom I feel is not a great match for me. So relationship speaking I only desire what to me is ideal, but my honesty allows me to make many friends along the way. | |
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| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 11/24/2007 9:30:03 PM | | As the great band, Sugarland once said: "I've had enough so-so for the rest of my life, tired of shooting too low so raise he bar high, I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything". | |
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| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 11/24/2007 9:36:40 PM | OP,
Yes, I think people are too picky in who they approach, or start conversations. I think people need to be more social and stop thinking that only reason to start conversation with other people is because you want to have a relationship. How about, seeing if you want to have a relationship? A profile is not going to tell you enough about a person usually to make judgements.
However, I think people need to be more picky and have more standards once they meet people, because they get attached too quickly if they feel that they're wanted and try to push the relationship.
My standards for a relationship: attractive, fun, adventurous, and compassionate.
My standards of talking to people: none. | |
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| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 11/24/2007 9:39:32 PM | think it's because I'm being overly picky in who I want to get to know
Whether you're being "too picky" depends on how you've defined your goals, more than anything. There's no point to be served, if your goal is to find a real relationship, in writing to those, who you know won't "do it for you". So, the women who will scream about you being "shallow", are just the din of the "unchosen", and are irrelevant to achieving the personal goal you've set.
I'm "picky", and when I was in "seeking" mode, only wrote to 72 out of the hundreds of profiles I viewed. For me, I didn't think a profile could tell me enough to exclude out, those who I felt "might be" attractive, in terms of looks, personalities, and attitudes held in common. Out of 72 I wrote to firs, and the 42 who wrote to me first, I dated 3, and ended up in a serious, 24/7 relationship. Some would have said I was "too picky", but I found the "she" my "he" was looking for to begin with.
If you're realistic in approaching women, who experience has shown are the types of women, who might be interested in you in real life, then maybe 8 is enough. My experience has shown, that if I used discernment in who I approached, rather than engaged in fantasy, that about 1 in 10 would be interested in me. Then, only about 1 in 3 would pan out sufficiently well online to meet in person, and fewer than half would "translate" from online connection, to having chemistry in person. So, it would take me 60 contacts to find 6, who would be interested in return, of which 2 would get to real life, of which 1 would have chemistry. That's just my experience. Your mileage may vary.
If it's 8 for you, that's fine. There's nothing to say that you "have to have" a relationship, and you're far better off not being in one, than dysfunctionally feeling so desperate that you get into the "wrong" one. | |
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| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 11/24/2007 9:47:11 PM | OP,
This post is originally from Sept 2005 .
Are you still being picky?
And you haven't changed your pic in 2 years!!!
Maybe you should do some updates...
LMAO Cute dog btw
JMO
Icey | |
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| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 12/1/2007 8:10:47 AM | | Yes you have a right to be picky just like everyone else in this world. We all need to be picky or else no one ever be happy when they do commit to someone. Yes lots of relationships and marriages fall apart in time due to drifting apart or BS. But look at being picky like this - If you wern't picky about what you want in a woman and from a relationship what kind of woman would you end up and how happy would you be? Lots end up in this miserable relationship/marriage for however long then become bitter or something simliar after. I think its healthy to have standards. It keeps you sane and shows you know what you want out of life. | |
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| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 12/1/2007 3:06:11 PM | | I agree with bliss92, why is it okay for men to be super selective but when women say they are they are considered stuck up or looking for the bad boy? Reading a profile is supposed to give people a small glimpse of someone's life not their life story. If I get messaged from someone on here I always go and read their profile . If I am not interested in that person I let them know right off the bat that I am not interested but that I would enjoy getting to know them in a friendship way and I always give them the option of writing me back if they are interested in that option. I have had email conversations with all types of people from all over that is the best part of POF in my opinion, the ability to meet people that I would not normally have the opportunity to in my every day life. I won't lower my standards by one inch, been there, done that, and have the t-shirt (says divorced), and learned my lesson that to make myself happy is to go after what I really want not what people think I want. | |
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| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 12/1/2007 3:12:31 PM | Being picky is both smart and stupid.
Smart because it doesn't make sense to "settle" for less than you are really looking for.
Stupid because you are judging people on an extremely limited scale. I've seen lots of cases of people looking different than they do in their pictures (both better and worse, using my subjective standards). And trying to judge their personality based on a biased, short account isn't really possible either.
On the other hand, there's really no other information to judge on, and no way to tell how they'll look compared to their picture (assuming looks and personality are the most important criteria). So in the end, it's really all you can do, beyond trying to find someone in your every day life. | |
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| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 12/1/2007 7:30:17 PM | This is so cool that this is a 'Lazurus' thread. WoW. Okay, it's my educated suggestion that you git yerselvvv reevoood on the 'Profile Review' thread. It can be quite surprising what they can turn you int0 and it's all still you. Like going and havng one of those 'Makeovers'.
If you REALLY lOOk at the numbers; this site is no different than real life in most ways. A lot of the time a different type of communication is used. I.E. written, not spoken. Ponder the difference.
What really puzzles me is the ladies that are on here, put it plain and simple what they desire, you match them and maybe more. You write a Real Nice message, designed just for her, and it gets 'read' and then.........nothing. Do ya write her again? I've never seen that addressed on here.
I too go thru many FSM's 'My Matches', and discard most, for a variety of reasons. Many are distance related. That's something in the main programming of this site. It seems to me to expand your distance, and you spend much time opening and discarding the 'too fars'.
There must be a psychological ratio or algorithm that could tell almost 'bang-on' if
'I't's Really a Very Good Match in All Ways', and it really is in reality. Save a lot of time. Even faster than in reality. I wonder if that's a good idea? Well, faster good matches is the main idea. Less people alone, that's cool. More social activity, and enjoying life as the world enjoys you and 'your match'. Happier people, happier world. What an idea, or what? | |
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| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 12/1/2007 10:05:34 PM | well I'd say its waay easier to be picky on here. Consider this: there's a cute girl on the street, you can either talk to her or you could not. You have no way of getting to know her until you talk to her. But now imagine multiple women each with thier greatest likes and interest listed above them. You can "get to know" them before you even say so much as "hi". That's what dating sites are like.
The problem is we get hyper picky. we search only for women that are 23 -24 with brown hair. I have the same standards on here, as I do offline. I'm not saying don't be picky, you gotta have standards. But unless they disagree with your believes, or aesthetic standards, you probably should just have fun and see where it goes. | |
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