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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?      Home login  
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 PersiusOne
Joined: 8/20/2004
Msg: 51
Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Jealousy is nomal for insecurities - I dont think the jealousy is what should be considered good or bad, but perhaps the insecurity which is usually associated with it. If you're insecure about yourself, your relationships, etc - then other problems are probably lurking around which are *not* usually a good thing.

Personally, I dont like insecure and/or jealous drama. It's stupid.
 Vodkaneat
Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 52
Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/3/2005 1:20:09 PM
My ex was always jealous, in the end she ran off with someone else lol, so, was she really jealous of me, or was it a self reflection?
 SeattleHobbit
Joined: 8/24/2005
Msg: 53
Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/3/2005 1:30:31 PM

If you're insecure about yourself, your relationships, etc - then other problems are probably lurking around


You just said something very profound.

Between the self reflection comment a couple of posts back and this one I think the answer is out in the open.

Insecurity in a relationship is internal. Jealousy is an outword expression of that insecurity. What is causing it? That is highly individual. Perhaps that person feels guilty about not spending time, or made promises beyond their abilities or knows something horrible is rolling in due to a mistake and doesn't want to reveal it or feels like she/he isn't desirable ... the list rolls on.

We all have moments of doubt. We all have moments of triumph. Some people get stuck in the self-doubt... and that will kill any relationship given time.
 Majestic_Lizard_Returns
Joined: 7/29/2005
Msg: 54
Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/3/2005 6:13:39 PM
I'm a very jealous person...jealous of pretty much everyone. I can't help it; it's just the way I am/have always been...I try not to let it show much though.


Jealousy is when you maintain an irrational vigilance over an object of desire. Like when dragon jealously guards his treasure, or a nutjob boyfriend stalks his girlfriend to make sure she isn't cheating.

It sounds to me that you are referring to envy. Although the words are sometimes used interchangeably, they are really different. Envy is when you harbor resentment based on a desire for the possessions or qualities of another person. That sounds more like what you are talking about. Although, you would have no need to envy another person as you are obviously perfect.
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 55
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Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/3/2005 6:35:15 PM
I've always believed in a woman's natural instinct. That is, if you think he might be at risk for messing around with your relationship, he is going to eventually do it. So you do things that protect/preserve yourself and the relationship. Later you'll probably find out that your instincts served you correctly and that your concerns were justified.
 Majestic_Lizard_Returns
Joined: 7/29/2005
Msg: 56
Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/3/2005 6:56:50 PM
Its usually the jealous partner that cheats first.
 Iron Wolf
Joined: 10/11/2004
Msg: 57
Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/3/2005 7:06:29 PM
Bad! Damn bad!!
 womanswish1
Joined: 9/28/2005
Msg: 58
Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/3/2005 9:13:38 PM
two types of jealousy, the good and the bad , most people try to get the other jealous over some one else in the beginning, most walk away from the relationship and end it before it ever had a chance to start thats the bad one. the good one is when your together learning about each other and something happens, that neather one was trying to do to the other but it happen .and the one that it happen to felt it hard but came to turms with it and told you why they hurt then so deeply . it's when you can both sit down and talk about it why that they got hurt your true feeling come out how you feel about them ,what you both have accomplished in such a short time together as a new couple. your thoughts ,the fun you both shared ,life experances, making love the thought of you going with some one else is what hurts, not giving each other the chance to see what could happen next. if you can talk and tell each other excally what you feel with out yelling just being calm chances are this will work out beautiful ,and was well worth talking about . its hard to tell some one just how you feel inside about them .or to let some one know that you have feelings, or a heart, that does get hurt at times .people tend to be cold hearted ,pretend that nothing hurts them , to be like a stone . but were does that get you, know were but out in the cold looking all over again for the next person . and who knows if this next one would be as great as the last one . so never give up talk about what just happen most likely it was a miss understanding between both. and if not then the other can see just what type of person you are inside and judge you from thire.
 k-ditty
Joined: 9/29/2005
Msg: 59
Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/3/2005 9:33:18 PM
ok, i have a few comments on this.. whether or not a lot of you believe this really doesn't matter, but i've been jelous in the past; as much as any man says they haven't been jelous, they have... it's a fact of life.

Jelousy isn't really a full fledged feeling. It's a combination of other feelings rolled up and output as something else. Normally anger. Now this is where everyone will be on my side or be against me. Take your own pick...

Every feeling that leads to "jelousy" (by that i mean anger) is caused by some other underlying problem, which is what actually has to be fixed. lets take for example your at a bar, getting drinks for you and your girlfriend. You look over and some guy is grinding up against her. This could go either two ways:

1. hes just dancing there trying to get her attention, its not working, but you feel angry and wanna just hit him.

2. she turns around and starts grinding with him.

lets look at option 2 first. if this happens, you probably have a reason to be jelous and should think about why your in a relationship with someone that will grind with another guy infront of you. (this is a stranger, if it is one of her male friends, by all means relate to option 1)

so now we move on to #1. so you see this strang guy dancing. Now walking over and punching him in the face would probably be a bad idea at this point since the bouncers coupled with his friends would prolly destroy you. so we concentrate on what we are acutally feeling.

6 feelings that lead to anger/"jelousy"
**********************************

Hurt: u dont really feel hurt, since shes ignoring him, hes just being a moron.

Sadness: again, not really feeling it.

Guilt: again not feeling it.

Embarassment: possibly if you're worried people know that shes your gf and hes still doing it, since that means he prolly doesn't give two shits about you.

Fear: ofcourse you will be worried that she might turn around and go with him. obviously a ridiculous option if you are ok with yourself and the relationship (now if its a girl you just met, u might have a problem)

Shame: everyone is always scared of this.

so after seeing these 6 REAL feelings that lead to anger, which ones do you have? or which ones are real enough for you to follow. Maybe the bottom 3, but not likely since its all conjecture (is that the right word?) but anyhow.

even if one of those was to break, and you saw her cute little ass grinding against his.. go over and talk to her.. bring it up.. dont jump right into fists throwing.

anyhow.. thats my two sense..

i've been through a lot.. and i realize that his might sounds tupid at first, but when you think about it at the time. it all works out..
 Monday In October
Joined: 2/15/2004
Msg: 60
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Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/3/2005 11:30:29 PM
Jealousy is a manifestation of insecurity and low self esteem.
 Disco Daddy
Joined: 8/10/2005
Msg: 61
Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/4/2005 3:20:22 AM
How has jealousy ever been a "good" emotion?
Isn't "jealousy" even one of the seven deadly sins?
Of course it is a "bad" emotion!
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 62
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Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/4/2005 5:18:44 AM
I have always lived up to my end of things and have never cheated on anyone. I know that it is natural for men to seek to sow their seeds in as many places as possible. I was married and have always had high self esteem. And anyhow, no amount of being OK with a relationship or self assuredness is going to save a relationship. Its only natural to realize that you can be setting yourself up for getting burned if you don't be careful. How else is one supposed to react to this?
 timber_wolf
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 63
Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/4/2005 5:25:37 AM
it's bad anyway ya look at it......it often leads to obsession and a dismal relationship.
and not for me....if i fell it i ask why do i feel this way and the answer is right there. insecruities in this relationship.
 domesticated me
Joined: 11/5/2004
Msg: 64
Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/4/2005 5:38:56 AM
In all honesty I think jealousy is one of the worst. Jealousy is a lack of trust in ones self and their significant other. We all know if there is not trust in a relationship, there is no honest relationship.
 timber_wolf
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 65
Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/4/2005 5:46:37 AM
some have said it's good .......in moderation? c'mon.......gimme a break!!!!
i mean when i'm with someone and we are together....what good is jelousy??? ya think i'm gonna fuk this chick???????.....no i'm not!!!! what part of 'i love you' do you not understand??? and i hope she feels the same way.
 cannuckswon
Joined: 7/23/2005
Msg: 66
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Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/4/2005 5:54:43 AM
i have been told by one g/f i wasnt jealous enough because i wasnt bothered by her talking to other guys. i trusted her and it didnt bother me. another g/f told me i was too jealous because i wasnt happy with her going out all night drinking with her g/f s. sometimes it is a no win situation.
 timber_wolf
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 67
Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/4/2005 5:59:31 AM
canuckswon:
yes it's sad eh? i've had that too....'you don't care enough about me to get jealous?. what ya want me to punch out every guy that looks at ya???? pfft find another sucker!!!
 cannuckswon
Joined: 7/23/2005
Msg: 68
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Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/4/2005 6:04:04 AM
i think some women(not all) like to see their man get jealous. it gives them a feeling of power or something.
 timber_wolf
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 69
Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/4/2005 6:18:43 AM
yes...seems like that ^^^^^^^
what is it??????? being the object of jealousy? gooood........ getting jealous???? bad..
wtf?
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 70
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Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/4/2005 6:23:22 AM
Guys, two things:
1. Just be who you are. If she doesn’t like it, to hell with her.
2. Don’t get jealous - there isn’t a single person in the world who is worth it. If she’s/he’s making you jealous, they really aren’t worth your time. Keep in mind, some people are so emotionally shallow that they need you to develop a mental deficiency/complex in order for them to feel better about themselves. Don’t play that game. It’s a lose-lose proposition.
 timber_wolf
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 71
Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/4/2005 6:32:37 AM
ty yIamHere.........no i don't play that game just seems that it rears it's 'fugly' head way to often and most times i split if she gets jealous over the simplest of things...i.e. my ex/the mother of my child...we're great friends she often calls for emotional help/a shoulder to lean on/ or just advise. she will always be in my life(especially when i look at my daughters eyes)
and no one can will ever change that. what gets me that they TRY .....oh man they try to get in between us..many have tried ALL......have failed!
 Smiler127
Joined: 7/8/2005
Msg: 72
Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/4/2005 7:16:53 AM
Can be endearing in VERY small doses.
 Mrslucci
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 73
Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/4/2005 7:24:22 AM
I get more irked at chix hitting on Ian than actually jealous of them.A friend of mine coined the phrase "badge bunnies",they r annoying bar stars that drool all over the officers when they do a bar walk.Keep your hands off the uniform,,,it's just that,a freakin uniform.The man in it has a family.Respect it.
 wen05
Joined: 9/12/2005
Msg: 74
Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/4/2005 7:43:10 AM
There is nothing wrong with being jealous of someones actions, what is wrong is if they continue to do those action just to get a reaction. If you love someone the right way, you will be jealous from time to time but it shouldn't be something that over takes your personality. Love plays games with us just to make sure we are paying attention.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 75
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Jealousy! A good emotion or bad?
Posted: 10/4/2005 7:49:47 AM

If you love someone the right way, you will be jealous from time to time

Really? So, in order to love someone the right way you have to develop a mental complex? Great ...

Exhibit C, if it will please the court.
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