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elfman
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Joined: 11/22/2004
Msg: 226 | |
| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/27/2005 11:21:16 PM |
i love seeing a father with his kid(s) its adorable and you dont see alot of it around here anyway
Yes, but would you approach one, or allow yourself to be approached by one, either in the flesh or via internet, or do you just give him a round of applause and keep on going?
Women have stopped me in the park to compliment me on being a 'good father' (especially in my neck of the woods, the Inner City of New York, where dead-beat dads are so frequent it's like they're in style), they barely stick around for me to accept the compliment, let alone have a conversation, let alone anything else.
I think that, man or woman, people just don't to take on someone else's baggage, and a child is the most visible form of "baggage" a person can have. It truly, truly sucks.
-elfman- | |
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elfman
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Joined: 11/22/2004
Msg: 227 | |
| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/27/2005 11:30:46 PM |
This thread sounds more like a man bashing thread. Nobody forced you to have children. Now that you had them, deal with all of the circumstances of it. Quit blaming us men for all of your problems.
The men ran out on you women for a reason... take a good look at yourselves before pointing fingers at everyone else.
Whoa, slow your horses. This has thus far seemed every bit as much the intelligent conversation thread as it should be and not even remotely a man-bashing, or any-bashing sort of thread. Single fathers have chimed in and given their two cents, and it's all been a civilized back and forth. What's your issue?
As for single mothers, not every mother becomes single due to circumstances within their control. Widows, divorcees, rape survivors, all of those with children have opted to take the harder, more responsible role when it comes to their children, and they should be applauded (assuming their good parents) and not given crap because they don't meet someone's archiac view of what a mother should be. I speak not just as a single father but as the son of a single mother who never, *EVER* planned on my not knowing my father, and if everyone (my father included) had a say in the matter, our lives would be very, very different.
-elfman- | |
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elfman
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Joined: 11/22/2004
Msg: 228 | |
| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/27/2005 11:50:35 PM |
people sometimes assume they are being asked to step into a role you haven't asked them to? .......that's where the confusion is!!!
i need a partner not a father to my child........luckily not all single people feel that way!
I think you hit the nail square on the head; people are anticipating the need to step into a role. My son has a mother and I'm not looking to replace her, I'm looking for someone to fill my heart as I can fill hers. The delicate balance is that she and my son have to have a positive relationship, and there does have to be a certain level of authoritative respect on his part, as well as a willingness on her part to let me handle the sticky situations involving him.
Sadly, that's neither here nor there; I need to find a woman first who won't go running at the mere mention of me having a child. :D | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/28/2005 6:13:48 PM | | I agree with you shedevil....I have three kids....I'm not looking for them a father..they have one...I have a job..house...car...I don't need for a man to take care of me in material ways..I'm looking for someone to be my friend...lover....companion...I hope that they will be my kids friend....oh by the way there is none in my neck of the woods either....Good luck in your search.... | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/9/2006 9:17:30 AM | hi onehotmomma,,, you sure are a great lookin girl,, but posting your childs photo on here is ,,welll ,, not cool! At least in my opinion anyway. I had a photo of my son and i on another sitefor a week or two ,, but the more i looked at it,,,, welll,, it started to gross me out. Please dont be offended, I'm not saying this to make you feel bad , but what does it say about your character when your child is dating with you? Cause thats what it looks like !! Thanks, I'm sure you're one of the nicest people on here,, but ya gotta lose the kids photo!!!
nobody want to date your child!!! | |
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ns1014
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Joined: 1/8/2006
Msg: 233 | |
| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/9/2006 10:16:17 AM | Interesting topic and great comments by many of you.....
I think for me, the challenge (of being single with children) is faced by both men and women. I have experienced what many of you have as well, the situation where a good relationship goes bad because the person you are dating gets scared off because you have children.
I have two beautiful daughters that are the most important people in my life. That is a tough thing for anyone to deal with. For me, in the last 5 years, I have only introduced my daughters to one person, though I have dated several. From books I have read, this is very important for the children as you do not want them to go through the tumult that we all do (in the dating process!).
As for you, shedevil, just know that there are guys out there who do date women who have children. Several have posted replies to you. The reality of it is that it just adds another challenge to the relationship working out because of the increased dynamics at play (kids getting along with your female/male friend).
Definitely not a lost cause if you have kids....at least I hope not. Though it is more difficult.
Good luck to all in finding that special other! | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/9/2006 10:41:46 AM | | well i have 2 daughters and im single again..i dont have any problems with dating a women with kids they have a better head on there shoulders and have a better back bone..they know what they want | |
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Ab_Ram
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Joined: 12/10/2005
Msg: 235 | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/9/2006 3:21:47 PM | | I would but being older most women don't want any thing to do with you being such. Just because the first choice did not work out singles tend to get to hard about the type person they want to have around their kids, they tend to not trust any one to meet the family. So what can one expect if they run into a person who likes kids but is older & responcable they think the person is now to old. That is just one reason I see & hear from singles. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/9/2006 4:22:38 PM | I was woundering that myself, my kids are 14 years apart. I am beginning to think that I am not pretty enough or I don't have the personailty for all this dating stuff. Its pretty lonely here at the bottom of the totam pole. But every has to keep their chin up apparntly mr wright is out there somewhere.
Good luck to everyone. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/9/2006 8:16:53 PM | | you ARE kidding right? I prefer to date women with children. They have MUCH more maturity (usually) and can understand if you have to break a date at the last minute that you've been planning for months because your child is sick. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/9/2006 8:28:14 PM | | I am a single Dad of a four and a 1/2 yr old and the same question enters my mind all to often about women. Its really difficult and hard to breech the social norms that automatically populate peoples minds when they see someone with a kid(s). But I would have to tell you that I am more interested in dating someone else with kid(s) than someone without them.. the reason is that people that don't have kids don't have a clue and are generally unprepared to even think about how to effectively raise a child. They haven't had the opportunity to get weaned into parenting by a helpless little one that just steals your heart away and then go on to graduate to temper tantrums and the great fun of teaching your child how to wipe their own butt. Don't give up...I'm not.....not yet anyway. It definitetly sucks trying to break into the dating seen mid stride of being a parent. So my gig is to look for single parents..they at least understand that you can't go out every Friday nite because saturday morning cartoons come really early.....Good Luck! | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/9/2006 9:10:16 PM | | Maybe I'm the exception, but if two people like one another, the other will TOTALLY ACCEPT and incorporate into each others life. I was 22 yrs old when I dated a 36yr old woman with three boys all in high school and she owned a business. There are good men out here that look beyond what others see or today call "baggage". | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:34:19 PM | You know, I took the time to read this entire thread carefully before I decided to commit myself to a response, for better or for worse.
First of all, yes there are many many men out there who will date a woman with children. Just as there are many many women out there for men in the same situation. Congratulations to all of you out there who can do that! One of my best friends moved from the US to Canada to marry a woman he met on the net who had 4 kids, one of which was only 2. I have nothing but respect for these people, because it's not easy to do, or to adapt to. The reasons of which have also been spoken of.
However, I'm not one of them. For a variety of reasons I'll get to in a second. Before I do, I want to point out something here that I haven't seen much of. Some of you have confessed that you're not seriously looking for a relationship for your own reasons which revolve primarily around the interests of your children, or in some cases, other's children. I think that the vast majority of single parents out there are waiting for what they consider an appropriate time before they venture out into the field again. This could be the reason why it's so hard to find that "someone". The majority of people on these kinds of sites aged 18-25 (and some in their 30's) are without kids and are looking for something to make their own. Which leads me to the reasons why I'm not interested.
Try to remember that I'm only including this in the interest of better understanding my position as it may compare to that of others.
Buff Aussie briefly touched on this, and he has been the only one to do so, but it's also my own reasoning. Aside from all the possible "baggage" 100%sweet refers to, and the potential for further headaches with an ex, my main reason is that I want children of my own some day. I've noticed that many people with children are not looking to have any more. That decision automatically excludes anyone who doesn't already have children of their own, but want some. I myself would also have difficulty in feeling the same way for someone elses children as I would for my own. I don't believe that to be fair OR healthy to any child, and would eventually lead to hardship all around. I wouldn't be doing a woman any kindness to subject her or her child to that. I don't think of myself as a bad person for it, but rather someone who knows their limitations and looks beyond the now and decides that it's something I can't handle. So for her sake and my own, I don't even get involved.
Now I have been criticized for this, and I've heard many arguments such as the ones previously posted (How do you know for sure? But I'm different! Maybe that's a weakness you should overcome....etc.) Some people are hostile, some are understanding. Some try to convert me. But this is a decision I have made. And, having made it after considerable thought, I'm not likely to change it.
Granted, you're in a far more difficult position when it comes to dating; and the limitations on your time and your priorities (rightly so), put you at a further disadvantage. It also follows that you should have a little more patience and understanding than those who are not in the same position are expected to have, as frustrating as that may be. As someone else already mentioned, not many people looking for a relationship are willing to be ranked lower than a first, or sometimes second priority to their significant other.
Anyway, I'll leave off here. I hope this helps some people who haven't already thought of this, if not, well, it's just my 2 cents. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/10/2006 12:26:30 AM | Ladies,
This is very true. Not a lot of men out there are willing to date women with kids. Strnage, but true. Personally, I have nothing against kids, and have a very large family with lots of kids around most of the time and can tell you that it's cool. However, as soon I as I see a profile that states "Do you have kids = yes". I move on, no matter how attractive or how good her profile is (if I do talk to her, it wont be fore long). I hope I'm not going to get an ear full for this one, but I view it as taking on another man's responsibility - it's allmost a turn off to be quite honest with you. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/10/2006 1:46:09 PM | | I totally agree its hard to find a man that wants to date someone with a child i have a 7 yr old daughter and u meet someone and get along great then i dunno if they get scared or what it is when the feel they r gettin to close and use the kid thing as an excuse I would date a man who has a child even if i didnt have one of my own its not like im askin someone to be her dad shes already got one I have needs and just wanna be happy is that to much to ask for? so its really crappy when ppl dont take the time to get to know u cuz uhave a child pretty sad actually | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/10/2006 3:24:56 PM | Regarding what riggity said, I've noticed on this thread that alot of the women here have said that they are not looking for someone to take responsibility for their child, they're currently capable of taking care of that themselves. So in that respect, this wouldn't really be an issue in their relationships.
On the other hand, with my afore mentioned friend, they did get married and he took on the role as the "male influence" in their lives. It wasn't really worked out beforehand how this was going to work though, and this has caused problems in their relationship. She does insist that he take an active role in their upbringing, but she contradicts his methods of discipline and/or positive re-inforcement. Up to the point he came into the picture, the kids were raised with certain disciplinary expectations or norms that he doesn't always agree with and it puts him in the difficult position of being the male influence, but none of his values or beliefs in raising children are acceptable. As a result, he's forced to take a step back which weakens his authority when it comes to other matters. While he loves her and the children deeply, if given the choice to go back and re-evaluate the situation, I don't think he'd make the same choices. But he's sticking with it because he loves them all and he's willing to make the necessary sacrifices, but it makes all of their lives very stressful sometimes. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/10/2006 6:56:41 PM | | i am a father to two children 13 and 15,also a single parent.my ex had an affair when my son was 5 weeks old and my,both in diapers.i did not get any help from her at all, i have never been away from my children and if god is willing i will never.through all of there colds,restless nights,diaper changes the works.i got so tired of women thinking i was the deadbeat parent and then the look on there faces when i tell them what im telling yall now.we are here and we love our children more than anything.we cry when they cry we smile when they smile. we are here i guess tucked away.alot of men may not want to admit it but sometimes when a women hurts a mans heart some of us go into hiding.to have someone you believe in and love so much to shredd your heart will make you go into hiding. | |
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