| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/1/2006 1:29:17 PM | i agree with you shedevil. we don't need replacement fathers we to as single mom's need our down time and it is nice to have a companion to spend our evenings with.
i have two kids as well and find that men who don't have children often assume because we have kids and are single we are looking fora father for our kid...i have never asked any man to support me or my kids in a relationship. that is my job and their father's job.i just don't understand why can't the guys out there that don't have kids and won't date us single mom's just swollow up their assumtions and actually try it they might like it? | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/1/2006 2:31:17 PM | I don't think becoming a single parent makes a person more mature. In some aspects, it makes them more childish.
In most of these "single moms won't date" threads, a common denominator is the "mememe" attitude.
For example, a typical post will read:
"I'm not looking for a father to my children" (looking for that or not, that's what he will become at the end)
"they have a dad, they don't need other" (so he should settle with being "mom's friend")
"I don't need one, but it would be nice to have one" (that's good for Prada bags, not for men)
"he must accept we are a package" (he must, he must, he must)
"he must understand my children go first" (a real sweety. Most men will accept that for their own children, not for other's)
And nowhere in there you will see a line about his needs or wants. Everything is she and her children. And if the guy dares to think about himself and his own needs:
"he's shallow" (typical airhead, no-meaning-at-all dismissal)
"he's a loser" (if a loser doesn't want you...)
"he's an ***hole" (no explanation needed)
"A REAL MAN(tm) would accept me and my children" (no comments)
"Not mature enough to accept the responsibility" (a responsibility that isn't his nor he has the duty to accept)
Summarizing, they demand a lot, offer almost nothing in return, and give a tantrum when people say no. And that's why they're still single. Not because of their children, but because of their crappy, I-deserve-everything attitude. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/1/2006 7:20:59 PM | Hi I am a single dad of two teens and I cane tell you that ther is at list one, Because I am one I realy prefore to be with a single mom because we all know what to expect its not all a bed of roses but thats just fin with me. I feel that there are some people with no kids out there that would make a great partners for single parents but most dont have the consept of what it takes, Kids are very fun but thay cane make things defaclet at times and if you dont have kids it cane be a little over wellming fore them, I like kids thay make life worth living I would do anything for my two musters lol.. So you see there must be more like me because I hate to think there is nobudy out there for me it would be a shame to miss out on a good life with someone you can grow old with.....
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| comments from a single dad.....
Posted: 4/2/2006 1:11:11 PM | Ok wow this particular topic seems to be a hot one.....I have a couple of comments.....first as a single parent I agree with the reply by simbadsailor that we do demand a lot...and that our kids come first. That is our privilige we are the ones that have dealt with our sick kids the courts fighting for child support and custody,have to figure out work daycare, and making our childs life as normal as can be......we already dealt with the immature and irresponsible,explaining why visits have been cancelled to heartbroken kids.So yes our kids come first they dont need nor deserve to be hurt anymore. Our kids are already confused enough with what has occured in there life (why doesnt mom/dad live with us) as well weare not looking for a mom/dad for our kids we are looking for someone to share our lives with and those lives involve our kids that simple. So to any individual male or female with the same attitude as simbadsailor ...get over it.
As far as the whole dating thing goes well i havent had much luck but I am hopeful that the right person is out there somewhere and have learned to be patient and keep trying until then my life is complete as long as my daughter is smiling and says I love you daddy. | |
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| comments from a single dad.....
Posted: 4/2/2006 3:44:53 PM |
That is our privilige
A privilege you can keep for yourself, and place its burden on those who want to accept it. But you can't criticize those who don't want part of your "privilege".
So to any individual male or female with the same attitude as simbadsailor ...get over it.
I will, if you answer me a little question: Why should I? | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/2/2006 9:40:47 PM | My experience-
and no offense to anyone... but anyone who is actually sucessful and has a good life doesn't want to bother with a woman with kids because they have it all made... why take the extra baggage? But on the other hand, when a guy does actually date me even though I have two kids, they all have issues... either with keeping a job, or paying their own child support, or closet criminals... they prey on women like us. Keep your eyes and ears open, and remember sometimes it's better to just be single. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/3/2006 2:36:04 PM | LOL. Well i dont have any teenage kids yet, my son is only 20months...most guys i meet dont mind that i have a child...after i tell them why im a single mom...only one guy that ive met had a problem and you know what? NOT WORTH IT. If guys cant accept our beautiful children, then screw em! Children dont ask to be born, they are innocent. I think SOME guys feel scared when they meet a women with children, bc SOME guys wanna be the first priority, and obviously our children are... | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/3/2006 3:01:42 PM | | yes there is men that date woman with child/ren,even childless guys like myself and apparently far and few between.word of caution some dogs may try to take advantage of this situation,be aware.i can see it would be hard for both sexes to spend any extra time they have with some one special,let alone try to meet some new.good luck to ALL the single parents out there. | |
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| as selfish as we are....
Posted: 4/3/2006 4:26:23 PM | due to the fact that you are as selfish as you assume single parents are...you obviously are unable...perhaps unwilling to think about anyone but yourself...at least we "selfish" single parents are worried about a person or persons unable to care for themselves it is not about us it is about our kids......you make a choice to be selfish....we make a choice not to be everything we do is for someone else and not in fact for ourselves it is and will be about them until they are on there own.
I apologize to any other parents for presuming to speak for you on this topic. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/4/2006 10:33:58 AM | | What if you met someone who had kids, but for someone as yet unknown reason, their kids didn't live with them. These would be minors, not adult kids. Any read flags??? | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/4/2006 12:04:03 PM | Well I have no problem dating a woman with kids. My ex wife had a daughter when i met her and took her in as my own for the past 6 years. Now we are divorced and I have 2 adorable boys from that marriage aged 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 and will again have no problem meeting or dating a lady with children.
John in NJ | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/4/2006 2:38:48 PM | | So i have to update on this thread ! YES there are lots of men out there who will have a relationship with a single mom . lol !! just keep looking girls, you will find one too ! | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/4/2006 6:34:03 PM | | I have had the trouble of finding one who wants my kids around as well , I try to show equal affection to both set of kids , but when I'm on the other hand is suppose to forget I have kids an have nothing to do with mine then its over , I tried to be a man figure to the ladies kids not their Dad for that role is already taken no matter what they think of that person , only I have to some how forget or it seams , to have nothing to do with my own where is the right in that. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/4/2006 6:53:18 PM | | yes we do...but im finding alot of women who are either control freaks or into tomany headgames.they forget what you write in a profile is only a written version of a person | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/4/2006 7:02:59 PM | | do you know what your saying ,checknout.there are both good men and women out there who respect and accept the partner they choose to fall in love with wether she has kids or he has kids,or they both have kids.remember before kids ever get met both partners must deside if they are right for eachothert before they make the next move which could see them moving together.without acceptance of your partner wether poor or rich the choice is yours and his .the women prey as do the men,we tend to forget since we all can get lonely inside and prefer to cuddle up to our partner and see blindly but its our own doing not all men and women are all alike its the bad apples in both sexs that deter people from becoming loving partners,go easy on yourself it will happen in time | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/4/2006 9:03:09 PM | It is very hard to find someone who is willing to take a backseat to my daughter. I think it's because she is an infant and: 1) they can't be flexible to her demanding schedule & 2) they wonder where her father is.
Granted, it is hard for me to get out and/or talk on the phone or computer but I think I'm well worth his patience.
I know it happens to both sexes but I honestly think single moms have it a little bit tougher. I also know very few dads who have full custody of an infant. | |
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slick6
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Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 345 | |
| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/5/2006 2:00:48 AM | | Yes, we do exist. I do not whether or not to date a woman based on if she has a kid. It's all about her and how she carries herself. I'm dated women with kids and without. Kids are great, not all guys see this though. Some guys don't know what to do with kids. It's sad really. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/5/2006 6:00:26 AM | yes, they definantly are out there. ive been talking to a guy who has 3 kids of his own. hes got full custody and he gets every other weekend without them. i also have full custody of my kids and they spend every weekend with their dad, so trying to plan a date has been a bit difficult, espically when you throw in the fact that when you have kids things can come up that you dont plan on, like them getting sick and stuff like that. ive had guys accuse me of making up stories just to avoid dating them because one of my kids have been sick. i personally think that dating a guy with kids is more understanding about things like that. and if they didnt think that their kids were their first priority then they are probably not for me.
the new guy ive met and i are finally going to meet after talking for a few months (we would have met sooner but one of his kids got sick). neither of us want to rush into anything and agree the first few dates should be without the kids. we can meet them later and see how we all get along.
as far as my kids are concerned, yes they can get unruly at times. and i feel that if they are doing something wrong, it needs to be stopped. if im dating a guy and hee sees my kids doing something that they shouldnt, espically if its going to cause someone harm, i would have no problems with him disciplining the kids. and i would do the same thing to someone elses kids. i dont mean, i would yell at them or anything, but if i saw a child about to jump off of something i would tell them that it isnt a very good idea to do that and explain why they shouldnt do it. if the other parent had a problem with me doing that then thats fine, every parent is different. it would have to be something that needs to be discussed between the 2 parents.
well ive rambled on long enough......keep looking everyone, they are out there | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/5/2006 7:09:42 AM | Hi
I am fairly new to this site and was looking through the forum. I agree with what you said arlie. I have 2 daughters myself, and they are every thing to me. If someone can't handle the fact that i have 2 daughters that are my whole world, then i don't need them.
I would love to meet someone to spend the rest of my life. But they have to take me and my daughters as a package deal and love them like they were their own and if they can't, then we don't need them. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/29/2006 10:09:05 AM | Very well said! The mistake that many couples make tho is introducing the new mate to the children too early in the relationship. The relationship between the man and the woman must be worthy of said introduction. The relationship must be good, honest and true. It should also not include either's offspring until the latter is achieved.
This gives the couple a chance to really know each other as friends and lovers first without the distraction of children with their constant demands!
It's the only way to allow the couple a chance at a real relationship and with all that it entails.
Once it is established that the relationship is strong and secure, the next step is to introduce the new partner to the children involved and then take it from there.
This way everyone gets a fair shot at having a new and wonderful life perhaps! | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/29/2006 10:21:35 PM | I have been single for over 2years now. Partly by choice and partly because I seem to be a bum magnet. By Choice: because I needed to heal myself and my children, so theres not all these "issues" brought into a new relationship. Another is because I cant seem to find a decent guy. Im not asking for a drop dead handsome man wiht lots of money on a white horse to sweep in and save me (although that would be nice too! lol) I just want an open, honest, fun loving guy that is able to "compromise". I understand that it is hard for men to except another mans child. I even understand the fear of it, but do would u really walk away from the love of ur life because she has children?? I agree that 2 people should have AT LEAST a 30 day grace period of getting to know each other before the children meet the other person. That way u know if he/she is worth being in ur childs life. I would like a guy that can hold a job... not because I want him to take care of me and my children. I do that just fine!! But because it shows a certain level of maturity and self respect. I guess its kind of hard to think about dating when ur ex toad is 6ft-5in weighing in at 323lbs of muscle not fat. Seems people are intimidated by him. I just look at it this way... would u really want to date a guy that doesnt except ur children? Why would u even take the time to get all flustered over a guys like that? *hold ur head up high and wait for the right guy that would love to come in and be part of ur family*
~Personally Id rather wait an eternity for the right man, than waste even a second of time, love and energy on the wrong one~ *hugs* | |
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