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w8ng4u
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Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 903 | |
| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 8/12/2006 8:34:55 AM | | im a single father and would prefer and recommend dating someone who already has kids because they know whats going on what you have been through and can relate to you like if you cant go out because at 2 am you cant find a bloddy babysitter or have the slightest idea why at 9 pm your tired on a weekday and just want to relax because not only did you just get off work , rush to the daycare to pick up your child , come home, clean the house, play with your child, cook dinner, give them a bath, and get them to bed you might wanna just sit down and relax and not go out on a weekday even if it is only 9 a.m because they think its easy due to the fact of o yeah i know how it is i babysitted before give me a break . | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 8/12/2006 3:09:04 PM | Men always assume I am married too, when they see me out with my kids.
I think that is a natural thought.
Yes, there are men who will date you, but some will not be there in the long
run. Be careful who you bring around your kids.
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 8/12/2006 7:48:59 PM |
Yes, there are men who will date you, but some will not be there in the long
run. Be careful who you bring around your kids.
I totally agree on that, and probably could be a whole new thread....
Kids get hurt enough through the initial divorce. My kids have been introduced to 2 men I have dated, got close to him and in one case his son, and we all had a hard time functioning without him in our lives. I think I missed his son more than him... and I know his son missed me, he called me a lot to talk for a while. Kids don't need the upset in their lives. No one else will meet my kids unless I know for sure we have a future together. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 8/12/2006 9:28:50 PM | | That goes both ways, I have two teenagers and it's not easy for us guys who are active dad's too. I figure if someone can't accept my kids it's their loss. That said, I'm NOT looking for a replacement mom for them. They have a great mom and don't need another one. And that also goes both ways. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 8/12/2006 9:32:05 PM | | That is so very true. Even as excited as our human nature makes us for having someone in our life, kids get attached very quickly and they should not be brought into it until the relationship is at an appropriate time to do so. Three weeks isn't enough time. In some cases it can mean six to twelve months. Even then, things should proceed with a lot of time and patience. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 8/12/2006 10:44:26 PM | | well, sounds like this topic has been killed lol but I have to put my two sence worth in...... introducing your kids to the "latest flame" is not worth it for the kids but when the relationship seems to be going good is that when the kids are brought in? I'm not going to say I have all the answers but I think the best thing to do is bring the kids into it on a friendly note, introduce them but not on a "this is the man I will be moving in with in six months and will be dictating to you for the rest of your life" but more as "hey I like this guy and have known him for a while and think you guys would like him" | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 8/13/2006 8:29:08 AM | I never assume a lady is married unless I see rings on her hand. Children do not a wife make... she is a mother...
I happily would date a woman with children, I love kids and frankly, sometimes, it is easier to do so... I am not into the bar or night club scene, though I do enjoy an occasional drink or two and love to shoot pool... Children give you built in things to do for a fun date, parks, pools, cook outs, playgrounds, chucky cheese (gotta love skee ball) and a great deal of silliness, bike rides... lots of things...
Also, you can tell by the children what kind of person you are getting involved with... either way...
At the risk of getting flamed... Women with children too seem to have more depth on the average than others I meet...
My two cents worth...
~~DragonRider~~ | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 8/13/2006 8:58:54 AM | | How can u say I don't mean to bad mouth single mothers and then say their children r out of control. I am a single mom and have many compliments while being out with my children on how well behaved they r. I know there r some women who give others a bad name. I think u have a lot to learn in that all women r not the same. U r steriotyping. That just isn't cool. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 8/13/2006 1:15:28 PM | w8NG4U is right on. Without having been a parent its pretty hard for someone to know how reality is for a single parent. Some childless people have experience with dating someone with kids, and that helps. But it seems like unless a prospective partner has kids, then they really can't find the understanding to take (sometimes) a backseat to those kids that depend on their solo parent.
After dating some men without kids, I realized the best situation for me (and to be with someone that knows what its like to sacrifice for the kiddos they have) is to only date someone that's a dad. That's a personal choice, not for everyone, and yeah I've probably overlooked a great guy or two, but it seems you've got to know what works for you in order to find it!
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 8/17/2006 11:41:49 AM | I'm an older woman with a 10 year old son at home and it seems to be a turn-off for most men my age. Many of them are close to retirement and want a wife to travel and to things with and my son will be home for at least 8 more years. My last boyfriend recently married a woman with a 15 year old and he claimed the main reason we didn't work out is because of my son. It was not his behavior, but his age and the challenge of raising another young one that turned him off, I guess.
I will not let anyone regard my son as baggage; I'll simply move on to the next one if it is an issue. I think there are some men out there who don't care but you have to be careful as to their motives. If you want long term and they want long term, it is best to get to know them without the child in the picture for awhile. If it gets to the serious level, you have to run the test with the child in the picture. My son is older now and would probably be more accepting of a man in my life. He has never met his father. Nevertheless, he has to come first.
I also believe that a certain type of man still may need to be mothered a bit himself and those types are definately not going to want to get involved with a woman who has children at home. I agree with some of the others who have posted, that there is a certain type of man who will naturally accept your children and I have also found that many men who have never been fathers love interfacing with my son.
If we really get to know the man and sense that he is honest and forthright in his motives, we can proceed to the next level openly and hopefully all will go well. If not, we just need to take care of ourselves and our children and draw love from them in the meantime. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 8/17/2006 1:54:04 PM | | know exactly what you meanand agree totally with why are single dads sexy. single for four years and know it mainly to do with fact got 3 kids with me most of time, once they see i not at beck and call the novelty soon wheres off | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 8/17/2006 2:22:31 PM | | i know how you feel pbjazzee, i'm 42 with 3 boys, 14, 4 and 2. most women my age have older kids that are grown or almost grown and the thought of dating a man with 2 youger kids has scared off more than few of them. luckily i have found some one who actually has older kids in university and is ok with me having younger kids, but i will not introduce my kids to her till i'm sure that this relationship is going to last, and she understands this. so there is always hope for everyone | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 8/17/2006 2:41:46 PM | | pbjazzee if thats really true about him leaving because of your son, you didnt need that jack*** any way. its never the kids fault. and back to the main subject, a woman with some kids is ok for me(but they usually dont reply to my messages) maybe i need to put up a billboard with some flashy shiny things. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 8/17/2006 3:15:08 PM | | Of course some men will date women that have a child/children. Some men might be thinking in there head that you want him to be a father to your children and doesn't want the responsibility but that's no excuse. I myself have a son and what would I be if I told another female I couldn't date you because you have a child? Just take your time in finding a decent guy and trust me he will come along. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 8/24/2006 9:49:41 PM | | I personaly have no problem dating a woman with kids i am also an odd duck in the aspect that i work with abused children, i am part of a local BACA chapter. in my opnion anyone who bails as soon as he or she finds out you have kids is not woth being with they will just make things more difficult if they cant accept the fact you have a child or children. i dont have kids but do know single dads who have their kids all the time and they also find it very hard to find someone to be with all for the same reasons most have listed. the other thing i have noticed with single moms who i have dated they have built up walls that tend to push men away cause they are afraid of something happing.... ie: the child gets atached and then things just cant or dont work out. this is just my opnion and i again will say i have and have never had a problem dating a woman with kids. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 8/24/2006 11:08:23 PM | To be fair, I think the "I don't need a new Daddy/Mommy for my kids, I can take care of my kids myself" is pretty misguided and shortsighted.
A relationship is a partnership. There is absolutely no possible way that a guy can date a single mother with young kids for the long term and be completely detached from those children. It's just emotionally and logistically impossible. That guy will have some kind of influence on those children.
Too often it boils back to the 'Damned If You Do/Damned If You Don't' scenario. Ok, let's say it's true that some single parents in here don't "need" a new Daddy/Mommy for their kids. Let's see when Joe Average Single decides that you are correct in your belief and since that's true, he's not buying Junior a birthday present or Xmas present. And he's not taking Junior to any football games or helping him with his math homework. Ok yeah, then I can sit back and wait to hear the litany of "Well he just doesn't care" or "Well he doesn't have kids of his own, he doesn't know what it means to be around kids"
Ok, let's cut out all the bullshit.
Too many single parents go on and on about the fact that they don't "need" anyone. They don't "need" anyone to be a parental figure or influence on their child. Even though it's logically impossible for a single person in a long term relationship with a single parent to NOT have some kind of effect on that child.
But as soon as you actually behave in that manner, how long do you think the single parent would last before they started to get pissed off and in your face?
Which is why so many single men don't go within 100 yards of a single mother. It's the entire 'Lose/Lose' proposition where someone wants you to do everything they "need", because in effect you are being a surrogate parent whether you like it or not, they just don't want anyone to actually say it or confront them with it. Single parents can't have it both ways. You can't talk about how "independent" you are and how much you "don't need anyone" for your kids when dating a single person for the long term completely contradicts that base premise.
The hard truth? Not all kids are special. They aren't. Some will grow up to be great and wonderful human beings. Some will grow up to be losers and might be the next Columbine style prodigies. And if you are unlucky enough to have a loser punk kid, then dating is just going to get harder and harder. No man is going to want to deal with a kid that's out of control, no matter how much he likes you. In the same way, not all single parents are special, although you'll never hear them actually say that about themselves. Some are great parents. Some suck at it and their children will suffer the rest of their lives because they had mediocre parents. Your children might not be baggage to you, but never be so arrogant to think they might not be baggage for someone else. I'm sorry, I refuse to accept this single parent elitist crap that constantly bags on single men like we are all lepers because someone left you holding the bag or died on you. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 8/25/2006 4:44:58 PM | Most men aren't hiding from replying. I for one, would like to date a single Mom with kids and take the kids on a date with us.
Part of the reason for that, is so that I am not only getting to know the Mother, but their kids as well.
On top of that, so that they could get to know me and my Daughter at the same time. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 8/26/2006 9:31:41 AM | | It isn't the children they are afraid of. I have been in that position once and i did the same thing. I just didn't want to hurt the kid. Little hearts are easy to break they attach so easily. I figured I was better safe than sorry. | |
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