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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 11/27/2005 8:27:57 PM | Yes shedevil.
There a lots of guys who would consider dating single moms. Just as there are lots of women woh do likewise with single dads. The main barriers are the where the people set the bar as to whom they will date in other areas. Such as "looks, materialism, to some extent age, etc".
If people set the bar way too high everywhere else. Then getting responses will shrivel up. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 11/29/2005 12:59:47 AM | Well I may only be qualified to respond from a single no kids male perspective
Personaly I wont get involved with a single mother - no matter how good she looks or how great a personality she has
Reason being that I dont want a 3 way relationship with her and her ex or the fathers child --- way to messay and complications
Although we are above the lower mammilian life forms - if you look in nature its very common for the offspring of another male to be killed off as the new male does not want to expend resources , energy etc in careing for the offsrping of another male - rather he wants to pass on his own genes - survival of the fittest
Having said that there is but one exception and that is a woman who is a widow - but as long as the father lives anb beathes - no thanks not for me
But those men that have no problem doing it --- kudos to you - personally I cant overcome the predjudice . | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 11/29/2005 2:42:30 AM | I hear this question constantly. What annoys me is I hear it off my 'friends'. They constantly tell me that "i'm a loving, caring guy and any woman would be mad to not snap you up". So if i'm that nice, why aint they interested?........answer, because i have no kids of my own & i am classed as a 'player'.
Women with kids are fussy about who they want to meet, for which i understand, but........sometimes they are TOO fussy. I can say this because i have seen it with my own eyes.
I have no problem with my future partners children still keeping in contact with their father if thats what they want, in fact, if that was the case, i would encourage it. Not for self gain but for their peace of mind.
But be honest ladies, some of you don't like a 'nice' guy, you just like a bit of 'fun', so to speak, sometimes.
So ask yourselves these questions.............
Am i expecting too much from my potential partner?
And am i setting my standards too high?
I await the backlash   | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 11/29/2005 7:38:52 AM | | i want a nice guy, i pray for a nice guy. all i get is booty calls and friends with benefits offered. sex is great and yes i want it also but not if it means a fling or something along that line. i have met guys who only want to be with me when my kids are at their dads , needless to say i dont date a whole lot . i am picky because my kids are special and they deserve only the best. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 11/29/2005 4:45:27 PM | | WOW, Had to comment on this!! Most men do not want to date women with children they are there for the booty call or for friends with benefits... and you know what a LOT of women seem to be okay with that and actually PREFER it!! They usually say something like they don't want the children involved and that they are not looking for a father figure or just want the physical side of things!! So with these girls the GUYS are just A Hunk of MEAT!! WELL as a good father of my two boys whom i adore i must ...I RUN LIKE HELL from these girls and there ARE A LOT OF THEM OUT THERE!! I am looking for a woman with children or without doesn't matter to me! But a woman with children if she is a good mother will know where i am coming from and can simply relate better then the party girls!! YIKES!! ha ha The problem is finding a good wholesome single mom!! I've been looking for 3 yrs!! If you have suggestions on where i can find one i live in dalhousie in calgary!! SMILE | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 11/29/2005 4:54:43 PM | | Probably because women with kids refuse to date men with kids. I sure there are a lot of men, with kids, who'd love to date a women, with kids..but, alas.there will be fighting, so I can't date you, says the woman..I want a man WITOUT kids. Plus, you have an EX, I don't deal with the EX, you could deal with MINE, had you no children, but since you have kids..no thanks. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 11/29/2005 6:33:00 PM | | I think men (some)actually see women with kids as voulnerable. I think they think we are just going to immediatly get attached to them and not want to let go. I think they see us as baggage-like living up to a relationship with us and our kids is way too much work. At least that is the impression that I get. But what I don't get, is men with kids don't get this stereotype-they are actally in some cases more appealing to women because they have kids. I just don't get it either! | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/1/2005 4:35:32 PM | I personaly would not have a problem dating a lady with kids.
I married a lady with 3 kids and had 2 of my own.
It lasted 24 years. Guess I need to find another lady with kids to date | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/1/2005 6:45:36 PM | Off the top of my head here are some pros and cons of dating a woman with kids.
Pros:
If you have kids she will understand what its like. Women without kids can be clueless. They have never lived the lifestyle.
You can tell what kind of woman she is by what her kids are like. Guys pay attention to her kids they tell you a lot about her.
If you are both on the same page in life and love her and her kids, it can be an ideal relationship.
Cons:
Blended families never work. A normal family in this day in age is difficult enough without getting two sets of kids toghether who have been raised by totally differently.
Your not their dad. They had no choice in the divorce. Why should they like you. You wil never be their dad. You will probably have no say in their discipline or raising. That's mom's job not yours.
Dating/marrying a woman with kids is like being with somone who is having a continual affair. The kids will always be number one. You will always be number two.
She is probably divorced and dumped some guy because he wasn't their ideal husband. She'll probably dump you when things start to go wrong. 1st marriages have 50% chance of divorce. Second marriages have 75% chance of divorce. Sorry guys she's damaged goods. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/1/2005 7:19:20 PM | | I have dated a few women with kids with the latest having 2 Sons, (2 & 4), and I miss them very much. I have known people who dated women with kids that were 12 to 16 years of age and the KIDS were the reason why the relationships didn't work out. The kids didn't want there mom dating anyone with hopes of Daddy coming home. I am 44 years old and do not have any kids of my own and pretty much coming to terms that I probably wont so I always try to get to know the kids of the lady I am dating and include them on outings as much as possible. Usually by the 2nd or 3rd outing, the kids will let you know if dating thier mother will be a lot of trouble. I feel that I have been pretty lucky so far. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/2/2005 10:32:05 AM | Eag1e
I disagree that women with children wont date a guy with no children
This is from personal experience -- the ONLY women that have expressed interest in me are women with children - even though i have none of my own and have never been married .
Though I think to these women see me as a meal ticket ( single no debts good job enough assets ) or - perhapes they think they are doing me a favour - that because of my never married no kids status that I am the bottom of the barrell so to speak and that i should do backflips they have an interest in me as to them they believe no one else does .
But thats in Australia --- USA may be different | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/2/2005 3:20:08 PM | | if the boundries are set before (for discipline,who does what,where an why)there is to much seriousness is involved,what would be the issue.though both adults must back-up each other.the subject is also in question, what caused the disciplinary action in the first place. from first hand knowledge i corrected a child 6yrs in front of his mom( tho i was not dating her). he almost got me where it counts n ran away.before he got to far my hand reached him,on da bum, the expression on his face was priceless. i called him back to me , and told him that if he did not want to be hit then he should not hit others,his mother backed me up.ten minutes later he come back to do it again all i did was point my finger and i guess he thought better of it because i did not get hit again.some parenting skills don't suggest spanking nut in this case it worked. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/2/2005 7:46:07 PM | | I have always had that additude about my kids, and I have been single for almost 5 years. I decided to come on here to see what would happen. Well.........nobody wants to talk to someone with three kids. I am not looking for someone to take care of us. I do quite well on my own. I have a job and a house. I am able to financially take care of us. I just wanted someone to share my life with, thats all. I think it might be hopeless | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/7/2005 4:39:12 PM | AWWWWWWWWWWW you shouldn't feel that because of one woman, it wasn't the childs fault or yours, I was married to man for 8 years and we divorced because of his drinking problem, but he was a great DAD and a husband too, just the drinking.
When we divorced he petitioned the court to pay child support and have visitation rights to
my child, the judge ordered alcholol treatment and he went and he came and got his step child every two weeks, just as ordered, tried getting back together but not the same any more.
So don't give up PLEASE, children are wonderful, my ex husband kept his weekend visits for 6 years untill my son was a teenager and he was killed in a car accident by a drunk driver.
However he took care of him afterwards too, he really loved that child, I am a step parent (I hate that word) I love my daughters just as if they were mine, we only got them afer we were married and we still pay their mother child support, now thats a **** !!!!!!
It has never bothered me or any man I have dated that I or them had kids, why should it ?
If you are going to be with someone then both parties have to accept the fact that they have kids or "MOVE ON" | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/7/2005 4:50:14 PM | | Since i have started dating well i was 17 when i started he was a single father and ever since then i have dated men with kids. For some reason if i date a man without kids it doesn't work out. Kinda weird i just know if he is a father and the kind that take care of his kids then he will understand me and probably be in the same frame of mind as me most of the time. I have two young children myself. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/7/2005 4:52:11 PM | i am a 23 year old single mom of 2 kids. i have the same problem as you guys. i go out and a guy will hit on me and talk to me all night. then i will mention that i have to get home b/c of my kids and all i see is a trail of smoke in front of me. my kids are 1 and 2, which would be a big commitment for a guy, but i never said i was looking for a father for them. is it too much to ask to find a guy who enjoys dating a girl who has other obligations and responsibilities other than to him? | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/7/2005 5:48:34 PM | | i agree to. i do not let my kids meet the men i date. i have a rule. if we see each other at least once a week for 2 months then he can meet my kids. that gives me time to decide if i even want to pursue the relationship and also see if he has the kind of patience and frame of mind to have kids in his life. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/7/2005 5:50:58 PM | | i absolutely don't care if a guy has kids. actually, i would rather date a guy with kids. they have more understanding of what it's like being a single parent. the only thing that would bother me is if he had like 4 kids with 4 diff women and didn't take care of any of them or try to see them. | |
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ohgary
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Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 144 | |
| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/7/2005 5:53:44 PM | I haven't read one single post here(didn't have time tonight)...except the subject line. I just prefer those with kids..aka, in the same boat as me. If you were bobbing around in the North Atlantic in 1912, I'd help you in to OUR boat !
G. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/9/2005 9:05:30 AM | I agree with the poster about the "damaged goods" psycology/aspect of dating/marrying someone who has been divorced/separated with or without kids.
Its nothing personal, its just that for me, such a person has already proven that they
don't understand the meaning of the marriage vows. They have already proven
that they will bail when things get tough and they are "just not happy" anymore. They allready have proven that they will not tough it out when times get tough or they get bored. They have proven that they are capable of "falling out of love" with someone and place themselves above everything else.
Bottom line is, I'm a flexible giver who belives in the sacredness of marriage vows, I want someone else who is also a flexible giver. If they bailed once, they are capable of bailing again and I can't trust someone who bails for no good reason. I liken it to reviewing a canidate for a job. If their resume identifys them as a job jumper, why would you want to hire them. I respect loyalty.
I don't belive in "Just giving things a try". Trial/starter marriages are for people who don't have their sh*t together. Repeat after me. " It's NOTa good thing to have one, two, three marriages in a lifetime due to divorce, unless your name is Elizabeth Taylor."
Widows are entirely different story. I would date a widow, with kids or not with kids.
They honored their marriage vows until the end and are therefore honorable.
Yes, I know sometimes there are good reasons for divorce. Abusive spouse, Alcoholism and/or drug abuse, infiedelity, a difficult personality that makes it tough to live under the same roof with you, your spouse decides to leave you for good or poorly formed reasons.
But I don't buy it when its crap like.
"We just grew apart".
"I was bored in the relationship and ready to explore new things"
"I wasn't sexually attracted to him anymore."
"I never liked him and married him for his money."
" I didn't love him anymore."
"I didn't love him anymore so I cheated on him."
"I was embarased by him and my friends though I should leave him."
"I just wasn't happy anymore."
You know what I say to those kinds of reasons and those kind of people?
Shut up. What part of "richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live" didn't you understand? Morons.
You want to know ladies why guys are hesitant to get married these days? Because
people have no deep held respect for the marriage vows anymore. People bail at the first sign or trouble or unhappiness. Who gets shafted usually? The guy. Child support, Alimony,
half of what he owns given to his x. Cut off from the nookie he though he was buying into for life. Dealing with the fact that some other dude is going to eventually walk into his x wife's life and replace him as provider, nookie provider and parental type figure to his kids.
Who wants to go through that? Not when divorce is so easy for women (and men) to mentally do these days. Nobody shames you for it anymore. Its accepted by society.
Back in our parrents and grandparents generation. Divorce was available, but it was reserved
for the people who REALLY couldn't work things out and hollywood stars. Being divorced
was not something regular folk wanted to be because society looked down upon you. It wasn't proper. This really forced people to sort of cool their jets and really think things through before filing for divorce.
Now being divorced seems to be almost expected, a social status of sorts.
The people who get married and stay married for a lifetime because they found a way to keep loving each other and make their marriage work are almost viewed by society as
odd balls. My sister teachers at an elementary school and she has commented on how sad it is that over a thrid of her students come from single parrent homes. Sorry folks but that is a sad state of affairs for america. Kids shouldn't have to grow up having dad live across town. I am lucky, I grew up in a family where mom & dad loved each other and stayed together. Yeah, my dad did stuff that pissed my mom off, and she threatened divorce a few times, but thankfully my mother and father were religious folk who viewed marriage as sacred and they allways worked stuff out. They had some rough years, but they came out of it very much in love with each other with a strong marriage.
There is something to be said for stubornly sticking with it together even when your "just not happy" because sometimes there are things more important to stand for then your emotions which come and go as they please anyway.
Perhaps this makes me a conservative , but so what. Just because a concept has been arround for a while doesn't make it the wrong concept.
I'm tired of this new society we live in that focuses on "just how we feel" as being the most important thing. We are in a society that permits and embraces selfishness, and forget that at some point in our history we valued our principals more the we value "how we feel".
Dennis Leery said it best with his schtick on happiness.
God.. "I'm just not happy. I'm just not happy. I'm just not happy because my life didn't turn out the way I thought it would." Hey! Join the ****ing club, ok!? I thought I was going to be the starting center fielder for the Boston Red Socks. Life sucks, get a ****ing helmet, allright?! "I'm not happy. I'm not happy." Nobody's happy, ok!? Happiness comes in small doses folks. It's a cigarette, or a chocolate cookie, or a five second orgasm. That's it, ok! You cum, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep, you get up in the morning and go to ****ing work, ok!? That is it! End of ****ing list! "I'm just not happy." Shut the **** up, allright? That's the name of my new book, "Shut the **** Up, by Doctor Denis Leary. A revolutionary new form of therapy." I'm gonna have my patients come in. "Doctor, I.." "Shut the **** up, next!" "I don't feel so.." "Shut the **** up, next!" "He made me feel so much better about myself, you know? He just told me to shut the **** up and nobody had ever told me that before. I feel so much better now." Whining ****ing maggots.
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/9/2005 11:59:56 AM | hmm.. didn't mean to kill this thread...just felt like sounding off a bit... i guess it just touched a nerve when i read the thread... marriage and divorce is treated so casually these days, it makes me sad. ya know?
I have a friend who got married about five months ago and is already telling me how she is so unhappy because he's so immature blah blah blah. I wanted to say.
"Hey, you picked the guy, you liked him enough to date him and live with him for a full year before tying the knot. You professed your undying love to him three days after you met him. Sorry, I'm not going to let you complain about his obsesive love of vehicles. You knew that before you married him. Not letting you get away with it. Love your husband for who he is, and not who you think he should be. There are people starving in africa, and you have your health, a nice home and a husband that I have on good authority worships the ground you walk on. Shut up and enjoy your life. You don't have it bad and you have no right to complain or wish your husband was anything but who he is.. you picked him as he is. Punchbuggy, no punchbacks sorry. All sales are final." | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/9/2005 4:20:18 PM | Jaberwoky --- are you inside my head because the words you have written are my thoughts exactly --- --- I agree with you 100% on all points you have made
To me it seems that relationships are tagged with use by dates from the beginning and many people go into them with the thought that this will last x months/years but hey i will get from it what i can while i can
I have said elswhere in a post that marriage now in Australia is not a union of two peoples minds bodies and souls but rather now is seen as a business transaction purely for the purpose of wealth accumulation and propegation -- the other things are an add on that can not be avoided but are secondary in importance
what ever happened to starting together with nothing and doing it all together --- these days marriage is like a merging of corperations where the most important figure is the lawyers rather than the priest.
Cheers Mate from One Aussie who shares the same view | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/9/2005 5:30:41 PM | Maybe it's your mindset. You should be wanted as a single mother, It's not a hinderance, it's a stength. No man is doing you a favor by seeing you and looking beyond you having two daughters, you're doing them a favor by giving them the time of day instead of spending it with your daughters.
I think you're pretty, you seem articulate and generally caring. Good women are few and far between and it's even more-so true for men so just be patient and really believe that you're extremely attractive to a grown man that's ready for something meaningful.
Being a mother is probably the most powerful and important thing a woman could ever become, any man that can't find that attractive is just crazay. | |
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