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Tms200
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Joined: 6/17/2007
Msg: 1701 | |
| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 6/25/2007 4:37:23 PM | I have a 5yr old little girl and I am very upfront about it, but she does not meet anyone that I date until it starts to get serious. Since my divorce (2yrs ago) I have had only one sorta serious relationship. I have no problem getting dates and meeting guys, and never had anyone have any problems with me having a kid. I just haven't really found anyone I care to be with long term. I've learned over the years that you can't settle because you end up being miserable in the end. I've also learned that its easier to date a guy who has kids because they pretty much know that sometimes its hard to just make plans last minute or understand that no matter what your kid comes first and no guy will ever rate enough to get in the way of that. I am also lucky enough to have time to have a social life. My ex-husband takes our daughter friday afternoon and keeps her until Monday morning when he drops her off at school. I am able to have my weekends to myself and do what I want. I rarely plan to do anything during the week when I do have my daughter. So, there are alot of nice guys out there, the problem is finding one you like enough to be with long term. There are plenty of out there, lol
I'm a good guy excellent with kids, The only problem I have with that is, I could never be able to date someone like you due to the fact that I'm the same type of dad like your EX. I have my son from Friday till Monday. And we could never be able to go out on a date unless it was at one of our houses or something that involved children, since you and most women have their children during the week. So some of the best relationships will just never happen if they fall under the same circumstances. Which is very saddening. | |
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Tms200
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Joined: 6/17/2007
Msg: 1703 | |
| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 6/25/2007 7:34:15 PM |
I totally agree I actually had a guy like run away at a party as soon as I mentioned my son. He's a toddler so I was wondering does it get any better?
Yes it does. I have a five yr old son who is everything to me, and I say yes he comes first in anything. BUT, BUT, BUT. You have to realize that if you are going to have a relationship with someone AT ALL, you have to be willing to meet halfway AT LEAST.
If you say "I want a relationship" but are unwilling to maybe say bring Jr. to your moms for ONE NIGHT, so that you can go out on a date somewhere that DOESN'T include a pedophile in a mouse suit and video games, then you will never find that special someone.
It may be just me, but as much as I love my son, if a woman wants to have a serious relationship with ME, I would bend over backwards to accommodate her, while still keeping the Interests of my son in mind. In a lot of forums here under different headings, I see women who say that their children come first and that is a very good quality one that I would look for in a woman since I have a child too. but I just wish they wouldn't make it sound like they are placing a relationship with anyone under strict rules and regulations that doesn't allow for ANY FREEDOM what-so-ever. You have to remember that a man has to live his life too, he has a job, just like you, he has a child (in some cases) just like you, He has family, just like you. So you have to meet half way, If you start trying to control a relationship right off the bat, Then Good men such as myself will run far and fast to get away. | |
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Tms200
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Joined: 6/17/2007
Msg: 1704 | |
| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 6/25/2007 7:37:06 PM | I totally agree I actually had a guy like run away at a party as soon as I mentioned my son. He's a toddler so I was wondering does it get any better?
I'm soooooo sorry. LOL I didn't actually say what I was going to say in reply to this. The other post my view on the subject, and not a response to you. I apologize.
If the guy ran away when you mentioned your child then he wasn't looking for "A ready made family"
and probably wouldn't have been a good partner anyway. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 6/25/2007 8:33:52 PM | | You're looking at one. I think it's important that a man know what it is to raise children. Chances are if a person, like myself, raised his own children he would know and understand, as I do, that her children come first, as mine do to me. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 6/26/2007 4:04:51 AM | LOL I haven't read all the posts (jeez that'd take me all week) but I wanted to say...
What about a mom of five kids? That's a pretty scary picture for anyone to want a piece of the pie as well. Or I get the ones who think that I am needy and willing to sleep with just anyone. Or the ones that assume that all my kids have different daddies. Or the ones who say that they'd love to meet my kids (RUN! lol)
Because I am here, I am not just a mom... but neither am I a slut.
Emmy | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 6/26/2007 1:42:30 PM | | Hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'd give a heart and a half to date a woman with kids! Im a single dad of 2 beautiful little boys,that are back in newfoundland,but i have an ex thats determined to make my life a living hell. i wonder if there are WOMEN that actually date single dads even tho you'll not see my kids as they are living with my ex in nl,i think its pretty pathetic that some women cant accept a single dad because of his kids,and truth is i wouldnt want a woman like that.but if you ladies are serious drop me a line... | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 6/26/2007 1:46:55 PM | sorry but if she'sgot more than 2 well i move no i know that sound bad but i would like to father my owne child one day and the way this are going in oz i dont think the aveage family could not aford to have any more than 3.
As for the post above me well i dont think you are a sl*t at all i would want to know how you do it though having 5 as a single parent must be alot of work | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 6/26/2007 10:07:02 PM | | I'd like to add my two cents to this. First off, I am a single dad of a 4 year old little girl who is my life. That said, there are penty of double standards that go both ways. For example, it is perfectly acceptable for a woman to shoot down a man who hits on her at a bar. Everyone is ok with this. No one says anything. But if a man shoots down a woman, he is a**** or an ***hole and a total jerk. If a guy sleeps with 5 women in one week, he's a stud. If a girl sleeps with 5 men in one week, she's a slut. ( I am not saying by any means I agree with this, just making a point.) If he forgets her birthday, he is insensitive and doesn't care, if she forgets his, she must of had a lot on her mind. Why do we have to put the lid down all the time. We don't complain when you leave it up??? These things may not be fair, but its real. I can understand from a man's point of view why most men, especially those with out kids, would not want to date a woman with kids. We don't want to deal withh all the "baby-daddy drama" that comes with it. You can tell us all day long that there isn't any, but unless he's dead or in prison for life, there will always be baby-daddy drama. From a woman's perspective, and please correct me if I'm wrong here, you have that maternal instinct that makes having children attractive. You meet a single dad and immediately there is an attraction you can't explain. Why do you think so many single dad's take their kids to the mall? You think we're there to shop??? Think about that for a second...lol | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 6/27/2007 10:49:11 AM | Hi to you all, I know im only 22 and dont actually have children but, that said i have had many instances where my nieces and nephews are involved and on the not so rare occassion met many women who indeed have children from previous relations.
Me personally i dont have a problem with it but alot of men are intimidated because the attitude tends to be not to let the kids get too attached and if i must say so i am a little put of because im at an age where i want children of my own and feel that most ppl who already have kids, dont want anymore. this works both ways and thats the reason single parents struggle to make relationships with others without children i think. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 6/27/2007 11:43:17 AM | I have this problem all the time.. I have two younger children and I work two jobs to support them, like you said I would be with the father but he was being unfaithful and hurtful so I had to make the decision to leave and take care of these beautiful children on my own, now I usually mention to a guy that I have kids even before the first date since I have made the mistake not to in the past and the guy ran for the hills, now I am very pretty and in good shape and I have a great heart and I am a very goo dmother I would think those would be admirable qualities.. all you guys sday you want a good girl well here I am.. but it seems it doesnt matter since i have kids.. recently I went through a breakup, I worked with the guy for over a year he knew I had kids, we dated for 6 months he met my kids within the first month, then all of a sudden we brokeup because he cant date anyone with kids ?? Uh.. either its an easy excuse or guys just dont have balls anymore.. my kids dont need a new father so I havent tried to make the guys be in there life unless they want to.. well if there are any single fathers out there looking for a good girl or even just single guys loking for one.. here i am .. and just as long as you accept my kids thats all that matters..  | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 6/27/2007 5:16:08 PM | | Well I do for starters. I don't have any children of my own. The opportunity has never really presented itself. However on that note as I am in my late thirties and realistically many women of my age bracket have kids so why should that pose a barrier to meeting and hopefully finding some common ground. I realise it's not for every male out there, but there are guys out there who don't hold any prerequisites. Maybe they are just hard to come by. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 6/28/2007 1:36:53 PM | A bunch of things have to fit into place just right for two people alone to really connect. I think it's probably harder for those with kids because the number of things that have to fit just right increase. I also think the chemistry can be kind of confusing, and people tend to avoid situations where they feel lost and unsure.
Only advice I could give anyone is just try to be positive. People are drawn to positive people. And being positive extends to all parts of your life. Everything improves. Negative people rarely make the absolute very best out of their situations. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 6/28/2007 9:14:53 PM | | i don't believe most woman are looking for a man to pay their bill b/c they have sorry baby daddies. most woman these days are independent and dont want the help of a man...they do what they have to do and keep on going, and men like you just want to stereotype and its so darn annoying. i know a girl who goes to school full time, works 3 jobs, and never complains a bit, she just keeps doing what she has to do. i work 2 jobs, go to school full time, and smile everyday...but i know its worth it the end, because in 6 years when im finally a dr. , my children and I will all be greatly rewarded...so get that silly notion out of you head that single moms want you to help support their kids...that just isnt real life sweetie;) | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 6/29/2007 2:21:29 AM |
but i know its worth it the end, because in 6 years when im finally a dr. , my children and I will all be greatly rewarded...so get that silly notion out of you head that single moms want you to help support their kids...
This is where my sick sense of humour kicks in and I see a guy wanting to marry him so she could support him and his kids...
Sorry...I couldn't resist. ;) | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 7/10/2007 6:17:13 PM | In one sence I know where you are coming from. I started seeing a friend a bit more then what you would consider a friend to the point that now he is kinda my boyfriend. He was with me throught my pregnany has a friend, and it was only last week that we did deciede to move things ahead with our relationship. I mean he's great with my daughter and he was around when she was born even throught there is no relationship to him, other than at that time he was a good friend. The only problem now is the fact that he do work with my kids father and they do seem to be at each other's throats when me or my daughter is around and his brother has told me that he is the same way when we're not there. But at the same point he is turning oout to be a bitter father to my daughter then her own father.
There are some good guys out there they will just take some time to find the right one. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 7/10/2007 6:23:35 PM | | O.K.. Yes there is. I am a full time dad and I also have the same problem. Once a woman finds out about my daughter they dont even email. Or is something wrong with my profile? | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 7/11/2007 1:25:51 PM | They exist....they're called step-dads lol :)
I think that any person that runs in the other direction because of something that you can't change is not worth the time it would take for their true colors to show anyway.......
Think about it...having children helps to weed out the guys I would consider and the guys that would just end up****ng me over :)
Nobody ever said being a single parent was easy....but it is worth it though..right?
Tina | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 7/12/2007 4:29:18 AM | I dont think like that at all, it might be because i missed the chance at having kids, but i only look for women with kids, i want that family life, all i want to do is to pass on what i've learnt in my life to them, whether they're mine or not, it makes no difference to me, and i'm sure it makes no difference to the children either, as long as they are getting the love and support they need from somewhere.
I can understand why some blokes dont want kids, one of my friends said he was going out with a woman with two girls, he said they always get in the way of what i want to do, i just laughed, and said, but that what kids do.
Oh well, i've had my say. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 7/12/2007 8:06:09 PM | I totally agree I actually had a guy like run away at a party as soon as I mentioned my son. He's a toddler so I was wondering does it get any better?
At least he got out early. Would you rather he stick around until he sleeps with you and then run away?
Not every man wants a relationship with a woman who has children. Some men want to be first in a relationship before dealing with kids. And when they do deal with kids, maybe they want those kids to be their own, not someone else's.
I think that any person that runs in the other direction because of something that you can't change is not worth the time it would take for their true colors to show anyway.......
What true colors are those? Don't men have the right to choose the parameters of the relationships they enter? | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 7/13/2007 9:20:28 PM | | I have been very fortunate to have dated men that became very good friends to my children. I suggest that you put yourself in social situations and groups with guys that have kids of their own . Groups like Parents Without Partners offer ample opportunities for parents & kids to interact, as well as offer the time for adults to have their own social events. My kids always met my dates, they were never exposed to dates sleeping over, both my children have grown up to be well-adjusted adults. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 7/13/2007 10:13:25 PM | lol ripeagles, I love heartfelt logic! Began on p.1 of this thread and slogged thru a good bit of very interesting commentary before pc dry eye forced me to click to the last page. [ I admit to getting a kick out of the poignant humor that this *hot number* is where this frustrating but relevant topic has brought us all ]
Have read a lot of fierce emotions, common sense observations and everything in between. For myself, I can identify with the longing that comes after the kids are asleep and the house grows quiet. [ still trying to wean myself off the tv's sleep timer...]
There are so many factors when it comes to this. Seems like we need to save our energy for the actual reality of when- not if- we meet someone worth getting to know. Bashing or promoting some hypothetical pr***/ b**** or angelic hero...? Waste of imagination. Even worse, if your ex actually was a flesh-and-blood soulsucker... what's it going to take for you to make a place in your heart and your life that can genuinely welcome someone new? How do you trust and believe again?
Speaking strictly for myself, that was the climb to the mountaintop. Cold as a witch's up there, ain't it?! And , just for fun, we get to go through this metamorphosis while continuing to raise and nurture our children, work, maintain friendships, etc, etc. Gratefully, this woman's coming down off of that peak. Ready. Willing. Able. And gentled by the certainty that I'll attract a much better ( make that: more suitable) man by being a better woman, and in God's time, not mine. Complaining isn't a substitute for action and change. Maannnn, I hate that! lolol
Meanwhile, yup, it's a serious b***ch-kitty to do without fine lovin' and someone to smile at over the morning mug of coffee. Talk about unwanted bouts of celibacy!! Jesus wept.
I'll shut up with this quote from one of my favorite songs: " I said love will come to you. Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true. As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through, where there's now one there will be two." Hang in and hang on. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 7/20/2007 7:38:28 PM | I think there are, I have to think of people I know. My dad married a woman with 4 children, my niece and her husband got married and he had 2 and she has 1, my other sister married a man with 2 kids, and they had one together.
I don't think of kids as an issue anymore, because no matter what, someone will have to accept them, and until I find that person, although it's hard, I could careless, if the tune changes, atleast I know and my kids are safe. I mean afterall I want my kids to feel loved, not like that person is just putting up with them because of me.
With all the damn sexual abuse out there I am very leery of men and dating anyway, I am very careful about who I let around my children.
But on the other side, yes it is lonely, you can only be with your kids for so long, until your yearning for that intimacy of a good man or good woman!
It can be done though, so don't give up hope. Proof is in the first paragraph. | |
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