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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/9/2005 7:13:07 PM |
I have said elswhere in a post that marriage now in Australia is not a union of two peoples minds bodies and souls but rather now is seen as a business transaction purely for the purpose of wealth
Buff I have to disagree with such a broad generalisation of one country
My parents have been married for 54 years and still flirt together and hold hands. They are together out of love My sister has been married for 20+ years and still goes cycling together and her husband picks flowers out of the garden for her. Another more emotionally invested marriage but however you did say 'now'
so over the past decade to now, and still people all around me, I see so many of friends over the year marrying for love, people who dont have a lot, and I see them build a future together together starting with nothing but a mortgage and i some cases even havig to sell their car to pay stamp duty on a mortgage....working in the finance sector I see the thought new couples put into getting together their savings plans from scratch. This is a huge market
I would say this is the norm. Not marrying for wealth, Though what you are saying does of course, its certainly not a whole country | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/9/2005 7:18:40 PM | sorry EDIT - double post
to the OP - I am sure they are out there, as two of my divorced galpals, both with children over 10, get loads of dates. Sure, there are men who hesitate to take on that extra responsibility, but there are also men who realise its a fact of life today people divorce their spouses, not their children and the older you get, looking to date, the more chances of this happening increase, so the 'step-partner' relationship seems to becoming more and more accepted
I also agree with what benevolent T said. cheers ! | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/9/2005 7:22:06 PM | No, because they are scared they will be taken to the cleaners by the courts when the relationship doesn't work out.
 Sorry, couldn't resist as this is being discussed in another current thread. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/9/2005 7:24:41 PM | Hi,
I want you to know we do exist, I have been married twice, to women with two children each, before you start to wonder why I had two wives one passed away. and the other has returned home for good after her daughter died, so here I am looking for a soul mate, I hope you all have success in your searches.
Alf 
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/10/2005 8:53:30 AM | | To be quite honest here ladies, because I have two wonderful kids of my own, I have next to no interest in dating someone who doesn't have kids (no offence to single ladies). I wondered at first if the same was true about single Dad's but I have realized differently. For a single parent looking for a mate, you are going to have 10 times more in common with someone that already has their own children than you are with someone that has no children. I'm not saying that there would be no commonalities between someone with and someone without, I'm just saying that if you both do, you can expect to be on more of the same "page" so to speak. My experience has shown me that single and no kids = party time, and single with kids = quality time. At this stage in the game of life, I'm looking for someone to spend the remainder of it with, not just the next couple of months. Personally, I find single "Mom's" sexier than single "Girls", solely for the reason that you are both gong to have to compete for each other's time. This "competing" will weed out the people who want you temporarily from the people who want you extendidly. These time restrictions that you both have can be summed up easily - absence makes the heart grow fonder. This is just one guy's opinion on why single Mom's are sexier than single Girl's. Keep your shit together ladies - it's sexy! | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/10/2005 9:12:34 AM | | I am 25 and I have two daughters, I get them everyother weekend and have never missed a weekend, when it comes to dating I prefer a woman with kids. It shows that they understand responsibility. I couldn't tell you why most guys don't want to date women with kids, maybe they're scared that if it doesn't work out then not only will they be risking hurting you but maybe they'll also be hurting your kids. More than likely it's that they're not mature enough to deal with the responsibility of having kids around. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/10/2005 2:57:38 PM | | Being a single Dad I would say yes, its a way of starting communication, a single Mom loves her child or Children, so to get conversation going I would say talking about your kids opens doors of communication, hearing things from the opposite sex, what its like being single and a parent, a lot of times the reason that a Father is a single parent, is that the Mother isnt in the childs life, she dont want the baggage, but in reality it can help in dating conversation, as the child is very important and a single parent has the same responsibilitys, be them Mom or Dad, so many a happy evening can be had by understanding and respecting this responsibility of being a parent, if one is unable to have the child go to a relatives for the evening, then the 2 single parents can bring the evening to one place or the others. Rent a video, make dinner together, time alone will come another evening. And when the time comes for a more adult evening the child or children will not see the date as a threat to them, as they have seen and experienced the other person that their parent wants to date. I find it easier dating someone with kids, because shes more understanding and the child is not seen as a problem. Women without kids are fine, but if your having difficulties with your 12 year old, perhaps they dont know the feeling of having a 12 year old, where a woman who has kids knows usually the feeling, and is more understanding and each can listen to each other, and thats communication, and in relationships communication is a biggie. Tormaigh | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/11/2005 12:35:28 AM | | When I date I look for single mothers b/c I am a single father and feel like if nothing else I have met someone with whom I can relate. This may sound wrong to ppl but even if it does you have to see my point. Most of my close friends are women and single moms. My mother was a single mom. Now I'm a single father. So I get it better than most I think. We single parents have to stick together to keep our sanity sometimes...lol. I personaly wouldn't date a woman with two teenage daughters b/c I'm only 24 and how unfair is that to the child to realize my moms bf is only 11 years older or less than them. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/11/2005 1:36:20 AM | I only have one child, but I agree with you whole heartedly. I am looking for a guy for me not a father for my son. Our children already have father's or mother's as the case may be and we're just looking for companionship,someone to spend quality time with that will be there for us, support our decisions and maybe, just maybe if the situation progresses this far, a role model to our children. But, n ot their parent. Sometimes we become single parents due to things beyond our control and seeingly we are punished for it by being placed in some category of people that have been deamed by society as unapproachable.
It is hard to be both mother and father to a child when you yourself are but one person. And then with work and other responsibilities you are forced to spread yourself in so many directions that you wear yourself thin.
To the men of the world who will not approach a single mother I say this, you're missing out on so much. For most single mother's are loving, devoted, hard working , determined , etc. To the women out there who will not approach a single dad, to you I say you're crazy. It is so difficult to find a man who knows what he wants and isn't affraid to go out and get it and that is what you get with a single father. They know they want kids, they have one, they know how to take responsibility, they know about sacrifice, troubled times and how to work through them, what more could you ask for; what more could you want...... | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/11/2005 6:06:03 AM | I am looking for a guy for me not a father for my son. Our children already have father's or mother's as the case may be and we're just looking for companionship,someone to spend quality time with that will be there for us, support our decisions and maybe, just maybe if the situation progresses this far, a role model to our children.
Perhaps you won't like this, but part of the problem is that you think that what you offer is attractive, when it's really not so.
Let me explain why:
"A guy for me not a father for my son"? It is something I always find foolish. Most single moms say "he must accept that I'm a package deal", and when they find a guy who accepts the package, what do they do? They DENY the guy the package. Moreover, they make abundantly clear that the guy will never receive the whole package. Who wants to pay double just to receive the half?
Just looking for companionship? Sorry, I'm not a pet. I want a lot more than "just companionship". I want a life together, a home, a family.
Somebody who will be there for you and support your decisions? Sorry, I want to be in the decision-making process, I'm not an employee. I want her to be there for me, too. And it means not only when it suits her, or whenever she can find 5 free minutes in her schedule.
Maybe, just maybe, a role model? Sorry, I don't want to be "mom's friend" or "the guy who lives with us". I don't want to be "a role model". I want to be a father. With full rights and responsibilities. And I don't accept a "maybe, just maybe" about it.
No, I (and many other guys, specially those with the qualities most of you say you are looking for) won't settle for less. And what you offer is simply too little.
Just think about it. | |
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leo210
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Joined: 11/13/2005
Msg: 163 | |
| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/11/2005 8:01:34 AM | | i agree a few years back i met a girl with 3 kids,had a relationship that lasted 5 yrs with her,what resulted was seeing the difference in what kind of people they become after having kids.to be quite honest i find it hard to imagine not dating a woman with kids.not only because i have custody of my son ,but also because i don't play games,and women with children seem to be less inclined to do so as well,theres a lot of messed up people out there and im not going to subject my son to it. so hold your head high ,there's lot of men out there that are good people and don't worry about whether or not you have kids... | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/11/2005 9:52:04 AM | | Hold up guys I don't think she ment that to sound selfabsorbed and that doesn't think of her kids when choosing a bf. I'm not saying some ppl aren't like that but I just don't feel that vibe from her. We all do the best we can I don't think I do it all right. Half the time I have no Idea what I'm doing with mine. I'm a hard ass parent take no crap very strict "you will say yes sir no sir thank you please" I don't kiss boo boos and thats a place I need work. Now the point is no one will ever love my kids like I do but you get as close as you can I think and hope that the "right person" will love your kids as much as they can and be fair. I have never gotten a girl friend based on how I was toward her kids. You know what I mean. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/11/2005 11:39:12 AM | First of all there is two stories to why couples break-up, to say the father is not responsible is very one sided and off topic. I'm 36yrs old and have been in 3 relationships over the last 20 yrs one lasting 10 yrs all with single mothers. Let me tell you your chances of success is cut in half if you date a single mother and you take the chance of being resposible($$) if you choose to live together. I am lucky I have not had children with these woman or I could be just another payment for these woman and even if I didn't have children with them I could be still responsible for children that are not mine? My first was a 5 yr relationship and she was already receiving support from 2 guys for 1 Child. I'll bet womans attitudes would change if they were finacially responsible, I know guys that pay out two thirds of their income in some sort of support while the woman is in an new relationship with a guy who makes big $$$$$$. I also know men who because of huge support payments are pretty much screwed for even trying to start a new life! | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/11/2005 12:47:42 PM | What I would like to know is this
Why is it if my personal choice is to not get involved with a single mothers because i have a preference not to - that I am treated as the "bad guy"
Case in point --- complimented a woman on this site recently about her intellect appearance etc etc - just being friendly and nice and giving credit where credit is due - to which her reply was she wished I lived in USA to meet up etc etc because she digs the accent and my "look" etc etc and she wanted to chat etc etc
I politely replied - chat is fine I have no problem with that but - I m sorry I do not get involved with single mothers ( even if geographically it was possibly for us to be close at hand to one another) - as I wanted to be upfront and honest with her, so that she had no expectations at all
So all of a sudden she turns on me and calls me a hypocrit etc and basically hits me with verbal venom - making me out to be a **stard/prick [insert your own terminology] -
Whats with that ? - all i can gather is it is a case of sour grapes over rejection because she may be experiencing rejection a lot from males she is interested in but do not reciprocate that interest because she is a single mother ?
If i am wrong I will happily stand corrected | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/11/2005 1:29:34 PM | I think it was an offensive thing to say. It would have been sensitive to just agree that the only problem is distance and leave it at that. You took the time to let her know it was not only the distance but the fact that she has children. I think any woman with children would take that personally and although yes that's honest and it's good that you are considering women with children as a package deal etc, it would still be a little offensive.
Nobody likes rejection no matter what the reason. The fact that you assume she's been rejected alot becuase of her children is a little condescending. But hey I'm not hating you know what you want and thats alright with us. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/11/2005 1:56:47 PM | Try being a mom of 9 with 7 still at home and watch em run for the hills lol.That's what I get for being a honest single mom who speaks her mind and pulls no punches. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/11/2005 9:33:14 PM | | Buff- heres where you went wrong if you don't want a reply from a single mother than don't e-mail them.I respect that you don't want kids either of your own or someone elses. However when you talk to a women and tell them they are "beautiful etc etc" than you open a door called a heart. From which free form emotion flows. Not only that but single parents are a different breed when you reject or turn them down due to the fact they have kids we single parents tend to take that as an attack or rejection aimed at our childeren. Now this is not to say I don't know exactly where you come from in nit wanting to be involved but just try to remember that being a single parent isn't easy and many times it's not by choice. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/11/2005 10:13:43 PM | No problem at all right wing - thanks for the insight - your the only one to give a logical view ( must be a male to male thing)
Oh and by the way --- i do want kids of my own - fathered by me - in a committed marriage - thats the only way i want children - so far no luck though
Cheers for the advice | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/12/2005 8:46:56 AM | | I think we are all different and buy the looks of most of these posts we are. It starts with two adults,, and if you both get along, then children can be brought in. I think you can build a bond with children that aren't yours,,and its done every day. There are tons of men who would love to date women with children. Nothing is perfect in life,, a if a woman with kids comes along and finds me wonderful,, then I'd be proud to help them in ANY way shape or form. Its a package deal,, and men should know this from the beginning. But,,, to answer that question. YES they do exist. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/12/2005 11:32:52 AM | In reply to zeee69 i think the name is .
Not all single moms are looking for men to take care of their kids emotionally or financially for that matter.. Maybe they want to feel like women ( desireable women in their own rights not just mom etc...) Yes they do have children so what kids rock and i love mine, do i need a man to take care of them no.. Do i get support NO .. but company for me once is a while as a young woman verymuch in her prime is a good thing. it is entirely the guys choice to get involved with a woman with kids and if they do not its all good too :) But... If they do don't go into it expecting to be taken in and all that rot not all women are like that . Personally good company , fun and an outing or two is just fine with me. And yes men do exist who date women with kids and they are very special men in my book it takes a huge heart to take on anothers mans child in any form . | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/12/2005 1:46:29 PM | The question to me isn't do they (the men) exist, because we do. It's that we don't get the chance. By and large, I'm a single dad, and when I meet a single mom, oftentimes, I'm given the cold shoulder even before they know I have a child as well. A lot of single moms I've met are pretty much suspicious of everyone. The news and whatever else has conspired to make men evil in their eyes that they're looking at us guys like we're about to murder and pillage their lives. I'm guessing that if they can get past their own phobias of men, while all the time saying they want to start a relationship with someone new, then maybe things will change.
But, that's just from my experience. | |
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leo210
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Joined: 11/13/2005
Msg: 175 | |
| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/12/2005 5:48:36 PM | | i to can be given the cold shoulder ,guess they think im a player .actually i wear the badge of being a single parent with pride ,i love my son proud of who hes becoming.not to sound jaded but if women dont like that let me show them the door.on the same note i think the same when viewing a womens profile that says has children. | |
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