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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/6/2007 10:22:16 PM | I am a single mother, with a 13yr old daughter, yes there are men out there, i let them know up front right at the very start that i am a mum, and you know what and that way you can weed out the ones that are genuine and who aren't.
I also don't introduce them to my daughter for quite awhile, i keep my private life separate for a bit, because you need to find out what he is like, and if he understands the responsibilities of getting involved with a mother, after a few weeks you know, especially the ones that can't get past the fact that you can't just up and walk out of the house and leave your child at home to go to his place cause he is feeling a bit horny....a common problem.
As for all the single dads out there i understand your pain, you like us unfortunately live in a very judgmental world where it is easier to presume than to inquire about the truth. If that is what they are like they aren't worth meeting anyway.
The only advice i can say is keep you private life private until you are sure, teenagers don't care so much, they aren't likely to get attached, but they also don't want to see there parent hurt either. Find someone to be friends with and hang out, yes i know hormones are a terrible thing, and i am the first to admit i let them get the better of me at times...but my mum once said, "you need to be friends before you can be lovers" and you know what she is right... if you want it to last find a friendship, date, talk, learn about each other, then let the sex happen. I had the best sex with guy that i have been friends with for about 20 years....and no he and i are only friends, the timing has never been right...ha typical....yes and it took that long before we had sex. but i don't suggest you wait 20 yrs lol...
I think you get my drift, they are out there you just have to be careful and smart. and you will find he will be there.
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/7/2007 1:12:08 AM | No really She devil
Why are girls so down on guys in the first place.
And, you know who you are, too!
I've become quite a "regular" forum poster and have gotten to familiarize myself with other "regulars" out there.
Some of you girls s are really cool and we've even managed to exchange an email once or twice but then there are those who constantly put the guys down down all the time and it's really frustrating to read because, from what I've gotten to know, you girls are really great girls! But, if you don't advertise that side of yourself, then how do you expect to attract the types of men you really want? Positive energy is ten times more powerful than negative energy! Did ya know that?
I'm not talking about grovelling to the guys . Of course not. I AM talking about showing a little more respect for them. Just the kindof respect that you expect. You know what I'm talking about! Show men out there the true catch you really ARE! Stop being so depricating toward men! Sure, it can be amusing - ONCE - but to do it constantly is a real downer!
If you think that badly about men, what makes you think men will be interested in you? Constantly being the "all men are baarstards" type will get you exactly where you are now - wih nothig but the few men who really ARE barstards. SNAP OUT OF IT!
Speaking for myself, a bit of griping about a past dud love can be quite useful in determining the girls attitudes . It makes me sit up and take notice. Does this girl appreciate good men or does she just dump a guy who sneezes without her permission.
We all have history or baggage, and its nice if we can leave that crap behind and continue on with life . If we can learn from your mistakes and carry on!
Not all of us, with crippling child support payments, and living with mum cause it's that or the street, have that luxury. It takes one very cool girl to appreciate that.
You may believe that youre not all "the woman that broke the guys heart." The fact is that, by your silence you are. When you throw your sympathy and support behind a divorced woman, even though you suspect that SHE was the abuser, then you do become the women who broke his heart.
Only when you have abandoned the mainsstream manbashing female culture can you really open up and show us that really terrific girl so you can give other men a chance to be attracted to you.
I assure you, we're not ALL barstards!
So, come on girls ! Stopu usng the kids as a scapegoat. And stop beating the men up!
Seriously, though, put your best foot forward. Don't walk with your head held in the straosphere. No men there. Just spacecraft.
Show us the positive aspects of yourself that will be sure to draw men in!
Showing that great, fun, intelligent girl, who has a brain of her own and doesn't blindly follow the girlfriends, is the best "animal magnetism" you can use!
Herein ends the lesson... | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/7/2007 1:01:21 PM | | I think the problem is that there are guy out there that will accept women with or without kids. Then they get hurt. Its bad enough breaking up in a relationship as it is, but to have it affect the children as well is heartbreaking. Take mine. I met my ex-wife 5 years ago. she had then 1 girl and 2 boys aged 4,5,6. It was a long time befor I even met the children (which was absolutely right) but I ended up falling in love with them as well. Not having any children of my own I grew to love them and have always regarded them as my children. Their biological father didnt really care about them at all but I never changed (or wanted to) their oppinion that he was their dad. They grew to love me and the day we told them that we were getting married you would have cried to see how happy they were. Then it all started to go wrong, to watch their faces when they witnessed my ex punchin and hitting me was heartbreaking. And the day they left was the hardest day of my life. My world fell apart and I know it badly effected them too. Now, I am single again, my children are not allowed to see me and it destroys me. So, for you women out there who wonder. I know its not your fault, but you have the weapon and do use it on us. Think very carefully about how much you will hurt your man if it all goes wrong. You women dont have the monopoly on caring about our children, but you do have the weapon do destroy us. Has it put me off dating a woman with children? No, but it has made me a lot more cautious and I dont think I will ever be able to allow any children to get that close to me ever again. | |
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PJ0230
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Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 1854 | |
| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/7/2007 4:10:34 PM | sure there are...you just havent found one yet, lol...i dont seem to have any problems with men wanting to date me and i have 2 small children..but, its finding one that is worth keeping thats the problem | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/14/2008 6:49:35 PM | | yes im a single father, and would love to date a single mother . i have a son that is a preteen that lives with me and has for 9 years , i wouldnt trade him for the world. i live in north carolina | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/15/2008 12:50:46 AM | lol i agree children are the best thing that can happend to anyone never a burdone, if a man doesnt date you cause you have kids its because hes not the man for you noone ever has a right to judge anyone and having children doesnt mean your less worthy of bieng with the person you want but never settle for less just because you have kids one or 2 or more be carefull and chose well who you want near your kids, i know im young but i have learned lot from my mistakes and others. Just make sure if the guy meets your kids they respect him and dont make him feel bad.. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/15/2008 1:12:31 AM | i cant even believe how cold your question was and rude how can you sleep at night with that additude? and yes its true theres alot of decent women who have kids, havin a kid doesnt mean your a slut and things happen in life sometimes you cant control after that comment you made i feel sorry for the karma that awaits you not cool i stick up for she devil on this one big time and every single mom out there keep up the good work, you have the right to be on this and any dating site you want to be, with comments like this i know now why some guys dont get laid , if your bitter dont take it out on single mothers cause it will come back on you badly (hugs to all the moms) and dads you have the right to be happy aswell | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/15/2008 1:26:13 AM | wat is it with some men thinking every women out there wants money off them dam !! get over it not all women need your money have you ever herd of a women who wants love not materials well youve been looking in the wrong places and for your information not all single moms need your money either, stop judging it like that, wrong thing to do, you can miss out on good women if you think like that  | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/15/2008 6:35:49 AM |
i cant even believe how cold your question was and rude how can you sleep at night with that additude? and yes its true theres alot of decent women who have kids, havin a kid doesnt mean your a slut and things happen in life sometimes you cant control after that comment you made i feel sorry for the karma that awaits you not cool i stick up for she devil on this one big time and every single mom out there keep up the good work, you have the right to be on this and any dating site you want to be, with comments like this i know now why some guys dont get laid , if your bitter dont take it out on single mothers cause it will come back on you badly (hugs to all the moms) and dads you have the right to be happy aswell
zora princess: unfortunately, in a 75-page thread, it's pretty much impossible to know what you're replying to here without reading 75 pages of discussion. Just fyi | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/15/2008 7:11:58 AM | Zora said
wat is it with some men thinking every women out there wants money off them dam !! get over it not all women need your money have you ever herd of a women who wants love not materials well youve been looking in the wrong places and for your information not all single moms need your money either, stop judging it like that, wrong thing to do, you can miss out on good women if you think like that
The thing for many guys is this. Many of the single mothers have kids with bad boys, jerks and players. All of the sudden she has a kid and does a 360, now she wants Prince Charming, someone good. Why? It almost appears like this--"The bad boys are great for sex, and the good ones can wait till the fun is over" Many single men that got passed up years ago do not forget those feelings. And when the same girls suddenly want to date us (cuz were so nice) after they have kids. Well, it makes many guys feel second rate. It's all about trust. My sister has 4 kids with 4 men. I mean come on, who the heck is up for this. very sad And just for the record I am not calling anyone a slut or a whore. Just letting you know what many guys talk about and think about on this matter.
Ok, I guess you can bash me now | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/15/2008 8:53:37 AM | The thing for many guys is this. Many of the single mothers have kids with bad boys, jerks and players. All of the sudden she has a kid and does a 360, now she wants Prince Charming, someone good. Why? It almost appears like this--"The bad boys are great for sex, and the good ones can wait till the fun is over" Many single men that got passed up years ago do not forget those feelings. And when the same girls suddenly want to date us (cuz were so nice) after they have kids. Well, it makes many guys feel second rate.
Prince Charming's brain: "So I worked hard to make a living and achieve a position where I can choose what is best for me. Now I only need to find someone and pay for her party years"
No, not probable. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/15/2008 8:12:03 PM | ok mr (mmalueg)not all girls got pregant with bad boys or they partied and now they want a nice boy see ther is that stereo type agian i have a best friend who had a kid with this guy he wasnt a bad boy she was young and it didnt work out so they moved on its not just because you have a kid that you want a nice guy thats not true guys cannot judge girls like that, somtimes girls that dont have kids take guys for granted evenmore because they can do wat they want not all though, having a kid matures you if thats a bad thing oh well then, you learn resposiblity and it helps you inlife things happen you cant control and thats sad but true just because a kid comes in, doesnt mean you have to judge her like you did, i kno girls who are sluts bigger ones that dont have kid goldiggers single ones with no resposiblities its sad, but its true if you made one mistake learn from it and dont do it agian, but im saying this because not all women go for bad boys even nice guys can become jerks at times so thats not true at all, it depends on the person, true colors come out after a while, this is why it upsets me when guys think just because a girl has a kid shes bad or an easy lay, well think about the ones that take random guys home who tell your the only guy (ya right ) who dont have kids there is lots and thier out there preying on men for watever they can get wether they have a kid or not its the person you should look at,so stop the stereo type please | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/15/2008 8:24:35 PM | | rock hunter i see your point but you cant judge someone and say they got pregnant cause they partied to much lol thats crazy, you party im sure or did right? ok then you could have made worse mistakes then making a kid right? or anyone, everyone parties in their life everyone young so even if you have a kid or not people change they get over the stage and then decided they want to move onto something good, so if they have kid or they dont, dont they all deserve to be happy and meet a good guy or girl? there so many guys and girls who party and party and have no kids but there worse concequences than having a kid like aids or stds and deception, get to know the person before you go around stating they partied too hard and it happened lol, find out the story first, do you not agree ?? | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/16/2008 12:39:44 AM | On the contrary, when you are serious enough to start a relationship, you DO judge. Everybody does, the thing is, we keep that judgement to ourselves. Should people bother in getting to know the person? If they chose so, yes. But it's not a God-given right that somebody will take the time to know you before accepting or discarding you as a possible mate. Their loss? Maybe. But if they can live with that loss, it's ok. And yes, you can (and should) find out the story first, and sometimes, the case is exactly as it sounds: somebody got pregnant because of too much partying. Such information has a way to surface soon or later.
About your "they deserve to be happy".... sorry, I disagree. As I've said many times now, nobody DESERVES anything. Everybody works to make something of their lives, and they get from live what they earn, or in your terms, they get exactly what they deserve (and let's accept it, sometimes they deserve to remain alone). If they partied, but used their brains and did not get long-term consequences, they can start over more easily than somebody who partied carefree, and got consequences. But it's not enough to say: "Well, I'm over with the crazy stuff. Now I deserve better". What to do then? First of all, accept that their lives are their own doing, stop blaming others who don't want to shoulder a burden that is not theirs, and work to get a better life. Only then they can say they "deserve" a better life. Because they earned it.
But let's say your argument is true and "they deserve to meet a good guy/girl"... what about the "good guy/girl" (who, probably acted more responsibly, with better judgement and with more brains than our "party guy/girl") deserving something better than party dregs? | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/16/2008 2:37:44 AM | ok rock hunter i get your point but correct me im wrong you sound very bitter towards single moms and there should be a reason why? kids are not and never are a burdone for and to anyone their wonderfull little sweeties who get pushed into this world with out a choice if your mom was a single mom or if you had a kid you might understand, its easy to talk when you dont have kids, or when your not a women but if you do have kids and your mom is a single or was a single mom im sorry, yes the ones that partied and got wasted and got pregnant yes they made a mistake a big one but everyone and (yes this is deserved) gets a second chance in life to fix thier bad habits or thier mistakes, now if a guy choses to be with a women who has kids or a kid it would be his choice, now heres my questions wat if the girl has lived a bad life and has had no support and leads to the wrong path and only a child can stop her from making more mistakes does that make her bad ? or a person worthy of your hatred? kids can change a person for the better thier angels and so were you when you were a kid a blessing for you mom or dad they never once look at you as a burdone did they ? if not well you werent,and i would for this reason date a single dad with out judging him in anyway and treat him the same as i would someone who didnt have kids | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/16/2008 2:45:18 AM | | rock hunter and about the last question you asked ya ok good for the person who acted responsibly and didnt get drunk and partied that doesnt guarantee they cant end up with kids either they could meet someone and get them pregant by accident shit happends i know girls who havent been partiers who have kids even church girls none is a saint in this world, mistakes happend and no matter wat the circumstance is if you want to pass on a good women because you have something agianst children or single moms your choice noone forces a man to date who ever they dont want but i do admire the men who look past that and have met great women and are happy makeing a family good for you all. Get wat i mean or not ? | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/16/2008 5:06:05 AM | Ok, first of all, I have nothing against single moms. I'm a single father, after all. However, I take exception when somebody states one of the several flavors of "those who won't want me are scum" mindset. It can be (SOME) single parents, fat people, tatooed people, "strong women", "short men", etc. But there is a common factor: All of them shout that they deserve a lot, but won't give anything (nor do anything) to earn it (the old "he/she must love me by myself", when there is very little lovable about them).
About "shit happens", well, unless you missed sex ed in grade school, you know (men and women) that having sex may bring babies. If you choose to have sex, you accept that there may be consequences. That is something called accountability.
I bet most of those "great women" you mention didn't spend their days crying "men who won't date single moms are cowards/scum/shallow/whatever", but showed, through hard work, humility, understanding and accountability, that they were indeed great, and were rewarded by their efforts. As it should be.
And no, complaining doesn't count as effort. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/16/2008 6:01:28 AM | For the record, I am not a single mother hater. The question was posted, so I put in my 2 cents worth. It's really upsetting when woman want some advice on a topic such as this, and then when we give the advice they totally disagree. It may not be the words/advice/answers you want to hear, but it could hold truth to some men. I would in fact date a single mother. I would rather date a single widow when compared to a women with multiple kids out of wedlock. However we men are very learly of you single mothers. For the simple reason----"WE DONT WANT TO GET HURT." Your situtation gives off the impression that she could be a unfaithful partner, and this is a scary thing. This is just the mindset of the male. This is what he thinks. If he then thinks he actually "COULD" date her. He then worries about his "GOLD." You ladies need to prove to us men that your not after our stuff. Prove to us that your not the gold digging sterotype we have ground into our heads.
These are my hints for success with a single male with no kids.
Tell him upfront the whole story behind your kids. Weather it be a one night stand, or marriage. Tell him. Lying will olny surface later in the relationship, and could really make you look bad if things were going good. Always be honest. Once again you have to prove yourself to him.
If you do start to date longterm/live together, allow him to disipline YOUR kids when they misbehave. If you have the mindset "THEIR MY KIDS" then why even date this guy. After all this is YOUR potential future family, and he must be included.
If you can actually allow him to disipline your kids, never ever UNDERMINE HIS AUTHORITY, especially in front of the kids. This will make him look weak, especially to the boys. If you have a problem with the way he disiplined your kid, then talk to him behind closed doors.
If there is the potential for marriage, and he has more then you (money wise$) Then I suggest YOU bring up the PRE-NUP. This really proves where your heart is. It says, that all you want is his heart. I would be blown away by such a gesture, and very impressed. However far too many women these days like to avoid the pre-nup thing. It's like a secret weapon if all fails in the marriage. I bet you ladies are fumming and thinking. "If he loves me, then why should I sign a pre-nup?" It's simple, we have sterotyped you as a gold digger from the get go. (This only applies if your a struggling single mother) And if you cant do this, well then our minds start to go back to our first thought. It makes us think "What are her real intentions here?" It's all over TV, and many women do it. Does not mean you will be like this, not at all. Were just timid, and we need to be showed that we are very important to you! WE as in the MAN, not HIS STUFF. Show us that his stuff is unimportant to you, and you will have won him over ten times.!!!!!!!
And never say "MY KIDS COME FIRST" Where the hell does that put your partner? You make it should like we should be as so grateful just to have a second of your time. EVERYONE comes first in this relationship. Yes, your kids are important, but make it a point that HE IS IMPORTANT as well.
Dating single moms is hard. Its like they have a BOOK of set rules, and that we men are very lucky to have a part in their lives. And this is what makes many a guy run.
Let me know your feedback. Hopefully my blog will give some of you out there a insight to what we think when we run away. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/16/2008 6:11:01 AM | | As to the original question....and I'm not reading thru 75 pages of dialog either.....yes I would date a woman with two "almost teenage kids". I have two of my own so why should that be the issue. There are so many other aspects to dating that would or would not interest me in a person that the fact of children, or none, is not an issue. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/16/2008 6:20:50 AM | It may not be an issue with you. But like it or not Single Mothers are finding the dating pool a bit "Tapped." If we all had additudes like your, then these sort of blogs would not be created and all in the world would be grand. But 75 pages says some thing. It says that this IS a issue. And the best way to sort through problems is by comunication. If we ignore the problem/issue then we set ourselves up for failure | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/16/2008 7:26:19 AM | Well, i don't know about all guys but the more who speak the more people can understand what'snin people's heads. myself personally have nothing against getting into a relationship with someone who already has a kid. the only aspects that cause MY hesitation to do so are....
1 i want to have at least 3 kids, biological with she whom i marry if her already having a kid doesn't hinder that, my concern on that point is subsided, and a quick note, i am not a jerk, i can quite easily and willingly care for a child that is not my own as though it were but i'd still want to have 3 that are, to share in thier creation from scratch.
2 being that i want to have some of my own in addition to any 'she' may already have , there is the concern over financial accountability, i'm not a bum but i sure am a far cry from being a millionaire and would be quite depressed if i get married to someone who has a child and in bringing them up are never able to afford to have any others.
3 how much would i have to see the father of the child(ren) , i believe the children and father deserve to know eachother dependant on curcumstances, but would be concerned on how it may intrud on my life and the relationship.
4 fully aware and accepting that it's a package deal, would there be time to actually get to know eachother like normal? of curse the child(ren) might be a part of some 'outings' and whatnot but would the mther have enough time for me to really know her without interruption?
now i know that looks like a ton of negatives but no they are just points of concern i myself have in regards to making a connection with a woman who has a child already
please note i do see some advantages in it i can find out exactly what kind of mother she is, and would be when we have more
also if a woman has the children obviously she has to be above some level of maturity and responsibility to handle having a child and be raising it/them
but overall you can see why i haven't and am not likely to approach someone who already has a child, to bombard her with so many questions to alleviate my concerns would certainly turn her off anyways. some are even insulted that any guy would have any hangups about ehr already having children but it's not hangups about her children, it's concern mainly about would i still have what i want? i defenitly want 3 biological children, though it'd be nice to raise 5 wehter the other 2 were biologically mine with her, or if they were adopted after the 3 or if they were her's already.
Well there's some insight at least into my mind and possibly some guys might share a point or 2 but also have other reasons of thier own. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/16/2008 7:37:42 AM | in addition as i did a little skimming on this page and caught a post by mmalueg
in regards to discipline, i would be fearful of making a mistake or decision that the mother would disapprove of in regards to how i handle her child(ren) tht she was already raising a certain way. i would need to know what would be right and wrong in regards to the consistancy of the upbringing of the child i wasn't there to have a hand in raising for the first.. undetermined amount fo time of thier life
would my natural instincts and personal judgement be good enough and satisfactory for these children to handle them exactly as i would those of my own blood?
i'm sure this is also an issue for any single parent seeking a new second half to share thier life and children with, to take into consideration how they will habndle thier children and especially hooking up with someone who has no children of thier own so YOU can see exaclty what kind of parent they would be to the children that are already yours, wether thier ways would compliment the manner in which you have been raising your child(ren), or damagingly contradict it | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/16/2008 7:43:06 AM | | I was just wondering if there are women who date men with a child? I have a daughter and its been hard to find a girl who is willing to play a part in my daughters life. Yet I am still looking | |
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