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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/23/2008 1:54:23 AM | Zora said: "if you think its a bother to take on someone elses child why in the first place would you date someone with kids? lol i dont believe she was desperate to move in for money, half these stories are too twisted its crazy "
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Zora
I did not know when I started to date her. I was too naive and maybe dumb to think she was trustworthy and respectful enough and mostly dignified enough not to entangle me into the baby drama but my ignorance was not blessed with peacefulness.
It was rather stressful hearing the mom argue with the kiddo 's father about whether he or she bought school stuff - you know the family shit. I said to myself "F*ck that" .. I am out... and then she mentioned about planning to move out to come live with me... then I said "Hell Motherf*cking no"
Thanks GOD I learn enough and did not make the dumbest mistake to live in with her or I will or might or inevitably will end up paying all the bills while bearing with all the fights she had with the dad.
ATTENTION (Not to get bashed. I am speaking the truth and majority of men will agree with me)Not all single moms are GOLD DIGGERS or opportunists. But Unfortunately, I do not have time to go though 1,000 single moms to get few good ones. It is harder than finding a needle in the haystack. Nothing wrong with my point of view and I respect yours deeply.
It is an opiniated preference - nothing negative and to prove that, I do go out to clubs with single moms...I find some of them really cool and easy going and wonderful human beings BUT please do not get me into a long term relationship or live in situation. I am very unwilling into LTR or settle down with single mothers.
My grandfather married a widowed single mom and was completely happy. So, it is a personal opinion for me
To end this note, I respect your ideologies and I hope you respect mine. I do not need to get bashed for merely speaking the TRUTH from my very own bearing experience. Nothing negative pointed to you directly - just in general to single moms.
Peace | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/23/2008 2:16:57 AM | primalfury said:
I think the problem lies with being put in second place behind the kids. Women that I have dated have not liked the fact that I will always put my daughter first. It takes a very selfless person to understand what single parents go through, and to "put up" with always being in second place. It's not a very good feeling being in "second," and it takes a special person to do that.
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You are right but SECOND (2nd) place is still a decently high rank in terms of relationship priorities.
Let's do the math of relationship -
1 kid = Second Rank (Assuming the bio father is absent)
2 kids = Third Rank (Kid #1 & Kid #2 come and will always come before you)
3 kids = Fourth Rank (Kid #1, #2, #3 come before you)
Nth kids = Nth+1 Rank (All kids before you)
SECOND RANK IS PRETTY F*CKING GOOD... I would be very happy to take the second rank in a single mother relationship.
Again, it will take someone special to do that -
someone who is desperate in their love life,
love the single mom to the highest degree,
have a shittier job than the single mom,
a really fine ass single mom (MILF all the way),
has never dated a single mom and wanted to give it a try,
someone who is genuinely good hearted and love kids, etc.. you get the picture...
Not to be bashed again for speaking the truth, I am more than realistic than pessimistic.
I am doing single moms favor and myself a favor by not wasting their time and my time without breaking their heart and my heart.
I am not like those motherf*ckers who act like they care and they bail out when shit goes down. At least, I do not f*ck around if I know I will not play this mind game. I do not WANT TO HURT people feelings and certainly not to act like an a-hole and bail out. You have to appreciate honesty at its finest. I am upfront and speak my feelings. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:07:26 AM | Parkerkimm, you totally contradicted yourself here! LOL You ranted about how it's fine to be 2nd. Heck, you even said being second is pretty f'n good, and that you'd be happy to take second rank in a single mother relationship. But then you say in the last paragraph that you wouldn't date a single mom! LOL So why praise and support an idea you don't....support personally?
I would take a little offense if a woman flat out rejected me bc I have kids. She is judging me based on what she believes being in a relationship with a parent would be like and that is not fair. She may be missing out. What if she believes in soul mates and I am her "one" but she overlooks me bc I have a child?! How stupid is that? I don't overlook anyone. I admit there are some types that I am hesitant about but I will at the very least talk to them and find out a glimmer of what they have to offer before saying no. There is a girl in my general vicinity who says in her profile she's looking for men who either work or live in this 10 mile stretch of highway, and lists a few of the towns on that stretch. It's right outside of Winnipeg. She CLEARLY states that if you do not work or live in this stretch don't bother wasting her time or your own, bc she'll just erase your email when she finds out you live a few miles past. So what if you lived 3 miles OFF the highway?! Or 5 miles further down?! Or IN Winnipeg?! I think it's assinine to completely limit yourself like that, and limit others as well. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:29:28 AM | Deuce98:
See I know a few single mothers who will not date single fathers and say that they do not want the drama of raising another woman's child and do not want to be a step mother and feel their own children need to be the center of the universe and do not want anything to take away from their own child/ren. When I point out how many men feel about dating single mom's and how they do not want the drama and other stuff the response my friends give me is that those men are shallow. When I point out the double standard they say that they know what they want in life and any man they date better be willing to put her and her kids first as that is what a lady deserves. And we men desrve to have nothing emotionally but to just provide for someone else's kids otherwise get called shallow? I do not understand how some have sense of entitlement. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/23/2008 9:39:06 AM | | I agree with Fab-mom Johne. Where' s the logic here. Single mom won't date single date bc he can't give her 100%. Many women w/o children tend to shy away from single dad's b/c THEY can't give them 100%. But we single dads, and those single men, are expected to give that 100% to those who will accept us, and there seems to be no reciprocation from these particular women in return! If you are a single mother you should not be expection 100% from a man bc you. have. children! They should be getting a good chunk of that 100%. So in essence these women are asking a man to be at their beck and call whenever they need them. Another thing to point out here is that these single women you speak of say they don't want the drama of raising another woman's child. Well if you are in a relationship serious enough to be considering "raising" someone else's child, isn't that person helping to "raise" your child, or further yet another parent' s child?! I see a broken link here somewhere. I'm not sure why they can't see it. No one is going to raise my children but me and their mother. Even if I end up meeting someone and get serious enough to move in with them they will not raise my children. They can help me raise them. But they will not change my parenting style or my rules. They will NEVER tell me how to raise my kids, and I would not expect to tell them how to raise their's! So next time you have one of these talks with your friends I'd suggest reaching down between their legs, grabbing a hold of their hair, pulling their head out of their a$$, grab 'em by the ears and give them a good shake. And if afterward they still speak nonsense go right ahead and shove it back up there for them! | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/23/2008 9:56:17 AM | No one is going to raise my children but me and their mother. Even if I end up meeting someone and get serious enough to move in with them they will not raise my children. They can help me raise them. But they will not change my parenting style or my rules. They will NEVER tell me how to raise my kids
Wow, what a deal! Just imagine, if she marries you, she will become an stranger in her own house! No voice, no opinion, no saying, no nothing, yeah!
I imagine women are fighting for a place in the line! | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/23/2008 11:39:11 AM | You find a parent online that will say they want someone else to come in and tell them how to parent their children or tell them they are wrong in doing so. A new person can add input or advice, and help is more then welcome and likely expected but they will do it by my rules, and I would expect to help them with their children on their terms! Even when you become a family unit I would expect each to respect the other's parenting style. If they are different, and obviously there will be some differences some places usually, you have to make compromises or else the children pick up on the differences and get upset. But if I'm against spanking and she spanks my children she can leave. I wouldn't have allowed myself to move in with someone that spanked though, if that was my belief! These things I'd think most people would have discovered long before they talked about moving in together. But I guess there are some who don't and learn the hard way. I don't know if you have kids Rock_Hunter. I haven't checked your profile yet but I'm going to go out on a limb and say you don't with that attitude!
EDIT: Rock_Hunter, I take that back. You DO have children! I'm sorry to make an assumption, and yes I know what happens when you make them. So let me pose the question to you. Let's say you don't agree with tv in the bedrooms and you meet a girl and you decide to get a place together and she wants to put a tv in the kids rooms, or she has children of her own and they watch tv at bedtime. What do you do? Do you let her kids have a tv in their room and watch your kids whine and cry every night before bed bc it's not fair that they don't? Do you compromise with her and say they can have it but the tv is not to be used at bedtime on school nights? Or do you stand your ground and say "no, I don't want my kids having tv in their rooms or watching the tv at bedtime and can't have other children in my house doing so while I say no to mine"?
By the way you're one tall dude! | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/23/2008 7:33:43 PM | Deuce my point was that some (not all but some) of my friends who are single mothers think that a man has to be the provider, knight in shining armour or whatever term you would like to put on that and they will not settle for less. Yes I agree it is unrealistic to expect anyone to put someone else first 100% of the time (really a romantic relationship is about balance) but that is what these women say they want and why they aviod single fathers..what I find funny is they expect a man to help raise and provide for her child and be last on her list of priorities, they wonder why they are single and call men who will not date single mothers shallow for not just accepting whatever they have to offer. That is why I say they have a sense of entitlement. They are entitled to their criteria (so they think) but no one else can have any criteria (so they think) if they do not match what a man is looking for that man must be shallow.
I do not understand that logic.
So if a single woman with children wants to date...be understanding that there needs to be give and take in any situation or else you may be alone for a long time. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/23/2008 7:52:07 PM | | Gee, for a second there Johne I thought you were disagreeing with me! LOL That's exactly what I was saying. They demand excellence and priority from their men but expect the men to accept much less in return, unless they intend to put their children further down the totem pole. If this is the case I really feel sorry for any poor sucker that gets into that relationship. There are two kinds of women I know of that exhibit that style of behaviour; golddiggers and seer suckers, neither I'm interested in meeting ever. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 1/23/2008 8:17:22 PM | | Let me know if you find them! I have two young children, and I am beginning to wonder if men do. I thought they would, but wow, my optimistic view must have been off... But then there's my sister. She has a son and has recently found the perfect man. He has no kids, never married, and perfect. Good lucking, alright job, great with her son, treats her and her family like gold... So I guess it does happen... Just not to us! lol. JK. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 3/14/2008 8:16:02 PM | I have? but it can be a challenge finding a mother with kids close to my age who will also date a father with kids?
But then it is all about finding a proper fit..or finding common interests and the reality is the dating pool is smaller and since we are also out of failed marriages....then perhaps I need to look a little inward?
Perhaps there are reasons why others are also single as opposed to happily married?
If that actually exists? | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:54:50 AM | | ok i have to add my part i use to date women with kids but then realized i wasnt getting a certain amount of attention, thats bad to me, but a womans kids better be her #1 priority, doesnt make her a bad woman, its just not for me. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 3/15/2008 9:13:38 AM | There is men like that I have dated a few. 2 were single pareants themselves, 1 wasn't, based on my mailbox yesterday being a single parent isn't an issue, I just have to be pickier, so in 7 years of being a single parent I have only dated 3 guys.
I agree with what deuce98 i saying about someone coming in trying to change all the rules etc. One of those guys I dated had opposite parenting style/beliefs of myself. While he was a great guy and had great kids, we argued alot about how we raised our kids. We would have never been able to move in together etc because we are steadfast in our beliefs. For example, I homeschool he was very opposed to it. Now while I open to learning new ideas to imporve my parenting, no man I ever marry will have a right to tell me to stick my kids back in public school.
As for gold diggers etc those that are like that as a single parent were like that before they became a parent guaranteed. Becoming a single parent does not automatically turn a switch n and make one think "hey now I can be a scammer" I could not imagine calling someone or emailing them asking for money, or car rides etc. Someone who does that has always done so and always had that sense of entitlement, giving birth did not create that. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 3/15/2008 12:39:03 PM | brandy you do raise some good points..great post!!
What bothers me is that those single mom's who use men or ask for money/items for their children frome someone they date (have just met) or are e-mailing...use that they are thinking of their children when tey do this. Yes they may find another excuse if they did not have children but when the message is "I do this for my children" It leaves a bad impression does it not?
I have dated single moms and too be honest I have neve been used or had requests to pay rent or buy cell phones from ladies who did not have children.
Yes men who date women with children exist but a few bad experiences can scare us away...thus limiting the pool of men the rest of the single moms (many of them quality people) have to choose from. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 3/15/2008 11:13:01 PM | Well personally I have no problems dating a single mother. Since I have never wanted kids myself for altruistic reasons I have never had any qualms about dating such a woman.
Ever since cancer and chemotherapy took away my sterility its given me even more reason to favour that kind of relationship. I cannot have children of my own, but if accepted into the family I get the chance to be a father in some shape or form.
Just thought I'd provide another insight for everyone.
Adam x | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/19/2008 2:40:34 PM | You know My dad took off on me and my mom when he found out my mom was pregnant with me. I resent the shit out of him and my mom won't tell me his name cause she knows i'd take him for a his last car ride. My step dad is amazing and if he hadn't dated my mom who was single with a kid i couldn't imagine life without him.
I have no problem dating women with children. children should stop guys from dating chicks. I don't think it makes a difference. It acutally shows alot for the women cause they kept there kid and stick it out even when it's not conveniet or the funnest thing to do!
Kudos to single moms.
Cheers,
D | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/19/2008 3:49:21 PM | | Actually it works the other way around against men as well. I would not be a single parent if her mother was resonable and safe to be around our daughter. Men get penalized just the same when they have a child (even if only part-time with me). I have had a few dates in the past arranged only to be cancelled just before if I mention I have a daughter via MSN or what not. My daughter is obviously the most important thing in my life and it does get annoying to be looked down upon sometimes because I take care of her. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/19/2008 3:52:26 PM | Yes, I have a 3yr old and if someone I meet has children...why wouldn't I wana date them.
But, I ask this:
Just wondering, as I seem to find people who are single w/ no kids or w/ kids. But, as soon as my daughter comes up...they seem to loose interest fast.
So, is it that girls don't like a single father?
OR
Is it that they just normaly don't run across them and are unsure how to act?
Just wondering...is it a double standard? | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 4/19/2008 5:24:51 PM | | The two "Big Rejections" I get are facial hair (understandable - especially when eating) and my kids are relatively young (15 and 12). Alot of women my age (fortysomethings) are done with kids and don't want to deal with them anymore. I can dig that. This has made me more open minded to dating women with kids. It would be hippocritical of me to only date women without kids. But, I have to admit, with my schedule it IS more convenient to date women without children. They have a much more flexible schedule. I tend to date every other week when my ex has the kids. Those two weeks are a killer! At least I can send my kids to military camp in the summer. | |
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