| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/17/2005 1:19:26 AM | wow...I just read through a few pages of these posts & I have to say wow. Hmmm? I am just getting back into the dating/relationship scene, but I have been in it in the past since my divorce (with my kids father) I feel for all of you going through so much crap about it all...uggg....
Some of what you all say sounds so complicated...uggg...
I know with myself, well, I haven't had a problem with guys wanting to date me or meet & they know I have kids...I had two fairly/somewhat serious relationships too since my divorce & the kids were never an issue....mind you. I am very, very close to my kids & well lately its been a long time since they have seen me with someone. Still, I haven't had a problem with guys interested etc.
To be totally honest, I haven't really looked lately either though. Just only recently I have thought about getting back into it all...I was curious about things & found all these posts & some of them are scary & haha to be honest scaring me off dating LOL
I have a wonderful relationship with my kids & well I plan to keep it that way, the way I see it, maybe one day a man or gentleman would love to join me in outings & meet me etc to start...I do keep my personal life totally seperate from my home life with my kids (to a certain point) then after some time & if things are good & right etc then yes, it can be all be brought together..in the meantime yes I do introduce someone close to me to my kids but as a friend at first you know? See how it all goes etc? my kids are getting older so we have talked tons about me dating & them & all that & well who knows what will happen. I just hope its not complicated like some ppl's stories here...uggg.
I think if one lies down some general rules etc then it might be ok? I don't know? I am new to this so also not one to give opinions on either. I finally get along with my ex husband & I think his fiance is fabulous & my kids adore their half brother they have too & well yup, all is well in that aspect & I still put my kids first & love my time with them, maybe someday someone will join us on that & well on my days/nights off I can go out & meet someone maybe. That's just me though...I know my kids haven't ever seen me with someone (intimate or as a bf or live in etc) so yup, that's a one day thing for me to tackle too .......
Good luck to you all out there..I am sure its a complicated thing..I know I love guys with kids, I think that's great.. :)
I hope everyone finds their perfect fish here :) | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/17/2005 8:54:27 AM | | I just wanted reiterate my last post just so that I don't come over as a hard a**.. Like I said I have dated women with children in my past and won't hold me back from dating in my future. I just wanted to make some points of what I have gone through in my personal experience and from the conversations I have had with other men and women on this subject. After reading several posts on this thread it is not just guys that are skittish when children are involved but women as well. Perhaps because of some of the reasons I have listed in my pervious post. I strongly believe that if there is strong chemistry between a man and a women all hurdles can be over come as long as there is respect and understanding for eachothers feels. It has just been my experience that it mostly all take and very little give when children are involved and I would go all through it again in a heart beat with the right women as long as my feelings and issues are not trampled on in the process. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/17/2005 10:32:34 AM | | I strongly believe that the right person will accept women with kids. I personally was raised by a single parent till she met whom i now call Dad. He is the person who walked me down the aisle...not because my father wasn't involved in my life....but because he respected us as a family. I myself am not looking for a replacement for my childrens father. He loves them with his whole heart...provides for them etc. it was our choice of different directions in life that lead us down this path. I do however when dating, tell my children out of respect where and whom i'm with. I must lead by example......if my fourteen year old was to be out dating i would want the whole truth from her. I don't bring my dates home to meet the kids. On occasion they may have met a person as my "friend" and yes that is were relationships start as friends....so why not show our children that. I know when I have that special person in my life.....my girls will all respect that person.......for they respect me. I feel the best approach with everybody is open book, honesty and appreciation for each other including the kids. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/17/2005 8:10:01 PM | | You know, I think that maybe I had it all backwards. I am a single dad who is 26, I have fuill custody of my daughter and have raised her on my own since I was 22. I have hit the dating scene again but find myself reluctant to bring any of my dates near my daughter. Although I would like to re-marry one day, I am afraid of what getting in and out of relationships will do to my daughter. I do not want her to keep asking why so-and-so hasn't come by. It has been hard enough on me dealing with the "where's mommy?" questions I would not want to do it again with a girlfriend. Kids do get attached easily and as such et hurt quickly. I want to meet a really nice person(mom or not) and develop a relationship with them. Once I trust them, I will invite them onto dates and events with my daughter. But until then I do not really want to get them near my daughter. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/17/2005 9:50:29 PM | men that date women with kids do exist, what about men who are still young, (38 isn't old) and have grandkids????? any woman intrested in that???, I have no problem dating a woman who has small kids, teenagers, or even adult kids. I love kids, wish i could have had more kids when I was having kids. I would be happy to have a woman in my life with kids, isn't that what family is??? | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:13:56 AM | | The answer to everybody's questions is yes. People will date you no matter who you are, or what's happened in your life. Have you found the person who will yet? Obviously not since you're asking the questions. Yes... it is easy to get frustrated, give up hope and just throw your arms up in the air and say, "Why bother anymore?" People used to ask, "Why can't we get something better than kerosene lamps?" Thomas Edison came along with the light bulb. People used to ask, "Why can't we have something better than just bread?" Someone came along with sliced bread. People had to wait a very long time for these things. Chances are you probably won't have to wait as long as the world had to wait for those things to come along. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/21/2005 7:41:49 PM | I agree with the put leash on kids part(well not literally ;) ). I dated a girl with a young child and she always seemed to accidentally bring her along for dates that should have been just for two. Now, I don't have a problem with kids but in the opening dates I am not interested in getting to know your kid, I want to get to know you. If she told me straight up that the kids go every where with her I could have ended my mysery there. Instead she kept bringing the little dynamo along for meetings that originally were supposed to be just for two. Eventually the relationship fell apart for other reasons (she was still messing around with her ex) but since then (10 years ago) I haven't entertained the idea of dating women with children. This may sound shallow to women with kids in here but I felt I could do better, from the perspective of a single man with no kids, dating is one thing, shacking down for the long haul is a new ball game entirely. After that first experience I completely discounted anything long term with a woman with kids, why inherit a family when I can start my own brand new? I was pretty strict about this rule, turning down the interests of many women with kids along the way.....that is until recently. Seems I've found a woman with one child (age 14) who is unlike any woman I've ever met! She is a geek like me, she's gorgeous and she's smart as hell. I am nuts about her and I don't care about the kid!!...guess this is God's joke being played out on me. Life is comedy.javascript:smilie(' ')
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/26/2005 12:47:25 AM | I dated a girl with two kids and would have adopted them as my own. I am very, very patient around children. I haven't been married yet and I don't have a family. I loved her and loved her kids for 11 months. I told her I also wanted some kids of my own but she claimed she couldn't have anymore. I was close to marrying her anyway until I discovered she was seeing someone else on the side. I also found out that she and her ex were 90 thousand dollars in debt and that her ex had left the scene. We finally broke up. I still wouldn't mind meeting a woman with kids as long as she would be willing to have more. The problem is, most of the women I meet are done with having kids. I have had a great job for the past 20 years and own my own home but this doesn't seem to matter.  | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/26/2005 11:49:58 AM | Of course I would date someone with kids.
I'm 49. I've already raised one set of kids. I consider myself to be an experienced and comfortable parent. I'm at home in a home with kids.
That being said, I think that it's important for both parties to realize that the real issue is that the mother and boyfriend have a solid relationship. If that relationship is put on a firm foundation, then integrating the children into one's life, in whatever role is best for the situation, will come naturally.
And THAT being said, speaking for my own choice, if I were to forge a long-term relationship with a woman who was still raising her children, my expectation would be that she be a good parent. The past couple of generations seem to have lost the ability to parent and children, and by extension, the society which must deal with them, suffer as a result. I would probably not continue a relationship if the woman seemed to be out of control or overwhelmed as a parent with her children. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/26/2005 6:28:17 PM | | Hey everyone, i was dating a girl for 5 years with a child that wasn't mine! I love kids and I think some other men do to...You just have to hunt them down and grab em by the heart. | |
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nolman
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Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 219 | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/27/2005 8:24:29 AM | | Ok, so you will date a woman with kids, as long as they are not looking for someone to support them. Makes sense. But, just to let you know, for every woman like that, there are many more who do have pride, and take care of their own, and aren't looking for a partner for financial reasons. I work damned hard to keep my househould going and give these kids what they need, not to mention what they want(within reason) and I would sooner rip off my own arm and beat myself with it than be with someone for the cash. | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/27/2005 9:23:14 AM | | we do exist shedevil i have a 3 yr old daughter that i have 4 days a week and i wont go anywhere without he, just because you`ve got kids dont mean that men aren`t interested,more to the point if there not interested get rid of them,i find that when i have my daughter people think that im with the mother cause they don`t see many blokes spending time with there kids.a woman with kids doesnt bother me and if there really interested then they will understand you come as one | |
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| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/27/2005 9:16:19 PM | | we do exsist i'm s\f of two teenagers and i don't have a problem dating a women with kids my question is why do women back off as soon as they find out i'm a single dad i've talked to a couple of women online as soon as they hear my kids live with me they are gone whats the deal | |
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elfman
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Joined: 11/22/2004
Msg: 224 | |
| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/27/2005 11:01:10 PM |
I wonder if there are any men out there that are intersted in dating women with two almost teenage kids and where are they?
There's at least one. I have a child, and I'm most certainly single, so for to exclude women with children from my searches would be entirely hypocritical. In fact, I go the opposite route; I don't think someone I'm going to have a long-term romantic relationship with is going to be prepared to deal with a child unless they have parenting expereince on their own, and I'm not necessarily ready to help a woman start their own family, at least not at this stage in the game.
However, I have to say that I can't blame a guy (usually) for bailing if they find out kids are involved (assuming they're not just looking to hit it and quit it). Children are a form of baggage, and most sane and rational people want a partner to come with as little baggage as possible. I'm one of the weird ones, I guess.
-elfman- | |
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elfman
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Joined: 11/22/2004
Msg: 225 | |
| do men actually exist that date women with kids??
Posted: 12/27/2005 11:11:07 PM |
I find that men like you when they first talk to you and everything you have to say, but as soon as you mention you have children the vibe totally changes
I hear you, lady. It's not just men that do that; every single woman that I've tried to approach who didn't have kids of their own (with me being the rare single dad) balk at the meer mention of an offspring. I actually got as far as having a telephone conversation with somene who apparently did not read my profile at all (and yet they were the one that initiated contact with me. Go figure.) and the conversation was going well right up until I made a passing remark, under my breath no less, about my son.
"What? You have a SON? Did I miss something?"
"Uh, yes. Like, the main chunk of my profile."
I have since been relegated as an email spam buddy.
Of course I do get a lot of respect from women when they find out that not only am I a single father, but that my son stays with me by CHOICE and sees his mother on the weekends (as opposed to the opposite, which is the normal state I guess), but apparently it's still not enough to warrant anything other than a one-time clap on the back.
All this was to say, I feel your pain, you're not alone on this boat.
-elfman- | |
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