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Keljo
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Joined: 12/28/2005
Msg: 51 | |
| Men with kids,women without
Posted: 1/3/2007 3:33:02 PM |
Do you plan on having your sister want to talk to you again? LOL
My mom always told her one day she would regret being mean to her little sister....pay back can be such a bytch!!!! | |
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| Men with kids,women without
Posted: 1/4/2007 4:43:34 AM | Morning Judy,
I guess I just don't understand all the talk about second class citizen when a parent puts children first. To me it is all about responsibility. Do you feel second class when a guy says sorry can't do that I have to work that day/night? or already have plans with friends? Yes would be nice to be invited along but the outing could be an all girl/guy thing.
There will always be times when the job,family,themselves will come first. BUT there should also be times that the S/O should come first as well especially on special occasions birthdays, anniversaries, they get a promotion/new job. As well as on regular days where they just want to hang out.
I think you, Keljo, myself and a few others are in agreement on this topic, just saying it in different ways. Mainly from our own experiences, I like the term player parent LOL. Kids have become the new "I am washing my hair" excuse LOL for both men and women While I am not looking for a serious relationship at this time doesn't mean I would run from one if it developed I am just taking it slower than I would if I was childless. So some might consider me a player parent and that is fine.
I think I know there I go again, thinking. That the person should be available anytime for a quick phone call, "hi how are you, just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and can't wait to see you"
On meeting the kids, again that is all aged based I think. I don't introduce them to everybody I go out with. Now if it became a regular dating (weekly) after a couple of months I would then. My boys have told me I couldn't date but could go out to the movies or dinner with friends. LOL I know what is the difference. Hey it worked. LOL My boys are now to the age I don't have to be home before midnight. but I won't leave them overnight they are 11 and 15 next month and that might change just have to wait and see what develops. There is always the cell phone right. | |
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| Men with kids,women without
Posted: 1/4/2007 5:48:49 PM | I don't know I went to court and fought for my son & won, and have had him since he was 3 monthes old. He's 5 now,& I find maintaining a steady relationship next to impossible. I find everyone's too set in their own ways. I have no problem getting a date or meeting woman, but I do however have problem's fiding a lasting relationship due partly to this fact, and my own supercillious nature & seemingly impossibley high standards.lol . I however can empathize with most single mom's in the fact that they deserve a million times more respect than they get for taking on the role of solo parent, as first I hand I realize being Mom or Dad on your own with no spouse and/or extended family is far harder than any so called career, and should be compensated as such. Haha ya right like that'll ever happen in North America. Although countries with declining birth rates such as Germany [most recently] , France, etc offer incentives of 10 to 20 thousand dollars per child for people to have more children.
I tend to meet [ mostly] single mothers as well, and haven't dated alot of woman whom are child free, so perhap's I'm not the best candidate to offer a response eluding to your query, although I've read some fantastic point's of view in this column. | |
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| Men with kids,women without
Posted: 1/4/2007 8:50:03 PM | Hey Hoosier...
guess I just don't understand all the talk about second class citizen when a parent puts children first. To me it is all about responsibility. Do you feel second class when a guy says sorry can't do that I have to work that day/night? or already have plans with friends? Yes would be nice to be invited along but the outing could be an all girl/guy thing.
I can't explain it better I guess..I'll just say this..I tend to believe what people tell me..If someone says to me nothing will ever come before thier kids..I believe them ..They said
"Your concerns will always be second". I do not even think this is something someone would even consider saying to a first spouse. Do you? I'm not saying someone always will be available, noone will. As to work, I wouldn't date a man who's ad said, "my career will always come before any relationship" either. Would you answer an ad that said that? If an ad said I'm looking for someone to be a partner..n..love me and my kids too..That I'd answer. Telling me I'll be lesser ..right off..isn't going to get a response from me. My spouse was my partner and I could never even fathom telling him he came second to anything. Ever. I do not think he would be willing to hear that without comment..Nor would he have said it to me.
There will always be times when the job,family,themselves will come first. BUT there should also be times that the S/O should come first as well especially on special occasions birthdays, anniversaries, they get a promotion/new job. As well as on regular days where they just want to hang out.
I do know any parent does not want a parade of people going thru thier kids lives and I understand that and respect it..But from the other side..I saw one man wanted to date initially only on weekends..fair enough..Weeknights can be tough for me too. But then said had his kids every other weekend "and didn;t believe in sitters"..So he wanted to start something seroius...and was going to put 4 whole days a month aside? He wanted to go out agian..but what was I to say..Ok, see you in two weeks!.
I think you, Keljo, myself and a few others are in agreement on this topic, just saying it in different ways. Mainly from our own experiences, I like the term player parent LOL.
Kids have become the new "I am washing my hair" excuse LOL for both men and women While I am not looking for a serious relationship at this time doesn't mean I would run from one if it developed I am just taking it slower than I would if I was childless. So some might consider me a player parent and that is fine.
This is what I was referring to..I want a serious relationship..But I don;'t answer the phone if the kids are here. Another gentleman who was looking for a "serious" relationship but he had half custody ,,3 days per week and every other weekend..um..so half of the days of the month he's not available and he believes in waiting a substantial amount of time to meet his kids..So every other saturday and every other Thursday for six months? No thanks.When I said "player parents" I mean people who say they "want something serious" but won't put the time needed for that. Just come out and say "I do not have time for a serious thing.. or am just dating around right now".
I think I know there I go again, thinking. That the person should be available anytime for a quick phone call, "hi how are you, just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and can't wait to see you"
On meeting the kids, again that is all aged based I think. I don't introduce them to everybody I go out with. Now if it became a regular dating (weekly) after a couple of months I would then. My boys have told me I couldn't date but could go out to the movies or dinner with friends. LOL
heheh glad you figured out away around thier rules.
I know what is the difference. Hey it worked. LOL My boys are now to the age I don't have to be home before midnight. but I won't leave them overnight they are 11 and 15 next month and that might change just have to wait and see what develops. There is always the cell phone right.
Personally, I think when you become exclusive that is the time to meet the children..not before. The man who had the one year old put me off bcz we had been seeing each other,,exclusively, for months. Him not introducing me to his child I took as him not seeing the relationship as being serious or having a future.
Anyway everybody is free to put whatever they want in thier ads,,But I stop reading when I see that phrase and have asked some gf's who say they do too. Even the ones who have kids themselves. Just FYI.
hope you're having a good night. | |
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| Men with kids,women without
Posted: 1/5/2007 11:18:24 AM | awwww... hey- gettin with a guy that has kids- shows 'me' that he is already a caring and nuturing person! THEY have taken so much- responsibilty into thier own hands...
Waaaaaaaaay  to go!
Ya- I dunno what the prob is- if you can try find that special sum1, eventually...
- all the more luck to you!
You know what it means to 'love' ... kids do come first.
You'll know what it means to love a woman.
BUT if you had 3 kids, with the same woman (?) ... then you musta loved her too... at one time. Right?
ahhhh- I think it is sweet that when i see a single father with kids- I think that is sooooo awsum! YOU are not the one that has left- or abondoned the kids.
(sry- many woman with diff reasons- health/passed on...or just *tryin to find themselves*)
THAT last reason- I just hate.
ummmm- best to you single fathers- there is sum1 out there... this i believe- cuz I found MY sum1.- I thought I never would. | |
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| Men with kids,women without
Posted: 1/5/2007 7:31:45 PM | I have been separated for 4 years now, divorced for 2. I have sole physical custody of my 3 children ages 10, 8, and 7, and share legal custody. I find it a bit difficult to find a date having children, but I am up front with someone when things start moving towards a dating situation.
The ex wife is very hands off for the most part only having the kids over at her house on some vacations. I have a few friends that have pointed out that a guy with kids is sometimes looked upon as being a dependable person since they are living the proof of raising the children on their own rather than just blowing town as she put it. | |
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| Men with kids,women without
Posted: 1/5/2007 8:15:58 PM | I am a 43 mother of 3 GROWN children, 2 are married and the other will be this summer.
I have had no interest in dating any man with children. Call me selfish, but i want some attention. I tried to date men with kids...but i got tired of "they are the most important thing in my life" or the "love me,love my kids" attitude.
I am free to travel, i have money to spend, i don't have to answer to anybody.
I'm sure there are a lot of great guys with kids...but no matter how great you are..i won't be interested.
Don't get me wrong...i love kids...i am a nurse in a doctors office..and all my friends have small children. But i have raised mine, and now i want to live and enjoy life.
And to you guys who are actually raising the children..good luck! | |
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| Men with kids,women without
Posted: 10/19/2007 12:55:07 PM | I have a 10yr old daughter which is my grandaughter that Iv had since she was 2yrs old I adopted her about 3yrs ago boy do I get it about getting here a MoM Ill be 65 in January boy the odds are against me But it hurts when I tell her that I might be old and a woman doesnt want to raise any more kids I guess if the woman doesnt thing that much of you she isnt worth it | |
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| Men with kids,women without
Posted: 10/20/2007 5:32:11 AM | o.k, my question is why do so many single dads think it's o.k to date a woman with no kids, but yet don't want to give that woman children of her own especially if the relationship turns out to be long term?? That has happened to me And I honestly felt like I was worth nothing because he didn't want children with me, but it was o.k for him. Now I refuse to date single dads for fear that it will happen again.  | |
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| Men with kids,women without
Posted: 10/20/2007 5:44:17 AM | A male friend of mine ( a widowed man that I used to date 2 yrs ago) just contacted me after 2 years to tell me that he had gotten married... but for all the wrong reasons. More out of convenience for both of them rather then love...... But thats not my question.
This man tells me that his daughter who is now 16 HATES his new wife. They fight day and night and either his new wife is hurt and mad at him or his daughter is hurt and mad at him..... for siding with one or the other. He told me that every time they argue the new wife threatens to have the marriage enulled. He told me that his own daughter boycotted the wedding ( just 2 months ago).
Now I wont go into what I told him for doing this because I land blasted him for putting his needs before his daughter ( who is a PAIN IN THE BUTT i can attest to, which is why we arent together)..... BUT im running out of advice for this guy.
So I ask the widowed people who have been in this situation.. what did you do and how can I offer constructive advice to a man who is CLEARLY conflicted?
(btw) I would never go back to him because of his daughers issues.. so thats not what this is about. AND if you ask me why he contacted me after 2 years... I have no clue but I feel as a good person I let him vent and offer advice... | |
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| Men with kids,women without
Posted: 10/20/2007 3:21:44 PM | | Sure. There are women who are okay with raising kids but don't want any biological ones. | |
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| Men with kids,women without
Posted: 10/20/2007 6:21:40 PM | My child's mother died when he was three,I stepped up,and did what any decent man should do,take care of his child.He will be 14 this month.
I post on here that I am the surviving parent of my young man.
Some women don't want to date someone who has kids,and thats Ok,it's thier choice.
Some women are attracted to the fact that if a man is a single dad and she has kids,perhaps she thinks he can relate to her if she is a single mother too,PLUS some women may think a man probably has charecter,or even that he has a sense of responsibility.
CUDOS go to the hero,the single dad who takes responsibility for his children,cudos don't go to the guy who has kids and wants nothing to do with them.
REAL MEN take this responsibilty! Like me... | |
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| Men with kids,women without
Posted: 10/20/2007 6:30:09 PM | Well,I feel that maybe some guys don't want to make any more kids for various reasons,they already have kids,or they may be unable to have kids,they may be in a stage in life where they are done raising children of their own,but that doesn't nessarily mean that they would not accept yours if a long term relationship is being talked about.
It could be the shoe on the other foot where a woman has raised her kids,doesn't mind that the guy has kids,but just doesn't want to have any more of her own,but maybe HE does,but she doesn't.
Don't feel like you are worth nothing,you just went for a guy who does not want to have any more children,with you or anybody else.
Read the profiles of the guys,see if they are open to having more children,I'm sure there are alot of guys out there who DO.
Good luck to you. | |
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| Men with kids,women without
Posted: 10/20/2007 6:34:25 PM | You sound like you are exasperated with giving him advice,my advice is DON'T!
Seems that he just needs to get his family into counciling,don't allow yourself to get any more emotionally drained than you already are about HIS situation.
It may be beyond you at this point... | |
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| Men with kids,women without
Posted: 10/21/2007 6:29:06 AM | | I am always upfront about my situation with my son. If someone doesn't want to date me because I have a son then that is their choice. Dating and life is all about being free to make choices that best suit our lifestyles, so I am not going to criticize someone who does not want to date me because I have my son. | |
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| Men with kids,women without
Posted: 10/21/2007 7:04:04 AM | | Put your self in his shoes ,if you had children of your own and you started dating some one new would you put them before your children,I think not.Its a natural thing mother or father to protect your kids.Until you are comfortable that your kids would be safe around this person.mama bear can be scary ,so is dating sometimes .woman say their not looking for a father for their kids ,wat a load of crap .if she has kids your dating them to,cause if you and the kids dont get along its going to go down the toilet antway.9 times out of ten. | |
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| Men with kids,women without
Posted: 10/21/2007 7:57:55 AM | | I dunno if I am doing this in the correct manner. I will attempt to join the discussion, though. I think it is sometimes difficult for a woman who has not had children to date a man who has, and is involved with the child/children. Having just experianced this situation I feel I speak from experiance. It seemed that it was hard for her to understand the consessions, and sacfrifices sometimes neccessary when you have children. There are things you just have to postpone, maybe even give up completely. I am referring to big things, such as a particular car, or trip, or long term school/career plans. I have also found it is difficult to date at all sometimes, because my 9yo daughter becomes attatched so easily, I have to limit the people she meets to keep her from getting hurt if things don't work(aside from making sure the person is safe). | |
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