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Posted: 9/29/2005 4:09:46 PM | | OK, this "poof and they're gone" topic really grabbed me! Several months ago I met someone online (not from a dating site) and we instantly clicked. I should admit I was the one pursued at first. Weeks of emailing each other, talking on the phone every night. He called me or I called him - and I wasn't even looking for it at the time. I thought to myself, this is the one! Silly me....after 2 months and just 2 days before we were supposed to meet "POOF"....at first I thought something bad happened. But that thought was squashed after I saw him pop on and off online about 1 week after the "disappearance". I'm not the type to start stalking or calling....figured Ces't la vie! At first I was hurt, then angry for feeling like such an idiot, and eventually thankful for his disappearance because afterall, I didn't want someone who was either a liar, or a coward! I figure what goes around comes around....Karma! So now, I just take it all in stride and always answer emails, even if it isn't what someone wants to hear, just because I'd want the same respect back! And on another note.....I guess 10 or 20 contacts don't work and and you find "the one" it's all worth it. So I haven't given up yet! | |
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Posted: 9/29/2005 4:30:33 PM | It happens pretty frequently for a lot of people. It's simply rude. And I don't buy the cop-out that someone will just keep bugging you if you try and end it. If somebody does keep bugging you, you block the email, end of story.
And I don't buy the story about how some people have so many emails that they can't possibly respond to them all. That's BS. It doesn't take that long to say "no thanks".
Translation:
"Since I'm on an anonymous dating site, I feel that I can ignore basic social courtesy when dealing with other people. And if somebody dares to call me on it, I'll just casually mention how popular I am and hence your not worth the 10 second reply"
Like I said. BS! | |
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Posted: 9/29/2005 5:58:58 PM | | Well if I had 35 hours of phone conversations and never actually met them, id probably lose interest aswell. | |
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Posted: 9/29/2005 5:59:04 PM | | Well if I had 35 hours of phone conversations and never actually met them, id probably lose interest aswell. | |
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Posted: 9/29/2005 9:32:37 PM | | I don't make a habit of jumping into the lets meet stage. I didn't call him once. He called me ... this all happened a while ago... and it just happened to a great friend of mine. So it was a topic of conversation at a get together. Hence, I thought I would post it here and get some others input. I also wanted to see what type of person thought it was ok to such a thing! I have taken it in stride and I have also learned from it ... nothing is a waste if you are willing to learn from it. I would also like to take this time to thank everyone who has takin the time to respond to this thread. The best of luck in your searches..... Padie | |
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Posted: 9/30/2005 12:29:49 PM | | When I was new to this internet dating thing it surprised me when people poofed. It seemed rude; I thought they owed me some kind of explanation. Now that I've been in the game, I expect poofing to be the rule rather than the exception. Also, I can poof with the best of them now. | |
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Posted: 9/30/2005 6:11:21 PM | | It happens both ways - I had a date poof and gone on me too - sprung a leak in her vinyl ass - flew around the room making a noise like a flatulent screaming banshee and out the window... | |
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Posted: 10/1/2005 7:23:13 AM | | Ahhh I see Music Mann up your standards and try rubber, it has a tendency to be a little more giving or is that forgiving. hmmm I wonder | |
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Posted: 10/1/2005 8:36:48 AM | this happens to both guys and girls. They always say they just disappear because they don't wanna hurt your feelings, but what happens is, you get more hurt because of the dishonesty and the frustration of them not being able to admit what's really going on. You'll find that there will be way more people who just disappear out of situations they're afraid of being in and sooner or later it will come back and bite 'em in the behind. Hope this helps
Joe | |
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Posted: 10/1/2005 9:31:49 AM | Yup...definitely a coward's approach...communication is key so both parties are on the same page....just allows the other person to put closure on the matters and move on...although there may be some rebutting, however, you've said/heard your/their peace...and it's the least common courtesy a person can give...and both people can move on as healthy individuals in pursuit of someone who truly is for them. | |
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Posted: 10/3/2005 10:45:25 AM | Musicman,
You just made my day! That hilarious!! Thanks!! | |
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Posted: 10/30/2005 9:39:07 AM | That was funny Musicman.. made me laugh as well...
I remember many years ago talking with a girl via email and then phone calls and then just before we were to date, my "x", since I was legally seperated, wanted to "try one more time..." Man I hated hurting the "new girls" heart, but because of having children, thought it was the smart choice...
WRONG! But I can live with my mistakes and move on.... Just sorry I hurt someone by
"poof and there gone"...
btw, recently while hooking up in a Yahoo group and thinking , FINALLY, she poofed and disappeared on me... so all is fair in love and sex....
Now if I can only get that chick in Plymouth Mich to date married men....
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Posted: 10/30/2005 10:23:32 AM | It just do not match.....
Be more specific in youre profile!!!! | |
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Posted: 10/30/2005 8:06:02 PM | Sounds like a whole lot of what I am going through, with dating sites and the ladies on them. But think I have some of the answers. Does any one here have any idea on how many married and attached people post on these sites? Both men an women. Could be from boredom and mates that are now ho hum. The excitement of the chase and with some the adventure of the catch. What a better place to be anyonymous. What a better place to catch a little thrill. What a better place to find someone to meet for a little fling, even if its a lone time thing.
I have been posting profiles for a couple years now. I keep changing them after they get old. I can't count the times I have had someone "poof" me. One broke my heart. She met me several times but would never meet me around her home or give me her phone number. She had mine and would call me to set up a time to meet. It didn't take me long to figure out something was "fishy" with her. After a "date", at a local motel, I followed her and she went straight home to her husband and kids. I came home and emailed her being nice about it. Simply asked her what her position was in her marraige and if there would be any "us" other than at the motel. "POOF" she was gone. Even deleted her site accounts.
Most "poof" after a few emails. Must get bored and move on to the next. It's those who "poof" after a couple dates, with no explanation, is whats rude. I've been out with a few that I wanted to "poof" but at least told them I wasn't interested. A few got downright indignant about it. The ones more interested in my finances than me. Or had enough baggage to fill the baggage hull of a 767 jet liner.
I've come to the conclusion, for me, that dating on these sites is merely for fun. I don't expect to find the "love of my life" here. To much mistrust and too many liars of both the sexes.
For what its worth thats my opinion and experience on all this. But if there is anyone out there thats NOT; married or attached looking for just a thrill, truley looking for a damn fun guy to be with and will keep their cotten pickers out of my credit card wallet until I 'm ready to give one over or don't need someone for a sounding board on every bad experience in their life, then I would love to hear from you. | |
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Posted: 10/30/2005 9:30:08 PM | This is the net...we're all disposable...you know, like toilet brushes type of thing. | |
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Posted: 10/30/2005 10:03:49 PM | Two schools of thought on this for me...
I've been on both sides, the dropper and the dropee.
I was the dropee once to a girl I was involved with and we knew each other long before any net, the only net presence we had was emailing each other... anyway, 3+ months into things she dropped me like a bad habit, no real reason, only vague stuff... it drove me nuts 'cause I was really into her... but now, I realize it wouldn't have mattered if she told me or not what the real dealy was, I'd have groveled anyway... I liked her that much... I didn't want to lose her.
I've been the dropper; and sometimes it works different ways. With some, it'll be a long, drawn-out ordeal and you end up feeling bad for ending something you know in your heart of hearts won't last due to how YOU feel. But, on the other hand, I've said very little too, just that it's not going to work or point out a few things that I see as obstacles I can't negotiate, and it can also turn out the same way - so I can see merit to both sides; cutting it clean with very little information and elaborating to the point you're blue in the face. Either way, a breakup is a breakup, someone's going to be hurt and I hate that, I really do... but that's part of the whole gamble... it certainly would be cool if we could all be winners more than we find ourselves being the loser, but for whatever reason that's the way it is.
Now, for the just starting-to-chat interests that just vanish... I take that one of several ways; they don't want to hurt my feelings telling me what they don't like about me; they find someone else or have been talking to/dating other people and find they want to persue this one more than me and for a possible multitude of reasons don't want to let me know that... or just feel it's better to disappear... I can dig that, it's not that big a deal; the bottom line is people don't always feel ok with conflict, hell we all hate it except for the people that thrive on it and well they're a whole 'nother topic... but regardless, if it's not going to work out (and this is a relativity for both people) than it doesn't really matter how it ends, unless you're married and/or have kids and that too is another topic. Clean break or long talk about this or that, it really may only help slightly to hear the reasons, and more often than not, it's going to hurt because we all generally have a healthy opinion of ourselves so when someone says they don't like you because of X, and/or Y and Z... you immediately process that based on your view of yourself, not on THEIR view of you or their view of tolerance, acceptance, whatever the case may be.
It's tough... I wish it weren't so... but if wishes were horses I'd have a helluva herd. | |
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Posted: 10/31/2005 9:05:36 AM | It's quite simple really...whether it's the male or the female being rude enough not to come clean with the other person for whatever reason ( they've found someone else, they are no longer interested, they've decided that you have different wants/desires, you didn't sleep with them on the first date, you're percieved as having too much emotional baggage...etc.) the choice is then left to the other person if they want to continue to be a mat. Evaluate YOUR reasons for being here...is this the kind of treatment that you are expecting or want...or do you want to be treated better. The other person is not the issue...do you feel good about this friendship/relationship/other? Let's face it...no matter what...the question to be asked is: does this person make you feel good/worthwhile/important? If not...the answer is clear.
**Shame is a lie that someone told you about yourself...(Anais Nin)** | |
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Posted: 1/13/2008 5:27:40 PM |
It happens both ways - I had a date poof and gone on me too - sprung a leak in her vinyl ass - flew around the room making a noise like a flatulent screaming banshee and out the window...
That is the thing Music Man, some women like rough sex and some don't. | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 10:34:02 AM | | Got a kick out of musicman. One prick, there gone. Sometimes, thats good. Ive found out when POOFTHEREGONE happens, its because it ISNT their photo they posted!!!!!!!!!!! JUST BE HONEST. | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 10:39:08 AM | | be happy u didnt invest more time in2 them, cause they clearly r a jerk and weren't worth u 2 begin with.these people r childish as well as a coward. | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 11:05:47 AM | It's frustrating when this happens, but what difference would it make if there were a conversation?
It wouldn't change the outcome. If we're not a match, we're not a match. If he tells me why he's no longer interested it's not like I could (or should) change his mind. What, I'm going to change myself to fit someone I haven't even met? Isn't the idea to find someone who loves you for YOU?
If it was some sort of misunderstanding...we WANT the person who isn't going to take the time to discuss things to GO AWAY.
Yes, when someone says they're going to call it would be nice if they did. That's how I conduct myself and I expect others to do the same. When they don't I'm disappointed, and then I remember the above ideas and am thankful they're gone...NEXT? 
Good luck to all of us in our searches! | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 6:25:52 PM | I just finished a realtionship that just kind of dissolved. I am not sure if its the same thing has your talking about here or not. We took a trip together and the magic was defintly off after that. After we got back we saw each other less and less. Before the trip we had talked nightly. Nothing horrible happend. I even tried to talk to her about our dwindling communcation, but she didnt seem to want to discuss it. I called her last Sunday to make the break-up "official", I had the courage worked up but she did not answer. She return the call sevreal hours later, by then I had lost my nerve. We havent talked or even exchanged an email since. I think we poofed each other.
People are crazy | |
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Posted: 6/1/2009 8:29:13 AM | Padesark...Heres my humble opinion on this issue, as far as I am concerned, men or women that do this to another person have got no class at all. I have never behaved anyway but with class, and..a guy who does that to me, is simply not worth my time. Why they cannot be upfront and just say "Hey, no longer interested" is beyond me, as for me...I have no time to waste on a looser like that, my only wish is that he could have told me sooner..before I wasted my time on them. these people have the "Issues" not you...be glad your rid of them...does it hurt..sure it does, but bottom line is...dont let someones lack of class tear you down..they simply arent worth your time...hang in there | |
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