pooff and there gone. Free Dating, Singles and Personals

pooff and there gone. Posted: 6/1/2009 11:10:34 PM
This is a great thread, common problem, with interesting arguments for both sides of the issue. I personally have experienced this crap only twice in my life and I have never subjected anyone to this treatment. Here's the dilemma for me: If you get no confirmed closure, then you don't know fore certain that it's a closed deal. People claim that they do these things to avoid the conflict, but they are actually encouraging it. By not telling someone that you've lost interest, you are leading them on to assume that you still have interest. I am aware that this might be unconscious behavior for some people, but the fact is that there are some individuals out there who get a kick out of being desired by people that they do not desire. If I had to take a guess (and I do, because they're not going to say), then I'd conclude that at some point, or several times in this person's life, they've experienced the pain of loving someone who has not reciprocated (haven't we all?) and they are not able to deal with that in a healthy manner. Instead, they cope by subjecting some other unlucky victim to the same treatment, under the assumption that to do so will elevate them to the honorable position of the adored. Yeah, I'm a dude and I read books. I recommend you do as well... "Venus in Furs " by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch I understand that not everyone is the same, not everyone wants a long term thing (as I do) so some bounce freely from one relationship to the next without a second thought. But then there are those of us who are in it for the long haul, who have patients in times of uncertainty. We get concerned when things change without explanation. We don't just abandon people, because things get mysterious. The fact is, the person might not have lost interest, they might have just had a car accident and ended up in the hospital, and I'd feel kinda cruddy if I gave up on someone I liked and started dating other people, just to discover that they were laid up on a hospital with tubes coming out of them all this time. For the same reason, If the thing gets weird and I loose interest or whatever, I say something, I let them know. I don't do it in any attempt to try to fix it. I just let them know I'm done, so that there's no question or confusion. And yes, sometimes there's been psychotic episode that follow: The last girl tried to break my car window with her head because I was trying to drive off and the door was locked (she wanted to talk more...). When I cracked the window to hear her out, she tried to yank the window out! Other times she did the whole blocking my exit thing... I've learned to pack my stuff first and then deliver the news because I've seen how these things can escalate and get out of hand. Yeah, it can be scary to tell someone something that they're not tryin' to hear, but I'm not afraid to do it. I'd rather that they know exactly where I stand, than to deal with the constant uncomfortableness of having them beat a dead horse because my inability to be frank is indirectly leading them on. I don't have any need to be perused by people that I'm not interested in, in order to feel better about myself. Personally, I think that people who do, need to see a therapist before they consider dating. These people have issues from their past that need to be worked out before they are ready to date. They are damaged goods. It dosen't mean that they don't deserve to be loved, but it does mean that until they get some therapy, they will remain incapable of receiving the love that people have for them.