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| Whose got Jokes? Be funny but clean (if thats possible)
Posted: 11/10/2005 7:40:04 AM | phone rings: 'hello, this is the f b i, headquarters'
' i think my neighbor billy bob is selling weed, and he keeps it stashed in some logs in back of his house.'
the next day a team of f b i men went to billy bob's house armed with axes and began chopping the wood. they found nothing, cursed at billy bob and left.
phone rings: 'billy bob, did the f b i come over today and chop those logs?'
'yep' he says
' well happy birthday buddy' | |
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| Whose got Jokes? Be funny but clean (if thats possible)
Posted: 11/10/2005 10:05:36 AM | | An old bull and a young bull are standing on top of a hill overlooking a herd of heffers. The young bull says, let's run down there and f*** one of those heffers. The old bull says, I've got a better idea, let's walk down and f*** 'em all. | |
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| Whose got Jokes? Be funny but clean (if thats possible)
Posted: 11/12/2005 8:22:34 AM |
We've all heard about people having "Guts" or "Balls".
But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for
each is listed below ....
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with
the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom,
and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning,
or are you flying off somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the
guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar,
slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say:
"You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject. :laugh:
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| Whose got Jokes? Be funny but clean (if thats possible)
Posted: 5/15/2007 2:19:22 PM | While driving out in the country one day, I spotted a beautiful woman hitch hiking, stopped and gave her a ride. While talking, she told me she was a magician. I said I didn't believe it, until she touched my leg and I turned into a motel.
by the “unknown comic” Murray Langston. | |
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| Whose got Jokes? Be funny but clean (if thats possible)
Posted: 5/18/2007 9:40:43 PM | One day a guy hears a knock at the door. He opens it and finds a snail on his porch whos says...Sir I would really like too...Suddenly, the guy picks up the snail and says, I don't allow any salesmen, and I don't want to buy any of your sh.it!!!! He flings the snail clear across the yard to the street gutter.
Two years later, the same guy hears a knock at his door,,, its the Snail!. Before he could say anything...the snail says...Damn dude, what was that all about???... | |
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| Whose got Jokes? Be funny but clean (if thats possible)
Posted: 5/19/2007 5:44:21 PM | | Two flies were flying around and found a chunk of poop. They landed at the same time . Well the one fly farted, so the other fly looked at the one that did and said : "do you mind? I'm eating." | |
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| Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark...
Posted: 5/20/2007 8:51:24 PM | One: Don't miss the boat.
Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big. Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six: Build your future on high! ground.
Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine: When you're stressed, float a while.
Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting. NOW, wasn't that nice? Pass it along and make someone else smile, too. | |
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| 5 Reasons Why Sex is Good for You
Posted: 5/20/2007 8:55:12 PM | 1. It is a very good workout. Sex burns about 150 calories every half an hour of it. It will lower your cholesterol and improve breathing circulation.
2. You won't get sick. According to research if you have sex 1-2 times a week you are less likely to get sick.
3. You'll feel happier. You will fell a greater sense of well-being. Women who have more sex were clinically proven to be less depressed than women who don't have sex.
4. Makes you look better. Sex releases hormones in you which make your skin and hair softer and shinier and tone your physique.
5. (The best reason) You will live longer. Studies prove that sex makes you live longer. Men who had sex 1-2 times a week had half the death rate as those who did not indulge themselves as least once a month. It also makes you look younger. If you have sex 3 times a week you may look up to 10 yeas younger than you really are.
Did you know?!?!?
Having sex 3 times a week for a year adds up to running 75 miles!! | |
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| 5 Reasons Why Sex is Good for You
Posted: 5/21/2007 12:09:44 PM | Not a joke. I'm not sure if this has been on POF before or not, because its taken from online and I have used it personally at work as a public speaker. Are we supposed to give 'references' for jokes? These are questions and answers.
1) How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Correct Ans: Open the refrigerator door, put the giraffe in, close the door.
2) How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say , 'Open the refrigerator door, put the elephant in, close the door'? WRONG.
Correct Ans: Open the refrigerator door, take the giraffe out, put the elephant in, close the door.
3) Lion King called meeting and all the animals attended the meeting except one. Which animal couldn't attend the meeting?
Can't answer?
Correct ans: The elephant. He's is in the refrigerator.
4) You have come to the bank of a shallow river. You must cross the river, but you are informed the river is totally infested with hungry crocodiles, and you don't have a boat. What do you do?
Cant answer? You are not paying attention.
Correct ans: Walk or swim to the other side. Crocodiles are at Lion King's meeting. | |
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