| What is it about looks?
Posted: 9/30/2005 11:15:12 AM | When I met my ex, I thought he looked "ok", but nothing special....later in the relationship I thought he was gorgeous...now I think he's "ok" again....LOL
My current man (who I always said was "ok-looking"), is the most beautiful man on earth, and has grown to be so throughout our relationship. (Pix in my profile of him). He gets more beautiful every day. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 9/30/2005 11:20:48 AM |
I have always been attracted to the Marlboro man look, then I actually met him and there was nothing behind the handsome face
um isn't hte marlboro man wrinkly and ugly after smoking so damn much? | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 9/30/2005 4:07:35 PM | | Actually the Marlboro Man is dead. Well, one of them is. And he died of lung cancer. This is not an urban legend as you will see if you check this out. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/1/2005 8:49:19 PM |
Actually the Marlboro Man is dead
I was speaking metaphorically, it's not that he looks like the Marlboro Man, he has that rugged, cowboy, Sam Sheppard look and I happen to be attracted to that. You know we all have something that "trips our trigger", that happens to be mine. I find it hard to give up, but in this case the man behind the face isn't what I need or want. Now that I am going to meet someone who is really right for me, he doesn't have that look, so I have to get past that. Today I saw the man I am attracted to and it's not easy because that "hook" is still there, but I'd be insane to have anything more to do with him no matter what he looks like, he's very toxic to me and hurtful. I doubt if I'll see him again after this week so perhaps it will fade. Then I can concentrate on the other man and I hope see the man for what he is and not what he looks like..guess I'll find out. I have also found sometimes that one little thing about a man, his hands, his eyes, sometimes makes him immediately attractive, I hope it's true in this case because everything else is right..sigh..maybe I'll just give up on men altogether..LOL | |
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| UPDATE!
Posted: 10/21/2007 10:22:55 AM | | Two years have passed since I posted on here, and they have been good ones. I learned a lot about myself and how my own fears and needs kept me in the wrong relationship, with the wrong man. I have grown, I have matured, I have seen the light. I know now that all I really need is a good man who is confident, knows who he is and together we can allow ourselves to just be. Also the best lesson of all was..don't worry about all that small stuff that in the end means so little. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/21/2007 10:27:06 AM | | can't always have your cake and eat it too. be thankful for what you DO HAVE. Looks do matter, but if you're not happy you're not happy. Lust is a part of human nature and visual stimulation. Masturbate? Turn down the lights? Move on to someone else? | |
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| UPDATE!
Posted: 10/21/2007 10:30:53 AM | Yeah, yeah, but are you still looking for the Marlboro Man or has your taste evolved to include the Gingerbread Man? Fat Man? Short Fat Man? Short Fat Toothless Broke Man? Peking Man? Ape Man? Overly Sensitive Man?
Enquiring minds (ok, well, this curious mind wants to know)
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| UPDATE!
Posted: 10/21/2007 12:57:51 PM | | Looks do matter. But they are only part of the package. Actually it is not looks per se, it is physical attraction. And it works differently for each person. I would not date a women I was not ALSO (inter alia) physically attracted to. I am actually physicallly attracted by most women, but in my case, unless there is intellectual attraction too, SOMETHING crucial, for me, is missing. So that narrow the field very much for me and that is why I am online looking for a woman whose mind will fit with mind (the mind, not the shoe, lol)!!!!! | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/21/2007 1:06:32 PM | | well looks are important to me u have to be physically attracted to that person for a relationship to be strong ,i also love a a bubbly personality on that person but then every1 is different so this is just my opinion. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/21/2007 1:08:12 PM | A lot of people who look attractive are just that. Attractive and nothing else. They know that because they’re attractive they’ll get what they want so they don’t bother with a personality or anything else other than their looks.
I often feel sorry for such individuals because as we get older, time will inevitable ravage our looks and when they are a withered, aged husk of their former selves they’ll find themselves very much alone!
Personality comes foremost and regardless as to how attractive a girl is or whether she ticks all the boxes, if she hasn’t got a nice personality I wouldn’t be able to date her. In fact, I wouldn’t be interested in the least. I need to be stimulated and entertained on an intellectual level and if I don’t get that I get bored very easily. I’d rather have someone who I should laugh with and have some good times with. Not someone across the table who is beautiful to behold but only that.
I said it once and I’ll say it again. I feel sorry for those who only think that looks matter and even more sorry for those who go from one to the other on the base of looks. They themselves will also find themselves very much alone, in time.
I guess it all comes down to karma :D. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/21/2007 1:14:32 PM | Attraction is not a matter of look. But beauty is ( a matter of look). | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/21/2007 1:16:52 PM | | i'll approach this from a slightly different angle OP. you asked wether you can be intimate with some one you're not physically attracted to? Ok, I'm very good friends with quite a few women who had arranged marriages. in each case, the women were not physically attracted to the men, they had been matched up on other compatibility factors, other than looks. These women are still in their marriages, they sleep with their husbands,.. but believe me, after many years none of these women are physically or sexually attracted to thir husbands, although each one says she loves her husband for the man he is. In each case, sexual satisfaction is missing, and looks like it will always be missing in those marriages for each of the ladies concerned. They live with that. They were raised not to expect romantic love, they were raised to believe that if you can like, admire and respect your husband, then thats all you should look for. I totally diagree with what they've done. they have denied themselves a most beautiful part of life, and in compromising to be with a man who is in all ways lovely, except for attractiveness, they lead rather colourless lives. in fact, these ladies fill up their need for romantic love with fantasies of Movie stars, and romantic books, (affairs are NOT an option, neither is leaving the marriage). YOU have a choice OP. Dont underestimate the need for sexual/physical attraction. In the end, you will resnt lying next to that wonderful man, because he's not fulfilling a very fundamental need in you. I know you're trying to do a good thing, by trying to see past his looks, but in fact, you're doing yourself and him a disservice, if you remain with him. JMHO DAx | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/21/2007 2:11:30 PM | I've found that if I'm attracted to a man's personality, he can become much more physically attractive over time, than he was initially. Looks fade...love, and all that comes with it, doesn't have to ;) Great point. This does happen, but only if you stop denying it.
OP, it sounds to me that you're not over the Marlboro Man, and you're confusing that for a lack of attraction for anyone else. I've been there. When I was doing very well for myself, and interested in finding a girlfriend, I was very "into" a woman who was still not over her ex. She just mucked me about. A few years later, we met up, and she was dropping very big hints that she was now interested. Only problem was, my life had spiraled downhill, and I was no longer in a position to make a lot of effort for a woman. I had too much to deal with.
Stop thinking about the Marlboro Man. As long as he is invading your head, you're treating other men as if you are having sex with him. It really is that bad. So realise that you are pushing guys away. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/21/2007 2:25:14 PM | | Carole, no matter what th age is, the reality is: looks count, it's biochemical-Psychological, how much they count depends on your expectations plus experience. For a woman over 55 you have looks on your side, it would be worse if the situation were revered. As an artest you might be more in touch with what is visually appealing? Just face it, and if you don't like the persons face find an one other to replace em. If you can overcome your natural emotional reaction intellectually? Good luck. People eventually project their inner feelings when they get close to someone, don't do anyone any favors, thats my best advice up front. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/21/2007 3:34:10 PM | Oh, how can I be so shallow, at my age I should settle for left overs. I should not have a relationship where you get both. Hmmmm
I once knew a girl that married this dude even though she didn't love him. He was dependible, successful, good looking a go getter type of guy. She has many many miserable years. She decided to never ever do that again.
Just because someone is nice to you it doesn't mean that they are relationship material. Face it, you do not have attraction for this man. You too would be much better off as friends. Right now all you are doing is trying to convince yourself of your own lie. Stop it. Do it for him. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/21/2007 4:09:38 PM | | If you are not attracted, then you are not attracted. Period. There's nothing to apologize for, it's not something you can really change. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/21/2007 5:18:18 PM | | OP - you are NOT shallow - stop thinking like that! It has happened to everyone I know - where you meet someone who is almost everything you want in a person EXCEPT there's no physical/sexual attraction or chemistry. Don't feel bad about that. It's definitely sad when it happens - it happened to me once & I tried to change my feelings about the whole thing but it just didn't happen. I got to know the "real" him and I liked him a lot, but there simply was no other attraction. That's when I realized that I wouldn't date someone again unless I was instantly attracted to something about him - and you DO know right away. If it's NOT there in the beginning, it usually means it won't be there later on. Some people have said the same thing as me in responding to your situation. Move on......I know it may be hard for you, especially if you don't meet a lot of men.....but it's better for you and him if you make a clean break now - before you both get too attached. Breaking up is hard enough to do - dragging it out makes it that much worse when you do eventually let him go. Plus, it's not fair or ethically/morally correct to not think about his feelings and how hurt he'll be if you drag this out. Life's unfair & cruel sometimes, isn't it? | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/21/2007 5:22:29 PM | | Hey....did anyone not notice that this was posted in 2005 - this is 2007 - why are we responding to this forum? If she's still with him, then this is all for nothing. Next time I'll pay more attention to the date! | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/21/2007 5:28:05 PM | | Looks are very deceiving. In addition, looks could be a blessing or a course. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/21/2007 5:28:17 PM | Piknick, There was an update by the OP- sometimes you have to read the whole thread :
UPDATE!
Posted: 10/21/2007
Two years have passed since I posted on here, and they have been good ones. I learned a lot about myself and how my own fears and needs kept me in the wrong relationship, with the wrong man. I have grown, I have matured, I have seen the light. I know now that all I really need is a good man who is confident, knows who he is and together we can allow ourselves to just be. Also the best lesson of all was..don't worry about all that small stuff that in the end means so little. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 12:59:30 AM | | You are not shallow I think we are that way. If I am not physically attracted to someone I am out of there. Follow you heart do what you need to do to be happy. There are good looking men out there that are good and sweet. Don’t settle you will never be happy that way. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 1:12:44 AM | | You have to have phsyical as well as emotional attraction, or you're not getting the whole package. I don't think the person has to be drop dead gorgeous, just someone who's cute and appealing to you to look at in some way. Too many people settle for half the package, then they end up feeling unfullfilled. IMO, it's always worth holding out for the whole package. Being alone and happy is better than being half happy in a relationship. At least that way you still have the hope of meeting the right one on the horizon. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 3:02:20 AM | | i think u have to be attracted to a man if ya wanna make it work hhhmm iam not shallow either but u do have to have the want | |
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