| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 3:20:09 AM | Funny, I hear the Marlboro man was/is gay.
Hope the new guy doesn't read your comments on his looks. Then again, maybe he'd benefit from knowing. Down the road at least.
Be alone for a long time, looks become less important. Some call it desperation.  | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 3:26:24 AM | | If you are not physically attracted to him then how do you expect to have a relationship with him. Sure he may be a wonderful guy who does and says all the right things ,but if he doesn't ring your bell then the relationship will not go very far. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 4:56:26 AM | | No wonder marriages don't last anymore, all these rejects seem to think it's all about the looks/sex. | |
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| UPDATE!
Posted: 10/22/2007 5:44:17 AM |
Two years have passed since I posted on here, and they have been good ones. I learned a lot about myself and how my own fears and needs kept me in the wrong relationship, with the wrong man. I have grown, I have matured, I have seen the light. I know now that all I really need is a good man who is confident, knows who he is and together we can allow ourselves to just be. Also the best lesson of all was..don't worry about all that small stuff that in the end means so little.
We never stop learning, do we? Must be weird to reread a thread and hear where you were two years ago.
I confess... I'm curious. What have you learned about attraction Carole? | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 5:50:08 AM | Ive lived with guys that im not attracted to that have treated me great and it hasnt worked.
Bottom line is that if ur not attracted to someone in some way then physical relationship breaks down and i believe that is part of a relationship.
I personally dont think your relationship will work x sorry x | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 6:10:22 AM | OP:
Anyone have any suggestions on how to let this looks thing go?
A comment about something Picnick said in another Thread titled: "Why are really good looking guys even looking on POF" (or something close). POF mediator deleted this thread for some reason.
Anyway...
Picnick said that if you look at the Really good looking guys on POF, you'll see they have a whole lot more Favorites then the average attractive guy. I took this to mean that the women on POF were not judging the guys based on the complete package. (This probably goes both ways, so I'll avoid that confrontation.)
Think about all the women who wold love to have Brett Favre. What 2-3 million?
We'll, there's only one of him, so quite a few are in for a big disappointment.
I think most of us are guilty to some degree of looking for that Brad Pitt or Jennifer Aniston. There's nothing wrong with it, but are we're usually setting ourselves up for disappointment?
I'll settle for nice, fit, somewhat athletic, outgoing, committed, loving, intimate.
That'll get me in the ball park. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 6:10:56 AM | | OP: You seem like a beautiful down to earth woman. You go girl! There is bound to be a good man out there for you! As for the issue with the looks. Physical attraction is important but what;s on the inside is way more important. It doesn't matter if a man is hot. If he's not right for you, you have to let it go. Sometimes you have to be flexible about how much you base attraction off of physical attraction. I myself have gotten caught up on guys who were smoking hot but oh so wrong for me. Sometimes you get too hung up on a certain "type" of man. My best advice is to have a loose list of must haves and can not stand's that is based more off of personality qualities than physical ones. I say staying with this guy is more about weighing the pros and cons. Can you be with someone you're not physically attracted to at all? I myself have to have some sort of physical attraction. Sometimes you meet a great guy who you would never have thought you'd go for. It's always worth it to give him a shot before you totally write him off. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 6:12:40 AM | Maybe OP did post this before the Marlboro Man died (2005). Let's see if we can milk it to 2010.  | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 6:19:56 AM | | I know what OP means.... i fell in love with looks, the guy was friendly nice guy type... but quite a bore, we had nothing in common, just great sex cos we both fancied each other so much. It finished, as he found another woman he had more in common with... and even though i know we were so wrong for each other... the getting over him thing is hard....just because i really like the way he looks | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 6:24:40 AM | lol @ Marlboro man being gay!!
I've been where you are and married the Marlboro Man and he wasn't all that! Several years later I met a man who wasn't very tall at all but I was so attracted to his intellect that it was a turn on. Maybe you need to be intimate with this guy to change your thinking! All sorts have it going where it counts! | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 7:05:50 AM | | i dont think its shallow of you, but there is alot more to a person male or female than looks. i have dated some gorgeous women that are ugly as hell on the inside! | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 7:27:17 AM | | While I agree that physical attraction is an important aspect of a relationship, I tend to disagree with the posters who state that you can’t change who you are attracted to. Frequently people are attracted to a persona, which includes a certain look. The problem with that is that we are sometimes “programmed” by our history to be attracted to that which isn’t good for us. You need to take a hard look at the reasons why you are attracted to a certain type and resolve any issues associated with that. While you are in this process though, realize that you will not be physically attracted to everyone, and there is nothing wrong with wanting passion in a relationship. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 7:32:10 AM | | I guess I am "lucky" then, because I am physically attracted by most women. So then, my other litmus test, mind connection, which is wired to my libido as well, has its work cut out for it, to narrow the field to just one woman. lol | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 7:46:20 AM | Yes, attraction matters. But, to be perfectly honest, you have to look at where you are in your life and decide based on the combination of age, career, goals, baggage and options whether you can afford to be very selective or not.
Life is short, you should use your full range of options when it's sensible to do so. When those options narrow, you have to be more practical in how selective you become.
Ever stop to think you might not be all the things he wants either? | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 7:58:30 AM | "But, to be perfectly honest, you have to look at where you are in your life and decide based on the combination of age, career, goals, baggage and options whether you can afford to be very selective or not."
To be honest too, with all due respect to the esteemed fellow forummer, using such decision criteria has NOTHING to do with attraction. It turns selection into a non-attraction, "rational" process, and throws the whole idea of Eros and Laws of Attraction out of the window. Replacing them by sort of valuation methods used in business etc. Not romantic and erotic at all, right? So I urge the fellow poster to reconsider his opin. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 8:05:34 AM | OP,
You are 65 and haven't figured this out already? If you aren't attracted to him, don't lead him on. And when you tell him the reason why be sure to tell him the truth, tape record it, then later when you are alone look in the mirror while yoy play it back. See how you feel then.
This goes way beyond being shallow. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 10:35:54 AM | | Physical attraction is just as important as anything else in being truly happy with a long term partner. Just be patient and keep on going, and eventually you will find the combination you want. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 11:17:54 AM | I am curious about "The laws of attraction" and how people perceive that theory in relation to the success or failure of a potential relationship?
At one time in society it was more common to see the "War Bride" the "Mail order Bride" the "Promised at Birth Bride"...these relationships were never based on the "Laws of Attraction" and in many cases these marriages lasted for 40 years or more. These two individuals were "Motivated for success" and were willing to learn to love the other through yes the good times and the bad times. Were they perfect marriages? Probably not in all cases, but none the less many if not all were successful in lasting a life time.
Today, we as a society are more driven by monetary rewards than we are by simple motivation of success. Times have changed and so have the success of relationships.
I still believe that you can learn to love someone by the simple fact of being motivated to actually care about someone other than ourselves.
"JMHThoughts" and not an opinion meant to be inflicted upon others. Someone special in my life use to talk about the concept of Motivation and how it plays a role in the success and failures within our lives. I now believe motivation of success plays a major role in how we manage our relationships and the longevity of them. Do I now choose to be in a relationship with someone who rates high on the scale of appearance according to a consensus poll, absolutely not. I look for many attributes that I will find appealing and attractive.
How attraction pertains to on line dating. I think its important for many to take into account that pictures on profiles is only a slight introduction to the potential depth of a person. Also many people are not photogenic and in many cases will have features in person that you will find very appealing that you would of not been able to determine by a glance or two on a profile. I have been told recently that I look far better in person than I do in my profile pictures. Is that to say I look totally different or is it just possible that my personality is really what the main attraction is? Thoughts to ponder on for sure....
At the end of day, how truly motivated are you to find happiness??
CC | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 12:03:14 PM | Long ago there were less people to choose from, more distance between homes, farms, towns, cities, etc. It made sense to enjoy the one you were with because you never knew others that could and would make a difference or make you feel that you made the wrong choice.
Life and living are so different now, with millions of people just a keyboard away, thousands walking up and down the streets, homes that are just 1o feet away, instant communications, visuals, on and on.
Now that you have so many choices and you also have the chance to explore your desires, those desires will force the issue and that is......looks and symmetry will start the process, and the chemistry of personality, style, abilities, and life needs will determine if you have enough to want more, and feel it.
Do not settle, but also, do not fight getting to know another because of lacking one side or the other, and compromise might lead you down a different road to success in the long run.
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 12:16:20 PM | | Carole923,it's a personal thing you have to decide upon. One way of looking at it is would you be settling for something out of fear of never getting another chance? are you willing to settle and for how long? The whole time you are with him,would you be looking for something else either consciously or unconsciously? How long do you give for him to grow on you,and if that never happens, what then and the feelings that have really developed on his part? Everybody has different views and opinions,you can fool others but you should be honest with yourself. My opinion from a man's side is be honest,explain how you love the way he treats you,cares for you and you like his company, but you just don't have that spark that would be necessary for anything long term. WOULD YOU WANT SOMEONE TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,isn't that one of the main requirements most profiles ask for HONESTY. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 12:18:04 PM |
Think about all the women who would love to have Brett Favre. What 2-3 million? Who's Brett Favre? | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 12:48:43 PM | ^^^^^I was actually wondering about that myself?? Never heard of this Brett Favre person...but then I seldom follow stuff on TV or in those magazines they have at the check out of grocery stores.....
CC | |
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clay71
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Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 74 | |
| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 1:26:16 PM | It's just human nature,I can't think of any other reason.
I've read this book and that article but,they don't seem to apply in real world use.
I think it's just that elusive human nature of ours. | |
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| What is it about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2007 9:56:22 PM | Oh my goodness, I just did. He's a football player.
No wonder I didn't know. LOL! | |
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