| I can't control it...beware!
Posted: 10/2/2005 8:03:41 PM | You know, I think that in some instances, we're talking about apples and oranges here.
My understanding was that we're talking about controlling BEHAVIORS here, not emotions. Emotions are absolutely sometimes difficult to control; it's how you RESPOND to those emotions, or the behaviors that you attribute to those emotions, that are the issue.
Someone brought up the "she made me hit her" example, and it's perfect. "She" may be responsible for making "him" angry, but how "he" chooses to DEAL with that emotion is "his" responsibility. My first ex-husband was FAMOUS for the "you made me angry so I hit you" argument. Never occurred to him that he had options besides belting me one when I pissed him off somehow...
And he wondered why I left.
People in our lives evoke strong emotions from us all the time. Co-workers piss us off. Our kids piss us off. Our friends, our parents, people driving at the same time and on the same road as us piss us off. Doesn't mean it's okay to HIT them, right? The physical abuse scenario may be an extreme one, but the general idea applies, regardless.
Hypothetically speaking, let's say I'm in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way. Does that give me carte blanche to stalk them, just because I can't deal with my own emotions, both the positive ones (loving another person) and the negative ones (rejection)? No, it doesn't.
It's not about controlling emotions...it's about making good choices regarding the resulting behaviors. | |
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