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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 10/7/2005 4:40:48 PM | Hit hit a pocket of dispair lately... figure it will pass with some time and attention to getting back on track in some areas of my life. At this point friendship is everything to me. Sex is only good in context of love (at this point in my life), yet sometimes I find myself unbearably hungry and desiring closeness.
Is it actually a longing for other fulfillment,will finding new passions help feed the loneliness I've been feeling latey? Stay tuned. I can only imagine I am not so unusual. Wanting love is part of the human condition- so I am just human.
As for love, I've given up finding it, like a commodity on the shelf at the grocery store. I know the one thing I need is friendship...and hugs to my friends on this thread. | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 10/7/2005 4:50:04 PM | | paradoxx I've been through the same thing, actually i could have written that post myself. The only constant in life is change, and life will go through cycles and stages whether we want it to or not. I try to embrace the changes rather than fight them, but it seems like when you get all settled in then something happens and your life changes and you're back to square one again. As far as finding love, I think it's something you stumble across, like a pebble on a sidewalk you don't see. This can be a difficult stage because we're going through changes, parents aging, children growing up and out the door....many changes. But we can only focus on that which we have control over which is only ourselves, so if we work on making the changes there, things have a way of falling into place, or else we're more content with the status quo just because we're happy with ourselves. | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 10/7/2005 5:28:33 PM | bucs,
Well said! Life seems to always change...and I suppose niticing my uneasy feelings right now, change is around the corner...status quo dosent have that effect.
Maybe I feel fall coming on, just like the turning trees outside. My baby...now 13, is 6'2, and my nose fits neatly under his chin when I coax a hug from him. Where did the time go? My daughter is giggling about boys now, and I am half alarmed and amused that the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Maybe life is just about the passages, I don't know...when you stand back and look at it; it's unspeakably beautiful, isn't it? | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 10/7/2005 5:35:49 PM | | paradoxx Well my baby boy just turned 18 in May, he's 6 something, hehehe about 230 and wears size 14 1/2 shoes. He can pick me up and throw me around like I'm a toothpick. He's just being 18 doing what he wants, coming and going....driving me a bit wiggiy now and then. My younger daughter and I go to lunch on her day off and she told me about this guy she works with. I swear she lights up like a Christmas tree... so I'm happy for her just hope they can work out the job situation, she's his BOSS...hahaha. So they're trying to keep it under wraps for now. My other two are just kinda plugging along, my son's wife came through chemo, she was diagnosed with leukemia in June, she's back at work and school. Prognosis is outstanding, but I tell ya my son and I went through hell having to cope with it. He called me in the evenings when she was in the hospital. It just brought our family that much closer together, though. My older daughter I don't have a clue she flits from one thing to the next, but I just try to be there and listen to her and help her. It is beautiful, watching your kids grow into adults and make decisions and having the talks with them, trying to only give advice when asked for and mostly just being there and loving them. | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 10/7/2005 8:01:32 PM | oh ladies, i'm right in there with you. nagging feelings of...something...i can't even put a name to it. perhaps it is the onset of fall or maybe my baby girl turning 17 or falling asleep night after night alone missing closeness and intimacy or, as you said, change looming around the corner. i dunno but i can't seem to shake it...i'm feeling it too deeply. i almost feel like even if i stumble across that pebble right now i'd probably just stub my toe and curse. h*ll love could probably bite me on the toe right now and i'd miss it somehow.
ahh well, life, in its ever changing state, goes on...thank god for all of you here helping to keep me keepin' on... | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 10/7/2005 8:12:05 PM | aw leafs thanks hun...i needed that hug and  right back at ya.
i sometimes get in moods where i don't feel i'm fit company for anyone and i tend to completely close myself off from everyone...family & friends included. thanks for reminding me that these are the times i should be reaching out rather than hiding inside myself. sometimes i need a kick in the butt! | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 10/7/2005 10:51:14 PM | Well I can totally relate to feeling those winds of change. I have found it extremely difficult most recently and really can't put a finger on why so much unease is being felt.
I read the ladies posts here and just feel like you are speaking for me, for the most part. I can totally relate to looking at our children and remembering those sweet smelling babes that deprived us of sleep so many years ago.
My first grandchild turned 7 on the 28th of Sept. I was at his party last weekend. He is by far the love of my life. I always referred to my children as being my teachers. I tell everyone he is my professor. I have learned more about love, myself and life through him than anyone. Now my newest grandchild is scheduled to be born (sitting breach) on the 18th of this month. This child will not be living here with me, but miles away in ON. I go through so many feelings with the thought that I cannot bond the way I have with my "lovebug" here.
Sorry, I am tripping off here...see what happens when you get started! Time keeps marching on.....
Funny how we women measure our lives through those of our children! What blessings they are!!!! | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 10/8/2005 7:59:05 AM | Hugs to all of you ladies. It seems we hit a universal passage here. I read a Time article about women and mid-life crisis a while back. It seems we don't do the sports car/dating young etc. that some of our male counterparts do, but we do hit a time of reconciliation with ourselves and revved up creativity. Women take up second languages, travel, start businesses, just "do" something that gives life greater personal expression. It's our time maybe, no more diaper bags (I don't miss that!) staying home with sick kids.
So maybe we just need to re-direct our focus from what was (growing our kids up) to replacing it with.....(?) I get stuck at this part- I see so many roads to travel now. Dating isn't working for me as a diversion. I am realizing more and more I cannot just find "a man" to fill the void. I've met great people, but the spark that could be called love seems more elusive, almost impossible. I don't think it works like it did when I was younger. I could find something to love about almost everyone...but now the heart is less willing to call attraction or companionship love.
Heh, okay, maybe I need to settle in and crochet toilet paper covers out of garish yarn...I hope that's really not my future, but now I wonder. | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 10/8/2005 8:12:06 AM | | paradoxx Well, I'm knitting a lovely cover for an RV....hahaha!! I'll send you the pattern if you like! I've pursued belly dancing and tennis lessons, gonna try it again. Belly dancing lessons were sporadic, got tired of them being cancelled, gonna find a different studio or stay home and do the tapes....hahaha. Tennis lessons were also messed with last year by hurricane season. Seems the pro wimped out at a little rain!! hahaha As far as the dating thing I've flip flopped from holding tight to my parameters in what I know will make me happy to thinking aw well maybe I'm being too restrictive, a date with someone I KNEW was not enough commonality with, had fun, but sure enough....kept writing and writing, finally the cry baby I wrote you 3 emails you never answered (yeah 3 emails in 2 days). My cue to cut him off and told him why. I don't have the patience. Then the thing of okay, accept a date with a MUCH younger guy, almost have. I always cancel out at the last minute. Who am I kidding or what's the point? I DO want a long term to build something with someone. I have friends to go out and have fun with. Just canceled the last one yesterday, at least he didn't go postal on me!! hahaha! I've just got too many things I wanna do, like the kid in a candy store, so I have to focus on what I want most and can actually have the time to do well. | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 10/8/2005 8:17:39 AM | That's awesome leafs! Your kids know you need some down time and fun...its wonderful they support you in that.
You inspire me, maybe a road trip is in order...or getting involved in some art associations...my paintbrushes are calling my name.
I was recently promoted at work, went from a semi-production environment to front office CSR/Sales work. I've been throwing myself into it...working 12 hours days and finding great satisfaction from finally having a chance to focus on the part of my career I love. | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 10/8/2005 8:28:08 AM |
paradoxx Well, I'm knitting a lovely cover for an RV....hahaha!! I'll send you the pattern if you like!
Thanks bucs, I just snorted my coffee!! HAHAHAHA, maybe I could help you out and crochet a fender cover or tire cozey.
On the guy front...YUP! Same here. I find great people with no spark, or great sparks with people who live so far away they might as well be on the moon. I havent tried the younger man thing...but dont find myself attracted in that way at all. I'd love to find a companion about my age who is drama free and an exciting conversationalist with creative tenancies.
One with kind heart and sterling character...oh yeah, and local so I'm not chasing my tail.
Heh, and SINGLE.
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 10/8/2005 10:29:30 AM | It was either Shakespear or Flip Wilson who once said, "Distance doeth sucketh the largish one." I see so many wonderful women here who I would love spending time with if the distance wasn't a factor.
Our species evolved to be in pairs, we even have complimentary parts.  So when we find ourselves alone it's an innately foreign feeling for us. Unfortunately we make some pretty boneheaded moves to quell these little internal turmoils which often lead to larger internal and external conflicts. Being alone goes against our natural desire to be with someone and being with someone goes against our own selfcentered interests we aquired as children............ Somewhere we have to strike a balance and more imprtantly find someone who shares that same view and can understand our momentary tips of the scale and love us anyway..... 'Very hard to work out the details when anyone you are attracted to is several states or even a country away....
-and welcome back Paradox darlin' | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 10/8/2005 3:19:58 PM | passin'...maybe that transporter OTB was workin' on on another thread will be perfected soon. personally i'd love to see your oh so eloquent mug up my way...Shakespeare's got nuttin' on you my friend...
leafs you lucky girl. i envy you. perhaps one day i'll be able to do some traveling too. it sounds wonderful. you raised some pretty smart kids there gurl...
bucs....knittin's not really my thing but i've been know to crochet some killer potholders in my day. be happy to whip some up for the ole' rv. you're also right on about the results of loosening up those dating restrictions. same kind of thing just happened to me...3 unanswered emails and a virtual rose in 2 days here. amost stalkerish and definitely a bit too much from the guy. yikes! still sittin' on the shore of the pond waitin' for the right fish to swim by...
paradoxx....congrats on your promotion! loved what you said about redirecting our focus...now if i could just figure out where to redirect it to... | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 10/8/2005 4:08:53 PM | Okay my dear congregation, Pastor Bucs is publishing my sermon for tomorrow, 10/9 titled Some Words for My Dear Friends, don't have a scripture reference. And since tomorrow is football, well hope y'all don't mind if I do this a bit early. hahaha
The Power of One - It's very easy to get overwhelmed or caught up in numbers in internet dating. The pond is so big and so many fishes. Thousands, hundreds of thousands, it's mindboggling. We can sit and scan profiles by the hour, change search parameters, redo our profiles. And inevitably we hit upon a dry spell sometimes the fish aren't always biting, sometimes we catch all muddogs (if that's a fish) something we can't wait, we cut the hook and throw them back and just go eww!!!
But we're not ladydi looking to catch a mess of fish to fry up or stock the freezer, I'm sure she hardly ever goes home without a good bunch. No, we've set our hooks for only one fish. Just one particular one. Not sure what kind of fish it is particularly, but we know it when we see it. That's the thing to keep in mind, all the not interested emails, all the dates from hades...all the disappearing acts. Of all the frustration and feelings of wanting to toss out our fishing poles. Just remember it'll only take one and we can retire our fishing equipment. We've all been there, we know that special one. It's happened before it'll happen again. The power of one, not just any one but THAT one and suddenly, magically we forget about everything that happened before.
Keeping the Faith - Now this is in scripture, but I'm only quoting it because to me it makes sense. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." So faith is things we wish for, but something that has not come to pass yet. It involves two other elements, hope and expectation. We have hope and expect that something will come to pass. Both are precious commodities. Hope and faith are totally intertwined. We can hope to win the lottery or hope that our children will grow up to be happy responsible adults. There are many things we hope for, and sometimes our hopes and wishes don't always come about. When we have disappointment, it tends to shatter or dampen our hopes.
That happens to us all, we don't have to have lived much life for that to have happened. But hope can be renewed and restored. When we put our hopes and expectations in others, then we're likely to be disappointed. We cannot ever control the choices that others make that still affect us. It's when we place the belief and the FAITH that we are indeed worthy of what we hope for, once we reach that point where we give ourselves the gift of ourselves that our expectations change.
Edit: I'm working on next week's sermon Giving Yourself the Gift of You. | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 10/8/2005 4:26:36 PM | It's when we place the belief and the FAITH that we are indeed worthy of what we hope for, once we reach that point where we give ourselves the gift of ourselves that our expectations change.
Amen sister!
...and this is the part i have trouble with. mostly i know i'm worthy, yet there is a little part of me that doesn't quite 'get it' yet. i've done a great many things in my life i'm proud of...raising 2 incredibly wonderful daughters virtually by myself at the top of the list, i'm a loyal friend and a loving daughter and just a downright decent person. and i know everyone makes mistakes, but i made a "doozy" a few years back that i'm still trying to recover from...that i'm still tryin' to forgive myself for. the ramifications of that still run deep through my dating life. until i figure out how to climb over that wall, i'll just be sittin' on the dock...
lookin' forward to next week's sermon Pastor Bucs...sounds tailor made just for me... | |
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