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2uneek
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Joined: 10/12/2005
Msg: 951 | |
| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 11/10/2005 10:01:40 AM | Georgie: That is a wonderful phrase!! Excuse while I write that one down. Love the spirit too...You bring those dancin shoes and you wont be disappointed...the casino should be open on time too. Hey..this is a cruise ship. Wouldnt want anyone to be bored. Dont worry no-one loses in this casino. You can certainly bet you'll have my prayers rooting you on. Double  's for you.
lonewolf: My apologies for being off topic. It obvious you have plenty of hurdles to leap. Prayers and wishes that you come out on top and can get your health in order quickly.
HEy wait a minute...your a couple ...WOW that is great! Sorry for not paying attention right off the bat...lilmssxy: You certainly have my prayers. I do hope you get well soon. | |
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2uneek
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Joined: 10/12/2005
Msg: 952 | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 11/10/2005 10:08:05 AM | | Thanks, 2uneek, but I'm going to have to cancel my cruise ticket. I'll be there in spirit. I'm simply not up to partying at this time. Thanks for the condolances, I think. This woman beat me with rebar, 2x4's, feet, hands, whatever was handy not to mention her mouth for 42 years of my life. She even took away my children. So, I don't know what to feel yet. I'm still drawing a blank. | |
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2uneek
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Joined: 10/12/2005
Msg: 954 | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 11/10/2005 10:17:03 AM | Thanks 2Uneek easy mistake to happen as we both have the same pic on here LOL thanks for the well wishes and prayers there greatly apricaiated
Steve is my rock dunno where i'd be without him he sure has gotten me through alot of hard times latley and more to come ..Love You Babe | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 11/10/2005 10:19:59 AM | Gayle,
I can't imagine what you are going through, nor can I imagine a Dr telling me something was in my head. For the long term, I'd ask for copies of my medical records and damn sure seek some sort of retribution for whatever pain and suffering the Dr has caused you. Now, in the short term, you did the right thing but seeking help elsewhere. How you will get there is another problem. I would seek advice from anyone and everyone in your community, local government, etc.
I hope you get some help soon. | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 11/10/2005 10:21:18 AM | Thanks Human. She was 80 years old. Her time was up. I can't say wisely spent, and I can't say I am yet mourning her passing. The history of her and I runs deep. She tortured me from my earliest memory. Actually my first memory as a child is of being kicked down the hallway then picked up at my bedroom door and thrown the ten feet to my bed, where I crashed into the wall, broke my arm, and fell screaming to the bed. I was about three at that time.
She wasn't human in my mind. I am going for a drive to my favorite place to commune with God. I'll be back later. | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 11/10/2005 10:27:16 AM | | Thanks Ladybug,i am seeing my family dr next week and will get copies from the specialist my family dr has been wonderful but there is only so much he can do as it's not in his field but he has gotten me help ....as for seeking help from gov oh boy this is ontario and unless i am reffred by another dr to go to Toronto then i am chit out of luck other then getting a travel grant but that isn't gauranteed cause i made the arrangements myself.... As for this urologists if i ever see his face again i do know there won't be stoping steve from giveing him a good poke .....Most of the the orgnisation here like the kidney foundation use to help out with travel expenses but they don't anymore can thank the Harris gov for that...... | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 11/10/2005 10:44:20 AM | Hey littlemissy and lonewolf
I live in Ontario and man this government is really sucking, I lived in B.C. for a while and dealt with a cancer issue there, had the best of the best. Came to ontario and couldn't believe the difference. Now mind you we paid for our medical I think it was like a whopping 28 bucks a month for me and my kids and I say that's a good price to pay to have good medical available what's going on here is lousy and I feel for you being caught up in it.
You'll sure find this wonderfull group helpfull though! | |
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2uneek
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Joined: 10/12/2005
Msg: 964 | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 11/10/2005 1:53:59 PM | | Aww it's nice to be missed guys but there's no need for an APB. It was time for me to step back and take a look inside to figure out where I go from here. When I did, I saw a woman much more confident in herself who finally realizes that she is deserving of love and is at peace. That's a pretty big change from the girl who teetered into this thread at it's inception. And that being the case, I think it's time for me to proclaim myself graduated as well and move on to see how I do. Kind of a scaffolding thing that I use with the kids in my class...gradually take away the support so that they eventually stand on their own. That being said, I think I'll have to take a pass on the cruise. I love ya all and appreciate all of the love and support you've given me. Perhaps I'll pop in here and there to check in and let you all know how things are going...good luck quads. Have fun cruisin'! Don't hesitate to email and keep in touch... | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 11/10/2005 2:00:23 PM | Well, gang, I know now my mother's passing is not going to impact me how I thought and feared it might through the years. My mother, being the child abuser she was never earned my love or respect, though in my sicker (victimized) days I sought her approval and pride in everything I did. I never got it though—Imagine that! Lol
I ended her reign of terror in my life in September of 2000, when I took my life back and moved from BC to Ontario, determined to make my own success or failure in life, and I made it a success. I left without saying goodbye and didn’t contact my family for eight months. Ineeded that time to begin healing without being contstantly told I’d over reacted, AGAIN, as usual and deranged because I’d moved.
Dreams I had dreamed of since I was a child came true. Since I left and became my own person I’ve published three books! Imagine that! I own my own audiobook company as well. I’ve even achieved my dream of writing for newspapers over the last few years, and have a small column here in the north monthly. I’m even working on my fourth novel now. I went to college and passed the entrance exam with only a grade 8 education behind me at 42 years old! I couldn’t even remember how to do fractions so I crammed with a 17 year old and passed the exam with flying colors. These were all things I couldn’t do or focus on when wrapped in the sickness of my family back home. I’ve retrained my thinking, healed a lot of who I am, taken charge of my life, my thoughts, my reactions, and today I know I’m worthy of respect, dignity, love, and friendship. Today I’m my own best friend, and wow what a great friend to have on your side!
I also learned you have you use your own yardstick to measure who you are as a person, your achievements, pride, respect, all comes from within yourself. No one else can give it to you. Knowing I couldn’t get better stuck in the illness of verbal abuse and everything my mother pulled off on me throughout my lifetime, my father’s alcoholism, my mother talking both my own daughters into abandoning me and side with her was the last and final blow I allowed this woman to land on my spirit.
I know this is long, but please bare with me. I need to get this out.
Today I drove to Jocko Point and sat very near God at my favorite fishing hole. I felt God saying to me, now I’ll deal with her, you can let her go with forgiveness and love now. This lifted my spirit and the weight of not knowing how to react ran off me like rain. I’m free! At last, I’m free! No more can she wound me. She can do me no more harm. I chose to live in today, not the past, and I vowed to God I’m moving forward with a smile on my face and a spring in my step and I’m not looking back that way again other than to help others if I can. Not to harm myself. My mother is gone, but this is one person who doesn’t feel the need to mourn her passing. I let her go with love, forgiveness, and pray her journey leads her to heaven and a safe haven there.
So, 2uneek, put me back on the list for attending the cruise. My dancing shoes are polished, my dress and stockings ready to rock’n roll, two-step, swing and jive! Whatever is on the menu, just save me a dance, because this woman is ready to live my life’s motto to the max! "Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "...holy #$&#&...what a ride!" | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 11/10/2005 3:01:45 PM | 2uneek Sorry, but double cabin took my halo.....AKK! May have to go to the halo store and get another one. Mine was a bit bent and rusted anyway.
georgie My condolences on the passing of your mother. At least that's a book you can close.
iluv Well, little sister you're ready to handle whatever may come your way. You're such a wonderful lady, I'm sure some man in kansas will make note. I'm SOO proud of you!
tuesday You'll do fine on your new job, I just know it.
ladybug Here's a lady of wisdom and a smile that'd outshine the lighthouse!
human Your tenderness and concern for others is very touching to see.
mamatiger You're hardly fierce, dear I'm not afraid...hahaha. You're a joy to be around, and I love to hear your growl...or should I say purr??
roaul Sure, get your hugs and then leave...okay.
blews You're in a great place, make yourself at home here, you fit right in.
sundance You can't leave these poor guys alone with all these women!! They need you here for a little testosterone support!! hahaha
And I did invite someone else, I don't need to say it, I know you'll make her feel at home. | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 11/10/2005 4:14:22 PM | iluvmonkeys2, congratulations at reaching the point of experiencing real independence! Isn't it great to know you have what it now takes to grab life by its neck and take what you want from it, and leave the rest? I'm a few steps behind you, and I want to wish you the best of everything as you go on your way and stretch your own wings and fly.
Thanks, Bucsgirl, you're so right. I was sitting here not a half hour ago thinking about how this is going to change my life. How it already has. I used to know every two weeks, some evening soon, the phone would ring and I'd cringe in knowing the likelihood it was her calling and knowing there would be one small dig somewhere in that conversation. I no longer have to dread who is calling me, either. I know it sounds harsh not to grieve one own's mother, but she was never a mother to me worth loving. So, close the book, turn the page, begin a new chapter--life is opening up in whole new ways and it's exciting to know one book has closed and the next book is mine to write entirely on my own choices.
I was watching Starting Over on TV tonight and there was a segment on Core Beliefs that really struck home with me. Core Beliefs being beliefs we've had since we were children that we don't even think about let alone question why we believe them--they just are. The excersize given to the women on the TV show was challenging your core beliefs and where they don't apply to you, replace them with your own. A great example is, "Georgie isn't worth time or effort" because this was a core belief I grew up with I adopted it as my own. My new core belief is "Georgie is worthy of every effort because she is a great person." I'm going to sit tonight and write down all my core beliefs and challenge each one, replacing any negatives with new ones that fit a healthy, emotionally well woman and then adopt them as my own and wear them with pride.
Thank you everyone for your sympathies today. If anything, for me, this event is liberating. I feel sorry she passed, but not sorry she's gone. If that makes sense. | |
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| Quadragenerians 'n up- friendship? love? or just making it one day at a time?
Posted: 11/10/2005 5:49:30 PM | It's so nice to see so many of you enjoying my best friend ladybug's optimistic spirit. Is it any wonder how her friendship helped me through my darkest days. It's no mystery to me.
Tuesday: Sorry to not get a chance to know you as you've posted very nicely here and fit right in, but my reasons for departing are posted earlier (posting 870?) and in my profile.
Georgie: I am sorry about your mom and your mixed feelings about her passing. I will feel much the same when my mom passes away, so I understand you more than I can write here. | |
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