| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/21/2005 8:08:33 PM | | i didn't go for support for a number of reasons but the main reason was because it was my choice to have my son, not his... i gave him no choice. it's my body, my baby & i made it my responsibility. keep in mind... i had my son at a very young age and wouldn't allow the same situation to happen again in my life. it only takes giving birth once to figure that out. ;) | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/21/2005 9:16:01 PM |
It's not that I really think fathers should not have to pay for their children but why make any parent be a parent in any way if that is not an interest of the other parent?? So my child would be resented?? I don't think so.
Thank you for really seeing things for what they are nobody wants to be resented especially a child who had no say in the situation at all. People really don't take this into consideration. They tend to be very selfish about money. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/25/2005 4:24:50 AM | | well virgo i see your point and i do agree to an extent but i also feel if he helped you make your child he should also help support it some and if he is not willing ot do it outside the courts then so be it but he should still be supporting the child or children It very expensive to raise kids in the world today. in the state i live in in order to get any help well the parents that need help from the state meaning public assistance have to sue the fathers even if its against their will to do so, which i feel is wrong but keep in mind our public assistance system hasnt been updated in aobut 20 years either. i feel it should be the mothers choice rather she sue for support or not. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/25/2005 6:27:02 AM | | our system is basically the same in CA blue... the reason they go after the father when a mother applies for aid is so they recoup some of the money they are giving to that mother to raise his child in his absence. taxpayers shouldn't have to pay 100% of that aid if they can catch up to the father in court. it would be the same if a mother gave birth and gave the baby over to the father and he applied for aid. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/25/2005 6:45:31 AM | My ex was given a choice before I got pregnant. Either use protection or stop having
"traditional" sex, or be prepared to marry me if I get pregnant. He asked me to marry him and even on the pill, I promptly got pregnant. But in the end - he complained to someone that I had "tricked" him.
What's the trick???
In my divorce I was to get a set amount of monies to raise our son. Very little by today's standards, but a figure I thought was fair and affordable for him.
He didn't pay.
I sent my son to visit everytime it was appropriate considering the distance. I paid the air fare many times. I wanted my son to know he had a dad.
When my son was sick and we needed $1000. for a minor medical procedure - I asked his
dad for help. He sent me $20.00
Sorry, rambled on.... my point is that my ex had a choice, then changed his mind. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/25/2005 9:10:09 PM |
Sorry, rambled on.... my point is that my ex had a choice, then changed his mind.
Ashley
I am sorry to hear that obviously he is another one of those guys that says one thing and means another.He has no excuse he entered into your relatioship knowing full well that you were going to have children.
Personally I would not have sent him to visit if I had to foot the bill. It sounds harsh but if he can't be bothered to live close by or send support or a plan ticket you should not have had to send your son. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/7/2005 12:20:14 PM | | when my ex and i were together i had told him that i could still get pregnant and couldnt take the pill and he told me he didnt think he could have kids and refused to wear condoms and of course i became pregnant and first thing he said was "how about an abortion?" i do not believe in abortions and refused. he did stick around but refused to have anything to do with pregnancy but was adament that i had to name child after him, which i did. after she was born he did everything for her, changed diapers, got up in middle of night with her, fed her etc. but we split up when she was two and she is now five and he has had nothing to do with her in all that time, skipped b-days, christmas and every other holiday. i have begged him to see her as i am a firm believer in a child needs two parents but he keeps making excuses so i have taken him for support because if he doesnt want to be a father then he might as well be a check in the mail. i didnt lay down and make her by myself so why should i be the only one taking responsibility. i am having a hard time getting him to even pay for her and i am the one taking care of everything for her and i dont feel that its right. if men dont want a kid then they need to either abstain or wear a condom, i know condoms can break but thats the risk you take if you want to play. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/7/2005 7:37:15 PM | laurie... unfortunately, you are just as responsible for that pregnancy as he is and although you don't like the fact that he hasn't stepped up to the plate... you walked right into that one and could have abstained before this happend. take him to court if you want support but don't play the blame game... it takes two to tango.
like i said earlier... it was MY choice to have my child, not his father's and it is for that reason i never looked to him for support. if you sit back and wait for someone else to do what you're capable of... you may find yourself thoroughly disappointed. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/7/2005 7:52:55 PM | | No, I don't think you should go for child support. Yes, it may take two to tango.....but, If he wanted you to have the baby and you wanted the abortion what would happen? This is where I do think the men get the short straw. If found in the situation above, I may have the child but it would be with parameters and the understanding I'll leave your money alone as long as you leave me alone to raise the child. On the birth certificate I would put father unknown. At that point, neither party would have a legal obligation to the other. The hard part would be telling the child when they are old enough to understand, but with enough love and compassion the child would be just fine. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/7/2005 8:24:54 PM | | Thanks Ms. Kitty.....and I agree, or one she'd rather give up.... I keep hearing her body, her decision, his money. I just think it's wrong...... I do not receive child support either for the same reason. I wouldn't trade them for the world or for one red cent of his money. When it comes to decisions made on their behalf... well all I will say is: he has been disqualified. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/7/2005 8:52:41 PM | How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/2/2005 9 31 PM
Would you go for support? If so, do you really think that is fair to him?
I relise this is going to stir up contraversy. But I think that it can make for a good debate
Wellbeing a man it is the womens choice if she so choses to go for support it is her desion
it takes two to tango as they say.I have one child and if i didnt want him i would have have him because it is not one persons responsibilty i always use caution being condem or other methods.so if your man enough to get her prego your man enough to support.thats just my opinion | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/7/2005 8:55:23 PM | whosyourbadkitty
Joined: 8/27/2004
Msg: 26
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How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/21/2005 11:08:33 PM
i didn't go for support for a number of reasons but the main reason was because it was my choice to have my son, not his... i gave him no choice. it's my body, my baby & i made it my responsibility. keep in mind... i had my son at a very young age and wouldn't allow the same situation to happen again in my life. it only takes giving birth once to figure that out. ;)
but it was his choice as it was mine if he didnt want a child there is steps to take | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/8/2005 4:55:58 AM | | I disagree! Abortion is murder - plain and simple. BOTH partners know the risks when they have sex, so for a man to say "hey, too damn bad, kill it or give it away" is just wrong! I agree men should have a say, but he made the choice to have sex knowing that there is always a possibility of pregnancy, and will have to step up to the plate to face the consequences. Babies are not just easy commodities to get rid of becuase they are inconvenient at the time!! | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/8/2005 6:11:45 AM | | connguy... i don't disagree with you in that men should step up to the plate and take care of the children they help bring into this world... in my case... it just so happens he wasn't worthy of the position of "father" in my son's life and i took the necessary steps to ensure my son's safety by not allowing him to be a part of my decision, my life or my son's. had i allowed him the opportunity to be in our lives and support his child, i or my son might be dead by now. not all men are capable of being the men they should be in situations like unplanned pregnancies. | |
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j-mix
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Joined: 10/4/2005
Msg: 44 | |
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jetsy
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Joined: 5/18/2005
Msg: 45 | |
| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/8/2005 1:59:03 PM | I dated a man off and on for 8 years. Due to a health issue, the birth control failed and I got pregnant. After the shock wore off, I told him. He told me matter of factly, no problem, we will get the abortion scheduled. No talking about it ... he just told me what I was going to do. My daughter is 11 years old and I have full legal and physical custody of her. Just to show you what a stand up guy her father is, he went away to VA when I was 7 months pregnant and got married, forgetting to tell the new wife about his impending fatherhood.
My point is that any time you make the decision to have sex with someone, you also are making the decision to run the risk of an unplanned pregnancy. Whether you want to admit it or not, you are taking that chance. No matter the precautions being taken.
I chose to go against my daughter's father's wishes. Too bad. Any decision made after the decision was made to have sex should have been talked about before the act ... or be prepared to live with some unexpected consequences. | |
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E*V*A
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Joined: 11/4/2005
Msg: 46 | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/8/2005 8:42:23 PM | | What a subject. I'm not for or against because everyone has to do what is best for them regardless of who or what is involved. I will say something about adoption. Being on both sides as I was adopted and at 16 gave a child up for adoption. I am one of the lucky ones that was proud that someone had enough love to adopt me and raise me as their own. I have since met my birth mom truly by accident. My sister growing up met my biological sister in a bar. After a couple of weeks of talking realized this was my birth sister. Met my Mom, and am truly happy I was adopted. I love her and she is a friend but not my mom. Now on to giving my son up for adoption. Never a day goes by that I don't think of him or not feel quilty for not being able to keep him. It is something I think is the most unselfish thing a mother can do is to realize you can't give them the home they deserve and have a right to live in and decided to give them up for adoption. I have since met him. Truly a lovely man of 28 now and proud I brought him into the world and proud I gave him to someone (private adoption) thay could give him what I couldn't at the time. Whatever a woman decides to do is a personal choice. Just remember for every action there is a reaction and a consequence. It is a hard thing to live with. Even at sixteen I took care of myself to assure that my baby would be born healthy. I felt him grow inside me and enjoyed every minute of the 9 months I carried him. At the time of his adoption I had to place him in his new mothers arms and my heart and soul went with him. It is and always will be a very painfull time in my life even though I know he had a good home. So any one considering giving a child up for adoption think long and hard. However there is another side that helps make a decision easier. I watch every day friends of my teen son having children. They are not able to cope, still in party mode and have no idea the responsiblity that is envolved in raising a child without causing social problems for themselves or there children as they grow. I know this is long winded and am sorry for that. No one has the right to tell another woman how or what she should do about issues like this. Just wanted you and anyone else that are going through this to see both sides of the coin. Take care and God Bless | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/8/2005 8:46:34 PM | | First off does the fathers parents want the child and if so let them have the child and yes I think it is very wrong the father has just as much of a say in this matter as you do. My father wanted me but my mother gave me up for adoption anyways I now will never know him and I wish everyday that I could have met him face to face and not just in a phone conversation I am glad in the long run for the out come of my life I had a good one but the fact of the matter is you need to make this decion together. Never make a hastey descion that you will regret. | |
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