| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/9/2005 7:51:11 AM | I didn't read everyones posts but I must put my two cents in on this topic.
My beliefs are it takes two to to tango. Therefore it is BOTH peoples decision. It is a fact of life that the woman carries the baby, we all know that but that doens't diminish the mans role in the whole process.
So what if the man wants the baby and the woman doesn't....does that give her the right to terminate the pregnancy...absolutely not. The man has as much rights to that child as the woman does. If she wishes to give up maternity rights to that child upon birth so be it but if the man is willing and wants to have that child he has total right to do so.
As does the woman....if the man doesn't want paternity rights he has the right to give them up but in turn does not have the right to come back 3 years later and say he wants to have something to do with the child now.
Child support....that is another issue. If the woman/man doesn't want anything to do with the child....what is better for the child. We all tend to ask ourselves or say...."well it takes two so they need to support that child". So ask yourself is a lifetime of arguing and stress with that other person worth it if that person does not want anything to do with the child. Inevitably that child is going to want to know who that person is. Are you going to tell them "Oh that is your mom/dad but they don't want anything to do with you other than give money because they are obligated to.
Just some thoughts........We too often forget about the child involved. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/9/2005 3:00:06 PM | mr filoceefee... i hate to argue semantics with someone but a woman does have the RIGHT to terminate a pregnancy without the father's consent. it's actually a constitutional right to privacy she has that relates directly to her medical treatment. morally speaking, it isn't right for a woman to have an abortion without first speaking with the father but morals won't get you very far. ;)
and lest you forget all those battered women, myself included, who escaped the wrath of their baby's father in order to save her life and the life of her child.
it's not as black and white as you might think hun... each woman who goes through this has her own story to tell and her own reasons for making the final decision she makes in her particular case. i may not believe in abortion or adoption for myself but i would never stand in the way of another woman in making that decision for herself. quite frankly... i'm glad it's the woman's choice to keep, terminate or adopt her child out to another family. most men that help to get women in situations like this aren't equipped to handle making that decision and commit to that decision for the long term if it means the woman will keep her child. | |
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nixx46
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Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 53 | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/9/2005 9:27:06 PM | | I am in the same boat. I am pregnant right now and the father is not in the picture. He said if I didnt have an abortion he would fight for custody even though he never wanted this child. I beleieve you should go get him for support. he knew laying down with you had risks of making babaies. He made his bed and now he should have to lay in it. Jacy | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/9/2005 10:03:01 PM | | Thebrat said "If you don't want a kid don't dip your d!ck" Although alot of guys would accuse me of blastphamy, I agree with this statement. I am the father of an extraordinary young man who would not exist, had I taken the calious attitude of alot of guys in the same situation. His mom got pregnant to "trap" me into marrying her. She's history, but my son lives with me, and has little to do with his mother. She didn't want to be a parent, she just used having a baby to secure what she thought would be her gravy train. Poetic justice, don't you think? | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/10/2005 6:42:41 AM | | Thumper452000 - you don't have to like it, that is why it is MY opinion, and one I stand by - I fully believe that choosing to kill a baby is no different than killing a child or adult - that is simply my personal belief (although I do understand that sometimes it is a life and death thing and there are no alternatives, however, this typically is not the "norm"). That said, your choices are yours, nobody else's. I don't have the right to judge you, or any woman for making a personal choice, and I would never choose to do that. I have friends who have had abortions, adn although I don't personally condone it, it is not up to me to judge them or stop being there for them as a friend. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/10/2005 10:58:40 AM | | OK...LOL S&S..I agree with some of what you said but the fact of the matter is .. that if the man who helped make the baby didnt wanna risk that outcome he should have made sure it wouldnt happen.. Its not just the responsibility of the woman to take birth control..So if she does get pregnant and he doesnt want the baby and she does..well to bad... he made the decision to have unprotected sex....as for the woman having an abortion or putting the baby up for adoption abortion IS her decision.. Its her body ..adoption is a whole other situation...If she wants to put that baby up for adoption then she needs to give the father the chacne to take the baby himself.. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/10/2005 11:42:07 AM | Hi, this is something that could go on and on. But is my side. 15 years ago me and my Boyfriend at the time started having sex. We had be friends for a while so I was open on my personal feeling against abortion.We were both new to it. I insisted on a condom. He was fine with that. I even made a drs appointment to go on the pill. Regardless, we had a slip up and I get pregnant. All the sudden his story changed and I was trying to ruin his life and trap him if I didn't have an abortion. I left him alone. Which was easy he could not even stand to look at me. And I entered adoption couneling. My family helped me all they could. When I decided after months of thinking to raise the baby alone. I told him and my family. My family was fine about it. Considering I was raised Catholic and this was not what they wanted for me. I am sure they were worried about my decision. He on the other hand agreed to help support the baby but did not want anything to do with him. I told him straight don't show up after 5 years whenever I have explained to him why his Dad was not around. So he didn't,showed up in 2 shouting his praises for my being so strong to not have an abortion and wanting to see his son.
Believe me this does have two sides. Because not only do I still have a lot of hidden(from my son) feelings about this. But, he is still making up for lost time. My son has a lot of problem with it. I don't bad mouth his Dad. So it is hard to be totally honest.
Either way. I am convinced if you are in a casual relationship you have to deal with things such as pregnancy that can result from that. Any serious relationship both party should understand the others feelings up front. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/10/2005 6:54:34 PM | ok... i know i'm taking a risk by saying this but having been there, done that... it only took one unplanned pregancy for me to realize being a single parent was a tough job and be sure i never let it happen again. with that said... i've made an extra effort to protect myself since the birth of my only child 17 years ago. and with that said... women should know by now that they can't trust a man to be there for them once the child is born, especially if they're teenagers, unmarried or just had a one night stand. (doesn't apply to all men)
birth control is the responsibility of both partners but i think the ultimate burden lies with the woman. any woman who does not want children in her life yet needs to take EVERY precaution available to her to protect herself and her body from unwanted/unplanned pregnancy. men don't have as many birth control options that have the success rate in protecting them against unwanted pregnancies as women do. they can have it snipped or they can wear a condom and that's about it... at least that i'm aware of... where as women have pills, IUDs, diaphrams, spermicides, tubes can be tied, the rythm method - which i never recommend, the patch, the shot, the norplant implant... am i leaving anything out ladies? oh ya... the ever popular ABSTINENCE. :) good luck with that one though....
i'm not trying to stick up for the guys here... believe me, i got left holding the bag myself but i also know that no one in life will ever look out for me but me and my son... i don't trust anyone with my wellbeing or my desire not to have any more children... it is 100% my responsibility to make sure i do not get pregnant if that is MY choice. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/17/2005 2:01:48 PM | | kitty I found him through that people finder we planned on meeting but all of a sudden he dropped of the face of the earth i know that he went to go live with sister and I think that something happend there and she changed the phone number I sent several letters to him but to no avail I tried to find him again but have been un able to. It is heart breaking he said that he really wanted to meet me we would talk for hours and hours he even planned to move closer to me so we could know each other but he had to help his sister for awhile after his mother died. I wish I could have met him but I think that mabey he passed away and that is why I cannot find him. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/18/2005 6:33:11 AM | dewkiss... if you want to make it easier for him to find you, if he's looking, which i'd think he would be if he were interested... have a listed telephone number, put your information up at ancestry dot com or classmates dot com or yahoo... just make yourself as easy to find as you can. he may get bored one day or actually make a genuine effort to find you and if you make it easy for him, it may just happen.
he could be anywhere... another state, jail, settled down with another woman, you never know... don't resolve yourself to him being dead. what happend to the letters you sent to him? | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/19/2005 9:55:37 PM | Here's my opinion. When I met the father of my baby before we fooled around I said straight out " I don't believe in abortion or adoption, If I did end up pregnant I would keep it, even if it killed me. " thats the way I am. RIGHT there he had the chance to say Ok. good-bye, or to even voice an opinion but he never did. Year and a half later I ended up pregnant. First he tried to convince me to have an abortion and than adoption. Why? Because he said that he didn't want to grow up. Well if he didn't want to grow up he shouldn't have had sex now right?
when I was 4 months pregnant things between us got so bad I gave him once last chance to fix us or to walk away. He right there said " I will walk away and pay child support. More than my dad ever did for me." Now my baby is 2 and a half months old, I tried to talk to him about support and got no where he told me that he is on unemployment so have fun getting blood from a stone... Best part is, is that I know that he is working under the table somewhere I called there the other day and his dad picked up and said "Oh hes working, wont be home till after 5".
Just saying I told this guy straight up and he had a chance to leave..... I never lied or ever hid my feelings. He coulda walked away than instead he stuck around and played, there fore I believe I deserve his help. Plus he said he would give it, and now its a different story "hence the court crap now"
Stupid people I tell ya... | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/20/2005 9:22:12 AM | | evil... your story is one that is all too common amongst women these days, including myself. the mistake we both made was that we didn't wait until we were married to have children and that landed us a full time, life long job as single parents. you had a choice despite him... your body is your responsibility and his body is his responsibility. i'm sure you didn't tell him that you'd date him as long as you didn't have to use any form of protection because you ultimately wanted to have his baby... am i right? had he known you had any intention on getting pregnant, do you think he would have protected himself? probably. men become complacant(sp?) about that because they presume women are taking precautions. i just wonder how many examples women need of single parenthood before they start taking responsibility for their actions and stop putting it off on the men that come into their lives on a whim. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/20/2005 2:32:05 PM | | I think the worst part of it all is when you are with someone you don't see the REAL side of who they are or you don't let your self believe in the worst which sucks. I honestly never thought he would turn the way he did.. but I can honestly say that I love him for giving me a beautiful child, sure I wasn't ready but I don't have any regrets. He's missing out on some pretty awesome stuff.. but again his choice.. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/20/2005 2:48:06 PM | There is a simple law that needs passing that gives parents parody in their rights of termination.
Basically, if a women is allowed to have an abortion up until say 16 weeks (I know different places have different rules) then the male should also be allowed 16 weeks to legally terminate his attachment to the pregnancy. Then, the woman can decide what she wants to do knowing he is not going to be in the picture, nor participating with the finances.
This way, the guy can sign away all rights to parenthood, including his obligation to pay support. Since, the woman has the right to terminate any child-parent relationship through abortion if she wants to, the man should have the a similar right. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/21/2005 7:34:46 PM |
There is a simple law that needs passing that gives parents parody in their rights of termination.
Basically, if a women is allowed to have an abortion up until say 16 weeks (I know different places have different rules) then the male should also be allowed 16 weeks to legally terminate his attachment to the pregnancy. Then, the woman can decide what she wants to do knowing he is not going to be in the picture, nor participating with the finances.
This way, the guy can sign away all rights to parenthood, including his obligation to pay support. Since, the woman has the right to terminate any child-parent relationship through abortion if she wants to, the man should have the a similar right.
Ekko, I think you are on to something^
Ladies we need to take responsibility for our actions too. We could say no. We could stand up and take it like a woman. If a man makes it clear that he is only into 'it' for pleasure but than bangs away to his hearts content without the plastic wrap on than maybe he needs to have a wake up call. Guys tend to learn through actions, and if those actions result in a child they figure that they can just walk away which leaves us as women left holding the bag.
(Which sucks to be honest) | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 11/27/2005 9:44:06 PM | Here goes.
If you decide to terminate the pregnancy that is entirely your decision, as it is your body. If you decide to give birth, Then I firmly believe that the biological father should have a say in the adoption. That is he should be offered to have chance for complete custody of the child, before it is put up for adoption. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 2/21/2006 2:33:00 PM | This is an issue where the only easy answer is.....not to play. As hard as it seems to control our hormones, regardless of our age. Controling our impluses, and in most cases, lust, is a lot easier than dealing with the pain, turmoil, and burden of an unexpected pregnancy. Of course for most of us this is hindsight which we all know is 20/20. I always chuckle when I hear the term UNEXPECTED pregnancy. Laws of nature tell us this is what we CAN EXPECT when a woman and a man join together in intercourse.
The correct term would be unplanned.
To answer the question. Both men and women have the responsibility to be accountable to this little life they both made. Terminating the pregnancy is not taking responsiblity, it is only covering up.If both parents are not able to come to a healthy decision regarding the welfare and upbringing of the child, than adoption is a wonderful alternative. There is no such thing as an unwanted baby.
Unfortunatly in our society there are women who use pregnancy as a tool of intrappment. It does not take long for this kind of woman to show her true colors. And there are men who regardless of a woman's intent will think she has intrapped them. If only this type of man's true colors could be revealed before the intamacy had occurred. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 2/21/2006 5:19:00 PM | | nikki, the courts may agree with you but this has to be the dumbest thing you could say on a site like this. Thanks for the warning I am sure going to steer clear of you as I am sure all guys will. Particularlly offensive to me as I am a single dad, with custody and I took the high road and chose not to get every dime Mom has. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 2/21/2006 6:04:11 PM | How about those who are permiscious, use birthcontrol of any sorts and not play god and kill a human life. So what, I have heard it, its my body. Who made your body? Yourself? No, its a cruel, horrible, evil thing too do. Have the child that you have concieved and give the child to the birth father or a couple who doesn't have the luck of concieving children..... | |
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