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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 5/25/2009 10:27:41 PM | to jsdouglas:
sweetie, you need to grow up. all the world is not milk and honey. The world, and the courts are not waiting with baited breath for your opinion.
You make a child and it comes into the world, you are responsible for it, just as the mother is. You have the option of using birth control and I am sick of grown men saying this or that, excusing themselves of the responsibilty of making a baby. You were not tricked, you were stupid, for allowing your sperm out into the big wide world and all its repercusions. Mind your sperm a bit closer. You being a irresponsible adult, does not make her a money hungry whore. I have, over the years collected child support from 2 exes. One was very sporadic. While I worked my ass off to get through college, worked 2 jobs, 60 hours a week, he just worked 32, graduate with honors with a nursing degree, so I could be totally responsible for my children. Why did I divorce, you may ask? Cause I got tired of being choked, hit, thrown up against walls, even raped, at a man's whim. Your damn right they paid child support. They were his children also. That child support paid for school lunches, band instruments, books at the book fair, The damned electric bill and food and clothes.
I saw and still see it like this. I make $30 an hour. Every damn dime I make goes to those kids, through the electric, phone, tv, mortgage, insurance, internet, clothes, food, extra college expenses, their cars, the things that kids need and want, gas to get to and from work. You do the math. Long way from 60- 80 bucks a week or 300-600 a month. So quit your f888*** griping. Grow the hell up. Dont make babies untill you are ready to take care of them. And dont sleep with just anyone willing, unless you know they 1) believe as you do, and 2) you actually know them, respect and love them, and 3) would be willing to raise a child with them. They finally figured out what causes babies. SEX!!!!! Who would have thought?????
One tried to give up his parental rights, He was 10,000 bucks behind. The court didnt care whether I agreed to it or not. Honestly, I would have signed anything, I was exhausted with the threats for my life, always looking over my shoulder. But the court wouldnt allow it. The judge said, he didnt care if I had 50 million dollars in the bank. There was no guarantee I would have that money next money, next year. He was their father, and would always be their father, and he would be responsible for his children. Take that to the F***ing bank.
You dont want to pay child support, yet you will kill her if she were to terminate? Stupid, stupid stupid. Again, please, Grow Up. Dont swim in the Big Fish Pond, your liable to drown, cause you havent learned to breathe through your gills yet. Right now, your just playing in the water, and dont know how to swim. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 5/25/2009 11:02:55 PM |
Hopefully, he will choose to be an active part of the child's life, but if he doesn't , he is still financially responsible for something that he willingly participated in.
What about if a mother puts a child up for adoption? Should she pay support to the adopting parents because she's still financially responsible for something that she willingly participated in? | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 5/26/2009 4:19:40 AM | Why did I divorce, you may ask? Cause I got tired of being choked, hit, thrown up against walls, even raped, at a man's whim. Your damn right they paid child support.
But you were in a marriage when you had your children, right? Most of the people here, if I am reading them right, are not begrudging child support in the event of a divorce. The typical scenario being discussed here involves two people just dating, where the woman decides she wants a baby without consulting her boyfriend.
It isn't just being obligated to pay child support that bothers some men, but it is also having the choice of with whom to have children being taken away from them as well. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 5/26/2009 5:38:43 AM |
It isn't just being obligated to pay child support that bothers some men, but it is also having the choice of with whom to have children being taken away from them as well. very good example of why you should know someone's values a bit better before "dipping your wick"
erm, didn't you make the choice when you bumped uglies?
I don't sleep with anyone who I wouldn't be comfortable having that sort of conversation with, though concede very many are not of the same mindset.
You make "deposits" where you choose to - you know pregnancy is a risk when you go there; don't you? | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 5/26/2009 5:45:46 AM | trailgirl, while I agree with you in principle that both parties have a right and obligation to prevent conception, I think that if you were a man you might think very differently about the whole situation post-conception.
Not only does a man usually pay child support but to have reasonable access to the child he also created, the battle is generally uphill unless he proposes marriage/co-habitation and she agrees.
Why should a child born out of wedlock/co-habitation not have strong contact with a father also?
In my opinion, he absolutely should see that child daily after birth and move towards a joint-physical 50/50 time sharing of that child because that is generally what is in the best interests of a child in that scenario. Children need both parents.
Not only do we women have the right to decide what to do with our bodies, it seems the right is extended to include access to the child for the father after birth. While I agree with the former, I vehemently disagree with the latter.
Women often exercise a right that is neither moral or legal when they prevent a father from bonding with and forming a natural relationship with their child.
The ability to conceive and carry a child is a powerful advantage we ladies have over men and like all power, it should be used lightly with compassion, understanding and fairness. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 5/26/2009 12:07:34 PM | I agree with all of that.
Not only does a man usually pay child support but to have reasonable access to the child he also created, the battle is generally uphill unless he proposes marriage/co-habitation and she agrees.
This is interesting. I can see how a woman would be incensed if she gave birth to a man's baby and he didn't want to create a family unit via marriage/co-habitation. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 5/26/2009 12:29:43 PM | My understanding is that if the father is named on the birth cert and at some point the mother requires state assistance to provide for the child, the state will seek support from the father regardless of his wish to be involved. That is the downside of being one part of a two part process resulting in a 3rd part money pit!
That is why I think men should be very interested about within whom they plant their seed - she could become the mother of you child! Most of the men I know are very interested in the children they create - they suffer greatly for it emotionally.
Personally I would try to do all possible to support myself and child before accepting help from the state or getting the state involved (God no!). Is it fair to the father to make him pay child support? I guess HE should have thought of that before he planted his seed just like I worry about it when I accept that seed.
Fair doesn't have a lot to do with reality! | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 5/26/2009 12:41:15 PM |
It isn't just being obligated to pay child support that bothers some men, but it is also having the choice of with whom to have children being taken away from them as well.
I fail to see where anyone is being obligated to have sex with someone they do not wish to create life with! It is clearly within your power to determine who you have sex with. It is your choice to have sex. A risk of having sex is creating a child. If you do not want to create a child then it is your responsibility to take measure to prevent a child from springing into some chicks loins regardless of her decisions (that means she can try, but you're actively trying not - whatever that means (sterilization, abstinence, pull out, condoms, boiling water..........whatever!
I think it is irresponsible for a female to decide to get pregnant without consent of the father. Personally I think it's awful to do so without being married, but I'm old fashioned that way. But shyt happens and people don't listen so guess what? Deal with it! You play, you pay! That goes for guys and gals. Grow up now, you have a child to raise! It's called responsibility. Probably didn't learn it in school! | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 5/26/2009 12:46:21 PM | I gave him a choice just like I had a choice.
1) be a part of the child's life if he chose to and I would NOT go for child support. My logic was that if he was a part of her life then there is no way he could see his child needing something and not help.
2) Sign away ALL rights, walk away and as far as he was concerned it never happened. This was IMMEDIATELY after finding out I was pregnant. He never had to even deal with the pregnancy or know what happened. Just walk away but I was NOT going to risk him waltzing back in in 3-5-10 years to try to pretend like super dad. I've seen far too many times when they either marry or get a "concerned" girlfriend who thinks they should spend time with their child. He would not do this. He would NOT sign something saying he didn't want her because (and yes I am quoting verbatum) "What kind of man would that make me"
and finally
3) be worthless and have no involvement in her life yet stop me from completely moving on with mine and pay child support.
He CHOSE number 3. Just like WE CHOSE to have sex. Of course after the paperwork came in I got the phone call with him screaming and yelling about how I was the dumb wh*re that got pregnant and let him just sign his effing rights away and how he NEVER wanted a kid yada yada yada...but by then I had go through the entire ordeal of filing and court dates and everything else and he had made his choice already. I very well couldn't take back the choice *I* had made not to terminate and in fairness he shouldn't have been able to either.
I guess he thought he would call my bluff. I have no clue what he thought really. I was more then reasonable and actually am releasing him from child support with a step-parent adoption by my now husband. But he is signing ALL rights over. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:29:22 PM | ol. I don't know either! I was like huh? I really think he didn't think I would go through with it. You can imagine how happy he was when I called to let him know I was sending the adoption consent form
Im missing the part about the bluff. What did he think you were bluffing about?
I thought he had 3 options and he chose number 3:
1) be a part of the child's life if he chose to and I would NOT go for child support. My logic was that if he was a part of her life then there is no way he could see his child needing something and not help.
2) Sign away ALL rights, walk away and as far as he was concerned it never happened. This was IMMEDIATELY after finding out I was pregnant. He never had to even deal with the pregnancy or know what happened. Just walk away but I was NOT going to risk him waltzing back in in 3-5-10 years to try to pretend like super dad. I've seen far too many times when they either marry or get a "concerned" girlfriend who thinks they should spend time with their child. He would not do this. He would NOT sign something saying he didn't want her because (and yes I am quoting verbatum) "What kind of man would that make me"
and finally
3) be worthless and have no involvement in her life yet stop me from completely moving on with mine and pay child support. | |
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