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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/3/2005 2:26:42 PM | | That old " the man should pay "saying is old, old, old,....I feel that when u first go out per say that it should be dutch or pay your own way and of course discuss it 1st, what you can afford and if they dont like it then .....move on | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/3/2005 2:46:28 PM | | I think the problem is the alcohol bill. She runs up how much in a tab compared to you? Seems like a lush to me. Also I don't know the feeling and stuff thats going on, but it could be that she is using you for a free night on the town, and probably isn't giving up much in return. Could be wrong, but consider the money you spend as an investment, is it paying off? is it worth it? is she someone you could see yourself spending your life with? if so is she going to mind pizza and a dvd at the house? try it, either you will find out the real her is someone you want to be with or put a stop loss on the bad investment. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/3/2005 2:58:10 PM | | okay this is my general rule of thumb...the first date the guy should pay...that is just how it is. Now, if the girl offers to go to dinner again, you should at least go half. On special occasions (i.e. your bday, if you get a promotion, steak and bj day, etc.) the girl should pay...its only right. The guy should not have to pay all the time...oh and just for the record...if you cook dinner for someone it goes a long way. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/3/2005 3:28:41 PM | | How about when someone invites you to a restaurant at 7:00pm. You meet him there and then you come to find out that he just wants to have a drink. Also, you drove 45 minutes to get to the place he wanted to meet. Then what should a girl think? I expected (wrongly, or course) I was being invited to dinner, but I was starving. Any thoughts on this? I would have happily paid my share anyway, if we would actually have HAD dinner..... | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/3/2005 3:43:44 PM |
OMG, i cant believe you are even considering dating her again.
PS: If prostitution was legal, there would be less dating like this.
I once accidently took a girl out on a date to an restaurant. Paid about $45 for the dinner and another $15 on drinks. I was flustered when she insisted on buying desert to take home, but didn't want to spoil it by refusing her wishes, another $6. On the way home, we agreed to rent a movie to watch (I figured the movie would help me get relaxed). She had the nerve to ask me to buy her a coke for on the way home. I was done by then, I told her if she couldn't wait till she was home, she'd have to buy it herself. She got her wish, a large Dr Pepper from Carls Jr. she paid the $1 for it.
Later that night, I asked her if she was ever going to take me out. The answer was flat out "NO". You know how I felt about that date. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/3/2005 3:58:10 PM | I've always believed it should be equal, especially on a first meeting with someone online. That said, when I recently met someone, he wanted to pay for dinner, although I had already gone for my wallet when the bill came...he was so sweet about how he said he would like to pay for it that I said okay...but that I was going to get the next dinner we had...which I did this weekend; he didn't want me to, but fair is fair. I don't think one half of any couple should always pay for everything, whether they've just started dating or have been together for a while.
As far as how much one spends, that all depends on how much they make, their responsibilities including bills, children, the occasion, etc. Also, regardless of how much one makes or not, I certainly don't expect them to always go to lavish places (the smaller neighborhood bistros are more fun anyway and they have better food) or go out to eat every time we go on a date, and I don't believe they expect that of me either. It's not what you do or where you go, it you you're with. Personally, I'd much rather cook dinner at home for him, with him helping or not...not only can I cook better than most of those places, but we don't have to wait for a table, yell to hear each other talk, etc. It's fun to go out for dinner once in a while, but not all the time. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/3/2005 3:59:10 PM | It wasn't just 100 bucks on dinner, it was for the night...which is still extreme. My problem was the fact that she never even offered, notta, zilch. Not even a bloody reach for her purse! I have a feelin if i didn 't pay, we would have sat there all night! Almost every girl i have ever dated, would have payed something, so i wasn't sure on if this was normal or not.
Also i don't agere with who ever asks someone out should pay. Why? I think it only holds true for the first date, but thats about it. After that, i think its common curteousy (sp?) to chip in, especially if you are ordering alcohol.
Update
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I think I won't be going back out with her.
BTW, Carol27, sorry for snapping at you, i have bitter feelings when people call other people cheap. I had an ex-girlfriend call me cheap when i was 19 becuase i didn't buy her friend dinner! | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/3/2005 4:12:07 PM | solace...you said she was a friend; was she a friend from online or off? If she was an offline friend that you had known a bit, or even just met, and asked out, then I'd say the first date was yours to pay...but she still could have offered to pay half (but then, that's how I am and I can't expect others to be the same way, though many would offer to pay also). If she was an online friend, then she should have offered to pay half on the first date. And regardless of how you know her, if she orders a lot more to drink than you do, she should ante up or order less.
I simply don't feel comfortable with the guy always paying; I never have. Some guys don't have a problem with it,thank God, while others do - but those latter ones are the ones that usually take advantage of it while complaining I'm paying for it and I used to end up paying way more than half the time...there were some that if I wasn't paying, we'd never have gone outside of the house to eat, lol. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/3/2005 5:00:21 PM | Well, this is just my two cents but,
I don't believe a women should ever pay, The men pay, Whenever I go out with one of my friends, I always pay, even if she offers, I say, "your money is no good here"
The man pays......The women is there for us......We (The men) desire their (The Women) company......so........WE (The Men) PAY | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/3/2005 5:08:36 PM |
you said she was a friend; was she a friend from online or off. No she wasn't online, i called her a friend becuase what else is she? | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/3/2005 5:09:51 PM |
I don't believe a women should ever pay, The men pay, Whenever I go out with one of my friends, I always pay, even if she offers, I say, "your money is no good here"
sure if your name is Bill Gates
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/3/2005 7:10:40 PM | | It was Richard Feynman(physist) in one of his books that commented on his earlier life when he would go out to bars and a "friend" would hook him up with a girl and he bought her drinks all night long. Did this a number of occasions before realizing he had been had. The girls talked knew he was a big spender and would take advantage of it. SO before he bought a girl another drink he would always ask them what her intentions were and if she was going to be sleeping with him that night. Seems to me this makes sense, why not know the score before you spend the dough. And stop spending so damn much and learn to say no, tell her you are more frugal than that, and would rather save that money for the future. If she doesn't respect responsibility, then get rid of her. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/3/2005 7:14:06 PM | I refuse to shell out any money on a girl till I know it's not the money.
first date or 2 I will let the bill sit there all damn night if I have to. atleast untill she reaches it or acknowledges it.
even then. she's damnwell paying her half on the first few dates. if I like her than I will start to pay. if shes worth it.
usually by then they bring theyre own money anyway so I dont have to worry about it.
call dating what it is
psychological warfare | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/3/2005 7:20:19 PM | | Garofalo7...but what if the woman desires the mans company too? ;) What if the woman asked the man out? I'd hope that both would desire each other's company if they're together, and they can take turns paying...or at least cook for each other at times. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/4/2005 12:24:57 AM |
Well, this is just my two cents but,
I don't believe a women should ever pay, The men pay, Whenever I go out with one of my friends, I always pay, even if she offers, I say, "your money is no good here"
The man pays......The women is there for us......We (The men) desire their (The Women) company......so........WE (The Men) PAY
Here's the problem with all of this:
Prolibertate points out part of it but there's also the fact that this whole notion of "Man pays because it's the chivalraous thing to do" comes from a time when women had no money of their own. In other words, it's outdated. If you asked her out then yes, you pay. That's the general consensus when this question comes up. I don't believe in going Dutch simply because I have yet to see two people casually split the bill on a first date. That would be more awkward to me than sticking her with the tab as a surprise.
No, I pay on the first date as a rule but I don't ever announce the fact. It's not a rule she needs to know about by words but rather by deeds. That way the expectation isn't there that it's my wallet that will open when everything is said and done. As it happens, it most likely will be my wallet that opens and I'm fine with that ... but not because it was just assumed that I'd be paying the whole way without a doubt.
As the OP said....the "reach" is important. In fact, it's pretty much all I ask for. Do that and that's how you as a woman have paid for the night.
There is a limit though....I do have to actually eat for the next couple of weeks. lol | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/4/2005 12:49:52 AM | | I have no problem paying 100% of the time, but she needs to at least offer to cover some, or even the tip. And (just my 2 cents) but in my area of the world it's not that hard to spend $100 in one evening ( dinner for 2, bottle of wine, cover charges if you go dancing, a damn movie alone costs at least $20. Our dates should be taught to at least offer. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/4/2005 6:16:19 AM | Gotapulse...you made some very valid points...men usually did pay because women didn't work outside the home; that still stuck around for a while even when more women did get jobs, mainly because it was "always done that way" (same thing can be said for the 'tradition' of the man always asking the women out, or doing the calling). Times are different now, and men shouldn't have to feel that they always have to pay. I see nothing wrong with going dutch when you're first starting to date, or trading off who pays one time and whop pays the next once you're seriously dating someone. I prefer to go dutch when first meeting someone, as we don't know each other really at all...although the man I just met wouldn't let me pay for dinner...I couldn't refuse because he put it so sweetly ;) but I got dinner the next time, even though he didn't want me to.
I loved your comments about the 'reach': "Do that and that's how you as a woman have paid for the night." Wow! That really touched me  And I can say the same applies to this woman when her man offers but lets me pay sometimes too. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/4/2005 7:47:27 AM |
Well, this is just my two cents but,
I don't believe a women should ever pay, The men pay, Whenever I go out with one of my friends, I always pay, even if she offers, I say, "your money is no good here"
The man pays......The women is there for us......We (The men) desire their (The Women) company......so........WE (The Men) PAY
I don't see why I should pay a woman to be there with me. I just don't. If a woman asks me out on a date, I'm expecting her to pay. It doesn't always happen, but I'm not going to make a big deal out of the times it doesn't. After the first date though, I figure its one of those things that has to be talked about between the two people. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/4/2005 8:13:18 AM |
The man pays......The women is there for us......We (The men) desire their (The Women) company......so........WE (The Men) PAY
He's right. When you call Ace of Hearts escorts in your local yellow pages it's not free. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 10/4/2005 12:16:59 PM | dude if they are dates you pay.
when you guys are exclusive.. then maybe split it.
but after 3 dates.. dont expect shiat. | |
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