| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/6/2008 10:21:49 AM | The first date should be dutch, that way there are no misconceptions. My boyfriend and I have always split costs. Then sometimes he pays and sometimes I pay. I know he sometimes feels a little embarrassed when it's a big bill and I'm paying, but usually why it's a big bill is because of where I've drug us to. If I pick out a fancy restaurant that I know will be expensive, I expect to cover the cost.
One annoying thing I ran into is a few guys in the past that assumed that because they were guys they had paid more than me during our dating. It's almost made me want to drag out a calculator to prove to them that it was either close to equal, or in a few cases, I paid way more than they ever did. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/6/2008 10:27:01 AM | When should the woman start paying??
When you ask her to.
I believe in doing the 'dutch' thing. Later on, if he has proven to be a gentleman and starts insisting on paying, I would allow it. Also, if there is a time that I can't afford it, then I will speak up..... and so should he.
(agreeing with post #128) If a woman wants to be treated as an equal, she should act accordingly.
geeezz....what's the big deal? Dating should be fun....not expensive!
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/7/2008 7:28:41 PM | I find it soooo disappointing that this "equal rights" bs has destroyed the foundation of dating. I would think that a man would be insulted by a woman paying for a date, at least any man I have met would be. And how the heck does not paying for a date go along with prostitution?
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/7/2008 9:38:08 PM | Msg # 132
yup-those 'women's libbers'? messed it all up for all 'future generations'
NOW : Get to pay for Half , and .... Open yer Own ding dang door *pffft*
*Good Thing* there seems to be a Lot of Gentlemen , that do NOT adhere to that 'mindset'.
Bet $ , that ? Some of the Very Same that use terms such as 'Femi Natzi , Fem Bot , etc'?
'Use' the Same 'mindset' to ... Get Out of Paying for Dates.
'My view/opinion'? Irrelevant. I do NOT date. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/8/2008 12:03:56 AM | I just read this whole thread. Some of the responces made me. 
Solace, other people are right here though. Go on a cheaper date if she never offers to pay. In fact, serious, make it "Red baron pizza" at home and watch a movie. If she complains about it, or demands those $100.00 dates again and she won't pay a dime ever, then you will know she is just impressed with your cash.
I think the man should be the one to pay for a date if there is a romantic interest and it's not just a case of a ongoing friendship. With that said though, I do feel that women should at least let it be known to a guy that they don't expect of need some expensive date to make them happy. At least make the guy feel good by letting him know that your just content and happy to have pizza at home and watch a movie. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/8/2008 12:33:31 AM |
Man "PAID" for dates,that's the way it "WAS". Paid as in past tense.Now that women are making money and in most cases making the same amount,we can pay for dates too.Men paid for dates in the past because women in the past did not make their own money.That's the way it WAS past tense.
A woman can still be treated like a lady and made to feel special on a date without a man forking over cash.Personally that type of mentality makes me think of prostitution.
annikagirl.
I agree that there should never be a case that a man should, or ever has to feel like he is suppose to just be a cash machine for a woman. A woman should be just as happy on a stay at home, get pizza, watch a movie date, or a nice out on the town cost a lot type date.
With that said though, how is a woman going to feel like a lady and special if she is made to pay for a date? Ok, let’s suppose there is a romantic interest and it's not just first date for example. Now, the guy wants to buy her something, like some roses for example to show her some romance. I'm a romantic type guy and I like to show romance with roses so bear with me if you don't like them. lol. Ok, is the woman going to buy her own roses? I'm all for women having their own careers if they want to, but I don't want her money. I think women need to appreciate and stop thinking that just because a guy wants to show her some romance and pay for something for her, that does not mean the guy expects sex (I sure don't) or wants anything from her along those lines. If I pay for something, it's because I'm doing it to be a gentlemen! Why can't women accept that?? | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/8/2008 12:44:28 AM | | If he paid for the first, I'll usually pay for the second or if he paid for something earlier, then I'll cover the next costs. But it blows me away when the guy "expects" you to pay...what is up with that...lol. I simply won't and that's what the OP should do...just go dutch. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/8/2008 1:29:04 AM |
With that said though, how is a woman going to feel like a lady and special if she is made to pay for a date?
So the only way to make a woman feel "like a lady and special" is to pay for her? Words, gestures, actions mean nothing?
... wow. If that's your idea of romance, if that's the only way you can make a woman feel special, I feel kinda bad for the woman you end up with. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/8/2008 2:48:47 AM |
So the only way to make a woman feel "like a lady and special" is to pay for her? Words, gestures, actions mean nothing?
... wow. If that's your idea of romance, if that's the only way you can make a woman feel special, I feel kinda bad for the woman you end up with.
Of course words and actions mean something and I did not say it's the "only" way to make a woman feel special. "Action" In paying for a date, yes, that’s part of romance. I would buy a woman that I was getting romantically involved with roses in the example I used before, yes, and pay for the date.
Are you saying you would make your date pay for the whole date with you? Please explain how that is making a woman feel like a lady or special at all. Or would you give her some flowers and make her buy them?
If thats the case, I would think most women would find the door very fast.  | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/8/2008 2:57:40 AM | I have said it before and will say it again and again and again
Want to know what the sad and sorry excuse is for men paying for the freeloaders meal ?
Men actually believe they have to pay for the privilege of having that self-serving female's attendance..
What Men refuse to understand is that she hass been sitting at home doing "nuthing" but polishing her nails and scraping her skin to remove all matter of hair, eyebrows, armpits, the Brazilian update, legs, etc.....
she's been waiting for the phone call...so she is as desperate as you....
So why are you paying again ???
She makes as much money as you, even more....why are you paying, again ?
Why you being the sucker... ?
I did this 20 years ago...you want food ? you pay for it yourself...end of subject !
Why are men being such suckers...what are you paying for ? | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/8/2008 3:15:21 AM |
I have said it before and will say it again and again and again
Want to know what the sad and sorry excuse is for men paying for the freeloaders meal ?
Men actually believe they have to pay for the privilege of having that self-serving female's attendance..
What Men refuse to understand is that she hass been sitting at home doing "nuthing" but polishing her nails and scraping her skin to remove all matter of hair, eyebrows, armpits, the Brazilian update, legs, etc.....
she's been waiting for the phone call...so she is as desperate as you....
So why are you paying again ???
She makes as much money as you, even more....why are you paying, again ?
Why you being the sucker... ?
I did this 20 years ago...you want food ? you pay for it yourself...end of subject !
Why are men being such suckers...what are you paying for ?
I'll answer that by saying that I personally feel that it's the gentlemanly thing to do in my opinion. I'm not at all condoning and saying a woman should expect fancy meals and expensive dates all the time. The key is, I would want someone who is truly just as happy staying home and getting pizza or going out. If I know she is not expecting fancy dates, that is what makes all the difference to me anyway. Even if she makes a lot of money, I still would not want her paying though, when we go out. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/8/2008 3:56:30 AM | Well you've been out on three .. albeit expensive dates.. up to a hundred bucks and state she drinks quite a bit of the money... has she offered a home cooked meal or anything in return (concert tickets.. sports tickets, etc.) ? The two of you should know something about each others jobs and lifestyles by now.. and if she is still totally unaware of your circumstances it shows a total lack of maturity on her part...and a basic selfishness on her part.
At this stage in your budding relationship the "going out" the boogie part should start slowing down to a more about getting to know you than partying....! I think she is a very young 20 something.. not ready to make a commitment to anything but a Friday Night out for fun... I'd put it on the line to her.. before I get into another "date" with her drinking away your paycheck. Time to stay home for a while and invite friends over for group dinners and a little charades or dancing in the livingroom! If the finances are short.. everyone brings their own bottle.. a covered dish.. you supply the mixers.. sodas etc... time to get out of the restuarant and bars and find out if you do have some things in common....
this way you overcome the who pays stuff and find out if she really is into you or just out for fun and games.. because the next time you're out she may just take off with another guy who will continue her play... leaving you with a hundred dollar tab!
YMHO
Girlflower | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/8/2008 4:22:45 AM | | look, try offer her a "cheap programme" for a change, like taking a taking a tour in the nature - not only 2 of you if privacy is early, you could include some of her or your friends - or any other good programme -within your range of interest- that basically does not cost money, and see how she reacts! | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/8/2008 8:28:27 AM |
I can be made to feel special,loved and appreciated just through someones behaviour and actions towards me.I don't need someone paying for my time to make me feel loved.If a man wants to buy me flowers then that's great.
Nice. But to be quite honest in the first five dates or so, no flowers either. Unless you're buying them. Hehehe.
To be quite frankly, I would worry if the guy showed up with flowers. Now, you are having an awesome date, you are walking away from the restaurant and decided to go for a drink. You see a bush with some beautiful flowers, you pick one and put it on her. Now I like that better, still unassuming, very casual. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/8/2008 8:37:25 AM | Mug-GOLDDIGGER!!!!!
If woman wont even offer to buy you a drink on first date then be wary!!!
I can spot most golddiggers a mile off but this is 3 dates and your still paying-TAKE THE HINT-SHE AINT WORTH IT!!!
Have you even got passed friends yet mmmmmmmmmmmm?
She using you to have great time-move on | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/8/2008 1:19:00 PM | Generally I think the "person that asks the other out should pay" but only to a certain extent. For me personally, the first date should be inexpensive (coffee/hot chocolate/even just a walk or window shopping) but if money is involved perhaps the two parties should cover their own tabs?
I think this shows that a man can be comfortable not being the provider and can also see that a female is able to support herself.
The expensive one sided paid dates I usually save for anniversaries (in past relationships I know me and my guy used to use a rotation system where turns were taken) or birthdays and that sort. You know, occasional treats.
Overall, maybe I'm an oddball; I only like a guy paying for everything on my birthday and even then I feel I should pitch in a little. Hahaha.
Then again I never have trouble offering to pitch in, I prefer going dutch myself and splitting it up. Especially if one gets something more expensive than the other.
Maybe I'm just weird in my thought process? Feel free to debate. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/9/2008 11:46:19 PM | | Rosesforyou you said it perfectly. Theres no reason a date ever even has to come CLOSE to $100.00, its the point that some men are gentlemen and some are not. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/9/2008 11:55:27 PM | | Men usually earn more money than women do. Untill women get equal pay for equal work you men shouldn't expect equal bill paying. If you have ever been married you should be aware that women cost money. there is an alternative, get yourself a nice boy friend with a great job. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/10/2008 12:55:09 PM | I know where this guy is coming from. I experienced this each time I met someone when I lived in Texas. I grew up in ontario canada. The social norm in ontario was very progressive. Most women found it an insult to have a guy want to pay for them all the time and it was very 50-50 most of the time. Then when I moved to Texas, it was expected that the guy do all the effort and pay all the costs.
When he was saying that she was ordering all this alcohol, it doesn't take much for that to add up. Living in Houston texas and going to a decent restaurant can have things add up quickly. Now I expected to cover food, though when the girl starts doing the.. hmmm I will have steak, and I like this wine, or I am going to get the $15 margaritas, then dessert, ooh and a desert wine. In your eyes you start seeing dollar signs. Even if you can afford it, doesn't mean you want to, and you feel like you are getting taken advantage of. But then you try meeting other people, and sometimes it's just that area's social norm for girls to expect this. Especially if that is how every other guy in their life has treated them and how their friends get treated, or even how they were raised. I have had girls talk about how ex's paid for them to go to school, bought them cars, and got them nice jewelry. My solution to this problem was moving back to canada. But if the original poster is in an area where this is just how people do it, and he likes this girl, perhaps it won't be easy to get her to be more independent, because frankly she might just find someone who will treat her like that. So I guess when in rome, do as the romans, or keep looking till you find someone who is open to 50-50 because in my experience, if you start off with a ton of effort to impress and keep someone happy, you are expected to maintain that effort if not surpass it. Sometimes getting what you think you want, isn't what you wanted. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/10/2008 1:17:02 PM | I am with all of the posts that say if you ask her out you pay. However, that is a great deal of money spent on alcohol. Maybe a pizza and a 6 pack of beer and a movie at your home or a cheap bottle of wine over homemade meal. If I ask a man out, Ii expect to pay for him and me.
Try doing the cheaper dates and see if she is willing to spend time with you. Isn't that what a date is suppose to be ,to spend time with each other and not see how expensive it can get? If she likes your company, than she will diffently want to go out.
I like creative dates even walking the mall can be fun or the park to feed the ducks and the birds--day old bakeries are good for buying cheap loaves of bread--have fun and good luck
Ramoth
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