| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/17/2008 1:41:23 PM | Yes she can but since when did being a gentleman go out the window in the dating scene?
Anyone have a response to that?
Depends on your definition of gentleman.
Since when did being a gentleman mean paying for a meal because you have a penis? Historically, the term gentleman referred to a man who is above the rank of yeoman. A yeoman was a class of lesser freeholders, below the gentry, who cultivated their own land. In other words, gentlemen were privileged pantywaists who couldn't push their own plow.
American women love to scream equal this, equal that, but when the check comes at dinner, you're expected to "be a gentleman." The ones who do this are preselecting you for your divorce. She'll get the kids, the alimony, the child support, half of everything you have, and then go find the bad boy that she really wants to spend her life with while you pay for it in crippling poverty. Numerous girls told me this in grade school and all the way through college.... "I'll marry first for money, and then for love." Not surprisingly, the US has the highest divorce rate of any nation on Earth.
I don't suppose a gentleman would ask for a prenup either, would he? To me, gentleman means sucker. But if you enjoy kissing ass and licking boot... don't let me stop you. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/17/2008 3:06:19 PM |
I don't suppose a gentleman would ask for a prenup either, would he? To me, gentleman means sucker. But if you enjoy kissing ass and licking boot... don't let me stop you.
yep - i will second this definition | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/17/2008 3:34:13 PM | Whether she pays isn't even a relevant concern for me (my assumption is that most women don't). The question I ask: Is she worth it. The moment a woman stops being worth what I am investing then no more dates. If she wants to play it where I pay for everything then that is fine with me (really)... as long as what I am getting from her is worth that.
Expensive dinners and expensive theatre shows don't really impress people. I think guys often use money as a way of compensating for putting in thought and effort. A woman who was romantically interested in you would be more impressed if you cooked her dinner or took her somewhere that involved doing something. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:16:24 PM | I will copy/paste my response to another thread about paying:
Last night, on the show "Power of Ten", one of the questions was, they asked 100 men: "If a woman asked you out on a date, would you expect HER to pay?" Less than 30% said yes! | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:22:31 PM | If you have to ask now is not the time,,,, when the women likes you,, she will start making dinners for you,,, never pay for dinners.but you will know,, ask her to make you a dinner...take turns...
cheryl | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:28:26 PM | Never. I don't ever let a woman pay for anything on a date. Ever. No matter how long we've been dating. That's just not how I was raised. Period. I don't even understand why this topic keeps coming up. If I can't afford a date I have no business being on one - or I would plan something fun but not so costly.
I would never even raise this issue with a lady! I might as well just look her dead in the eye and say, "I don't even value enough to pay for this date", or "I'm broke", or "I'm cheap", or whatever else. I'd literally be ASHAMED of myself.
Mark
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/17/2008 9:50:43 PM | Paying...interesting...OP, sounds like yer date is a Dinner Ho....hee hee
I believe there is a logical way for dates to progress as relationships move forward.
With a perfect stranger, it should be drinks. Period. I think that even lunch is a bit much of an expenditure to meet/speak with someone who you barely know and are not even sure you're the slightest bit attracted to. Starbucks, gelato cafes, etc. are all great places to get to know someone without the financial pressure of the who pays? question.
If there is interest past the 'drink' date, you move on the 'lunch' date. I believe it's best to go Dutch and if ya do that there are no disappointments on either side. If that goes well, well, you know...do the Dinner thang. Again...do it Dutch. Then you're in a position to see if there's any potential for a relationship and if there is...
I say it's an individual call. In my personal experience, most of the men I've been in solid relationships with have paid for most of the dinners. I think it's a man's way of showing appreciation for you/your company. I like to go Dutch sometimes or to pay a man's way at other times...it's an ebb and flow of giving like anything else...you may cook dinner and he may wash the dishes...he may buy you jewelry and you may buy clothes for him at a department store.
You give in a way that feels appropriate/satisfying for you on an individual basis. There are a million ways to show appreciation and it's something that you have to feel out as the weeks/months ensue. Realize that there are some women who outearn men and I still feel that a man should pay at least 1/2 the time, for his own self-esteem and to have him contribute in an appropriate way. I think any other arrangement usually ultimately spells trouble.
I know, I've been there, got the tee shirt.
My 2 cents.
p.s. SwampHunter, what you say is admirable but why not entertain something a bit different? Giving is more fun and refreshing when it's a two-way street...the woman may enjoy paying for a few and a little flexibility is always nice in a relationship.
--Liz | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/18/2008 6:53:24 AM | I concur with message 185, that is a great definition of a gentleman, a sucker, an insecure macho man that lacks balls and does only what his Mommy told him to do in life. Ha-ha-ha, those guys don't know what being a Man is. Ladies use these types constantly and they are clueless about being used.
For that power of 10 question about who expects a woman to pay on a date coming out to about 30%. That doesn't mean it should be that way it's just that we have so many ladies using men and prostituting themselves. Hey, look up the word prostitute, it really fits.
I have heard that "I'll marry first for money, and then for love." thing too. This from female friends, still hear it from some zany 40 to 50 year old females that haven't grasped that they are past that age of immaturity. They are funny to be around and watch in life, but no way someone to get involved with. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/18/2008 7:20:34 AM | I suggest to my single women friends that they pay for 1/2, whether it is their 1/2 of a date, or pay for every other date, so that there is no expectation of owing the other person something - yes, that could include sex.
If you read any of the early messages in this thread, you would see people asking if he was "getting any" for spending $100 for a date.
Play it safe, and ensure that this is not being held over you. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/18/2008 7:32:45 AM | | I think the woman should start paying on the first date, I see nothing wrong with that I like to go dutch I think it's only fair. I would not go out with her again or just bring it to her attention if she is a real friend or what ever she is she will see that she is being unfair. just my opinion. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/18/2008 7:33:31 AM | SwampHunter, what you say is admirable but why not entertain something a bit different? Giving is more fun and refreshing when it's a two-way street...the woman may enjoy paying for a few and a little flexibility is always nice in a relationship.
--Liz
Liz - I've had a couple of women, especially those who make good money, who have on occasion insisted on paying after we'd been out a few times. If it's really important to them, of course I'll let them, but normally I do the paying. Many try to make a half hearted gesture of trying to pay, and I always decline those, but if they really mean it due to personal convictions, yea, I'll be flexible, but I can count on one hand the number of times that's happened.
That said, it is incredibly disrespectful for a man to feel like he is entitled to sex, or annything else for that matter, because he paid. This business about advizing women to pay thier half so they don't feel pressured is just silly to me. They shouldn't feel pressured under ANY circumstances. Whether or not my lady pays has absolutely nothing to do with that, and shame on any man who thinks his date can be "bought" for the price of a meal.
Mark
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medana
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Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 188 | |
| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/18/2008 8:18:09 AM | don't take her out eating. just take her to the beach, take her on a picnic, something.
this princess attitude it unacceptable. im a woman also, and I ALWAYS OFFER TO PAY. i wouldn't go on a second date w a guy that doesn't buy me dinner, but i do offer. however, i will not make it a spending spree, and will be ok w doing whatever that does not involve spending money. i also always get them lil gifts or something, i love giving back. for eg, he buys dinner, i buy the movie, or something.
GIVE AND TAKE - if its just take, well u could just as well find a high end pro and at least get laid
lolol
joking aside...
if u need to spend money w her always, say gbye. last thing u need is someone that thinks u owe them the world. just imagine what it would be like if u get married
lol | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/18/2008 8:45:04 AM | I think it is disgusting that she is expecting you to pay everytime. Next time offer to cook her dinner at home personally I sometimes think that is much nicer anyway. It can take a lot more thought. This girl should at least be going halves with you on the meal. I think you should be aware that a lot of girls will just use you for what they can get. To make sure she isn't doing this stop paying for it all immediately. If she is genuine she won't mind and will love you cooking for her or doing something that dosn't cost money. If she does mind AVOID at all costs you got a user.
Hope this helps Sharon | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/18/2008 10:35:51 AM | | It all seems fairly obvious to me. If a woman asks a guy out, whether for a concert, dinner, or even a few drinks, she should absolutely pay. Whoever does the asking should also do the paying. Who raised this chick? LOL | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/18/2008 11:08:31 AM | She isn't single she is married! Don't come on here and ask for advice if you can't handle what people have to say. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/18/2008 11:35:43 AM | Well,.. go pay again.. then, at the end of the evening... present her with a pre-typed bill. something like this..
curb service: $25.00
Opening doors: 5.00 per open/close (let's say 6).. $30.00
Pulling out/adjusting chair @ dinner: $10.00
unfaltering attention: $20.00
Smiles: $1.00 Buy one, get one free! total: $35.00( after B.O.G.O discount)
Dancing: $25.00
Return curb service Home: $25.00
Total: $170.00
Discount 50% off :(We APPRECIATE your BUSINESS!)
Adjusted Total: $85.00
Gratuity:15% $12.50
Grand Total:$97.50
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATRONAGE!
(well.. it works for women with the housework! )
AND.. it MAY be your LAST date,. but you MIGHT recover some expenses...  | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/18/2008 12:41:43 PM |
The question I ask: Is she worth it. The moment a woman stops being worth what I am investing then no more dates.
Interesting, I've always been a 50-50 kinda gal and I have an "entertainment budget". I have found that I have dropped people because the time spent with them wasn't worth it. I think I dropped people who were "okay" but not really "there" faster than some others might. I've also had this running in the back of my mind even when dating men who preferred to pay the whole shot... if I'm not feeling it for them, it is much more respectful to end it quickly.
I've often wondered if women who do not pay EVER have a sense of just how expensive dating can be, and if they are truly respectful of a man's time, feelings and finances. It seems to me they MIGHT be more inclined to play out the 'see how it goes card' when they are seeing someone who is "okay". | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/18/2008 12:47:07 PM | | It all depends on the situation. If you ask her to dinner romantically, then it's a date you you should pay. However if it's a casual meeting and you are in the beginning stages then it should be dutch. Don't get me wrong, there are still some things a gentlemen can do, like open the door, or offer your coat on a cold day, but the modern world where both sexes work and make money...DUTCH | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/18/2008 5:11:35 PM | NO SEX TONIGHT!
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed and the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!!
What was that?!"
So she says the words that every man on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let’s get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis racket when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"
I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/18/2008 5:50:07 PM | Call me old fashioned, but I still believe the man should pay for the date. Especially if I am the one that initiated the date and picked the place to go. Sometimes I have asked where she would like to go, but with the knowledge that I am paying for the date.
I have rarely had the woman offer to pay for part of the tab, and it doesn't bother me in the least. If I can't afford to date, I don't date. Simple as that. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/20/2008 8:07:42 AM | Swamphunter said:
That said, it is incredibly disrespectful for a man to feel like he is entitled to sex, or annything else for that matter, because he paid. This business about advizing women to pay thier half so they don't feel pressured is just silly to me. They shouldn't feel pressured under ANY circumstances. Whether or not my lady pays has absolutely nothing to do with that, and shame on any man who thinks his date can be "bought" for the price of a meal.
Thank you for saying that.
I think that those who are into this 'new' speed dating thing, or who have multiple dates every week just can't afford to 'date' the old fashioned way. Personally, I just can't date more than one man at a time. There are women (I know one or two) who do line up several dates a week - for the free meals!! Nasty women!!! There are also men who date several women weekly - for the easy sex!! Nasty men!!! lol
Swamphunter - ever consider relocating .. say to Eastern Canada??? hmmmm
A.S.is
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/20/2008 8:10:42 AM |
I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
Put_Name_Here that was one of the most hysterical posts I've seen in a LONG time! 
Please, keep us posted! lol! I want to know how that whole deal turned out!
I'm betting one of four things is going to happen:
1. Like you said, you don't get sex for a LONG time
or
2. You start getting it each and every single night
or
3. You get served with divorce papers! lol!
or
4. You sell your story to Lifetime TV for millions!
Mark
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/20/2008 9:09:58 AM | I don't buy drinks or anything else for a woman I don't know and I wouldn't bring flowers on a first date either. The kind of person I want to meet would be more my equal.
Once I know someone it's a different story, I'm very generous with my friends and I'm not one of those people who keeps score like "oh you paid last time".
I pay because I feel like it but I respect other people's values. So by default I'll pay and think nothing of it, but if you really want to I can easily accept generosity as well. | |
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| When should the woman start paying??
Posted: 1/20/2008 9:53:28 AM | I have pay for my dinner on dates , only because I don't 't want to be compromise to him in anyway, I know some men expect something in return. Wasn't interested in him from the first moment I met him... I wanted to leave , but was being a lady about it, so not to hurt his feelings I stay for dinner , was great !.... I hate to hurt peoples feelings... yes I let him know I wasn't interested in him in a gentle way ....  | |
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