| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/16/2007 9:33:54 AM | In my experience having been widowed after 32 years when I married my second husband I felt strongly that God was giving both of us a second chance at life ( He was also a widower) But then when he passed away after only 9 years together I question what direction my life is headed in. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 1:39:38 AM | | I am 55 ...WAS married 27years to my BEST FRIEND.....but the sad thing is WE were only friends...I HOPE someday to find out what the real meaning of LOVE is...does it really exist...Is it possible to fall in love at first meeting?....Is it possible for a handicap person to know IF it is LOVE or PITY...?...How can you be sure ...it isn't a put up deal to see what you will or will not do...or maybe what you might have in your checking account...(IF you are looking for a SUGAR MAMA...look somewhere else...I kissbut RICH comes from other places than money for me...sorry!!!....Honesty.....and Faithfullness....the two most wanted traits in a man that I choose....is HE out there????/ | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 3:39:22 AM | Back to the original question:
"It is so hard to date when you are over 50. It seems there are only two types of men out there. Newly divorced men that just want to date around because they haven't been free for so long. They are like a kid in a candy store.....they want a little of this and a little of that. Then there are the guys that have been divorced for 10 yrs or so. They like doing what they want to, when they want to. They will date you but don't want you getting too close. They like their freedom. Am I just meeting the wrong men, or am I right?"
Two types of men out there...NOT! There are plenty of emotionally available men out there.. maybe you're not ready to find one. Time to go back to the pond and rethink how you are fishing... or accept the fact that this is not your time to find a mate but a playmate!
Been there done that got the teeshirt... Girlflower | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 4:54:39 AM | | At least you are meeting men. What you are saying rings true. However, I think you may meet the write one when you least expect it. Most men are immature emotionally and love their freedom. Who doesn't. What do you want in a relationship. Put it out there and demand nothing less. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 7:56:31 AM | | Being married they need to stay at home, as far as not getting any at home.. why would you believe that, the truth be known they may not be giving anything at home. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 9:47:45 AM | An interesting topic...strikes home with me! I have been divorced since 2004, after being with the same person for 30 years. Frankly, I do not have the dating experience many here have, having been on only one date since the divorce. It was nice, but there were no sparks for me, so I didn't pursue it.
After being on other dating services, I was amazed to discover that many women in their 50's still essentially want the same things they craved in their 20's: a handsome man who is financially loaded! On Yahoo personals, you can specify the expected income levels of your match and I was absolutely floored to see that many wanted a man in the +$100,000 range! Do they have any idea how few people make that much?
And I strongly suspect that if a man does make that much, he's either looking for a trophy wife or a much younger woman.
Another factor which shows up time after time is the "space" issue. It would seem that women in their 50's have their lives pretty well ordered by now, with family, grandkids, career, etc., and really don't want any changes.
For me, and I do recognize that for the vast majority of people here this isn't an issue, religion is a deal-breaker. So for me the potential pool of matches is greatly reduced.
I notice the longer I live alone, the more I have gotten used to it and makes the urge to seek out someone less compelling. You learn to accept and adapt to your circumstances.
Donnchadh | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 10:02:34 AM | | Well, Donn, at least you are one up on me LOL haven't dated since jim died. Guys talk to me all the time but never ask me out. I don't understand it; I am active, not ugly; good sense of humor; good listener, a lady in all sense of the word. I am just trying to be patient. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 10:09:22 AM | I am starting to think its hopeless to find someone. When I first started looking I had such high hopes to find someone I could fall in love with. Now, I don't know. I am probably being too romantic and unrealistic.
Donnchadh | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 10:21:44 AM | I'm so surprised at only one date since your divorce... You are a handsome guy.. really fit the tall, dark handsome range in my book... who loves to Garden!!! Now why can't I find one of you in my town????
Only bible thumping, non Door lovers, space gobblers, time wasters.. just joking please~
I too was on the other sites and saw how the other women chased the guy with the Corvette, the motorcyles or the boat and found out the guy had the personality of a car, motorcycle or a boat.... and got bored pretty fast!!! But also found the men were chasing the lady with a house or job or bank account and they sounded like a begging wishing well penny throwers with the I want this toy and I want that toy wannaitus... a bigger boat, a newer Corvette or a faster super chromed Hog!!! (Both sides have their misguided perceptions to contend with.)
I believe when a person is ready to open up their lives.. to stop being alone anymore it's a matter of being real about what you want... Someone to share the day to day ups and downs with.. and still love and like the person across the breakfast table... Also the person who is ready has taken inventory of themselves.. acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses.. accepted their responsibility for the past mistakes they've made and are willing to start over again.. and not do the same thing this time....
As for being alone.. I think my honesty and outgoing personality have become a liability at times... but if that is just too much for most guys.. then I'm not for them, I keep the faith that I will eventually find my better half as long as I am willing to be out there casting my net..
Good 
Girlflower | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 10:25:48 AM | | hi u are right , men either want to take u to bed , or they want another wife to wait on them hand and foot . hy cant you make a friend of them first and then see how it goes . they seem to be either depressed or the oppisite and want to restart there sex life again . there s no happy medium . men tut tut | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 10:26:55 AM | Donn I'm with ya 100% on this, I have been single now for 2 years after a very long marriage of 30 years. I have been on 2 dates and nothing ever came of either one. You see the all I want is a nice guy thing on a lot of profiles but that is not what they really want it seems. I have been on a few other sites and it's pretty much the same, I know I'm not the best looking guy out there but I'm not a troll either, I tell the Truth in what I put in a Description but have been told maybe I should fudge a little and put in some things that I do not believe in, Well I'm not going too Lie just too get contact from Women that's just not right. I have also been told that I lie about my age why the Hell would I do that, Great way to start off with someone telling Lie after Lie not this Boy that you can take too the Bank. So Ladies just what do you want from a guy? Maybe we can change too meet your criteria. Lets her it I think we are ready, I know I am I can use all the help I can get it seems. And no I am not bitter in any way towards Women(figured I would get that out of the way up front).   | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 10:32:53 AM | I must ask what's up with the Harley's? I was surpised how many women wanted guys with bikes...some sort of sexual fantasy? I admit they sound neat when rev'ed up, but the basis of a relationship?
You shouldn't be apologetic about a honest and outgoing personality....you would be surprised how emotionally guarded many women are today. Perhaps, some bad experiences?
Donnchadh | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 10:44:19 AM | Ah, the "nice guy" label. I know that one all too well. Seems like women say they want a nice guy, but who do they actually go out with? Some guy who got passed over for the Jethro role in a remake of the Beverly Hillbillies?
I agree with you completely about being 100% honest in your profile. What's the point of fudging the truth when you later meet someone, who is going to quickly figure out you are not the person you claimed to be?
My profile is probably one of the longest in POF because I am a talker ;-) and want a potential match to know what she's getting herself into. After all, its their call. Either they are interested or not.
Donnchadh | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 10:46:29 AM | First of all 61sunshine... Next time you are having a conversation with a nice man... say something along the line... Gee you are such a nice fellow would you like to come over for a home cooked meal sometime.?.. he'll be flattered and say yes... then ask him over... make it soon, the next day if possible!!! Make a nice whatever is easy to cook meal ... (don't forget to put the bread and butter on the table too, men love that old fashioned touch!) .......... Men love it when a woman invites them over too!!!!! Not all dates have to be on the town!!! (My meatloaf wins raves.. and I can always send them home with a meatloaf sandwich for the next day!)
donnchadh.. I've been in the guarded mode since my divorce in 88... that's a long time to hide behind your wounds... well it's time I gave up what is not working, admit it has been my fault for not finding the man to share my life.. and damn the topedos.. what have I got to loose other than another Saturday Night Alone... Smash/clang .. that's sound of the old selfmade chains breaking...... walking the talk here!
Girlflower | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 10:52:42 AM | Been down that Harley road myself, love too ride just too expensive, now I have my Dragster back talk about loud WooHoo let them sit in that for a minute they'll get all the vibration they need (wink,wink), I still would like an answer to my what do they want question though. 
Well got too go take my granddaughter out too buy a new bike. I'll check back later for that answer Ladies. (I really am interested in what I'm missing) | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 11:03:45 AM | I think the bike thing is fun but after my first 100 plus mile ride and how badly my back ached the next day.. it made me realize I wasn't 18 anymore.. And the guys who ride.. well they seem to be reliving a youthful time in their lives, that's okay if it's not a steady diet... Even chocolate gets old after too much.. yet the best place in town is the bike hangout.. great rock n roll... born to be wild music on the weekends..
For me .. I'm a aviation mechanics daughter and love all thing mechanical.. and going to the race track.. too bad not too many close by here.. so at least once a year I get over to the other coast to enjoy the roundie rounds.. The drags are too far.. not a 24 trip... but love top fuel.. ouch my eyes.
But... a goldwing... hum that is the exception.... riding in style! | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 11:08:25 AM | If I could offer some perspective from the male point of view: men really don't have a clue when it comes to emotional vibes. You must indicate, somehow and someway, that you are interested in him and that you are accessible. Women in committed relationship clearly put out vibes that they are "not in the market" so most men won't bother "hitting" on them. An acquaintence still wears her wedding ring, long after her divorce, as a "pest deterrent" (her phase) so she is isn't pestered by unwanted attention.
Subtlety is lost on most men, so you are going to have to make a judgement call on being just enough accessible without being too sexually forward. But it would seem to me that women have had millions of years of evolution to being able to figure out just what is the right proportion to use.
Donnchadh | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 12:19:01 PM | Boy, did I just get shot down....just out of curiosity I emailed a lady with whom we shared a POF compatiability rating of 99%.
She sent me one of the most vicious replies I have ever received....should have noticed she is a Luthern and lives in a very expensive suburb. A simple "not interested" would have sufficed, but apparently she felt the need to be mean about it.
Donnchadh | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 12:53:42 PM | I turned 50 TODAY, and I'll admit that there are some things about being alone again at this age that are particularly daunting...the biggest one being that I feel like I have to re-invent myself, because to tell the truth, I haven't really looked at who I am for a long time. Up until now, all of my time was spent being who I was in relation to other people, and now I have to really sit and think about what it is that interests me, now that everything I put my energy into and felt my passions for are gone. My kids are grown, so I'm not REALLY "mom" anymore (not the way I'm accustomed to, anyway), and even though my ex-husband and I are on the best of terms, I've had to learn to relate to him in a whole different way.
As for dating? That's been harder than anything else, because in the first place, all I know is that I want to be happy again, and in love again...but I don't quite know what that will take, and there's also the deep-rooted fear that it won't last either. I've put myself out here, but I'd be lying if I said I'm totally up for making myself vulnerable again to someone. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 1:03:42 PM | | Sweet Donnchadh watch her eye contact... you look .. she looks and if she doesn't stop looking first she's interested.... body language... does she touch your hand? give you a little nudge? even try to tickle you, flip or touch her hair?... she's interested.... for years my defense was the only contact was a handshake.... flirting is an art... but watch her looking at you.. it's a dance my dear!!! If she's not making eye contact with you... she's not interested... if she is... well hold onto your hat your in for interesting next few hours.... lol!! | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 1:42:37 PM | Over this last weekend, a couple of us were talking about how women can pick up on vibes which are largely lost on men. I used the analogy of being color-blind; men can't see the blue-greens (vibes) while women can. At least I know there are "colors" out there.
Thanks for the pointers!
Donnchadh | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 1:50:18 PM | Someone pointed out to me something I hadn't appreciated before: the differences between widowed and divorced people. A divorce can leave you feeling very guarded and not willing to take chances. A widowed person, while sharing a great emotional loss, isn't necessarily as protective in future relationships.
By the way, Happy Birthday!
Donnchadh | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 2:51:20 PM | Don,
You are right again. I have been widiwed twice. Don't understand why but both marriages were very good and I'd love to feel that again. I found the guys in my singles Bible study group that have been divorced all seem to be bitter.
I'm not a forward person so it would be hard for me to make the first move as was suggested by girlfolwer. I tend to be old fashioned so if love never happens again for me I'll just have to be content. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/26/2007 4:56:51 PM | Excuse the intrusion in your conversation folks but there's a lot of wisdom being spoken in this thread.
Stiff upper lip 61sunshine. I've been widowed now for almost 10 years. Finally, decided, after much urging, that perhaps this site might be a nice way to meet and interact with folks. When you least expect it. it will happen.
It's okay to be "old-fashioned". It's not that we're so much "old fashioned" than we just have our own way of doing things. Maybe I do talk way to much, so what, that's me. So what if the rest of the world is turning to the right and I'm turning left. Guess what, I will meet up with the rest of the world at some point. Does it matter if people understand why I do things the way I do .... not really. They'll see my logic after a while.
And Don when you get it figured out about women and harley's or fast cars .... clue the rest of us in will ya ..... lol
I don't want to be 19 or even 25 again. I'm almost 53 and I'm proud of my years. I don't want to live my youth again like it appears many on this site would. Our lives are what we chose to make them most of the time. There are so many positive people on this thread that it really makes me happy to know that the world is still right side up.
Cheers my friends! | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 7/27/2007 6:33:20 AM | It was complete and total love, trust and devotion for 24 plus years (been going to court........ rocking on 4 years. Just when 30 days is almost up......back in court again.  ) At one point I actually thought I was divorced so I changed my status from separated to divorced. He's remarried and is a bigomist so I didn't change back to separated.
I saw no signs of cheating or leading a double life but wasn't looking for any either.
I'm saying this because of the "guarding the heart" statement.
I was so devastated I felt I have to protect my heart from further injury. That to me would be like continually poking myself in the eye with a blunt knife.
I'm not going to say what I think a guy may want to hear just to attract him to me. The profile is akin to a grain of sand in the ocean; can only get to know a person over time..........what I say is honest.
If someone lies on their profile then how can they be trusted to be truthful about anything important?
I've had two dates:
A dish rag had more personality than the first one and the second one was such a whiner; said he loved outdoors and camping so I invited him to my campsite for a cook-out. 
He complained about the dusty conditions, the lake I was camping at, bugs (I gave him bug spray)..........the people having a good time in the next site were to noisy.
When he left, my grand daughter said she thought he'd never leave.
Then two days later he emails me and continues with the complaints.
The guys with Harley's. Extension of manhood? Mid-life crisis? Trying to buy a personality?
My brother got his during his mid-life crisis, then 6 months later was caught cheating.
If it's to impress a woman then it doesn't work for me. 
Then there are the one's who trick out their rides.........I think more money than sense and too anal for me.
I noticed many times along with the Harley's in the profile "what I'm looking for"....they want a woman who enjoys a simple life. Why? So the guy can live large with the guy toys? NASCAR, boats, skidoos, antique cars.
The deal breaker for me is if they say "non-religious". That's the first thing I look at on a profile. Non-religious = I click on.
I also wonder why so many guys in their 40's and 50's are retired? So they can ride their Harley's?
The love of my life is out there, somewhere.
 Patience is a virtue. | |
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