| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:53:45 AM | I can not help but feel that many women (perhaps not all) use something like this list. Maybe not in a literal sense, but on a subconsious level.
Donnchadh | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/2/2007 11:20:09 AM | longte is rite 
kathi
start believin and itll happen in HIS time that Him being the Lord not ur time | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/3/2007 7:00:51 AM | Ah ... I can't remember my old post
but I'm sure I put my most honest feeling in it too
well here and now to you I spew
another cleché for the day
to thy own self be true
then one day love will find you
never go looking
just keep on cooking
your own brew will keep it true
alone doesn't have to mean lonely.
its all in the attitude
i find that only relying on me
gives me more latitudes
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/5/2007 2:25:01 PM | tnshylady........your right........newly divorcees......don't have the mind set for a committed relationship........their minds are too tied up on the ex......or a new adventure........lol
and the ones that have been alone for so long, tend to get set in their ways..........
although theres HOPE.........there may just be someone out there thats middle of the road...........lol..........and does want a real relationship.......
Keep fishing ....... you have nothing to lose | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/5/2007 2:26:52 PM | ageless wonder.........I agree with you one hundred percent.............the list needs to go........its all excuses............
and keep fishing is right...........lol | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/7/2007 11:18:58 PM | | I don't think that compatability is the real problem or the lack thereof, but is often used as an excuse for not really being ready to enter into a relationship without bringing all of our learned behaviours and conditionings with us. It's a natural response to a life time of coping with....... well life I suppose. When we split from a relationship it's usually in a state of turmoil and a confusion of emotions. So when we eventually find ourselves staightening out and flying level for a while we are reluctant to let down our shield , be vunerable and take risks with strangers no matter how lonley, needy or horny we are. I know I did the fill the need and scratch the horny thing for a while but found myself always finding an excuse why this was'nt the right one. Relationships as far as I can see are the very hardest thing that we will ever do in our liftimes and the hardest of them all is the one with ourselves. Maybe we should relax a little more and let it come to us all in good time. Best wishes to all | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/9/2007 12:02:34 PM | | I've been divorced 14 years and still like my freedom. First I don't want to kiss a cigarette. I do not like smokers, and that is double for women smokers. I decided when divorced with a 7 and 12 years old to raise with no help from my ex that I would put ALL into taking care of them. I did. They are grown and guess what one is a nurse in Jackson. At first I missed having a mate but as the years have passed I prefer to be alone. Just a preference for me. I think if you can't make it the first go round why try for 2,3,4 or more. Guess this come from having devoted parents and grandparents that were married happily for many years till death seperated them. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/10/2007 3:16:12 AM | Yes Passion, you said it all. I am newly widowed, just over a year now. I am 56 years old living in a small town, so the choices are very limited to find that "perfect" one.
I am not necessarily looking for a long term commitment, being happily married for so many years, I am just looking for some companionship. I do miss not being intimate with a man. A lot of men may think that sex is not that important once you hit the over "50" mark, but that is soooo not true...I think it is more so with us.
We have a lot to give (lol) and know how to treat our men....
Guess I will give this site a few more months....hopefully will meet that great guy. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/10/2007 5:41:02 AM | Part of what you say is true OP, but I think its mostly people are not sure on how dating really goes...hell, I am not sure anymore hahah...Most of us are set in our ways, especially the ones that have been single for a long time, then the ones that have recently come from a relationship are usually needy(not saying all mind you), so somewhere there must be a happy medium(umm, still looking) | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/10/2007 8:05:53 PM | Thank you so much, I reread your answer several times. You hit the nail right on..
Your words are full of wisdom. I needed to get a male perspective on things. Women as a rule always feel we need to nurture someone or not feel complete. Time to get a little more comfortable in my own skin.... and revamp it ... if need be. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/12/2007 4:32:45 AM | | you are probably spot on, I admit to having enjoyed the last 2 years following divorce, I am however now ready to rebuild something in the way of a commitment, can I pop round for a coffee and we can discuss? :o) I do actually think that if I went on another year or two I will fakk into the trap of settling for the life alone, doing what i want when I want and if I want ,,,, so between 2 and 4 years seems optimum....... good luck.... | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/12/2007 4:54:33 AM | djmrt.. it is a well known fact that men usually remarry from 2-4 years after becoming singled.. We women stay single longer as a rule. And.. the longer we stay single the likelyhood we will choose to remain that way....
Guess we enjoy the.. oh what the heck.. no one to tell us that there is a dish in the sink.. that we haven't done blah blah today or this week... We do know about those things.. when we are single or married.. but men seem to miss it and somehow need to tell us..their observations of what We need to do. So when we are single we enjoy the aspect of being free to do or not do something even more!!
Just a note for your list...lol!!! Don't be a bossy male next go round... More than finances I think this is what causes the next divorce..lol...
Bossy is not fun to be around..
Girlflower
(please it goes both ways not just the guys... girls!) | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/12/2007 5:41:05 AM | op,
here are the stats
Median duration of first marriages that end in divorce: Males: 7.8 years
Females: 7.9 years
Median duration of second marriages that end in divorce: Males: 7.3 years
Females: 6.8 years
Median number of years people wait to remarry after their first divorce: Males: 3.3 years
Females: 3.1 years
Percentage of first marriages that end in divorce in 1997: 50%
Percentage of remarriages that end in divorce in 1997: 60%
Percentage of divorced women who remarry within five years as of 1995: 54%
these are US stats with nevada being the highest divorce rate
dusty
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/12/2007 5:59:53 AM | Dusty.. the Stats may say that... but from personal experience and observation the Stats are wrong..... Men get remarried faster.... they have a problem (not all guys plaeeze) but a problem with just being alone... expecially if they have been married longer than the Stats state.... I guess the impetous would be the Stat that married men live longer than single men... And the reverse that Single Women live longer than married women....(tyhey seem to cope better..)
Stats Schmats seen it happen too many times to take the Stats Seriously... the stats are esqueued.... "Percentage of divorced women who remarry within five years as of 1995: 54%" , "Median number of years people wait to remarry after their first divorce: Males: 3.3 years" no time line quoted....and women not mentioned.
Many so called stats are misquoted from the get go and presented as the gospel.. I'm of the seeing is believing school myself. All my friends have married their next husband within the two to three year rule of his becoming single... And a Smart Women meeting a single man should ask the question how long have you been single.. with open eyes and knowledge that if the man says two to three years he's most likely ready to settle down again..
Girlflower.. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/12/2007 7:11:05 AM | I agree with Girlflower - Stats are only an average of a given dataset. They can't be used to rate any one individual's ability to succeed or fail in a marriage or remarriage. Just a snapshot in time of a handful of the whole.
I divorced my daughter's father and never remarried for 9 years. That one lasted 2 years. The next one 4. At this point in time , I don't think there will be another. But, it would be nice to share times, make memories and enjoy the company of a gentleman who is comfortable with himself, is capable of taking care of himself, likes his own company, but wants to share it, and isn't looking for a second mother (not opposed to taking care of someone, just don't want that to be the sole reason for someone wanting to be around me).
What I feel is lacking is the ability to communicate openly and effectively. Maybe we all need to go back to what we learned in kindergarten to get along.
So, I'll keep looking for friends, enjoying life and wake each day with new hope and a smile!
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/13/2007 2:35:52 AM | | i agree with you on that.i been divorced 2 years and am finding the same type men. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/13/2007 7:53:23 PM | | I have to agree on the 2-3 year rule. Most men who are newly single are enjoying single life and playing the field and, lets face it, so are women. I can cope with being single, as the stats reflect, but I really enjoy having a partner. The older I get, the less realistic it seems. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/16/2007 3:35:13 PM | I can relate to your not wanting to give half of your hard earned income after the years it took to accumulate. Some of us men feel the same way. My deceased wife and I shared by her having her own bank account and me having mine even though they were both joint accounts we didn't cross over into the others account without their permission. We only asked the other for financial assistance twice in 37 years of marriage.
That does not mean either of us were stingy......we were just independent. We both knew which bills we would assume responsibility for and it worked just fine. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/16/2007 5:47:42 PM | But sometimes you Have too have separate bank accounts, I know I did. It was the only way to make sure the bills were paid.
Disclaimer: This was just an informational post of my experience, your mileage may vary. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/17/2007 3:37:20 PM | I think you can find dates. That`s not the issue. The issue is what do you want from dating, a soul mate, to get married, all of those traditional things. Alot of our age group
are just becoming empty nesters, got their kids raised and finally have a little time and space to breathe, to live. They have been through the mess and work of relationships before and just want to take it very light and easy. and yes, most men over 50 have been there, done that, and it is the last thing on their mind to get into some big thing. They are spent and tired. But I still feel that most of them, If they find someone who absolutley "rocks their world" they will go for it.
Please don`t make the mistake of making the focus of a "quality " life dependant on a man. We are way too old and wise for that. Get your joy and fufillment in other ways.
If it meant to be it will, but if it doesn`t , make sure that you have a great life with or without a man. I am 47, been single for 15 years and beginning to wonder if I would have it any other way. I like it alone! | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/17/2007 4:33:55 PM | | I haven't read all the messages in Over 50 and Alone - but most seem to be about divorce - how about a lady whose husband died? At 47 years of age and after 27 years of marriage and three adult children, I found myself eating peanut butter and crackers in bed .... alone. That was five years ago and I'm still eating peanut butter and crackers in bed. I find it very difficult to meet men which is why I'm on a dating web site. Most of the ones I have met are older than their pics, are very interested in money, and seem to be very good at upselling themselves. They aren't quite what they portray themselves to be. Any comments? | |
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