| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 8:53:53 AM | friendlyldy ....
I'm still looking for that 100 year old man that I'm supposed to be dating
Ahhhh shucks.....I am too young for you
Kahuna | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 9:12:27 AM |
In fact many of the women think we are just a bunch of old perverts looking to get lucky. hmmmmm, so what's wrong with that.....as long as they can keep up!!! LOL! | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 9:31:12 AM | ^^^^I know.........I mean, gee, if men's rules really are reality, I should have given up back in my 40's.......... Talk about fantasies!
As for fantasies, I can't stand fantasies...........I'm a very realistic person. I'm not imagining the physical closeness........I walked in and surprised my 80 year old friends kissing passionately in their hallway........... Loved it!!! How wonderful that they aren't letting age keep them from experiencing love and sharing their lives! They have had a ball together and I think it's great. They travel all over and go out to jazz festivals and dance........he golfs, she paints......terrific people!
As for why aren't I out there going after what I want instead of letting my poor life slip by.........I am out there........DUH! I'm meeting someone tomorrow in fact. I have a very active and full life.......including meeting guys........and having friends......within the last month or two, I've met one other guy and chosen not to meet about three others that I talked to on the phone. And I'm emailing with a few and will probably meet another one if tomorrow doesn't work out. And actually I hate that. I'm not a serial dater ......... once I find a guy that I have met and want to date........I won't meet with anyone else.............I'm a one man woman.......but I'm not going to put my life on hold until I'm actually dating someone!
They have all been nice guys........it just became obvious that we weren't looking for the same things. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 9:38:56 AM | I have to agree that we should look for what we want.
However "How sad for them that the only thing that they really have (their own life) is slipping by and they're missing it...." I am unsure of the meaning.
Do you mean that women who aren't intimate because they aren't meet men that they are attracted to are sad? Do you mean that boinking folks for the sake of boinking will make us happy?
I must admit that before becoming a widow, I thought living alone perminently was sad. I have learned that it is anything but.
If boinking works for you, that is up to you. If it doesn't work for you, then live as for what makes you as an individual happy. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 10:07:06 AM | What I meant was that if you enjoy sex...and are denying yourself that pleasure because you're looking for some fantasy man that may never come around... that is sad....
I'm not talking about being promiscuous...I'm talking about living a full life....
Looking in narrow ranges for people like you is likely a self-defeating task...
There weren't many people like you to start off with...I imagine that number dwindles as time passes
I'm sure you'll agree for every person like you that's happy being alone..they are many more who aren't....
You'll forgive me...but reading your posting gives me the feeling that sex isn't an important part of your life. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 10:14:47 AM | I totally agree. I am having a terrible time meeting someone I would like to have a relationship with. I am comfortable with myself, and don't repeat any "ex" horror stories.
Rossal
"New users"....unfortunately, takes on a new meaning most of the time in my experience. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 10:25:46 AM | "reading your posting gives me the feeling that sex isn't an important part of your life. "
I belong to the group who had a happy marriage. Sex is a very important part of my life. That is why I won't be diluting how strongly I feel about sex by having sex just for the sake of sex. I wouldn't enjoy it, and probably I would loose the special feeling that sex with the right partner brings me, knowing that I had learned to boink on demand (how special is that).
You are right that the thought of having sex with a person I feel turned off by isn't important in my life.
Like I said if sex on demand works for you - enjoy. However, don't think that all of us are wasting our lives if we don't enjoy that kind of thing. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 10:41:41 AM | I was just talking about this with one of my married friends the other day. By our age, most men and women realize they don't need a partner to continue to enjoy sex. 
To me, making love is very special.........I've had friends who loved having just sex with guys..........That just never made me feel good........... so I don't do it. Does that mean I don't like sex or that it isn't important in my life? No. I think any of the guys I have been with would laugh at that idea..........
Am I old fashioned? Probably..........When I was 13 to 18, we made out like crazy but no one in my crowd went all the way............then the sexual revolution came along and I think a lot of us had mixed feelings back then. I didn't believe in waiting until marriage but I also didn't believe in jumping into bed with guys before I knew them!
It was a wild time back then! I had friends who were swingers..........I had friends who had open marriages...........it was crazy back then. There were no limits and so I think we all had to form our own limits based on how we felt.
One of the things my married friend and I talked about was how we didn't have a choice anymore. Her daughter was basically telling her that if she didn't put out, the guys wouldn't date her........... And now it's gotten to the point where girls in middle school need to be "protected" by giving them birth control without even notifying parents? This sexual revolution thing has gone way too far.........and it's hurting our kids.......... JMO..............I believe there are good reasons to wait for the right guy to come along! | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 11:30:51 AM | I don't mind getting 'Close' . . quickly . .
If the Chemistry is right . . the Sky is the Limit . . !!!
I wouldn't even tule-out Marriage . . but it's not necessarily a 'Goal' . . !!! | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 11:38:20 AM |
where are the guys who are over 60 and even 70?
It's been my observation that when guys get up in that range, many( not all, but a significant number) are either completely intimidated by technology, or if they do use the internet they wouldn't DREAM of using an online dating site. So if you wanna find the over 60 guys, you may have to go out and find them the oldfashioned way...you know, standing on a street corner wearing a short skirt and a tight blouse( I'm kidding you, I'm KIDDING YOU!) Seriously, you might have to go looking for that age group out in real life settings...
Cindy O | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 1:07:23 PM | Well ladies, not every old geezer is afraid of technology or on-line dating sites. Of course I may be the exception, as I actually learned to use a typewriter as the only young man in typing class. I learned computers as a young man when it was very unusual to have even seen one, since they cost millions of dollars and took up quite a bit of space. I started using what is now the internet in 1969, and am enchanted by all the wonderful things that can be done with communication that is open and free.
I am certain that one can find friends on-line that would never be met without it. Whether one can meet a love in this way is an open question. I do know that success will require us to change in ways that we are just beginning to realize and may not be entirely comfortable with. It is impossible to know in advance what we will have to keep and what we will have to give up. I, for one, welcome the challenge as I welcomed the challenge of my first college mixer in 1960! | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 1:17:22 PM | "There are things called books..and movies..TV...they show the attitudes that were held in those time periods.."
OMG No wonder I feel alone. It freaks me out that folks actually think that books, movies, and tv show real life in general. (No fantasy eh?) I makes as much sense to living live by the words of songs.
Yes, I feel very alone when I realize just how limited some judgments are. How can I want to be with folks I can't communicate with because they live in an unreal world, just because they read a book or two.
A prime example of why a lot of us are alone at 50 rather than be with younger men, who think they get it but don't. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 2:05:27 PM | WOW, have we gotten way off the original question/comment here or what? LOL! why does it always seem to come down to sex? (gawd, I love it...our age and it still MATTERS!)
Let's see if I can figure this out: OP stated:
It is so hard to date when you are over 50. It seems there are only two types of men out there. Newly divorced men that just want to date around because they haven't been free for so long. They are like a kid in a candy store.....they want a little of this and a little of that. Then there are the guys that have been divorced for 10 yrs or so. They like doing what they want to, when they want to. They will date you but don't want you getting too close. They like their freedom. Am I just meeting the wrong men, or am I right? 2 types of men: newly divorced, like the candy store; long term divorced, like their freedom. Is she just meeting the wrong men? Ok, what do you know about HER dating criteria? OP's Profile:
I would like to meet a man in my town, or at least really close by. It is so hard to date at a distance.
Also I got hurt at work and now can not work. I am on disability. I can get around just fine, but can not walk or stand for long periods of time. I wanted to be honest and let you know that so you don't expect me to go hiking or mountain climbing. haha
If you want a lady to dance with, that is not me.
I am really short and I would love to meet a man that is not so very tall. Easier to hug a man that is closer to me. lol
***I am a pretty heavy smoker, I have smoked for over 30 yrs and I don't plan on quitting. If you are a non smoker, I know you can't deal with this, because I smoke in my house and car. So, we've eliminated anyone outside a 75 mile radius. Ok, unemployable, but on disability....ehhhh, not enough to go by there...she could have anywhere from a modestly comfortable income or could be homeless...guys would generally want a little more detail on this issue. Next, she's honest....well, that's a big plus...guys would be diggin' on that. Moving right along....eliminate anyone who wants someone who can share any adventureous types of activities. Eliminate anyone who wants to dance. (It's sounding like this lady needs a nurse more than she needs a date). Eliminate anyone over....what 5'6"...5'8" maybe? She's 5'2" and wants someone who's not too tall. Now, eliminate 76% of the population because she's a heavy smoker with no intention of changing.
Now, based solely on this information, I have to wonder how someone could even post such a broad generalization about dating over 50 being hard because there are only 2 kinds of men; BUT we're already like 7 pages into this theme, the insults are flying, and rational thought nowhere to be found so let me ask?
I'm not talking about being promiscuous...I'm talking about living a full life....
Looking in narrow ranges for people like you is likely a self-defeating task...
There weren't many people like you to start off with...I imagine that number dwindles as time passes
I'm sure you'll agree for every person like you that's happy being alone..they are many more who aren't....
You'll forgive me...but reading your posting gives me the feeling that sex isn't an important part of your life. What part of living a full life includes chosing someone SO totally different from you will assure you of living a "full life"?
If narrowing the range of your search is self defeating, how would expanding your range to include let's say.....drug addicts and the chronically unemployed enhance any relationship you'd be having?
Granted, even if there weren't many people like each of us to begin with and they dwindle as time passes, would it not be safe to say that they dwindle proportionately and therefore the ratio remains the same......and that like water, they seek their own level?
To generalize that every person who is happy being alone is incapable of being happy WITH someone is a misnomer. To generalize that every person who isn't happy without someone becomes happy once they ARE with someone is also a misnomer. Some have found this to be true: Proverbs 21:19; "it is better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and angry woman." This goes for living with an angry and contentious man as well. It's also said that "misery loves company", but I fail to see how it enhances life.
Since Cocytus is only 41, I hate to burst his little bubble and break him the sad news....but I find a good many men my age (55) are the ones looking for a relationship with little or NO pressure for sex. I've turned down more dates with men who mistakenly assume that because I'm older....all I want is a bingo partner. It may also surprise you that I've turned down more dates with 20 & 30 yr olds than I do 50 &60 yr olds. I'm willing to bet that a lot of the ladies here could report very similar statistics!!! I do believe that it's the WOMEN who want "WHOLE" relationships and the men who only want "part". Please don't hold women up as being "too picky and narrow minded" simply because we UNDERSTAND the choices we face. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 2:17:12 PM | tnshylady-you are just meeting the wrong men, there are plenty of men over 50 who are looking for a serious relationship but it seems to me that a lot of ladies are looking for the younger man. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 2:20:55 PM | well said john-thats exactly as i see it-they think because we have reached the 50 mark we past it, little do they know what they are missing out on. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 2:36:53 PM | you are probably a bit too fussy and not ready to yield a little because you are set in your ways and thats why you are not in a relationship as am i-not because i wont yield a bit and give and take to form a relationship but i find its the woman who wont. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:08:23 PM | Yes, that must be it. The opposite sex who are over to and alone just don't know what is good for them.
I think we know exactly what we want and what we don't, and that is a good thing. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:21:24 PM | Dave ........I should have also added I don't see anything wrong with these women looking for younger guys. If thats what they want then its their right to try to find it and more power to them. I personally don't want someone that wants me based only on my age or because they are going to settle for me since they can't find what they really want. I don't have a problem with a woman passing me by because of my age, my income or any other reason. In fact I'm grateful they do.
Being fussy isn't bad, we should be fussy when getting involved with someone seriously. Maybe if more people were there wouldn't be so many here that had bad relationships or marriages. People change and that is the reason for many people getting out of a relationship. How many times have people said "I knew it wasn't right from the start"? Everytime I hear that or something similar all I can think is "THEN WHY IN HELL DID YOU GET INVOLVED WITH THAT PERSON!!!!!" | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:44:35 PM | | well said john-my sentiments exactly. that is the reason i am on my own because i am fussy and i am prepared to wait until the right woman comes along.i am not sad or lonely-i have a great family-plenty of friends and a good social life. one day the right person will come along. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:20:37 PM | OK, so now color me confused.....I could have sworn that the OP was a 55 yr old Female??? Have Ya'll figured out something I missed???
Nope OP, without knowing you in person, I can't tell you where the problem lies but your posts sound very much like a spoiled 10 yr old pouting because nobody wants to play with him. Now a 10 yr old can't have the insight to understand that no one will play with him because he's an obnoxious pain in the *ss. So he has a tantrum and predicts that everyone who has rejected him will be sorry. In a 10 yr old, one can hope that he'll grow out of it. You are 40 freakin one years old. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 5:08:49 PM | You know what? I have been in a room full of people and been very much alone and then been by myself and had wonderful company! | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/14/2007 6:05:03 PM |
You know what? I have been in a room full of people and been very much alone and then been by myself and had wonderful company! LOL! I have a lot of conversations like that! | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/17/2007 12:14:13 PM | You are EXACTLY right on girl!!! That is what I have found also.
I have to always have to ask the guy if he is a "player". Because I do not want to play games, nor be used! I just want a honest down to earth guy, that will be my "best friend" and lover.
And not just use me a time or two and then see what might be better around the corner! | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/19/2007 9:06:42 PM | ....this was tough to follow some of the points.
At any age, we can wrestle with the WANT to be with someone, versus being by ourselves. The conflict seems to come in resuming a situation you once had, only now doing it with someone else. The slate is not clean any more, to be able to do a nice new from the beginning type marriage.
Yea, a lot of guys are shy about it. They do not explain things very well,,,otherwise you would probably understand better where they are coming from.
If there was a way to have a blended type relationship - separate, yet together, it seems to make a more rational sense to being 'together', instead of trying or force it to be like what you were used to before. It could take years to work out all the kinks to make that happen. Too many are impatient.
There.... | |
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