| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/21/2007 8:27:11 PM |
You very well could be right. I'm in the middle of a divorce, my second, and I am looking forward to quite a while, one or two years anyway, of no dating at all. Although I someday do want to find the right gal again it is more important to me to reach down deep and discover just who I really am. Everything I have ever done, thought, decided or accomplished has envolved at least one other person who was affected by my actions. I have no clue how I would have conducted myself over the decades had I been making decisions about life that would affect only me. So I know what kind of father I was and what kind of husband I was and what kind of son I was but I really don't know what kind of me I am. So I plan to find out. All by my lonesome. Once I know that, I'll know what I want in a woman and what I have to offer her.
...Sounds to me like your making some very wise choices here. Too many jump from one relationship into another without ever having experienced some "me time". After my first marriage ended I honestly had no idea who I was.....I only knew what is was like being "a couple". Even thats not quite true....I was more like an extension of him. Plus I had many issues I needed to deal with, self-esteem mainly....I kept trying to figure out what went wrong, what I did wrong....rejection isn't easy, but once I figured out that in actuality it probably had very little to do with me...and mor with the fact that he felt that life was passing him by. It took a few years before I picked myself up and decided it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with life.
I have discovered many things about myself over the years and I think overall I am a good person, fairly normal (that may be debatable) who is looking for the same qualities in a future mate. In the meantime, I have also discovered that being alone is not all that bad...there are many, many perks to the single life. LIke not having to confer with anyone when you want to take off to Mexico haha
....maeflowers
 | |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/22/2007 9:59:57 PM | I agree............Can we get the topic thread back again? If people want to hurl insults back and forth at each other, they can email each other and battle it out.........
Over 50 and alone........again..........
I was alone all day today. In the past, it's bothered me to be alone on a holiday but today it didn't. I think that I have just accepted that I have no family, I don't have a significant other at this point in my life and there's nothing I can do about it so I might as well just give up the holidays and treat it like any other day off...........
I had friends call and things like that .............. one of my friends had a grandchild born today and she was so excited about it ........ I know that I could have gone to a friend's house for the holiday but I really didn't mind just staying home and enjoying a day off.
But I still hope that someday, I will be able to celebrate holidays again with a family even if "family" is my significant other! | |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/23/2007 12:09:34 AM | | Well, when those guys all get AIDs, herpes, or genital warts, from sampling all that candy, they will be crying. I would rather be over 50 and alone, thank you. Give me a man with some self-control and self-respect any day. I haven't met anyone I wanted to go on a second date with yet, but I think that when I meet the right guy we both will know it instantly. I think I would prefer the guy who has been alone awhile and sowed his wild oats. If you are the right woman they will want to get very close. I think you just have not met the "right" man yet. You may have to meet a hundred before you find him. It sure gets frustrating, lots of bad apples to go through to get the best of the bunch. And if you never meet him, then just keep on living and enjoying life. | |
|
| |
gc63
|
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 381 | |
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/24/2007 5:15:13 PM | Well ... I dated a guy over 50 and I'm 43. I love older men. Something about them just attracts me. Anyhow, he talked about his "ex" but the part he left out was that she was on vacation in NY seeing her sister AND that she would be coming HOME (yes they lived together) that week. Needless to say once she came home there was no more communication. Listen closely to what they say about their "ex's" they are telling us all of it for a reason.  | |
|
gc63
|
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 382 | |
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/24/2007 5:18:35 PM | Sorry to say this Finisheslast but I don't consider even meeting a man who hasn't been married or have children. I'm not sure why but it feels to me that they are selfish in some way or that they can't relate to all the marriage "hell" we have been thru. I'm probably going to get "booooed" out of this forum for saying that but it's true. I just wonder if more women disregard men for this reason.  | |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/24/2007 5:34:27 PM | I would rather be perminently alone than with a person who still had minor children or grandchild that they spent too much time with.
Alone to me is a good thing unless you find just the right partner for the both of you. | |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/24/2007 6:25:55 PM | Wow, I guess I am pretty surprised by some of those comments on having children. I am 51 and have a 5 year old daughter. I adore her and she was a gift. My relationship with her is different and should not ever interfere. I see it as an advantage that I get her half the time because I can devote the rest of the time to someone special and go places with.
I dont know, I guess to each his own... in the end, I like to think that I am a good guy and setting criteria that avoids me because I have a child means you miss out.
I think the focus would be more important to find out if the person is working, has a history of cheating or beating the heck out of someone is way more important. | |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/24/2007 7:00:19 PM |
I dont know, I guess to each his own... in the end, I like to think that I am a good guy and setting criteria that avoids me because I have a child means you miss out.
..Aw don't worry about it, I'm sure I've sent many running for the hills as soon as they found out I have teenagers at home haha
...maeflowers
| |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/24/2007 7:01:08 PM | I once read that the best thing you can do for your child is to love your spouse.
No, people who don't want any part of children aren't missing out by not dating great guys with kids.
Where their are kids there is ex drama zones. Most of us who wouldn't date the single parent do so because we have tried being patient and found it nothing but unnecessary drama.
At over 50 I can enjoy travelling alone. Date someone with kids and we have to plan our whole world around their schedule. No thanks. My travel is done at adults only resorts. Mostly I go there alone, and have a wonderful time with all the people I have meet over the years. | |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/24/2007 7:50:02 PM | | I can say that Moraima has hit the nail on the head about what I see as a very bad mistake young mothers put in their profiles and exactly why my ex-fiance hit the road. Too keep the family strong then everything should be done to protect and strengthen the relationship and to keep it happy. Putting kids first is no way to keep the family first...the relationship between the man and woman needs to come first to keep the family strong...then all the people below that can profit from the strength of the relationship. My ex-fiance left me to fulfill the needs of her whining and drama ridden daughter. Man, what a mistake! That girl has already ruined her mom a couple of times and is doing it again! Gotta just be parent and not best friends. A couple of years ago it was us rearing the grand daughters because of the daughter hitting the road with all of her drug buddies. Being tough love is the only thing that got her to straighten up and now the mom has fallen weak again, cashed in her 401k to buy a house so dip-sh daughter can move out of dumpy house trailer... well, she told me "we're just a bunch of rednecks"...wrong, huge difference between redneck and white trash! | |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/26/2007 10:48:33 AM | dating can be difficult in any age range. i see the 20 somethings crying about it all the way to the 60 somethings. i think you have to be somewhat flexable to succeed.i have a half an hour driving time but longer than that and i fall asleep late at night. real teeth are another deal breaker. is that too many? maybe i'll do a thread on it. | |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/26/2007 11:48:12 AM |
real teeth are another deal breaker. is that too many? maybe i'll do a thread on it.
Have to agree with you on that one! | |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/26/2007 2:26:45 PM | | Gads you guys are making me laugh. That is exactly the first thing I said to someone who asked why I wasn't married.... everyone I meet needs major dentistry, and not for lack of money. I think my exact words were something to the effect of "half their teeth or half a brain - which should I choose?". | |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/26/2007 3:23:56 PM | If you describe yourself -and think of yourself- as alone, you will be alone. I moved to South Beach two years ago, and the saleslady at Victoria's Secret congratulated me on my "courage." She was serious -- I was moving to a place where the native species is the Super Model, and the guys are predominantly gay. Nevertheless, I love it here. I've worked hard, built up a great social system (men, women, and probably a few in-between). I work hard at my job ("retirement" to me is a dirty word), and I work out hard at the gym. I used to lie about my age when I was Internet dating -- no more. This past Thanksgiving weekend, I went to a Full Moon Meditation, to have a drink with a guy who was flirting with me at Publix, to two spinning classes, to church (we have a very unique church called 'Unity on the Bay,' and more. Do I have someone special in my life right now? No. Will I? Soon, I suspect. These spinning classes seem to be working wonders. But if not, that's okay. I'll be making lots of plans for things to do over the holidays.
My message -- it's challenging, but you need to build a great life off-line, to find someone great, on-line.
Good luck,
Char | |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/26/2007 6:38:58 PM | I hear ya southbeach...you do have to 'start at home'. I guess I don't think of myself as alone - I think of myself as finally having the time to just be me. I have plenty of friends and all of my family to enjoy life with and make memories.
One thing - everyone does have their wants, needs and desires. The trick is finding someone who's capable of stating and pursuing theirs while not wanting or trying to drown yours.
Kids - heck, if someone thinks having kids creates an 'ex drama' I say happy days to them. At 50+ there aren't many of us who DON'T have kids - albeit, most of our children are beyond the 'ex drama' years and have already begun begatting their own.
I don't think of Holidays as times to cry, weep, and crawl into bed just because I'm not with a special someone. Why waste a beautiful day of living bemoaning what used to be or what isn't.
Eventually, I believe there will again be that special someone to share my life and love.
Patience, God isn't finished with me yet!
  | |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/26/2007 8:08:52 PM |
No, people who don't want any part of children aren't missing out by not dating great guys with kids.
...I hope you don' t think my remarks were aimed at you morie...I was referring to my situation..."potentials" really do run for the hills when they discover I have teens at home haha.
...maeflowers
| |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/26/2007 8:18:52 PM | It never occured to me maeflowers. I would really be 0ver 50 and alone if it wasn't for "cool" friends.
I just tend to vent when so many folks act like everyone has or wants young children . That rates right up there with the "only people dating at our age are divorced".
Maybe 50 and alone is caused by tunnel vision. | |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/26/2007 9:33:33 PM | | Are you talking about the guy I was dating? It sounds just like him. He was the "been divorced for many years, don't get too close, likes his freedom" kind of guy. | |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 11/26/2007 10:32:21 PM | Men go through a mid life crisis thing when they think they had better get all they can (from as many as they can), live life to the fullest without a woman (who might hold them back), blah blah blah.
It takes a very mature and wonderful man to recognize that they have gotten enough to know what it's all about and to grasp that their woman wants to join them and at the very least encourage them to climb mountains.
I find that I am most free to share myself, most free to be me, when with someone who totally cares about me for unselfish reasons.
Men need to look inside the box, into the corners, rather than run from them, to fully get clear vision of fullness and depth of the concept of relationships.
Women need to understand the fears of men and nourish their security in such an understated manner that the men feel in control of this action.
 | |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/25/2008 7:45:45 PM | | Our 50's isn't our parents 50's! I worked very hard to get to where I am. If love is in my future great! I am also very comfortable with the idea of not being in something if it isn't absolutely the right thing. No hurry! No feeling that I am missing something! | |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/26/2008 10:47:43 PM | Over 50 and alone.........and dating does take on a whole new meaning for the over 50 crowd versus the 20 to 25 crowd...........but we have the choice to either get busy dying or get busy living.
Typically the 20 to 25 crowd start out with nothing and therefore having nothing to loose if they get married or live common-law and usually work together acquiring assets. If the relationship fails...........there is still time to put it all together again.
After 50, most people have assets, some quite significant and they realize they can't afford to take another gamble on another failed marriage. Time is no longer on our side to re-build that much needed "nest egg" for retirement. Both probably have grown children they want to leave their assets to in the event of death. So a relationship of, he has his house and I have mine is a great alternative for me. It also weeds out the men just looking for a cook and housekeeper. | |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/27/2008 4:09:12 AM |
Sorry to say this Finisheslast but I don't consider even meeting a man who hasn't been married or have children. That is selfishness
What if he or the she he was involved with for so long were unable to convieve? Perhaps it was not selfishness, but inablity to have children. Perhaps you need to find out the why at some point. I will admit never married at age 50 bothers me. The few I have met, I figured out why they never married....................(but that does not include every man , 'cause I have not met them all). | |
|
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/27/2008 4:27:03 AM | It's always someone else's fault isn't it?
I get so amused at all the pretense of how it's so hard because someone else isn't right.
Sheezz you got drama queens claiming they don't want drama, people without kids explaining how parents should treat some relative stranger better than family just plain idiots that don't want to be with idiots.
It's all griping folks looking for compatible gripers and if you can't gripe about your ex you gripe about the gripers you're attracting.
If you could tae the griping out of your own head and put it into someone else's you'd gripe about what that someone was griping about.
The reason your all not finding some wonderful SO that might want to be with you is cause you get to be so good at griping and the only way to communicate with a griper is griping.
The non gripers are scratching their heads and making contact with with other non gripers all the time.
You picked the ex you are griping about and then you gripe that you got duped by the person you picked but you don't gripe about your own bad choice do ya....
I have to say I can't gripe about my GF's kids cause their wonderful kids, She tells me when their father left for another woman his excuse was she was too good of a mother and not a good enough wife. I'm glad he was so self centered and made her available to find me and I'm glad she finds no reason to gripe about it. She's way too busy making others feel good to be griping about how others in her life gripe too much.
You know when you gripe for too long your face develops a permanent sneer so even when your not griping it still looks like you are.
Then your a magnet for gripers.
You can now gripe about me labeling you as a griper but you may notice I deliberately haven't named any gripers individually except my own griping about the gripers. | |
|
Home
login 
