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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/14/2008 7:38:29 PM | | what is this fear of being lonely,,,,why ya all so scared of it,,,,when did yas become so so dependant on others, that you lost your ability to be alone,,thers a whole world out ther,get out and enjoy it,,is life ,,only about ,, finding a partner,,,the love of our lifes,,,,god,,,i think not,,,,love finds us,,with out the seaching | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/15/2008 6:43:19 AM | | I've been divorced for 10 years or so and I like doing what I want, when I want, but I also liked doing that when I was married, too, and always will. To me, that in no way precludes getting close to someone. I think there are other factors involved. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/16/2008 7:06:10 AM |
,love finds us,,with out the searching
OK, if nobody is searching, then just how do you think any two people could ever get together?? Magic?? | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/16/2008 7:33:14 AM | | I turned 50 last Dec and yes I find it very hard to meet a nice man. A man that i have things in common with . I live in a small town and have met a few men off here but so fr nothing more then a few dates. Not sure what men our age are looking for theses days. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/16/2008 7:39:54 AM | If everybody is still here on a cyber dating site, I guess there is no magic here either | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/16/2008 8:19:32 AM | SandyB1957
I turned 50 last Dec and yes I find it very hard to meet a nice man. A man that i have things in common with . I live in a small town and have met a few men off here but so fr nothing more then a few dates. Not sure what men our age are looking for theses days.
Hi Sandy. I have been very reluctant to give this kind of advice. I'm hardly an expert. So please don't read me wrong.
I've read your profile and it tells me very little about you, what you're looking for and what you would bring to a relationship. Okay, you're not looking for players. Who is?
Can I be blunt?  You haven't met a man you have things in common with, but your profile doesn't help me a lot in showing what you and I might have in common.
THANK GOD you don't say, "I want a man who makes me laugh." We're not trained seals, and it's not an entitlement. (Not to imply women, or guys, actually mean what we write!)
Show us your soul. Think about a typical month, in the kind of relationship you want. Then tell us what you are both doing, what you appreciate the most, how you'd spend a Sunday morning together, how he makes you feel valued, and how you make him feel valued.
Why would I WANT to get to know you? (I'm in Idaho, so I'm neutral on you personally!)
Online dating can be confusing -- one reason we see so many burnouts in these forums, I think -- over 50. Shouldn't we find the last love of our life the same way we found the first love of our life? Very few of us were looking to fall in love. We went out, had fun, mixed and mingled, made friends .... then lightening struck.
On my own first online matchup (eHarmony), I noted that we were total strangers, knew nothing about each other, and had never met before ... but all the PhDs said we should be sitting there evaluating each other as potential marriage partners. Huh?
At our age, a breakup usually leaves us with no friends, or very few. In my case, I was very new to Boise, so making new female friends was on my agenda anyhow. Still looking for that soulmate, but I've made three fantastic friends since last July -- we call each other platonic soulmates --- and I actually have a full social life of my own now, without clinging to my son and his family, with the romance voyage a lot less pressured.
And as friends who trust each other, and are all still looking, we can teach and help each other learn more about dealing with the opposite gender.
So my advice: Make those friends, which will be a lot more helpful than any dating site alone, in finding that someone who .... you curl each other's toes.
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/16/2008 8:37:26 AM | | Darn, I will be turning 52 in a couple of weeks and true will probably go out with friends, but it sure would be nice to have that special someone with me....so on that aspect yes will be alone again but not lonely. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/17/2008 1:35:00 AM | Hi Ya
I agree about the fact that men seem to adopt a 'candystore' mentality particularly on dating sites. The classically good-looking guys have 20 or more girls who have placed them in favourites and these guys are always on line and dont seem to have the time to date. Seems its all such an ego trip for them. I find the problem is that I dont appear to be attracted to the guys that message me...and the guys I message dont want to know. Perhaps the secret is looking at our profiles and making sure we project our positive selves without exaggeration.
Happy Fishing
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/18/2008 8:44:13 PM | | I have to agree, it's very had to find that one man who wants a relationship. He's either scared cause his wife left him for another or took everything they could from him. Then there's the man who all he talks about is his possessions and what he paid for each of them.......... But, all in all, there is someone out there for us all.........just gotta know what you want and go after it..........and not be scared of commitment.... and go on with life.....and don't look back at what others did or didn't do.......is all. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/20/2008 5:52:57 AM | I agree with trashylady. I have been online dating for 3ys. I'm over 50, and I have found that she appears to be correct about some men.Some.. only want frienship,with all the benefits,that married people have,and no responsibilities. Or,they have been alone a long time,want a committed relationship,but are set in their ways now, and are scared to death. Nothing worse than a single guy who has been alone a long time, that can keep house better than me. Come on guys, lets hear something on this subject. Only those over 50 please. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/20/2008 6:18:38 AM | | Greybear,sounds like your in the category I mentioned about those men that want only the benefits,but none of the responsibilites. I had a relationship for almost 2yrs. Then one day, he decided,that he hadn't seen all the things he wanted to see, and I couldn't go with him because I had a job, and he is retired. He wants a year to do all the things, he hadn't done yet. Now you tell me why he didn't do this before he told me and other women, that he wanted to share his life with a woman, and eventually, a longterm relationship? It's like stopping to pee in midstream. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/20/2008 6:53:19 AM | Hi dandy102, a widowed man, after being alone awhile, and this also applies to divorced men as well, tend to get overly involved in their children lives, so they rely on them too much ,become so attached to them and grandchildren,that when they have a woman in their life, they will always become second. To all you divorced men,and widowed men,that do this, please think before you decide to beome involved with a women, we want loyality, to be equal in your life as your children .If can't do this, then forget about finding a woman for a longterm relationship. This kind of situation causes alot problems,,all around. I'm getting off track here, but I find this in some men over 50. Alot of these type won't mention this problem occurs. Speak up to those men that have been in this situation before. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/20/2008 6:57:04 AM | | Flannigans, It's not that we are afraid to be alone, but that we choose not to be. Nothing like growing old together, sharing life together. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/20/2008 7:30:55 AM | | Hey Fexinnc, we all have garbage, including you! Women whine, because we know how to express our feelings, good or bad. I would prefer to be a whinng bitter, and carry alot of baggage over 50 woman then to be an unfeeling, macho man. Get over yourself! Educate youself.! | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:04:22 AM | | Wrenchspinner, like youropiions and views. We all have baggage from our past, and will have it til the end of our time. I'm over 50, and I thought that men over 50, were beggining to understand themselves and women as well. Will men ever stop wanting to be free, exploring,adventurious, trying to be sucessfull? Why can't men be more honest? Baggage from our past helped shaped the person we are today. Perhaps, women express it openly, men keep it all inside, heart attack ready to happen!I haven't met a man yet,that has changed from youth to over 50, except,wrinkles and white hair,that has changed. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:01:03 AM | | I really very seldom take the time to read the forums. Noticed all the replies you have posted so took the time to also check your profile. Even prior to checking out your profile I knew that some how you was involved in mental health. I also noticed that under "smokes" you have prefer to say later. Either you do or you don't, so why not be honest and answer the question truthfully. Our are you affraid of being pre-judged because you may be a smoker. It's bad enough that we all are pre-judged by our photo, by what is in our About Me's. There are NO magicial words available to attract that one special person. As for a older man either divorced or widowed becoming more involved with his children and grandchildren, maybe its more that is children are concerned for him, concerned for his lonelyness, so involve themself more within his life. At least they are not pre-judging him. NO, i am not involved in my daughters life, and yes at times we do things together, she has her life to live and I have mine. It's strange , not long ago a woman told me it was stupid that I even had any responsibilities. But of course she has had none for years since she lives off relatives and friends. Does responsibilites fall mainly on money and materialism? Our does it, or should only be having responsibility totally and completely towards the one you are involve with. Then those responsibilites should be Caring, Love, Honesty, Faithfulness, Trust. With these being there truly then everything else falls into place. One has to be totally and completely honest with and about themselves, before they can or should begin a search for the ONE! Question I always ask myself is: Why can't they handle honesty? Why am I pre-judged by a photo? What does age have to do with Love? Why, if a older man talks to a younger woman or dates a younger woman, the older women get upset? But at the same time a older woman enjoys the fact a younger man may show interest in her, and yes may even date him. Are we in POF looking for Love or looking for someone to handle our own responsibities? Before you sit here giving advice to others, I do think its best that you look at your own profile and really see how honest it is. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:29:15 AM | Does anyone truly believe that they like being alone, or truly want to be alone? | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:39:05 AM | Mtang83, sorry you didn't like my opinions. I didn't mean to sound so harsh,on this subject. Sounds to me like you have been there yourself.Your right, perhaps,it is the case where the children are concerned. There will always be another side. I only wanted to hear from men who do put their children before all else. I have four children,under certain circumstances, my children will come first. My children have their lives, separate from mine,we have our times together,but,Iwould feel terrible if I thought they needed to include me,out of concern for me. I need to have my own life, as well as they need theirs.Call it pre-judging, but this is my opinion,and I have a right to my opinion as you do. Your right about the smoker or non smoker. I believe that some people do prejudge on being a smoker. As far as a photo,I believe that the photo is important because, I believe that there needs to be some attraction there, one of mine is a man's eyes. To some, a photo is not important. Responsibilities,I mean responsibilties as there would be in a marriage. I was told once that marriage was only a piece of paper,and didn't mean anything.So, my answer was, "so,this means that everytime you write me a love note,I should consider this note as only piece of paper"? Only some men appear to want the company of a woman,to do things with, make love to,then go home. All the benefits.No staying around to hear that "dear ,when you get a chance can you please take out the trash to the road,it's trash day tomorrow." This is just an example,but other things you share together,need to be taken care of besides ,going on trips,entertainment, sex. My father always said to me, 'Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk free?' Some men are just users,as there are women.Honesty, I want honesty above all else! As far as younger men go, I'm not interested. I get e-mails from 35to45 year olds,and wonder why. I have a son , and his age is 36,why would I want to get involved with a man the same age as my son? We are all different,some older women would. So, hopefully now, I have answered your questions,in all honesty. Do you have more? | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/20/2008 11:02:29 AM |
Does anyone truly believe that they like being alone, or truly want to be alone? You betcha, Linda. Truly. Now, if you're inclined to berate me for feeling this way, please don't. Remember one of the key decision-points in data collection/survey design is, if you cannot handle the feedback, you really ought not ask the question. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/20/2008 2:08:33 PM | | Ok we all have own agenda....whats right for one is not right for the other. Just be honest about what you want from a relation ship. Not everyone that is 50 plus want to get married again, How ever there are those that do. Nothing wrong with etiher,Being alone at 50 isnt all bad, yes you get lonely at times, but if you had failed realationships & or marriage dont you want to take time before getting in another committed relationship to find out who you are, what you want & time to heal.We now have the oppertunity to do just that , most of us have grown kid so we can concentrate on our lives now & decover what we are passionate about. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/20/2008 2:16:00 PM | | Depends on what day it is, what is going on and whether or not I have a man in my life.............that decides if I want to be single.............and somedays I just enjoy my own company. Could it change if the right man came by? YEP! | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/21/2008 10:11:21 PM | There is so much beauty about our age group, as in been there done that, my choice well chosen not to harm another, and the ease of honesty that comes with age and confidence.
I agree with out of the desert "Yep"
Every thing changes with the right people let alone men, and may I say worth the inner flux another creates in your life, good or negative. Learning about oneself is an amazingly, scary, funny, and liberating feeling.
I love the fact that my inherited beliefs have been replaced by my own, thru the eyes of another person.
Yes I want long term, exclusive,,, does not mean I want to be married, just someones other half some one who knows me as I do him. Dating thru catalogue shopping will never achieve that.
Be honest not nasty. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 3/28/2008 9:51:46 PM | The best thing about being over 50 is, I don't give a crap anymore what people think of me. That being said, I don't like being alone. don't like eating, sleeping, going out and spending the holidays alone. been there and done that! Seems to me, ppl who like being alone have been hurrt a tad too much and don't want to get back on the wagon...
I love my dog, but only so much.... | |
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