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| | OVER 50 And Alone....again.Page 21 of 29 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29) | | I'm 51 now with 2 adult children. I try to look at this as the best chapter of my life. I've done the "kid thing" and now it's all about me (just as my profile reads). The longer I'm single (4 years now), the more I feel that what I want and need is male companionship. Nice quiet dinners, pillow talk - just having the company of someone you enjoy. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 5/14/2008 11:13:02 AM | | Sounds like the men you are talking about are easy to date but hard to tie down. So do you mean hard to date or do you mean hard to tie down? | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 5/14/2008 11:24:41 AM | I didn't read all the posts here. too many. But, the OP was generalizing as far as I am concerned. I see it a lot in the personals. there might be some truth to generalizing, but we must guard against creating self-fulling propheseys.
I think if we (any of us) are looking for excuses... we will find one...(or many!). The 'excuse' tree is always filled with fruit.
Certainly its hard being single over 50 (try over 60!) Much harder than the 20s , 30s and 40's . Its like landing on a strange planet. I have this theorey that we wern't designed to be single at this stage of life. But, in this culture...so many of us have wound up that way. We have to work harder, have more faith and persaverance than ever before. But, I believe its all over when you give up. for me.... I'm not ready for that tag yet. (all over). | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 5/14/2008 1:51:10 PM | Its like landing on a strange planet
Indeed it is, but why not open our eyes to see and enjoy the sights while we seek to find our way back to our home planet?
Cindy O | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 5/14/2008 7:54:12 PM | > (OP) It seems there are only two types of men out there.
> 1) Newly divorced men;
> 2) the guys that have been divorced for 10 yrs or so.
I don't know about age 50 and over, but there are more never-married men age 40 and over than the entire population of New Zealand. Their numbers are greater than those behind Door #1; -probably Door #2 also if you take the "divorced for 10 yrs (+/-)" literally. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 8/9/2008 3:52:56 AM | The more I think about this, the more I agree with Indiana Jones: “It’s not the years, it’s the mileage.” To me, it’s not a question of how chronologically old someone is, it’s the quality they have experienced in their years – and, yes, the quality they have taken care of themselves. I also agree with Mr PineBreeze… I’m not ready to throw in the towel either… many, many good years are left! And, yes, I believe that the older we get, the more difficult it is to find someone because a) we’ve become too selective/too non-compromising and b) the pond is shallower – kinda suggests that either we have to make some changes in ourselves or get used to finding/meeting a lot less potential mates!
P.S. Okay, for the record, I may be overly selective, but I’m not willing to settle for anyone in my life who isn’t fully committed to many of my ideals, beliefs, and desires for a great future together. (And I would hope vice versa!)  | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/22/2009 3:27:01 PM | Hi ya.
SOME men, but not All men want to take a lady to bed or a replacement wife/dogsbody. I certainly don't. True, I do possess certain Venus qualities and believe that a woman should be treated as such.
I have just started seeing a lovely woman in her mid-50s and (we have been chatting on Pof for a few months, but met for the first time last week) we are aiming for long-term. But as we have said, a relationship, like a planted seed, needs to be nurtured before the beauty of the flower emerges. So, we are taking it a step at a time. She lives 3 hours away by bus (I don't drive) but she is worth it. We are friends, though special, first and foremost, but there is that spark of romance there. We hold hands and kiss. But that was a joint decision, as people have different ideas of friendship, as I have been on dates where the lady has wanted no physical contact at all - and that is their choice, and a man must respect her choice.
Men go through hormonal changes in their 50s; it's called the andropause, and not having a partner (not a slave) and being alone can make a guy (and I guess a woman too) depressed, especially if they have been a long relationship and it has come to an end re death, divorce... or they can be on a high and act like an 18-year-old. It depends on the person and the circumstances. But to go looking for a lady just for sex is wrong, in my opinion. After all, the lady might have physical problems and perhaps the man has problems down there. I think the word to use rather than sex, is intimacy. If you just want sex, go out and pay for it!!!!!!!!!!! Anything else would be abuse and taking advantage of a female.
So I guess the next step would be intimacy - but a joint decision. Remember that guys. I have worked with mentally ill men and women who have been abused - physically and sexually in the past, and some can't handle full on until they get to know and trust the other person really well, even then you might have to be patient with them. They neeed reassurance, not badgering.
Look at the person as a person - and not as a sex object - AND THEN they will se you are a genuine person and hopefully the dates, or friendships will flow in.
But take Maureen's advice to heart - she is a lady after all and knows what she is talking about - and perhaps she is talking from personal experience.
Best wishes for 2009.
Ian. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/22/2009 3:41:04 PM |
Okay, for the record, I may be overly selective, but I’m not willing to settle for anyone in my life who isn’t fully committed to many of my ideals, beliefs, and desires for a great future together. (And I would hope vice versa!)
I think a lot of us are guilty of this..........but we don't feel guilty and shouldn't. | |
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notwow
| | Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 509 | |
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/22/2009 3:58:08 PM | I have not read all 21 pages of posts, but from my experience, it seems the women who are over 50 have commitment issues.
Since my divorce 12 years ago, I had one LTR which lived with me for 3 years, one marriage that lasted 2, a short term relationship of 3 months with a woman I am still friends with, a 2 year relationship with another who decided no, she liked her freedom and did not want to commit (still friends with her also), and a current one who is not so sure if she wants to commit in the future.
Most come from first marriages that were oppressive in some form or another, or there was cheating.
I truly want to find someone who we can build the rest of our lives together. Most women I meet love the sex, like the companionship, but are not willing to trade thier "freedom" and "independence".
Yes, I did mention a second marriage, but that was a rebound, should not have happened, she proposed to me, and I made a mistake. In all cases, it was my partner who wanted the split up, not me.
So, how come us guys who want LTR and permanent can't find the women who want the same?
One of life's little mysteries. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/22/2009 4:30:42 PM | not so fast , I usually ask my date several questions about her ex or previous relationship.
One question I always ask is..... if I ask your ex , what would he say was the reason your relationship ended ?
I think were is alot to learn about a person from previous relations. who has never heard
"if she done it to him she'll do it to me " ?? | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/22/2009 4:45:43 PM |
how come us guys who want LTR and permanent can't find the women who want the same?
If you are a man and you can't find a woman who will commit and my gal pals state they can't find men to commit, why do I see marriage certificates in our local paper for folks in the 40-70 range? May be they are having better luck finding a committed person, although the institutations are full of committed people...........bet most of them were married at one time or another................... | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/22/2009 4:48:33 PM | >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I only want one................that shouldn't be hard.
Should it?
 peeking under rock to see if he's hiding there. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/22/2009 6:34:18 PM |
Most come from first marriages that were oppressive in some form or another, or there was cheating.
Regardless of where she came from, a formerly married woman in her 50s may be deservedly reveling in having a minimum number of "bosses". You stop and think about it. The average married woman UNDER 50 has a husband, children, usually atleast one job or career (some with very stringent rules about absences, tardiness, deadlines/schedules, quality/quantity of her work product) not infrequently an aging parent(s), a household to run...let's see, that's about 5 "bosses" right there...
So the supposed "oppression" may have simply been THE WAY LIFE WORKS for women in the last quarter of the 20th century. Now some of those "bosses" have phased out of her life, she's now maybe up to 3rd place in her priority list,as opposed to being down in like 6th place. Why would she be particularly anxious to go backward in her climb up the priority ladder, unless the committed LTR in front of her was absolutely amazing.( Or there is pressure from some other situation,such as shaky finances, feeling socially invisible/invalid unless she's half of a couple, or fearing the bogeyman of "being old and alone")
Not being a guy, I can't speak for them, maybe the younger man with a wife and kids and mortgage also feels like he's got half a dozen "bosses" and that he's not allowed to put himself first. Maybe when he finds himself unmarried and over 50, he too feels like he's gonna take some time where he gets to do "me first". From my viewpoint, that would be an understandable position.
Cindy O | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/22/2009 7:17:27 PM | over fifty and alone is better than over fifty and with someone you can't stand or over fifty and dead.............I think I need sleep............................. | |
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Rob_SA
| | Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 515 | |
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/22/2009 9:51:20 PM | ladyc4 said
Regardless of where she came from, a formerly married woman in her 50s may be deservedly reveling in having a minimum number of "bosses". You stop and think about it. The average married woman UNDER 50 has a husband, children, usually atleast one job or career (some with very stringent rules about absences, tardiness, deadlines/schedules, quality/quantity of her work product) not infrequently an aging parent(s), a household to run...let's see, that's about 5 "bosses" right there...
I remember reading the original Venus and Mars book and learning that female maths is different to male maths. The idea was that the guy "has a job"... he goes to work which the female saw as him doing one thing. His wife however split her demands into kids, cleaning, cooking, shopping, organising and possibly other employment as well... which she saw as several "jobs" each of which was just as demanding and valuable as his one "job". She saw her "job" as being much more valuable than his purely because she used a different system of maths. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/23/2009 3:09:53 AM | | ^^^^^^^^^^And sad to say, that probably caused a lot of marriages to end. They needed to understand they were doing all their jobs for the common good of the couple/family. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/23/2009 3:24:32 AM | Then there are the guys that have been divorced for 10 yrs or so. They like doing what they want to, when they want to. They will date you but don't want you getting too close. They like their freedom.
interesting, you're over 50 and alone , and of course, it's got to be the 'men'.
I am a man , divorced 10 years, and I believe in the tenet of freedom...of speech, beliefs, or deed, yes.....
to move around at will.....part of what I am is a traveler...I've come to know this
and, it's how I want to live.
my freedom??? I fcukin' earned that.
there are many women, I have now noticed that are in a desperate search for a man
to place him in their life
but, for what reason???
I'm not sure they even know anymore, for many of these women have been alone for a bit and value their freedom as well. And they often have very secure and interesting jobs and plans.....so, be careful of what you wish for.
Many of us 'men over 50' are as independent as you...that's all.
and always attempt to remember, : relationships come in many forms. The old rulebook is out of play..out of fashion, out of touch, really
I would 'balance' a relationship with my freedom and my own life, but I can only see that as happening if I am loved, respected..for me. Not to be used as a human door stop.
Now, there are a lot of guys who you can collar to fill up some space in your life, take up some dead air time...I know guys like this...but would you want them?
I think the interesting guys are always gonna be the toughest to tie down
.
Kimbo **************************************** | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/23/2009 4:34:38 AM | Spot on, Kimbo.
relationships come in many forms. The old rulebook is out of play..out of fashion, out of touch, really
I think you're right. Our generation - well the ones like us who are divorced and single - don't really know what they want from a sexual relationship anymore.
We hark back to our youth but what worked when we were in our 20s isn't right for us now. We want our hard-earned or won freedom and independence, but where does a man/woman fit in? It seems nowadays people complain about it not being enough, or being too much or other problems.
Some people here have spoken of setting up a new rulebook. I think it's a good idea. But we're all so individualistic, would a generic rulebook work for all of us?
How to have an adult relationship in your 50s where both parties feel fulfilled and satisfied - taking into account our work, our needs, our families, our friends, our honed lives - it's not as easy as "falling in love". | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/23/2009 5:51:34 AM | Having lived both sides of the situation, I think that freedom should be cherished and held on to as long as you don't run into the perfect partner. Even then, think long and hard about giving up your freedom.
On the other hand, if you are in a LTR, struggle to hold on to that daily. There is nothing quite like the feeling that someone is standing beside you through thick and thin. That is something you don't usually get, aside from your family, when you are single... | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/23/2009 6:24:07 AM | Seems so many things have changed when becoming single again after so many years of not being single. Emotions change, and people you might be interested in knowing better have changed too.
It's kinda like being an old-teenager only all the rules have changed and so have people. Suppose that comes with all the experience and maturity that has manifested itself to us older people LOL. We tend to want what we want and nothing more and certainly nothing less. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/23/2009 6:36:22 AM |
I think the interesting guys are always gonna be the toughest to tie down Why do you need to tie down anyone???
Could you just enjoy the freedom with someone who has her freedom as well.
You know, many women don't change your life style...actually because we all choose people with life style similar ours. Is it fun to enjoy even traveling alone? I don't understand that....my best experiences in life were shared | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/23/2009 10:35:57 AM | | I don't think this is gender specific behavior. There are a lot of women who are newly divorced and want nothing to do with a long term relationship; they just want to date a bunch of different men and have fun. There are also an awful lot of women out there looking for no-strings sex. The one trait I find in many people over 50 is that they are bitter and angry, because they have been through the mill so many times, and they are terrified of getting close to someone else. That's not the case with everyone, but it's more prevalent than I like to admit. I wish they would stop dating until they have worked out their issues. Sadly, many of them just go out their and take their anger out on others. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 12:40:31 AM | | If you are so fulfilled and satisfied , what on earth you are doing on this site? If you already feel that it is so hard to form an adult relationship after 50, what are you doing here using up valuable space and just being negative about something, that is important to others? | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 5:44:28 AM | If you are so fulfilled and satisfied , what on earth you are doing on this site? If you already feel that it is so hard to form an adult relationship after 50, what are you doing here using up valuable space and just being negative about something, that is important to others?
OK...all of those who think it is a 'breeze' to form a relationship after 50 raise your hands.
Hmmmmmmm....not many hands goin up, are there.
Well, felisidad darlin', there are simply those of us who are content with Life as it is
but perhaps haven't ruled out that we may meet someone special]....me, and others' I know here have said similar thoughts and beyond..all very positive....>>>Friendly Free Spirit, R.Scott., Reargaurd2, to name a few....read their posts, there are some very clear views by them..
Taking up 'valuable' space? ...now that's a good one. Leave more of the real deals for you guys, eh? haha. I ask, is it possible to be able to enjoy people and enjoy your own company with the same fervor, I think so.
And, ma'am....those of us who are content with Life and all it has to offer, you will come to find, are some of the least negative people on the planet.
Watch out for the ones who are searching to fill some hole inside of themselves with the tenacity of a rabid dog....(the one's that actually believe they are ready for Love too)...now they're beyond negative...they're downright dangerous.
thanks for your thoughts
Kimbo**************************************** | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 6:33:34 AM | Hi, I guess I know where you are coming from. Try this on for size. I just turned 51, but I also have total responsibility for my 6 yr. old daughter. What kind of gentlemen is ready to ride that horse again? I have to be careful and detailed when dating.
When you have a grandson older than your youngest child, it ain't easy sweetie.
The most we can do is be real about the situation. Date, make friends, for me, since moving to this area, making new friends is a major thing. Maybe even some like minded ladies who like to go out and raise a little hell once in a while.
I'm no wallflower, don't expect miracles, but I still have an open mind and an open heart.
Cheers!! | |
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