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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 7:25:00 AM | Well just be honest up front. Besides what is so wrong with casual dating.
I fall into part of both categories. I have been Divorced since April and I am not ready for a relationship, because I am enjoying my freedom. I don't know why that has to be wrong. I mainly enjoy hanging out with friends, going to dinners etc, but I do enjoy going out on a date on occasion and having female friends to talk to.Of course I always let it be know right up front that I am not ready to settle back down, but for some reason they message doesn't seem to translate. I like the freedom to make spur of the moment plans or to ask out a lady for dinner if I meet one.
However it seems like so far my encounters always follow the same path. I make my intentions clear.,we go out some over a several week period. They get to wanting more and start expecting us to be together every weekend. I get to feeling trapped. I start avoiding, not calling, pulling away, they get mad. I am in this situation right now for a bout the 4th time. Time to do the manly thing. Hide for 3 weeks or send her an E-mail ending it....J/K
Seriously- In our parents time Casual dating was perfectly acceptable. What has changed? | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 7:48:25 AM | | It is very hard these men are looking for younger girls. Not women over fifty. But i am not going too give up. My saying is were did all the good men gone? Are they hiding or they are like us sometimes to picky, or scared like me that what they see they won't like. i am divorced for a long time and I am hoping too fine someone and some day be happy!! never give up Hes out there!! | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 7:55:25 AM | | Well maybe you should really space your dates like once a month so they won't get too close, or maybe you are a very nice person and you don't know how too not say no. there is nothing wrong with that. Being friends is one thing but going out with the same person is telling her you like her alot | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 8:59:38 AM | While I have a couple more years before I hit 50, some of my favorite posters are on this thread so I'm gonna stick my .02 in anyway. Sue me! (yes, whyt, that's for you  )
I think the interesting guys are always gonna be the toughest to tie down
Agree, and I do believe in securing my load. OTOH, while I have a variety of tie-downs at my disposal (and it could be fun
 ) the goal is to not tie each other down.
Yes, the 'old' rulebook is out-the-window, but that rulebook applied to the not quite fully formed 'adults' we were in our 20s+. My new 'rulebook', or more accurately my new standard, is on my profile:
He believes life is to be lived - with passion. No matter how good or satisfying life is alone, it is better when shared with the right woman, and I'm that woman. He is patient with my faults and tender when I’m hurt. We may compete fiercely at canasta, pool, or whatever but even the ‘loser’ enjoys the consolation after. Although never resting on his laurels, he takes pride in his skills - for himself, not as proof to others of his worth.
We are not two halves that make a whole, we are each already whole and seek to share. Although our lives are full because we are each living our priorities, we will make time for a relationship because that is a priority.
This describes the kind of relationship I'm looking for - balanced, mutual.
My life is good. Yes, there are times I'm overwhelmed, there are times I forget to be thankful. But, I believe maturing means learning ways to return myself to center, not needing someone else to do that for me. So, the times I'm overwhelmed are fewer and farther between. My 'life management' toolbox is heavier with a greater variety of tools customized to the task at hand. Less waste, less collateral damage.
I've been looking for a man whose toolbox is just as full. We may have dozen 'saws' between us but have used them differently and under different circumstances. Working through the day-to-day of a relationship I want someone who needs from me only a different sawing technique, not that he's missing saws altogether. This has been harder to find than I thought it would be. But, I knew he would be out there and believe we've found each other. Let the building commence. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 9:23:09 AM | | Marceline I think you may have hit the nail on the head. Need to learn to say no. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 9:38:09 AM |
However it seems like so far my encounters always follow the same path. I make my intentions clear.,we go out some over a several week period. They get to wanting more and start expecting us to be together every weekend. I get to feeling trapped. I start avoiding, not calling, pulling away, they get mad. I am in this situation right now for a bout the 4th time. Time to do the manly thing. Hide for 3 weeks or send her an E-mail ending it....J/K
Sometimes, it is just the challenge of the emotionally unavailable man that makes us pursue. 
You're not being totally honest on your profile. "Friends" can have many different meanings, particularly for ladies in this age group. They tend to see "friends" as a prelude to something more. I would change it to "dating" which says not looking for anything serious right now. And don't date women who have listed LTR as their preference.
The type of women who just want casual dating are also in a state where they cannot emotionally attach and are probably getting over an ex and can't commit. Yet, meeting the right man can change all that and cause attachment in spite of our best efforts to avoid it.  | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 9:46:20 AM | Hmm. I thought Friends meant something along the lines of--Just wanting to hang out on Occasion, talk, E-mail that kind of thing.
So what you are saying is what I am thinking is more along the lines of dating.
So what exactly does friends means?
Ok and I will ask a real dumb question. what is an activity partner? A lot of profiles have that as a must not, but I took that to mean like a dancing partner, or someone just to attend functions with etc. I am guessing I am way off on that one huh?
Thanks for the advice | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 10:14:37 AM | Scruffydawg;
VOLUMES have been written about what the "categories" mean. Tolstoy is rolling in his grave, the posts about what the categories mean has now exceeded "War and Peace" in length.
It would be MY guess that "activity partner" means what you think it does, but many here think it's just an epheumism for "sex partner".
I concur, "dating" is probably your best bet. Again, all too often the words "with benefits" gets subconsciously tacked onto the word "friend".
Regardless of how you say it, or how often you say , "not looking for a relationship"
is going to be ignored by many women who think they are going to be the one to bring you back to the relationship fold. If we are speaking to the over 50 crowd, they are big girls, and if their dreams write checks that your reality can't cash, this is not your fault.
Cindy O | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 10:15:24 AM | Taking advantage of an accidental double post;
Well maybe you should really space your dates like once a month so they won't get too close,
That looks good on paper, but in reality the ladies will either label scruffydawg as a "flake" or suspect he's playing some kind of "head game" for the purpose of getting into her pants.
Cindy O
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 10:40:43 AM | well I am 47 and have dated a couple of 50 year old women. Things sure have changes a lot in the last 20 years.
I have heard you ladies and I think you are right. Think I will change it to dating.
I wish that had a catagory for "perpetually wishy washy, emotionally immature, typical male pig" LOL | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 10:40:52 AM |
Hmm. I thought Friends meant something along the lines of--Just wanting to hang out on Occasion, talk, E-mail that kind of thing.
Well there is a "Hang Out" category and I take that to mean someone who wants to see a movie or go bowling occasionally. I avoid the talk/emailers at all costs. It's not like I don't have enough people who want to talk. Talk, talk, talk leads nowhere and so does long distance relationships. 
For me, "friends" can mean two things: friends with benes, or someone who is so unattractive they know you wouldn't date them, but could you at least be their friend? Either way, I tend to avoid those guys.
"Activity Partner" can mean just a partner for an activity (like diving for me) or a code name for the much berated "Intimate Encounter."
Most people are in the long term or dating camps. You're less likely to get blocked with either one of those. Long term would be dishonest for you so I would choose "dating."
You do realize, of course, that women who want to have sex want some type of commitment, even if it is FWB? So hanging out is probably not going to get you any sex. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 10:45:28 AM | -You do realize, of course, that women who want to have sex want some type of commitment, even if it is FWB? So hanging out is probably not going to get you any sex.
Sex? Oh my? That had never crossed my mind? I have only been divorced officially since Dec 4 and single since April.. My Gosh do people our age still do that? Maybe I better rethink things, and go ask the Doc to give the management unit a tune up.
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 10:53:08 AM |
Sex? Oh my? That had never crossed my mind? I have only been divorced officially since Dec 4 and single since April.. My Gosh do people our age still do that? Maybe I better rethink things, and go ask the Doc to give the management unit a tune up.
It may come as a shock to you, but yes, we have sex! And some of those women who want something regular with you may being wanting some nooky too.  | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 8:11:00 PM | I am floored. This changes everything. I must meditate on this new found knowledge. I just had no idea about the sex thing. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 9:20:43 PM | | Well, sadly we are in a very bad category. According to a recent Oprah show women over 50 have less than 5% chance of ever being in a long term relationship. Men have 90% chance of finding someone. The huge differential is men our age don't want women our age. I find this statistic very scarey but, have accepted it as fate. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 9:22:40 PM | | I wish I could say I had your confidence. When the Oprah show said women our age have less than a 5% chance of finding someone I accepted it as fact. Lonely and alone forever. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 9:30:55 PM | Sad thing is that it is better for a woman at 50 to date a man in his 30's or some of my friends even say 50's. At 47 you want variety and freedom? I think men that age or in 50's need it because they don't want to admit to a partner that their sex drive isn't what it use to be. Easier to pretend with a fling now and again.
Men my age to have a hope in hell of keeping up with most women my age! They wish but, they can't. All the little blue pill does is put you in your grave too early.
Did you know that a monogamous sex life extends life expectancy about 5 yrs?
I know you will laugh and just think I am a silly old woman and wait until you are like 70 to ask a 50 yr. old out but, quite silly because if you couldn't do it at 50 it certainly isn't happening at 70. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 9:36:26 PM | As I Said in earlier Post, I am still shocked to be informed people our age are still sexually active. Dr. Scruffy is still evaluating all of this newly discovered information. I am going to do some evaluations in the "Field" next week to discover if this newly reported phonomonom is actually true. I will report back to the forum with my findings" If you all don't here from me by Tuesday it means I may have meet my untimely demise out doing field work.
Serouisly-My wife as well as several of the women I have dated since I was divorced/separated have been in their 50's. One was 30. I don't get too hung up on the age issue
P.S. You sure don't look 50. You must be using Dog years. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 11:21:11 PM | Hi,
I have reall all posts here and honestly, I think life starts over 45 like in Europe use to be said.
You are mature, you have life experience, you have some savings, kids are gown up, too much time off I guess, but here is the age when man/ woman realise that they ran all thir lifes, but no time to enjoy it.
Is sad to find your self alone on this age, including my self, so is worth try.
No results so far, but I know that is hard even on man: many are widowed, many are alone for other reasons, and even for them is hard to try again, a new life, a new person in his life when at this age everybody have their own habits already.
I believe lots of good man are not here, because they are afraid, same as lots of woman are sign up only because some very good friend push them(this is my case).
Maybe is just try and try again. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 1/31/2009 11:25:41 PM | destinyplease
[Well, sadly we are in a very bad category. According to a recent Oprah show women over 50 have less than 5% chance of ever being in a long term relationship. Men have 90% chance of finding someone. The huge differential is men our age don't want women our age. I find this statistic very scarey but, have accepted it as fate.]
Sure is this way, because woman on her 50's is very wondered by young man, but on this age is hard to believe, this is the truth.
Statistics are saying that young man have big desires for a 50 years old woman. Is just the woman that do not believe that. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 2/1/2009 6:18:16 AM | I think that luck plays a big part where dating is concerned, fifty men you meet might be as you have written and one might be what you feel is more suited to you... I have only just found someone who is suitable from using the Internet. A very new situation but we are like best friends at the mo and are planning our time together as we go.
I have felt the same as you about men and my red flag has been put up on the first date with all so far until now. So time will tell, don't give up...... There is always one that will suit you and stop worrying about the years passing too much. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 2/1/2009 9:06:19 AM | | Yes Angel, beeing positive is the best attitude that someone maight have in life. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 2/1/2009 9:16:11 AM |
Well, sadly we are in a very bad category. According to a recent Oprah show women over 50 have less than 5% chance of ever being in a long term relationship.
That statistic is from 2001 and I don't think it is true any longer. The over 45 group is the fastest growing segment of online daters according to Match. In the past, the over 45 women had the most difficult time meeting men because most of us don't hang out in clubs.
I haven't had any problems meeting men online at all. Meet enough men and you'll find someone for you. It is a numbers game if you are not hung up on perfection. Chemistry still happens. | |
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| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 2/2/2009 10:29:11 AM | destinyplease
[Well, sadly we are in a very bad category. According to a recent Oprah show women over 50 have less than 5% chance of ever being in a long term relationship. Men have 90% chance of finding someone. The huge differential is men our age don't want women our age. I find this statistic very scarey but, have accepted it as fate.]
Looking at stats isn't always a good way to get a sense of what is. A LOT of women I see and know are simply not looking, and absolutely don't want *any* relationship, long-term or otherwise with a man. Another HUGE cohort are women who say they do, and seem to be looking (are on PoF, for instance), but reveal *very clearly* when they post or talk about the subject that they don't (hint: running the other half of the human race into the ground; fear more than anything being played; insist that men use them for sex; believe men their age are just looking for a nurse or a purse --- etc, etc, etc.). Take those out, and a few others who are too busy, too happy, or unstable, and my guess is that a good 75% of those, OVER 50, who *wish* to be partnered will be so, within a year or so. JMNSHO, YMMV.
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notwow
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Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 550 | |
| OVER 50 And Alone....again.
Posted: 2/5/2009 7:13:15 PM |
According to a recent Oprah show women over 50 have less than 5% chance of ever being in a long term relationship.
Yes, this is the same Oprah who talks about her success with weight loss and idolizes new age guru's like Ekehard Tolle. Sorry, she is a great business woman, but she does NOT have all the answers... she sensationalizes in a populous vein.
The huge differential is men our age don't want women our age.
Not true, and this is the type of generalization that drives me nuts. I would prefer a fit and youthful thinking 59 year old to an out of shape, staid 48 year old. I have dated, and had longer relationships, with women from 47-58 in the past few years. My last relationship was in fact 58, but because she took care of herself, she could pass for 10 years younger.
Now, if you eat doritos by the gross, smoke like cancer doesn't exist, and generally have a sedentary lifestyle, I can guarantee you I and most other men my age have no interest in you. | |
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