| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 10/7/2005 8:35:19 PM | | I was thinking that you meant you were wondering how to teach your daughter about femininity, as you yourself are a male. Yes, the clothes and makeup can be parroted, assimilated via association, but true femininity needs to be nurtured. How but this, why not get some "chick flicks"? Positive one's of course. Stong, intelligent women who are still feminine. My daughter and I watch movies like that too sometimes. Your daughter's circle is probably wide enough to incorporate a lot of moms, female teachers, Doctors etc. for there to be some very good role models close at hand. Am sure you're doing great with her! | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 10/7/2005 9:20:15 PM | I played w/ Tonka Trucks, Hot Wheels, you name it. If it was dirty & grubby, I did it. I am still a tomboy & love it that way.
How about letting her see that you love her as she is? Tell her if she ever DID want to go for a spa day...make-up...the whole nine yards... you'd love to be her date, just let you know...Kind of like a before & after thing.
Let her know how much you love her for who she IS & not for who she is not.
Good luck...
signed,
JuJu the TomMom | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 10/7/2005 9:20:39 PM | | Prayer, lots and lots of prayers. These young women have so much pressure from their peer groups or our society as a whole. Sounds like she has major self esteem issues. Is she open to seeing a councellor, and are you as well. A professional mediator can often give us some good insight as they deal with these issues daily. I guess acceptance and unconditional love and support is something not only your daughter, but what all of us desire, Best of luck Scott, hope it turns out well. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 10/8/2005 8:18:17 AM | Scott,
Be careful of what kind of women's magazines she is subject to. Personally, I would stay away from the magazines with gorgous models in them, as we want our women and girls to understand that beauty comes from the person they are within. I have a big problem with girls/women comparing themselves to these models. Just remember ladies they have personal trainers, plastic surgery and the pictures are often airbrushed. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 10/8/2005 8:39:52 AM | nosoup4u... why would you think she has major self esteem issues? have you ever been a 12 year old girl? ;) i get the impression she's quite the opposite... i know i was very confident at that age. i was very active in sports teams and didn't see any need to fuss with makeup, hair or fashion because i'd just mess it all up when i got to swim practice or soccer practice.
now... if she were older... i might be a bit concerned but she's still very young and still finding herself.
i do agree that putting those magazines in front of her could cause her problems in the long run... all girls see these days are these size 1 & 2 models who are the picture of perfection. they don't realize these girls are just as flawed as any other gal walkin' onto the school yard. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 10/8/2005 9:00:05 AM | | hi i got the same problem as u my daughter is 11 years old she dresses like a boy as well she dont like girly things she says she as got exuma its very sore on her legs she hates showing her legs she wont wear skirts she sead eny one buy her one she throw it in bin but she is a very happy girl wat she feels comfy in i let her wear it she likes going swiming football and bothers with boys than girls u take care off your daughter dont worry she be fine she got u as a good dad to look out for her all the best | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 10/8/2005 5:30:58 PM | | Angeleyes baby, you have a way of hitting the nail on the head. Are there any more at home like you? | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:50:33 PM | | I have an exact opposite response to nosoup4u. It sounds like your daughter is very comfortable with herself and has no identity or self esteem issues. You've let her grow up as she is without trying to force her to be something else. Children get media and peer pressure to assume traditional gender roles. The fact that, for now, she's choosing to be a so called 'Tom Boy' just suggests that she's extremely comfortable with herself and her identity. I think it would be a great idea to give her diversity in selection (a lot of different choices) and then to just allow her to run with it. It sounds like you're already doing an awesome job of parenting a very well adjusted child. Bravo!! | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 10/9/2005 7:58:48 AM | | I have two sons, being a woman i would be taking valium everyday if my daughter went out with full make-up,tiny halter tops, short skirts with thongs. I heard some 12 yrs olds dress like that, she'll be a young woman fast enough then you'll worry about boys, heartbreaks, pregnancy etc..etc.. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 10/9/2005 11:01:28 AM | Scott....I wouldn't try and nudge your daughter into " young woman hood". Some girls just aren't that girly and some go through phases. My daughter at 12 couldn't care less what her hair looked liked and didn't want to dress "girly". Now at 15 she freaks about her hair but still doesn't want to dress like a "girly girl". All girls are different, just like all boys.
I think the best thing you can do is just let her be herself. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 10/9/2005 5:56:45 PM | I am also a single parent, and my children know who is the better parent. They are both in their twenties and enrolled in University. Now for your daughter. She is at an awkward stage of her life, puberty. You have mentioned she has been living with you for the last seven years, and she may not had any older female influences since you have stated your wife was not a good Mother. Mine was the same. I brought up my children.
You are probably a very good Dad, and keep your female friends away from her, but in this manner you have probably hindered her female development. Her self esteem is very low, and there is no adult female except her teachers at school, or Mothers of her friends.
I would suggest if you have a female friend, start entertaining the concept of allowing your daughter to know there is a female in your life, and by inviting this female to your home, and acting responsibly, if you show real interest and trust in your friend, your daughter will probably approach you and enquire about the seriousness of your friendship. She will observe your actions and listen to your conversations. Children are very intelligent, so never lie. When she has confidence in your choice of a friend, because remember, you chose her Mother. Your record was as good as mine.
Your daughter will approach you when she is comfortable, and ask if it is O.K. for her to have some type of communication with your friend. This new female influence will help your daughter to see a new path to womanhood, but it is important for you to never tell her you do not have time. Good luck. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 10/9/2005 8:20:06 PM | bea...I'm confused. Where are you getting the idea that Sjn's daughter's "self esteem is very low" ??
My daughter went through a punk phase, a jock phase, a skater phase and on and on...
She STILL doesn't want to dress like a girly girl so would you say her "female development has been hindered"? I think not. Girls don't have to wear pink, use nail polish and dress in a dress to be girls....same goes for women. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 10/9/2005 8:31:50 PM | | Enjoy this! Wait until she decides she wants to go goth on you! lol! My daughter is bugging me about getting her lip pierced! Just look past the clothes she wears and help her become her own person. Encourage her to make her own way and be an individual. Good luck! And, btw...you are in for the rollercoaster ride of your life! | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 10/10/2005 1:47:43 PM | You have already said the problem. She's 12. In about 2yrs. she will reallychange all by herself. When this happens get ready for very high water bills, because I don't think they ever get out of the shower. Right now she is going through a very confusing time in her life. Just give her time and space.
I hope this helps,
rlj2 | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 10/25/2005 11:06:02 AM | | I have a 14 yr old daughter at home who was not so "girlish" when she was 12...but once she turned 13 she started getting to the point where she wouldn't leave the house without her hair and makeup done(she doesn't wear much, just a nice light amount). She is a beautiful girl, and she finally is starting to see that. It will come for your daughter too. When I was 12 I was raised with 3 brothers and no sisters.....never really took much time to make myself look good. I was a true tomboy. It wasn't until I was 16 that I really changed that. Each girl is different that way. Good luck with it....but just let her take her time on it I say... | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 10/25/2005 3:21:04 PM | | welcome to my world ...I have two...why bring them into womanhood they will have alife time to be a woman and all the crap and make time that that brings....Personally I figure I'd rather have them dressing down then dressing like a hooker as we see the examples many kids try to mimic from personalities on TV | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 10/25/2005 5:38:21 PM | I suggest you leave her alone. She is 12 and maybe your lucky she isn't trying to grow up too fast and be "pretty".... she likes sports and all that... let her be who she is....
when the time is right for her... she will wear makeup and be pretty... if not she will not. Either way... she will develop who is she which is far more imprtant than what she appears to be.
Stop being shallow........let her be a kid..... stop trying to make her into a miniture woman. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 10/25/2005 6:56:14 PM | | IMO- Dont force it. Its always okay to show her the way on things as far as pretty clothes, makeup- Girly stuff. But I think she will take it for what its worth and then find her own way. For me, it will be completely okay if my child decides to take the punk route or whatever because I want her to be able to try out different styles (and people) and decide for herself who she wants to be. I went through those stages and my mom suffered through it but I was always a good kid. I didnt smoke, I didnt do drugs, I wanst having sex then. As long as the child is basically good, anything else is just finding the way through life and adolescence. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 11/16/2005 10:29:19 PM | | At what point did I say that I was trying to make her anything. How was I being shallow? Maybe youre just a little too judgemental. All I was asking is...Since my daughter lives with me full time and I take care of her every need because her mother is incapable... Is there basically anything I can do, to add any bit of femeninity to her world, considering I am a male. To tell you even more about the situation, she is into alot of things that I was into at her age, and I love that, but didnt want to be influencing her too much to be into skateboarding and all, so that she may not be missing out on something else that I may not know od..being a guy and not a girl. I am not pushing anything on her, nor am I taking anything away from her. Just checking with some folks that may know better, if I am hanging in there. Thats all.... No shallowness from me, maybe youre the shallow one. Good day | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 11/16/2005 10:36:48 PM | | As a guy raising 2 girls myself, there is nothing wrong with looking around for better answers then what you think you might have yourself. Heck any good parent always tries to seek out the best info when raisning thier kids. Don't worry about the people that go off the deep end over simple questions. My oldest was chosen to be in her high school pageant which is tomorrow night. You'll do fine, mainly because you really care, not because you'll get everything right. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 11/17/2005 10:01:31 AM | | yeah it's pretty normal for girls that age to not care. right now, my 12 year old daughter is going through an emo/goth phase. i HATE it. but, if you push too much, it'll only want her to dress down more. also at the age of 12 is when they start to reject everything you ever taught them and take it all back one at a time, making it their own. so it's important to not push her. don't encourage any behavior/dress you don't like, but in time it'll pass. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 11/17/2005 10:05:55 AM | Hi Scott
from the sounds of it, your daughter sounds very normal to me :) my opinion, don't rush her, she will blossom when it's time for her to do so :)
Alli
p.s. I am a "former" tomboy ... now I am an adult with a bit of tomboy "residue" haha | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 2/1/2006 11:23:42 PM | | sjn..ALLof the advice above is great.i pose a question to you. you say that your daughter does not want to dress "NICELY".THE QUESTION does your daughter notice you taking the time to dress-up for whatever occassion,there is? ( i do not wish to be offend you with the question)mine's 6 and always wanted dresses/skirts, now she is wearing more pants | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 2/2/2006 7:33:09 AM | My daughter is 11 and until recently she wasn't concerned with the "girly" type stuff then she hit middle school and discovered the world of boys *sigh* Now she is very concerned with how she looks and more girly type things...I grew up a tomboy still am in a lot of ways never got into frilly things and such so I'm learning with her...yay? I just let my kids be themselves and find out who they are that way not always easy....the fight at my house atm is my son wants his tongue pierced not happenin lol ... Just let her be herself and she will do fine as for being more girly? It will happen sooner then you really want and even if it doesn't that's not a bad thing :) Nothing wrong with being a tomboy  | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/15/2007 1:42:57 PM | | It's all due to phases of a kids life at school.Trying to look better infront of either of the opposite sex is a normal stage in a childs life. That is why they learn from their parents dress too impress.(dressing appropiately though) | |
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