| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/15/2007 2:46:50 PM | | heres what i think me at 12 ... humm narvinia t shirts my hair was maybe 3 inches long died the tackeist blonde u will ever in ur life see and make wtf was that ???????? i was raised by a single mom and my sister and i still was totally convinced i was a boy.. by 14-15 i grew out of it i wanted to be a girl i learned to do my make up and look like a girl omg i really was one all this time they kept telling me it was true... now at 22 im still not the "preppy girl but yes i can cleanup nice i love my jogging paints but i know when to put them away and really i think partly what ur explaining alot of girls go though | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/15/2007 6:45:10 PM | I'm a single mother of 2 beautifull girls, and I can tell you personality is something that you can't change, if she's like that don't push her, she'll come out herself, my oldest is like that and for more that I can tell her to do her hair, to match her cloth, it won't happen, they feel good to themselves and don't care about what other people think of it, and if you have that personality you can't change her, just go with it, but tell her to groom herself and suggest some cloth, but accept who she is and what she likes, our kids are beautifull to us parents no matter what, and maybe if you don't push it than she herself will come around, only they can make the change.
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/15/2007 8:46:37 PM | I have had custody of my two children for 7 years now. my daughter is 14 . she is turning into quiet a young lady now. I wouldn't worry about it much at 12. My girl was the same way. I had her in girl scouts until she was in the fifth grade. she decided she didn't want to do the scout thing anymore, so I encouraged her to choose another activity to keep her involved. she chose middle school band. I do think it is important to keep them busy doing something besides watching tv. girl scouts, 4-h, church activities. there are many. I also take them on vacation a couple of times a yr. sometimes just camping, sometimes to relatives that live in other states. Just stay involved in her life, and make shure that she knows that she is loved unconditionally. she will start to be ladylike on her own. My daughter just started putting pictures of Zac effron on her wall, so I know she's becoming interested in boys. she's also started wearing a little makeup to school, and being more fussy about her hair. woe is me. the teenaged yrs are here. Pray for me. lol
PS.
My son is 10 now, and in my case I have found out that little boys are harder to raise than little girls. Much more hardheaded, and opiniated. That's just in my experience. others may be completely different. I must also say that my heart goes out to all you single moms out there. God bless you. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/15/2007 11:11:49 PM |  I applaud you for being a great dad that is concerned about his daughter and looking and willing to accept advice. It would be so easy if our kids came with instruction books for every stage of their lives. I have two daughters (8 and just turned 13) and know that understaning daughters isn't always easy for moms either. Parents will make mistakes - but the good ones will keep trying to do whatever they can for the children. Middle school is the worst - they are too old and too young at the same time. They are trying to find both themselves and where they fit with peers. And what makes them happy 1 day the next can bring them to tears! And girls especially can feel very awkward about the changes in their body. So the best thing I've found is to just make sure that she is comfortable talking to you, and that she knows her "safety net" will be there whether she has on workboots or shoes, jeans or a dress, baseball cap or ponytail. And maybe you could take her out as your special girl for a special night - and ask if you could both get dressed up for it. I'm in a similar boat as you, and the same state, so please email me if I can help with places to go. Best of luck and your daughter will be fine, because she has a great dad who cares.  Ciao paison, - Trish | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/22/2007 4:02:06 PM | | I have raised 3 daughters and trust me when i say don't try to change who she is, my youngest daughter dressed down as well and did so till she was 19 years old she is now 23 married and looking much like a girl at least when i see her she does . take a deep breath and just be happy that she is who she is and not like the rest they grow up to fast and by her dressing this way she's telling u that she is the person she wants to be and not what others think she should be . good luck | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/23/2007 5:00:33 AM | hey op just like the other posts have said,she will come into her own..if you hadn't noticed this yet,you probably will shortly..puberty does strange things to kids about 12-13.i get a real kick out of it..i have 5 kids so have seen it with each one of them..watch closely but you will see her act like a young care free child one minute..and the next she will be acting like she's 25!!
once she starts having crushes on boys and starts high school,you will see that change in her..then you may wish it never happened!!
this reminds me of when my first child was born,i was just so anxious to see her go through all the normal stages of development,you know,crawling,talking,walking etc..give it time op,give it time!!..then you'll never get her out of the bathroom or off the phone. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/23/2007 8:03:54 AM | | The best advice I can give you is to treat her the way a MAN is to treat a woman. Open the doors for her, Do everything she should expect from a boyfriend( I guess you know how to do this...less the sex of course) Reassure her when she doughts herself. Give her a hug and a butterfly kiss everyday. Compliment her on her clothes and in general her style of dress. Build her selfessteem to the highest,This way she wont grow up and look for a man that will not be good for her. Hope this helps. Good luck it aint easy. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/23/2007 2:36:50 PM | | Relax its just a phase shes in. And even if that is just her style, so let it be. Each one of us have differant ideas and there is nothing wrong with how she wants to dress. Believe me. If she dresses up all girlly. Then you will have a problem with the boys. I have two daughters and both are so differant. One frilly and one tom boyish in someways. Its OK. Shes so young and she doesn't even know all of lifes wonders that are ahead of her. Don't push it or rush it. Just enjoy it because it goes real fast. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/24/2007 12:05:08 PM | | I've got almost the reverse problem atm. My girl is 9 and her gran has bought her a make up kit. Persnally I dont like make up like a previous poster said why gild the lily? Also my feeling is she is far too young. Anyway as most have said you got to let get to know themselves so I said she can "practice" in the house but if I ever catch her outside wearing it It'll be spit on the sleeve and wiped off and she's grounded. I gotta say her first attempt I almost bit my lip off trying not to laugh | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/25/2007 9:22:36 AM | | I have raised 3 daughters so I have some experience on this topic. All 3 went through a tomboy phase and at 12 you should not worry about it. I would worry more if my girls wanted to dress like an 18 year old at age 12. Believe me,I have seen more problems come from their girl friends trying to dress too sexy too young than being a tomboy. Some girls are just more into comfort than style at that age. Also if their bodies are starting to develop they my be covering up due to modesty. Give her reasons to dress up. Plan a father and daughter date to a nice place and have her dress for the occaision. Buy her some age appropriate teen magazines. Encourage her to have her friends come over to hang out. They are more willing to take advice from their girlfriends on dressing girly than their dad. Good luck and be patient. Don't push too much, but be encouraging and let know you love her just as she is. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/25/2007 12:04:06 PM | | As so many of the women on here have meantioned... I also was a tomboy growing up. However I did not have an active father like you in my life. Eventually I did become very female overnight, I started modeling. DON'T LET HER DO THAT whatever you do, just don't do it. I wish I had never gotten into it, because I suddenly went from no one noticing me to EVERYONE noticing me overnight. It was a lot for me to handle, and without a father figure to show me how to control it I fell victim to the "older man" thing. It wasn't a good situation. Make sure that you show your daughter that you accept her any way that she is, and tell her always that she's beautiful. She's a little young for it now but when she's older definitely have the "birds and the bees" talk with her, and make sure that she has the knowledge to make an informed decision. When she does become girly she's going to get a lot more attention from older men (it's sick but they're out there) and of course the boys her age. Make sure that she's ready to battle the hormones that are going through her body. A lot of anything is just make sure that you're being a good parent to her, because if you do... she'll be fine. I can tell by you putting up the post about your concern already that you're a good parent, so you're on the right track, just stay there. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/25/2007 7:14:47 PM | | from a female perspective, i can only relate my personal experience. i am a very girlie-girl, and could not understand what i had done wrong when my daughter refused to wear anything remotely feminine for years. i finally decided that she is her own person, with her own characteristics, and let things be. she has developed a fondness for the things that i love, too, and now we share the commonality of being female. let her grow into herself, through all of the different phases, and support her. dads are so important, and their approval is tantamount in a woman's life, no matter what the age. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/27/2007 11:36:56 AM | | I'm a 21 year old tomboy! Some girls are just like that. We are confident in who we are and there is nothing wrong with that! | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/27/2007 1:52:49 PM | she needs a FEMALE ROLE MODEL around. not necessarily her mother, but somebody a real woman. it's no wonder she is little "boyish" as You are her role model. which isn't exactly ideal for a girl to grow up. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/27/2007 3:41:29 PM | | I grew up with both my parents there in my life. I was and still am a tomboy. Its VERY VERY rare you will see me in a dress or skirt unless its a special occasion. I mostly wear jeans and shirts, and mostly black. The only thing I do girly, is my hair and sometimes I go and get my nails done. There is nothing wrong dressing down all the time. At least you dont have to worry about her wearing short skirts and belly shirts! | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/29/2007 1:06:46 AM | | Just let her be herself, natural without fuss...she will come unto her own in time. try to avoid the feminine magazines...they focus too much on appearance, be it amounts of makeup or body structure and such. let it come to her when she is ready...she may very well be one of those girls who chooses to not dress up and wear make up. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/29/2007 1:21:30 AM | Hi there
I have a daughter wo at 15 is still going the tomboy route. However, that said she reads all the girlie/teen magazines and loves makeup. I think its just a phase and when boys appear on the radar she ill adapt I'm sure.
if your worried try talking to the school, do they run after school clubs that your daughter could join that are female led?
Just a thought. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/29/2007 4:25:57 AM |
Hello and thank you for taking the time to read this. My problem: I am a single father of a 12 year old young lady. For about a year now, she has been making her way into young lady hood. She has been living with me for a little over 7years and she is my total and complete clone. From looks to personality, to clumsiness to train of thought...Me to a "T". Anyways, her mother has never been much of a mother, and my daughter knows that by her own knowledge/opinions.My problem is that my daughter is a little too in the middle. Meaning that she is a little boyish. She dresses down all the time. Doesnt take time to do her hair alot of the time. She is a pretty girl, she just doesnt like the "preppy girl look". But that doesnt mean she cant look pretty etc. I am basically looking for suggestions to help me bring my young lady into young women hood. Like: activities I can do with her to spruce up her girliness etc.... Any suggestions from you ladies, or even you dads that have been successful in this area... Thanks for any help guys...Ciao for now, Scott
Why would you or rather she,need any help?
She's girl...she'll soon be a woman.
How she dresses isn't going to hide that.
If guys like her...they'll like her for her...not for how she dresses.
This 2007/2008..not 1950.
Guys date all kinds of women...well SMART guys do.
Stop putting your views of how she should look on her.
Those are your issues. | |
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| Help me help my daughter....
Posted: 12/29/2007 10:12:35 AM | You might want to just enjoy your daughter for what she is ... she sounds comfortable with herself, and I can't stress enough how important that is!
Take a look at some 11-12 year olds, and how they dress and act ... I don't really think you would want your young lady changing too much too fast.
One person made a really good point ... about the fashion magazine thing, and how girls tend to compare themselves to these models - which is not a good thing! Also, the faster she becomes "girly", the faster the boys will be after her for more than her natural beauty and personality.
Sit back and relax dad ... do the things with her you both enjoy ... it sounds like your little gal is doing just fine with your parenting.
Some girls try so hard to be grown up too fast, become obsessedwith their appearance, and are not a whole lot of fun anymore ... just wait til she won't go swimming anymore because it'll ruin her hair! or she misses the schoolbus every other day because her hair and makeup aren't perfect! | |
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