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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do men think that after only 2 dates.....      Home login  
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 BadBrain
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 99
Why do men think that after only 2 dates.....Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Its almost like we owe them something for the money they spent on the dates.


seems to me if you don't want to feel obligated you should pay for yourself.

 grungelives
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 100
Why do men think that after only 2 dates.....
Posted: 3/23/2006 11:43:53 AM

that you are ready to go to home with them and have sex. Its almost like we owe them something for the money they spent on the dates. Call me old fashion but........


Hey just think of it as him REWARDING you when he has sex with you, not only do you have a good man to buy you coffee but he'll like your clitoris afterwards! It isnt an even trade he pay's for your dates so its you who ultimately benefit, it take two to tango so dont think for a second that your "owing" him anything by having sex with him, your having it TOGEATHER and are BOTH being pleased. I really have no incentive to pay for a girl at the end of the date early on in relationships, but later it's o.k as you know her to reward her, you wouldnt want to spend all that early on when she's thinking "he doesnt even know me that well yet he's spending this money on me, he must be shallow..." Or "he may feel I "owe" him..." (girls need to end this B.S. thinking).
"
 BRIANiac
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 101
Why do men think that after only 2 dates.....
Posted: 3/23/2006 1:21:21 PM
Some of us guys don't go on dates expecting sex as part of the bargain.
 DickBoston
Joined: 9/2/2005
Msg: 102
Why do men think that after only 2 dates.....
Posted: 3/23/2006 1:33:55 PM
You are both activity oriented - you want to go out - he wants to go to bed - I see no reason from that mentality that some sort of mutuality can't be agreed upon.

I am looking for a partnership - I am developing a relationship - and being together is about where we are in that relationship -

I am not giving you a date and you are not giving me sex -

We are partners moving towards greater intimacy together - and deciding together
where we want to be and the path we want to take to get there -

Your 'old fashion' mentality is an exchange bartering system mentality - he wants to spend as little as possible and get as much as possible for his money - it's not about growing together as partners - it's about taking on roles as individuals who want something from someone else -Hope you enjoy the flowers and his gentlemanly ways I'm sure they validate your self worth and show you how a lady should be treated but of course he'll be frustrated not being treated like a man should be treated and validated in his manliness - that is the old fashion mentality which supports comments like 'why do men this or that, or men are dogs, or women are this bla bla'

We are not so different as the system you support suggests - we all want relational connection, intimacy and validation.
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 103
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Why do men think that after only 2 dates.....
Posted: 3/23/2006 9:32:13 PM
NOTHING is free anymore!!!
 LyricMuse
Joined: 3/13/2006
Msg: 104
Why do men think that after only 2 dates.....
Posted: 3/23/2006 9:44:04 PM
Damn jaymthesexy, I agree with you. It seems that women have this whole mentality of owing sex for what men do for them.
But...on the flipside...I think men get trapped in this way of thinking also. I'm not trying to generalize here, because trust me, I've met plenty of people, women and men, who aren't that way at all.
I believe that it takes a mutual understanding on a date. It seems that so many of us are caught up in the "he said, she said" mentality. I do this, she should do that...It's all bullshit if you ask me. It should be a matter of mutual benefit. I say this only because I've been there, done that, if you know what I mean. Expectations always get you in trouble. I think that is the ultimate problem

Expectations!!!
 Eva Riedy
Joined: 3/19/2006
Msg: 105
Why do men think that after only 2 dates.....
Posted: 3/23/2006 10:17:18 PM
single stl dad, you said it best, right on!



No, it has nothing to do with us thinking that you "owe" us something. In fact, I absolutely hate that mentality...... you've built up sex in your mind, as some kind of "reward" for his good behavior, and his patience.

Yea.. you're using sex.

Sex is supposed to be mutually agreed upon, and mutually enjoyed........ NOT a bargaining chip you use when it's convenient.

Chances are... if this guy wanted to have sex with you after 2 dates, it's because he liked you, and was attracted to you.
 Smiling_Duck
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 106
Why do men think that after only 2 dates.....
Posted: 3/24/2006 11:00:36 PM
I have a few comments for all through-out this post so please excuse me for my late comments.
------------------
"What if one of you died tomorrow, think how you might regret not making love to that person. Thats why I want to have sex ASAP with every woman I meet."

haha --- ROFLMAO... Omg, thank you I needed a good laugh. lol.
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"If a guy likes you, he'll be with you outside of the bedroom. Actually, a real tip is that if a guy asks you to do something with him..an activity (other than sex or a date), he's interested in you. If he asks if you'd like to go camping, fishing, bowling ...whatever... any activity that isn't explicitly a date...then it's a sign of genuine interest. Us guys, we express interest and affection through actions... not so much in words. It tends to cause alot of confusion." -- CJ Tylers

Is that true? (The non-date = genuine interest part). Confusion -- definitely. The only guy to say something like that, "let's play pool" was all about trying to get sex (on the first and only date), not genuine interest at all -- well not in me, just a part of me. lol.
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Personally, I always try to pay for myself, or if he gets dinner I get the tip, or if he treats this time I treat next, sometimes I even pay for him -- lol. If I really like a guy and know I'll be spending a lot of time with him is the only way I let him pay (and still not all the time) -- that or if they get offended because "My (family member here) raised me right".

At the same time I have to say that whether I pay or they pay there's always a guy who expects sex (not all of them), not for having paid for anything but maybe for just hanging around you. It has nothing to do with who pays or anyone being owed anything -- some people just want to screw! lol.
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I have heard quite a few women actually complain of the OPPOSITE:
"I've gone out with him 3 or 4 times and he won't put out!!" ---PhyneLiquor

I know soooo many people like that. They would never SAY that but that is sooooo them. lol.
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"And remember that sex without love is for virgins..and animals!" - saiyan_1

what? Okay the animal part I get, but aren't virgins the one who are looking for love to be equated with sex?
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"Some of us guys don't go on dates expecting sex as part of the bargain." -Brainiac

Where are these guys you speak of?
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"We are partners moving towards greater intimacy together - and deciding together
where we want to be and the path we want to take to get there"--****oston

That was very eloquently stated. I like that mentality.
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That's all I have to say for now.

~Lu.

Remember to smile!!! = )
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