Cherrr
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Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 76 | |
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| Are People Truly THIS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/26/2006 9:54:39 AM | gotta share this one i know i got a laugh when i heard it
a guy i know calls 9-1-1 and says that he is masterbating and can't finish the job
operater: so whats the problem
guy: I've been doing this for over an hour and can't get off
operater: what would you like for us to do about it sir
guy: i need help finishing
operater: sir we are not sending someone out to help
guy: so what am i supposed to do
operater: (don't you know she is trying not to laugh) sir i think you need to either call someone who cares and can help or take a cold shower. | |
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| Are People Truly THIS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/10/2006 10:23:51 PM | Riiinnnnggg....Rrriiinnnggg
ME: "Hello"
Lucy-Fur: "Yea hey there remember me"
Me: Oh hey Mrs.Fur whats up ?
Lucy-Fur:Well you know WATTACATCH right!
Me: Well no, no I dont...
Lucy-Fur: Well you dont wanna, WATTACATCH has way too much time to waste and is spreading way too much garbage for the mind..stay clear!!!!
X | |
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| Are People Truly THIS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/11/2006 12:31:17 AM | Back to the stupid warnings...
When you get a pair of shoes, there is usually a small packet (about the size of a sugar for coffee) which contains silicon. This is there to take moisture away from the merchandise.
The packet is labelled with large letters that say "DO NOT EAT". That makes me wonder why this warning is needed. Is there really enough stupid human beings out there saying "Wow, new shoes...and a snack!!" to justify this warning...Hmmm. | |
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| Are People Truly THIS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/11/2006 2:52:53 AM | On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this
medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents
if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those
forklifts.) I know this is a humor thread and all and I don't want to spoil your fun, but I wanted to point out a small fact: Just because it's children's medication doesn't mean adults will not take it, either to treat any illness they may have or for recreational purposes. This is why they put the labels on there!
I for one had to take children's cough medication when I was on this one drug for migraines as adult medication interacted too strongly with the drug. A friend of mine also swears by chewable children's tylenol (especially the bubble gum flavour) for nausea and stomach aches. Tried it and it really does work! The lables are there, not because people are stupid, but because adults, for whatever reason may take children's meds, be affected by them then sue the company because there were no warning labels.
To add in some humor, I can't wait until some guy sues a slurpee/iced capp company for having his little swimmers affected by the temperature of the drink he held between his legs or some such thing! | |
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| Are People Truly THIS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/11/2006 9:26:28 AM | I think the main problem is there are too many stupid people out there, let's just take all the warning labels off the products and let the problem sort itself out.
--unknowen source | |
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| Are People Truly THIS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/16/2006 9:29:46 AM | No kidding. True story here. This really did happen right in front of me about 10 yrs or so ago.
One winter time, i went shopping. As i was getting the stuff out of the cart and putting it on the belt, the cashier looked outside and said " oh wow! it's snowing. ". The guy putting my stuff in the bags looked at her with the most serious look i have ever seen on a person and said "Oh yeah, where? ". I looked at him, the cashier and then the person i was with and said "oh dear god. I'm going out for a smoke"..And walked out laughing.. | |
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| Are People Truly THIS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/16/2006 9:34:25 AM | Okay...i'll get crapped on for this but..
Those instructions are for the 'hill people' of the smoky mountains.. so jed, his mother/aunt and his brother/cousin don't inflict injury on themselves or others and sue some company. | |
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| Are People Truly THIS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/17/2006 5:19:15 AM | im a machinist
on a saw at work theres a sign that says
hold work securly before opperating saw
so this genies coworker grabs the work firmly and turns on the saw
there goes three of his fingers
true story
and he was no beginner either
so we put his fingers in a bag of ice and rush him to hospital
get there and the doc says
so you want me to put these back on?
na i just brought them for a snack later moron
at a diferent shop
these a chip conveyor in front of the machine
sign clearly posted do not opperate with gaurds not in pace
so my genious friend decides it gets jammed up to easy if the gaurd is on it
opens the guard and steps to the other side
foot slips in gets caught
lost half of his foot
signs are there for a reason people
altho this should be more in the sad but true catagory instead of humor
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| Are People Truly THIS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/17/2006 2:23:58 PM | Worked with a blonde who should be poster child. came into to work one day & said "It's the 1st day of Spring in the United States today. When is it in Canada? 
Also told us her boyfriend told her she'd get a farmer's tan from hanging right arm out the window. Her response "I'll tan the other arm on the way home" Duh! | |
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| Are People Truly THIS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/17/2006 2:28:36 PM | | used to work as computer tech - my favorite call was an engineer who called to ask where the "any key" was - wonder what he built? would like to know so I can avoid it. He gets the ID ten T award - IDIOT! | |
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| Are People Truly THIS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/22/2006 3:00:20 AM | i was home sick and a fellow employee called me with dozens of questions about a database program we used. after half an hour trying to picture the menus in my head so i could answer her questions, she objected to one answer saying, "well it doesn't say that in the manual."
i said, "you have the manual!?"
she replied, "yeah, right here in my lap."
i hung up on her. | |
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| Are People Truly THIS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/22/2006 11:05:09 AM | This guy DID NOT read the warning label
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife?
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni.
What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed.
I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,. right?!!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.
But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4" in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries thinking to myself, "no possible way!" What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best..... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head tilted to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad..
I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.
I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.
The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself.
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-.. that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.
Still in shock. | |
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| Are People Truly THIS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/23/2006 9:19:21 PM | STUPID PEOPLE
Did you hear about the stupid person who...
* Waited on the street corner with a piece of bread to get some traffic jam.
* Saluted the refrigerator because it was a General Electric.
* Went to the lumber yard to see the Board of Education.
* Ate some pennies and then asked if people saw any change in him.
* Cut off his hands so he could play the piano by ear.
* Put birdseed in his shoes to feed his pigeon toes.
* Knocked on the lamp post because he saw a light upstairs and knew someone was home.
* Brought a ladder to the party because the drinks were on the house.
* Put his chin on the curb to get his mind out of the gutter.
* Jumped from a skyscraper to show he had guts.
* Put a chair in the coffin for rigor mortis to set in.
* Took his pregnant wife to the grocery store because he heard they had free delivery.
* Filled the gym with water because he heard he was going in as a sub.
* Was so modest he went into the closet to change his mind.
* Thought he was upside down because his nose ran and his feet smelled.
* Put his best friend through the meat grinder so he could scrape up a new acquaintance.
* Took the street car home and his mother made him take it back.
* Backed out of the street car because he heard that as soon as he got up someone would take his seat.
* Took his nose apart to see what made it run.
* Pulled out his teeth so he would have more gum to chew. | |
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bobby7
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Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 96 | |
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| Are People Truly THIS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/24/2006 12:18:37 PM | | I used to work for a cat litter company we had a woman write us and tell us she used our cat litter in her diet (actually ate the cat litter) So they put a label on the package, (Do not eat) yes people are that stupid... | |
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| Are People Truly THIS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/24/2006 2:05:31 PM | These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
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| Are People Truly THIS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/31/2006 7:37:57 PM | some of these are really funny..
people really are the stupid..
i once worked for a cab company. the person on the phone..
i have a few, but the one im telling is this one..
a man was standing on a side of the street.. calling for a cab..
i asked him where he was?
ofcourse, he said. i dont know..
i try to tell him about a thing call street signs..
he said, there were not street signs, on that street..
the next thing he said, what if you send a cab to go down every street in the city.
(there is more than a few streets in a city, then you have AVE's..)
and when he sees it, he'll wave them down..
i could not get him to under stand, why that would be hard to do..
so, i told him, we'll start going to every street in the city. just wait right there..
it may take an hour or so..
he said, oh really, ok..
what is the main thing a driver needs to know to pick you up.. (where the f*** are you)
how can people not know that..
ofcourse, i did not send a cab.. wonder if he is still waiting..
ps.. by the way, this was not at 3am on a bar night.. it was 3 pm on a weekday.. | |
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