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| Do you believe that there are some Good Men left ?
Posted: 6/8/2006 8:03:06 PM | I agree with Grim.
I have met very few women my age that actually have some substance to themselves and want the same quality of character and moral substance in a man.
I do believe that there are many good men left(send them all my way! lol ), the problem is...you have to think higher of yourself to find something higher in another person.
If all you are concerned about is money and material items...you really don't think much of yourself on the inside now do you? lol | |
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| Do you believe that there are some Good Men left ?
Posted: 6/8/2006 8:12:13 PM | "then you get the small part of the pie which is artists, but they are off limits for most of humanity"
Why do we, who are artist types get to be ostrasized by humanity? :)
Too quixotic? Too bothersome?
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| Do you believe that there are some Good Men left ?
Posted: 6/9/2006 4:29:06 AM | There are plenty but the blind attitude of the female culture has polarised men into perfect men and perfect barstards. Both equally fake
When the question is asked about what kind of man you want many desperate and dateless females reply with “any kind” but this is just setting the field for another disaster again. When I hear that “any kind” cliché these days my next question is. “Would you get back with your ex?” The answer is usually a very smart “no” as the women come back to reality with a thud.
When we talk about perfect men and perfect cars the perfect car is one that does 500kph, but cuts back to 100kph automatically when approaching a cop or radar camera. It does 200ks per litre of fuel. It requires no servicing at all. Not even an oil change. It turns all four wheels for parking and can carry ten people plus luggage in comfort. And the easy care surfaces, both inside and out, mean that cleaning just consists of opening all doors hosing the whole thing down, and letting it dry out.
Needless to say there’s no such car.
But the perfect man?
Here again the misinformation rears its ugly head. All too often girl talk reduces the male population to perfect men, and absolute barstards. And every last woman is convinced that her ex was the worst barstard in the world.
I’m going to start with the bemoaned “barstards” because they are one of the few male groups which are not a myth. They do exist. Get together with a few girlfriends who think that their ex’s are all barstards. List (write it down) their half dozen worst faults.
(If his only faults were genuinely snoring, breaking wind, and leaving the toilet seat up then drop this book NOW, ring him and beg him to take you back. You don’t know how good you had it girl.)
Then after your little get together, lob at the public gallery of the family law court. And listen to some of the real horror stories. Mostly lies! Some true! List them too. Then compare these horror stories with your ex’s. Sure he had his faults but how does he compare with the horror stories.??
Finally take the dozen worst horror stories from yourselves, or the courts and see if you know of any man who has those dozen worst faults in the one man.
You would have to be talking about a junkie, addicted to multiple drugs, who had beaten up at least one girlfriend badly enough to cripple her, and had raped his own five year old daughter. These men DO exist and they are absolute barstards. But how many readers actually know them personally? They do exist but they are, thankfully, extremely rare.
So does that mean that the rest of them are perfect men? Yea sure! Stop laughing and get off the floor.
In reality perfect men do not exist. The are a product of a little girls fairy stories. Kiddie books are full of fairies, pixies, hobgoblins, santas , and handsome princes. As girls mature most of these fantasy characters are left in childhood. But not the handsome prince, the dream man, the perfect man. That fantasy persists into adult life. And destroys relationships. Even among older women the expression “good man” still often pulls second fiddle behind the expression “perfect man”
The perfect man, by definition, has no faults. None at all. Not even faults that you don’t mind. No faults whosoever.
Nothing demonstrates the impossibility of this like the next example. The clash between time and money.
Time is money, but, to quote one particular lottery winner. “I always knew time was money but, until I was able to quit work and spend the time with my family, I never really understood how much money is also time.”
The perfect man has both unlimited time to spend on you, but also unlimited money. Doesn’t work that way!
John Paul Getty senior once demonstrated this time money clash in a nasty confrontation with his wife . He had been home only to catch five hours sleep a night, for several weeks and had been putting in sixteen hour days making billions in the process. He was headed off yet again, to cut another deal when his wife warned him that if he walked out that door then she wouldn’t be there when he returned that night. Getty hesitated for a second and then replied. “ Then I’ll miss you very much my dear” and he walked out. She was still there that night.
Getty wasn’t a barstard. He was a loving husband, who genuinely loved his wife. But he was also a money man. And not a perfect man. He was a man who bought virtually unlimited money to the relationship but very limited time. Perfect man? Hardly! Absolute barstard? Once again, hardly! No wife bashings, no drug addiction, no abuse of his children. Getty fell in between the two like the vast majority of the male population.
All men have their faults. So do all women. But the biggest fault of the lot is the female fault of using the words “perfect man” in the first place.
That’s the whole problem, in a nutshell. Particularly with the way younger women approach relationships. They go looking for a perfect man. If the man they find isn’t perfect, they promptly list him as an absolute barstard, for no other reason than he isn’t perfect.
Worse than that they often find a reasonable man, blindly see him as a perfect man, marry him, and then wonder what things have all gone so wrong when the faults that he has had all the time start showing up
Even the perception of “good honest average men” is totally flawed. It’s still a flight of fantasy. Here’s another magnificent example.
Every year, the March of Dimes organization in Seattle hosts a March of Dimes Bid for Bachelors, where dates with bachelors are auctioned to the women. For the October 18, 1990, event, the chairwoman described the volunteer bachelors as "everyday kinds of guys." These "everyday kind of guys” were an artist, a stock broker, a doctor, a hydroplane racer, businessmen and even a retired diplomat."
If these are what women consider "everyday kinds of guys," then the vast majority of men, whose incomes and professions do not compare, must qualify as ‘barstards”. Clearly, there is no "man shortage." Only an abundance of shallow women!
The woman, who is really ready for a worthwhile relationship, is the kind of woman, who collapses in laughter, when the words “perfect man” are used. The one who really finds this whole post hilarious. The one who collapses for two good reasons! Firstly, there’s no such thing as the perfect man. Secondly, it doesn’t matter that there isn’t.
Such women do actually exist. They are usually happily married. | |
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| Do you believe that there are some Good Men left ?
Posted: 6/9/2006 7:00:54 PM | Bravo Sparticuss. You hit the nail on the head. How many of my past relationships I wonder could have worked out if they just saw beyond my surface. Or asked to see beyond my surface? For I could show them a man who given the chance could be close enough to perfect for them to satisfy for a long time. But no, they very rarely see beyond the faults. And when we issue our positive side in plain English, they call us proud. When we are as gentlemanly as possible, they seem to think it is a farce. And then the slightest misconception of our behavior is called rude. Honestly. I'm sure there are some women out there who do see beyond the shallow surface, and see who we really are inside. And much like George Bernard Shaw wrote in his play Pygmalion, we act based on how we are treated as an individual. I try my hardest to overcome that negativism, and that inability to please anyone but myself, and still end up with very few people who can call my friends. I could just as well say nothing, listen, and by the time they really want to hear something they have walked away, or are on to another subject, and I haven't finished processing the first. As I'm discovering I always have to bring the woman into the conversation when I want to talk with them. The question is how?
I'd love nothing more than to be able to see who really is available at the coffee shop, and say hello, I'm ... and I'm pleased to meet you, would you like to join me for dinner tonight, and it be the person who really is interested, and is not just looking for another excuse to believe that another man is a ****. It is very hard to overcome a "you are guilty before proven innocent" belief that has been spread by the fact that the few **** who do make our lives miserable have made so many miserable.
I'll say this much, I remain optimistic that one day it will be possible to just walk up to someone at a hike, at the coffee shop, at a concert, and greet myself out of the blue. Or better yet, a woman do that to me. It would take all the guessing game out. Who are the people who presume us guilty, and who are not?
To have that barrier to overcome when it isn't even spoken is very difficult. I'm trying.
**** = unspeakable | |
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| Do you believe that there are some Good Men left ?
Posted: 6/10/2006 9:00:00 PM | I do believe that there are good men left but very few and most are taken.If there not,usually there pretty paticular in what they're looking for in a woman especially when it comes to looks.Also they just came out of a bad relationship and/or not looking for anything serious at the moment and ladies we all know what that means......right!!!!and that is my opinion.
Sweetchrissy,
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dr_who
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Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 259 | |
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| Do you believe that there are some Good Men left ?
Posted: 6/11/2006 8:46:59 AM | Yes, they exist. But, since they're good and have values, they normally go for girls with their same values. If good men avoid a certain type of woman, it says something about her, doesn't it?
To get a good man, she must be a good woman. Not sleeping with 83 guys before moaning for a good man would be a good start. To look for a good man "before" having three fatherless children, would be better yet. | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 261 | |
| Do you believe that there are some Good Men left ?
Posted: 6/11/2006 8:54:13 AM | ABSOLUTELY!!!!! Yes there are lots of good men!!
Of course there are lots of jerks too so it takes time to gradually get to know him and gather enough information to determine if you have a good one or a reject. That's the key....take your time in the fishing process. | |
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| Do you believe that there are some Good Men left ?
Posted: 6/11/2006 9:25:21 AM | Tigerwoods0924, please don't roundhouse kick me. I have seen you crazy people fight on UFC. I can hold my own but at 38, don't much care for it anymore.
YES there are good men left. I consider myself a good man. My intentions with a woman are nothing but good. It is just so hard to gain the trust of women and prove to them you are sincere. But yes I know there are a ton of good men out there and on this site. Give'm a chance and you will see. | |
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| Do you believe that there are some Good Men left ?
Posted: 6/11/2006 9:40:36 AM | I do believe that there are good men left but very few and most are taken.If there not,usually there pretty paticular in what they're looking for in a woman especially when it comes to looks.Also they just came out of a bad relationship and/or not looking for anything serious at the moment and ladies we all know what that means......right!!!!and that is my opinion.
How are we defining "good?" This "good" guy doesn't seem to me like he would really qualify, unless your definition of "good" involves a very particular kind of looks. | |
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| Do you believe that there are some Good Men left ?
Posted: 6/11/2006 9:44:11 AM | | There must be. I still see a lot of women smiling. Somehow, I believe, it's all about timing in our lives. There's a time when we must deal with the not so good, maybe just to appreciate the good when and if it hopefully arrives. | |
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| Do you believe that there are some Good Men left ?
Posted: 6/11/2006 12:48:27 PM | Good men, good woman, well mannered children or even well mannered pets for that matter.
Sure. Lots of folks out there with a heart full of love and compassion, even empathy for their fellow humans. I beleive that most of us judge first then explore later so those good people tend to get side stepped alot for many reasons.
Good thread to make you once again rethink the way one does things. I personally believe that to voice their good points to them brings out the best of them.. So give a compliment regardless how small. Only get upset at the things that truly irk you, not just because its a pain in the ass to respond too or have nothing to go on. It takes courage to press the send button in the first place.
Good luck to all of you folks. | |
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| Do you believe that there are some Good Men left ?
Posted: 6/11/2006 12:51:50 PM | | No I belive there are but I guess you have to find them first. Same were out there ther is a good Man. You do have a lot off shallow Man out there like I sait look from insait out. | |
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| Do you believe that there are some Good Men left ?
Posted: 6/11/2006 12:57:01 PM | Of course there are. Many ~~ would be my assumption. I tend to think there are good in all ~ wow ~ I hope I never get to the point where I let a few bad experiences taint my view of men. I happen to love men. They mystify me, challenge me, and enhance my world. I should rephrase that: I know there are good ones left ~ I'm blessed with many wonderful men friends. Rather than looking at a "list" of what I would want, I look at the individual. I have yet to be disappointed. (There are creeps out there ~ but my history tells me there are far more good guys than shallow-a$$holes.)  | |
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