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 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 226
'toooo many fish in the sea?'Page 10 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
For some people there may very well be too many fish in the sea,but for most of us there are not enough.Sometimes if you don't want to be alone you have to take what is available and learn to love that person. Loneliness is terrible.
 Angiebird
Joined: 11/23/2010
Msg: 227
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/27/2010 1:11:42 PM
Well spoken and well said yeah this is an issue before you get to even know the person over a period of a few text or even talking with them they are off to the next fish . I think it is because there is no shame in thier game if you look good than hey let me see if I can get someone who looks twice as good . In my opinion there is a lot of ways to get your feelings hurt and people of course misrepresent themselves I mean if you READ the profile and the person has children and you are not into that KEEP IT MOVING WHY TALK AND STRIKE UP A CONVERSATION BECAUSE I AM PRETTY MY KIDS COME FIRST AND IF YOU CANNOT ACCEPT IT KEEP FISHING AS FOR ME I WILL WAIT TO HOOK THE ONE THAT IS FAMILY ORIENTED. MAY TAKE ME SOMETIME BUT I WILL GET THERE .GOOD LUCK TO ALL.
 ALMOSTABLONDE
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 228
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/27/2010 2:42:02 PM
how many times did guys start emailing me then they poofed or even stood me up-it's nutsy-koo-koo, or just damn rude- well guess what- I believe in Karma & what goes around comes around, so...
 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 229
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/27/2010 3:08:00 PM
There are so many frogs in the sea it is hard to see the fish. I understand your point though because you would think we would use this technology to make it easier instead we choose to make it harder. I was very surprised to not get emails. Then when they added the meet me section I was shocked again because I thought that it would bring out the shy women whom were afraid to make first contact. It's not pof's fault people can't take advantage of something so simple. We have culprits on both sides but I think both the men and the women agree that it is mostly the women's fault that everyone has to spent the night at the lake with an empty line.Also you got to consider that it is only an image of a fish. A lot of people on pof put up their profile and never check it for messages.
 womaninblack
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 230
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/27/2010 3:13:27 PM
As a fisher person, if you know what type of fish you like, do your homework:
Find out where they swim and what they like to eat (bait).

But please be honest in your quest, and not be like some...
Some don't even like fish, let alone fishing!
Some have a huge case of indigestion.
Some fish for sport.
Some prefer an aquarium only... or just snorkeling.
Some are out here just for the fresh air.

Which fisher are you?
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 231
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/27/2010 3:16:42 PM
Many women get few responses here. I respond to everyone who responds to me, although most have been from men looking for sex only or they are married or seem to want a social worker to listen to them. Maybe people are not reading profiles well enough to know that the match is not a good one before they respond to someone?
 MisterDynomite
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 232
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/27/2010 5:19:00 PM

my question is.,,, ARE THERE TOOOOO MANY FISHES IN THE SEA!!!. Are we becoming too picky now that we have so many choices?



POF worked for me... but in a way i never expected.

It was here that i realized that the internet was not a "shortcut" by any means. It was actually the longer way.. the harder way.. the bigger headache way. There are too many fish wherever you go.. but like someone mentioned before, internet dating is home to bottom feeders. As soon as i realized this, i set my filters on high and just came here for the forums 4 entertainment... and went back to dating the old way : Meeting people w/o help of the net.

I had to see hell on here first (reading horror stories of people meeting, pics not looking like the person, being stood up, etc) to realize that the old way really wasn't that bad in comparison.

I went back to the old way.. and lo & behold, found me a fishie. Thanks for showing me hell first POF otherwise i would have never found heaven!


(i doubt they will post this in their POF success stories.. LOL)
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 233
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/27/2010 5:34:37 PM

well guess what- I believe in Karma & what goes around comes around, so..


I hope you don't plan to try to bring it around on some other guy. That's a temptation when those things happen--if you can't get back at the person who shafted you, the next reasonable facsimile will do. In fact, when I've been on the receiving end of that kind of stuff, I've had the impression it was an angry woman just waiting to unload on some guy she thought had it coming. I try to look for little signs of that, but I'm not a mind-reader.
 ALMOSTABLONDE
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 234
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/27/2010 6:01:54 PM

I hope you don't plan to try to bring it around on some other guy. That's a temptation when those things happen--if you can't get back at the person who shafted you, the next reasonable facsimile will do. In fact, when I've been on the receiving end of that kind of stuff, I've had the impression it was an angry woman just waiting to unload on some guy she thought had it coming. I try to look for little signs of that, but I'm not a mind-reader

not at all- that's more bad karma...I am done w/ online dating karma will deal w/ the baddies when & how she sees fit
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 235
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/27/2010 6:32:53 PM

It was here that i realized that the internet was not a "shortcut" by any means. It was actually the longer way.. the harder way.. the bigger headache way.


I tend to agree, at least for men. Everything else being equal, women don't have to invest nearly as much time, effort, and money on Internet sites to get the same number of fun dates.

That's because most women can find the time to go through 15 or 20 e-mails every couple days, and even if they're mostly duds, it probably won't be more than a week or so before a woman who gets that many finds a guy or two she could see herself dating. Since she knows these men are already interested, all she has to do is write them back a short note or maybe two and include her number. And when they call, they're likely to arrange a date. If it's not just a first meeting, he'll probably end up doing all the driving and paying. The woman may not want just to have sex--but if she should, she can take it for granted.

A man will only be contacting women he could see himself dating. But most of them probably won't be interested. So he may only need to search for and e-mail say five women every couple days to find one or two every week or so who give their number and get in touch. But all the searching and e-mailing is still going to take him a lot longer than it would just to weed out women who had contacted him. He'll still get to do the driving and paying. And although he'll probably want to have sex, it won't often be his just for the asking.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 236
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/27/2010 6:37:18 PM
^^^^I don't know about all women for sure, but I might get 2 responses in one year, and both are usually incompatible with me. It depends on a lot of factors, and seems as if location might have a lot to do with it.
 womaninblack
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 237
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/27/2010 6:51:15 PM

That's because most women can find the time to go through 15 or 20 e-mails every couple days,

Ya, I´d like to meet some of these women... granted, having my profile hidden and no pics helps...
When I posted full body pics I got tons more mail but definitely the wrong kind so it was a huge waste of my time.

location location location............quality quality quality.
 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 238
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/28/2010 3:24:47 AM
I wonder if it's actually a waste of time though because if you are in business like me as opposed to just working for someone you look for things that can keep you occupied while you are waiting for your business to pick up. I mean you have to advertise and do what you can to get the business going but everything else is just killing time. As far as dating the old fashion way by approaching people you like, it is still the easiest way to get a date.There is nothing like being three dimensional and that can't be done in a profile thread. You see them, you smell them, you hear them, and you try to judge if you want to approach them and if you have a chance. It's never been a problem for me the old way.My success rate has been very good but then again I ain't no player.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 239
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/28/2010 6:51:10 AM
...you would think we would use this technology to make it easier instead we choose to make it harder.

The technology is what it is. Whether or not that makes it harder or easier for a particular individual depends on whether or not that individual utilizes the technology in the way that best fits the technology. If you try to make online dating like real life dating, online dating will be harder. If you have difficulty making choices because a ``kid in the candy store mentality'' prevents you from recognizing what you want when you see it or you keep shifting your focus to the latest novelty, online dating will be harder. If you can't make yourself interesting to the people you want to meet with a written profile, online dating will be harder. If you have a good line of bs in person, but can't translate that into written messages, online dating will be harder. If you don't take advantage of the time you have before meeting people to filter them, you'll meet a lot of people you should never have met and online dating will be harder. Online dating is at least as easy as real life dating dating unless you are one of those fortunate people who crosses paths with lots of datable women as part of what you do everyday. For example, if I were a massage therapist in a trendy part of town, I'd probably have no reason to even know online dating exists.

It's not pof's fault people can't take advantage of something so simple.

For people who live in major metropolitan areas where they have a relatively large dating pool, people can take advantage of something ``so simple.'' I think most people who are used to dating in real life, (which at this point in time, is most people), are just resistant to changing the way they approach dating to fit the technology. Dating online is simple if one approaches it in the way that best fits the technology. If one thinks of online dating as real life dating with a giant dating pool, online dating will be frustrating. Real life dating would be even more frustrating if one tried to make real life dating work the same way online dating works.

We have culprits on both sides but I think both the men and the women agree that it is mostly the women's fault that everyone has to spent the night at the lake with an empty line.

I have to disagree that it's primarily the women's fault. I think men and women are at fault for different reasons, but I really don't think women are more at fault.

not at all- that's more bad karma...I am done w/ online dating

Really? After less than 3 months, you've decided that online dating is worse than real life dating?
 curmudgeon_ed
Joined: 11/24/2010
Msg: 240
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/28/2010 5:30:20 PM
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Peabody5.html

the above link explains a lot about why so many people dont seem to do well with dating sites and why we dont seem to do well with the people this link references....

in conclusion..most here dont operate within the realm of reality...
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 241
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/28/2010 7:15:56 PM
^^^^^I agree that a lot of people on dating sites may not be cut out for good relationships. But I'm not sure I'd take Susan Peabody's authority that all those identifiable types of addiction exist. She seems to have made some of them up.

I don't think most top medical authorities would call those things addictions, but rather symptoms of various emotional disorders. A lot of those things can interfere with sharing yourself with other people in ways that make you both feel good, and that you can make last.

That means you first have to know how to give of yourself like you would with any friend, and want to. What I've seen makes me suspect that a lot of people on dating sites who claim to be open to something serious with the right person really aren't. For them, there never IS any such person. For various reasons, they seem afraid to love.
 1FrequentFlyer
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 242
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/29/2010 3:57:26 AM
Are there too many fishes in the sea???

[I think, that relationships and dates, and meetings, are almost like a ballot box.... we look and pick, we order as we would on a new car.. we select our options and if the newest selection... the one we have ordered doesnt come off the line with perfection , we tend to say , OH WELL NEXT.............
............. next ......]

I think there are a lot of fish in the sea for a variety of reasons:

As a culture we have strayed way far from back in the day when mom and dad met at the high school prom, etc. etc. First came the dating TV shows --- then came the materialistic 80s, and then the Internet.

Despite the health risks today, more and more people are out their fishing whether they are single or not, and they are only day-fishers! The divorced population has grown exponentially and the balance of the sea are those like me - over 30/40 who chose to stay single until they were financially/emotionally/mentally ready to focus on landing the BIG ONE.

I also think that some of the fishing crowd is a bit too picky for their own good - looking for a specific height/weight, age, income, car, house, etc.... any excuse to avoid commitment and/or keep fishing in the sea.

For whatever its worth ---

 CynthiaSMW
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 243
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/30/2010 5:26:03 AM

Really? After less than 3 months, you've decided that online dating is worse than real life dating?

She's actually been here awhile under a few different accounts. Started a hilarious thread last year bout how all women hate her because they're/we're jealous she's so cute.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 244
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/30/2010 6:57:22 AM
More options, less chance of commitment ....... nothing new here.

Before interwbs dating ONLY real players and socially popular people had options. Your average person's options were limited to their daily circle and their friend's circle.
Your friends setting up blind dates with "their" friends, etc...

Well, look at it now... I have 600+ women holding a sign say " I am single - contact me".....
You like one and then realize there is always a better one in line waiting .... especially if you're somewhat good looking with not much drama in your life - you'll get a lot of hits....

that makes it very hard to focus on one person.... first sign of "incompatibly" I am gone.
Why stick around and try to "see if it works" ..... It's not like there is a shortage of women or anything....

My grandparents have been married for over 50 years. I am sure if they had this many options left and right.... well I am sure the end results would have been different ... Plus all the social stigma/expectations they used to deal with ..... We don't have any reason to stick around these days...

sad but true.....



 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 245
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/30/2010 11:53:17 PM
As I've said quite a few times, there are way too many fish on POF. But that's really just a "me" thing. If there are a large enough percentage of people who will date you and you are fairly adept at figuring out who they are (at least from pictures, stats and maybe profile wording), then POF is your oyster. Your personal social circle is very limited compared to POF and this site can expand your options greatly under the right circumstances.

But if you have a lower percentage of people who will date you and you can't figure out who they are to save your life, then 10,000+ options is just WAAAAAAY too many. You can waste, say, four years on this site trying to find those needles in this mountain-sized haystack. I actually have done much better on sites with much smaller "ponds" because, primarily, the competition just isn't as fierce. But I think there's a pretty good argument that POF is putting those other sites out of business, because most people are better off with more options, not less.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 246
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/31/2010 7:18:04 AM

But I think there's a pretty good argument that POF is putting those other sites out of business, because most people are better off with more options, not less.

Actually, a lot of marketing research shows that although some people may be better off with more options, the majority of people become confused with too many options and their ability to make a decision is paralyzed when they have too many choices.
 HardwoodFloorBoard
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 247
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 12/31/2010 8:54:55 AM
abelian,

That marketing research you reference is what some people really want to believe, whether it is valid or not.

If you are a dominant player in a given market, that is exactly the research that you will be citing to folks farther down the marketing chain (wholesalers, retailers) because you would rather not have your product, Brand X, share shelf space with the products of lesser players. More choice for consumers would probably hurt sales of your product. Researchers know this, and that could bias some research.

Similarly, that too-many-choices-leads-to-consumers-being-too-paralysed-to-choose notion has its political applications as well, leading me to believe that it's maybe not the result of completely impartial research.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 248
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 1/2/2011 7:11:45 AM
After I posted that, I realized that I misstated what I meant to say, but my connection went bad and it was really late at night to be bothering fixing the connection with work looming in the morning. It should have read more like, "because most people THINK they are better off with more options, not less." It doesn't really matter if they actually are or not. Any hetero guy would rather attend a party with 50 girls and 1 guy than one with 50 guys and 1 girl, even if that one girl was his "soulmate." I mean, there's no way you can possible know that prior to attending, so you'd automatically go with the odds.

I spend far more time on POF than I do any other dating site, partially because there are so many options here, despite the fact that I have definitely had more success meeting women at EVERY other dating site. There are tens of thousands of women on POF in my area -- it is impossible to get through all of them before there is 50% turnover, necessitating that you start over again in your quest to see them all. Most other sites I have already seen every woman they have to offer and just go on them to see if there are any new women, which limits the page views for the free ones, so the big (POF) get better and the smaller perish. Arguably I am better off with sites that have smaller memberships, but their smaller memberships cause them to be un-competitive.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 249
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 1/3/2011 9:14:53 AM
[wuote]More choice for consumers would probably hurt sales of your product. Researchers know this, and that could bias some research.
The research only validates what I've observed and what I've observed contradicted my assumption that people would not be paralyzed by too many choices. Back when I was an undergraduate, I had a full time job selling stereo equipment in what was the high end audio store in the city. We really had no competition, since the owner was willing to get anything anyone wanted if it made a sale. Whatever competition we had was pretty much with other products in our storem not other stores. It took the owner a year of repeated proving to me that not only were people were indecisive when given too many options, but happier when they bought the first thing that lit their eyes, to believe him. He never had to be deceptive or stretch the truth to sell stuff and once that sunk in, it was much easier to make sales. As soon as you tell someone how many other options they have, most will have difficulty making a decision and also be less satisfied with their choice. I found this difficult to believe, but I watched it happen in practice often enough to know that, in general, it's true.
 HardwoodFloorBoard
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 250
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 1/3/2011 11:33:02 AM
abelian,

Was what you saw a result of customers having too many choices, or of not being sure what it was that they actually wanted?
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