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 AUTHOR
 coffee_cognac
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 26
'toooo many fish in the sea?'Page 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I think there are a lot of great guys on here. As for being too picky, well I suppose I wouldn't be single/divorced whatever you want to classify me as if that wasn't true too.

If you don't think I've been told before that "well, lots of women put up with that and they have managed to keep their marriages intact", then think again. (I've been married more than once.) But I DO get picky when someone is chronically unemployed but not doing their best to rectify the situation. I'm technically unemployed but I at least make an effort.

It especially brings out my picky side when I am paying their tab and they figure good...now there's enough cash for me to take some other broad out on the side.

Of course they freak right out about wanting to keep it all between us -- even though I have to go to family functions (theirs...mine I just don't bother with and it's best that way -- trust me) and smile like their is nothing wrong.

Been there, down it. More times than I can count. Eventually I get tired and I just figure if I'm going to spend time schmoozing people in this regard, I'll do it for some reason that is going to actually make ME feel better and not to keep the hellish experience going a moment longer.

Gets tough when kids are involved. My eldest son's father couldn't keep his hands to himself when it came to other women...but when I said I was out of there, his family fought me tooth and nail about it. I thought it was bad living with them when all day long they were bugging my ass about not being 'saved' (religiously that is...).

You should have seen the evangelical fury when I said I'm saving myself the bother of this bull. They took away the wedding gifts (a small washing machine which left me washing diapers by hand etc.) and did everything including 'babysitting' the kid for the weekend and then telling me 'possession was nine tenths of the law' and that if I didn't get off their property they were calling the cops.

Eventually I just said 'posses this ya m#other ****ers' and left them and their little religious experience to themselves.

I figured if the kid had enough of my genes in him he'd tell em to bite him too one day and I'd see him again. Left it up to God so to speak.

Well, yeah he did come back...four times to be exact and everytime it was because he'd 'f#cked up' his money and figured I owed him something. Says he wants to be minister too. So I'm back to 'administer this' while he himself is unfaithful to every broad he comes in contact with.
 ksue44
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 27
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/8/2005 4:12:46 PM
What I like about POF vs. other dating sites is we have the forums. When I'm interested in a fella, I can see how his thought process works in the way he responds to the forums. If his posts are always negative, he puts others down, or becomes disrespectful, then he's not the one I want to go out with.

Each and every one of us will have to wade through the bottom feeders, but ultimately we will cross across the murky waters, swim into the crystal clear waters, and find the ultimate fish that is meant for us. Perhaps, the swimming won't take place on POF, perhaps you have to go to your local grocery store and find your sweetie there, in the park, at a concert, or in a laundry mat.. Nothing wrong with being selective about who you want to spend the rest of your life with.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 28
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/8/2005 4:25:05 PM
ksue Your posts are always a favorite read so full of wisdom and absent of BS!!! If you're not being selective about someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, then I'd think what's wrong with that? A lot! You know what you're talking about and you say it so well. Just want to say thanks for your insightful posts.
 ksue44
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 29
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/8/2005 4:27:05 PM
Bucs - hugs to you! You are an inspiration and role for me! I enjoy your posts more so, your humor, wit, and wisdom, all rolled into one, nice neat package.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 30
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/8/2005 4:40:06 PM
ksue You have it too, sweetie. You have the humor but most of all the cut to the chase around the BS wisdom. I love reading your posts, I learn from them. Thanks for that!!
OT: The internet and amazing technology has made the world a much smaller place. There are choices we never would have dreamed of. Rather than get overwhelmed or figure this is Home Shopping for Dates network, it can be used as a tool. Some of us are not using this as a New York City Yellow Pages Directory, trust me I've been there seen it...EGAD!!! It just makes things more available, but personally I would never be interested in a man in a country I could never even pronounce emailing me a marriage proposal. But, it happens, the thing is to learn to use it properly. I've met amazing people and some in my area that have been great friends.
 ShadowKnight59
Joined: 9/18/2005
Msg: 31
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:55:03 PM
No thanks BucsGirl,

Don't want to be looking through the NYC yellow pages for anything. I'll stick to the one I have here...lol.

As of yet I haven't found anyone near enough that we could even meet. Near as I can tell If your not in Canada, on one of the coasts, or down south there isn't exactly a lot of people for you to meet and contact. I realize that a mojority of online dating is casting a net, but gosh darn it there needs to be some fish there to be caught for net casting to do you any good.

Here in MT we have more cows than people and the people are strung from "hell to breakfast". I live in the second largest city and the population is 80,000 when school is in session. Not exactly the biggest fishing hole.
 Philamon
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 32
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/8/2005 7:16:14 PM
Callendargirl, I understand what you're getting at and, unfortunately, I have to agree with you. I just peeked at your profile so I can understand why you're fishing for marlin rather than catfish :-) You can afford to be highly selective but many of us have to be more realistic. It's that matching hypothesis thing - that people tend to attract others who are similar relative to appearance, education level, income etc. I've been on and off several dating sites and I pretty much see the same people with the same "requirements" which seem to be unrealistic. Why, for example, must a 5'2" woman have to have a guy over 6' or why must a guy require her to be anorexic. Aah, life is an illusion or is that delusion?
 CountIbli
Joined: 6/1/2005
Msg: 33
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/8/2005 7:25:55 PM
Personally I've found that I may meet a lot of women that I think I'm compatable with, but they simply aren't attracted to me. The opposite happens as well. The percentage of women out there where there's mutual attraction is vanishingly small. But what do we get when we multiply vanishing small with too many? Hopefully at least 1, though I have my doubts.
 momvon
Joined: 9/21/2005
Msg: 34
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/8/2005 7:33:02 PM
It's all about the journey. Enjoy each day as if it were your last, smile and the world smiles with you
 thecatt
Joined: 1/12/2005
Msg: 35
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/8/2005 7:40:34 PM
philamon....I'd LOVE to move further up north. I'm a fall / winter girl and love the snow and cooler temperatures...more extreme seasons.
I'm originally from Maryland, but I've been here in SC for 18 years.

I miss snow.
I miss Yankee things.
:-(

Nearly everyone I mention it to recoils in horror. They want to move to where it's warmer, I want to go where it's colder.
 Philamon
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 36
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/8/2005 8:24:06 PM
Catt, If you're from Maryland I can understand that you'd miss seasons but you're only a few miles from the beautiful mts of NC which offer 4 glorious seasons. I've been in SC for two years and I'm still trying to get warm after 13 years in ND! I like snow but I'll pass on -40 degrees and blizzards. I love not having to plug my car's block heater into an electrical outlet ever night so the engine won't freeze. I love not having to wear a knitted face mask that gets welded to the face from condensation of exhaled breath. Sorry, I'm getting carried away. I don't miss ND. I love SC, especially the mountains. What Yankee things do you miss?
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 37
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/8/2005 8:35:33 PM
Sorry philamon but I've been poor and I've had money...

I'm college educated and mountain born...

I've traveled Europe and hunted game...

What I learned is to seek someone self-confident and intelligent no matter their station in life.
 thecatt
Joined: 1/12/2005
Msg: 38
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/8/2005 8:38:54 PM
Well, bless your heart, you DID have it to an extreme!

Yes, yes, yes, those beautiful NC mountains. I'm about 25 minutes away from Chimney Rock and Lake Lure. Home of some of the best BBQ sandwiches I ever had.
That's where they filmed Dirty Dancing and Last Of The Mohicans.
I haven't been there in a year.
:-(

What do I miss? Philly Cheesesteak subs, good breads, deli shops, independently owned sub shops, good Scrapple, decent snows, Crabs - oh, how I miss those Maryland Crabs, concerts (used to live in-between Philly, New York, Washington, Baltimore...saw a lot of bands), granite stone walls and fireplaces everywhere, rolling hills of PA, fishing in the Susquehanna River - not these man made lakes, non-southern accents - please, God, don't tell me I picked one up, cold autumn season, Rock fish, and I could go on.

I don't want to live in Maryland again. I just miss a lot of the northern things I was raised with...things that I KNOW are still up there, and further north.

My dream would be to move to the New England states. I have a lot of girlfriends up there.

Of all the places I've ever visited I'd want to live in New England.
It 'speaks' to me. I love everything about it.

And the history. I LOVE history!

I could be here all night talking about it. But, I'm going to go to bed and watch SNL.
Have a great night!
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 39
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/8/2005 8:42:32 PM
Nite doll^^^^^

There aren't too many fish in the sea....we've just never seen them all in one place before!
 Tila
Joined: 9/29/2005
Msg: 40
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/8/2005 9:04:24 PM
too many fish in the sea? look what i've caught!!!
.
 Philamon
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 41
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/8/2005 9:09:02 PM
Exactly HB1! You're seeking someone like yourself who is self-confident and intelligent. I acknowledge that all things are possible yet "matching hypothesis" and "similarity theory" (psy jargon stuff) suggests that most people do tend to attract partners who have similar characteristics. When people say opposites attract they're usually referring to fairly superficial characteristics such as degree of introversion/extraversion. Beautiful people tend to attract other beautiful people; highly intelligent people tend to attract other intelligent people. Notice the use of "tend to". Few things are absolute but there's actually a lot of empirical support for these concepts. Intelligence and confidence are important characteristics for you whereas level of education may be less important since people can be highly intelligent without formal education and highly educated people can sometimes not be overly intelligent :-). "Pretty Woman" and "Beauty and the Beast" are among my favorite movies because they're so altruistic and make me feel good but such things, while possible, don't occur very often.
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 42
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/8/2005 9:10:18 PM
If I went by size that would be too funny as I'm under 5ft tall
 callendargirl
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 43
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/8/2005 10:33:48 PM
philamon,, thank you for what you are trying to say......... but i am not deserving of that! I am just me,, simply cyn,, i am not above, beyond, behind, anyone .. anyone at all. I come across as confident,, which , I am ,, i come across as knowing what i want,, yes,, its a wish list and a dream, but dreams are our only realities we can create. If we dont dream we have nothing.............. what keeps people alive in adversities.

I cannot afford to be,,'highly selective' any more than you can! we are choosing life. choosing someone to share it! I am no different from you or anyone else on this site or any other site!

i thank you for your comments,, you sound wonderful! and as all of us are doing,, keep fishing!

 Philamon
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 44
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/8/2005 11:37:09 PM
Callendargirl, I agree that as humans we're all pretty much alike in what we want and need yet we're also unique individuals with definite preferences. Your message brings to mind Walt Whitman's "Song of Myself" in which "I celebrate myself, I sing myself and exist as I am and that is enough" or a line from the musical Oklahoma, "I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else but I'll be darn if I ain't just as good". I'll also add that modesty is an endearing trait - just another aspect of your apparent charm.

This may be nothing more than semantics but almost everyone is selective, otherwise we'd accept whatever came our way. And, the reality is that people really do have different assests. Youth, humor, beauty, manners, intelligence, etc are attractive assests whereas morbid obesity, extreme shortness/tallness, imbecility, or crudness aren't especially appealing characteristics to many. This doesn't make a person better or less valuable a human but it is a factor to most people when superficially selecting friends or intimate relationships.

Most of us know what we want yet some of us may have unrealistic expectations but I certainly agree - you gotta have a dream. A dream of a knight in shining armour on a pure white stallion is fine but maybe a knight with a little rust and a white horse who has, maybe, stepped in some manure might be more realistic.

Finally, I really have to agree with you about this site. I accidently stumbled across it. It's my first time on here and I'm in awe of the variety of people, the diversity of opinions, and the civility of almost everyone. And, thank you for your kind words of welcome.
 mike1003
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 45
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/9/2005 10:09:38 AM
so many great things have been said in here, and being selective isn't a bad thing you shouldn't settle for just anyone who says hi but I do believe that its so much easier to find someone becouse your loneley, and keep looking for the right one. before the internet this wasnt easy, so relationships lasted for ever but now all you have to do is get online and there will be some one willing to say all the things you long to hear(even if its all lies) so people tend to have their little perch in the live well untill they catch the big bass. we have become a catch and release sociaty just becouse it has become so easy to discard the old fish oh well my thought for the day yall are great god bless
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 46
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/9/2005 10:12:58 AM
Extreme shortness?!
When are ya'll going to realize you suffer from extreme tallness?!
 Philamon
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 47
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/9/2005 11:03:33 AM
HB1,
I love your humor and wit! You're not extremely short, you're petite. Lot of guys drool over petite.
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 48
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/9/2005 11:09:34 AM
Where are they?!
I demand to know this vital info!!!!
*stomping right foot vigorously*

I like fishing personally but I keep getting guppies!
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 49
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'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/9/2005 11:15:07 AM
Many to get to know on here....both tall and small......

The whole point is that over time you can enjoy more than just one person in your life and care about them, even love them, and given the right situation, it will happen multiple times.

What you are looking for in my opinion....are the indicators and directions to find that one and take yourself out of the pond once found. Does not mean that you can not have friends or those you share many things with, what it does mean, at least to me, is that there is only one that comes home with you, and only one that goes to bed with you, and only one that knows you so well that there is no need to know another.

Just my opinion.....
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 50
'toooo many fish in the sea?'
Posted: 10/9/2005 11:26:20 AM
Exactly c_d


The parameters for the one to celebrate joys and mourn in sorrow
To hold as needed and to be held by
To comfort in sickness
To dance in health
To support
To be supported by
To be with everyday and know they are there because they love you
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