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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 11/5/2006 8:01:20 AM | Hearing about "good boys" or "bad boys" gets tiring.
I am a man, plain and simple. I have good points and bad points. I have faults, like anbody else. I try to be the best person I can be each day, and try to be the best father I can be.....some days I do well, others I fall flat on my face. I pick myself up and try again. | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 11/5/2006 9:02:19 AM | | Carrie--you have a good point about running from a self-proclaiming nice guy. | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 11/5/2006 9:19:25 AM | Good for you Carrie! A man is much more attractive if he's nice but modest/humble as well...no one wants to feel they have to dish out brownie points. All men should be decent, nice and good so it's not really an accomplishment.
Actions speak louder than words.
I would rather hear a guy say "I try to be nice" or "I hope to be nice" than to hear "I'm nice." It's a matter of opinion, and no one really has that much of an honest view of themselves where we should just take their word for it. It's that damned self sales pitch again. Your hotness, niceness, whatever you think you are should speak for itself.
If you have to tell me about it...something's not right. Your friends and those who know you well should praise you, and that's it. | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 11/5/2006 9:27:20 AM |
Please realize that I'm not being hard on you out of contempt. but after reading several of your posts, you seem to believe that women only want money, want you to support their illegitimate children, and are damaged people because they may have had relationships that were unsucessful in the past.
You read me wrong. I believe that people makes mistakes, and people can learn of them and become better persons.
However, when a person is not only unrepentant of his/her mistakes, but is actually PROUD of them, it's, in your own words, only too telling.
Let me give you an example. If the guy you chatted with last night had reacted badly to you "opening your heart", what would have you thought about him?
Would you have thought:
"Well, perhaps he was scared"
"Well, perhaps he couldn't deal with it"
"Oh, he may be dissapointed"
Or you would have thought:
"he's a judgemental jerk"
"he's not a real man"
"he's an ***hole"
Please read threads related, and tell me which attitude is the most extended. And that's the difference. When you make a mistake, you don't flaunt it. You don't insult others because they don't think your mess is good. When I find this attitude, I do think "damaged goods".
Why? Because to fix a damage, the first thing to do is acknowledge that there is a damage. If you don't do it, or turn a blind eye to it, and worse, demand others to do likewise, the damage will remain.
I'd like to hit your point F). "Good" boys--or moral, kind, caring and humane men--would not make this error in judgment. Maybe they have had relationships that did not work out in the past as well. Maybe their children are being raised by some jerk due to their former partners subsequent bad choice.
Perhaps you should choose another example, because if they are suffering because of their former partners' bad choices, I really don't think they would choose again somebody who they know like to make bad choices.
I'm challenging your black and white thinking because I sense that you are so hung up on the gender-bender issue. If you continue to take that approach you will be closed to the joy and beauty a woman with some life experience (i.e. all of them, even the foreign ones) has. You will miss out on the compassion and lightness of being that comes with authentic love and caring between two human beings.
You see, although I may resemble a "black and white thinker", actually I'm not. I know there are shades of grey everywhere. However, I don't find many shades of grey here in POF.
And "experience of life" is not a synonym for "likes to repeat mistakes and flaunt them". I really don't think I'm missing out anything there. | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 11/5/2006 10:56:17 AM | Or had he not responded positively, I may have dispassionately thought: "He's not at the same place, oh well."
I agree that the attitudes extended on alot of these threads are negative--that does not mean that EVERYONE thinks that way. Gawd, why would either of us be here if we thought that?!?
No, I don't think I should choose another example. It's an excellent example because it proves my point. There is another option that you don't consider--people who have had similar experiences, whether they be positive or negative, can pull together and offer each other support. There are "good" guys who wind up with not-so-nice women. Sometimes people learn their lessons and make changes. There are actually people who can learn from one another devoid of judgments and create positive relationships.
Yes, I am going to be wary about a fellow who states that all his ex-girlfriends and psychos and his ex-wife is crazy and puts "no sex-trade workers" in his profile. Just as a man should be wary about a women who puts "No donkeys!" in her profile. Yet, it may be lack of wisdom, not poor character, that leads people to do this.
Unfortunately, no matter what I say, I get the sense that you are going to stay strong in your position only for the sake of doing so. Personally, I like the scientific approach to mistakes in that there are no real mistakes, just lessons and fodder for creating the final version.
For women, I think it's less about "bad" boy versus "good" boy, because I agree that everyone has their positive and negative characterstics, unless of course we're taking about drug dealers, murderers, criminals or guys who defend them for a living (ahem). In my experience with this online stuff, I think it's about becoming the picker rather than the pickee. I think the "bad" boys, are always the ones that are first in line (with everybody) and will demand your trust too soon. I've taken a different approach in that I will now send guys that I think are attractive and may be compatible with me emails, rather than standing back and waiting to be "picked". Most of the time with this new approach, I've been pleasantly surprised. | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 11/5/2006 12:08:17 PM | Dear Prettypicky
Some men are sheep inside a wolfs costume and can never be viewed as anything other then a monster because of the mask they need to put is to protect themselves from all those other wolves that wouldn’t hesitate to rip them to threads given a simple opportunity. They travel through the lands freighting off the sheep they long for and safe from those they fear.
Sinbad has his own way of looking at the world, instead of judging him or challenging him try understanding him. He knows who he is and he isn’t afraid to explain it and no one should be told they won’t find what the accuser themselves long for… because he may very well not even want that in the same way you do.
Created from our past it is our present choices that determine our future. I would wait for the next wolf to show his teeth before writing him off in the same garbage can you ever so quickly put them all in. Check the teeth carefully of the next sheep you think your looking for wondering your way with a big smile on it’s face… never know what you might find underneath.
James | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 11/5/2006 12:27:51 PM | I often suffer the repercussions of my choices in the past (of being a “bad boy” or at least labeled one)
One thing I don’t do is regret those decisions in spite them being bad, simply for the fact I am a stronger person after dealing and coping with the problems in life and struggling my way out of the situations I once put myself in.. And now coming into “older adulthood” I have a certain strength and nobility ya wont find in to many good boys… A lot of “good boys” as you labeled them usually nine times out of ten ran through life with a silver spoon up their as,s, and will buckle at the knees when times get rough….
Of course the definition on this topic of what a badboy and good boy actually is, can go in many different directions of cause. | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 11/5/2006 1:30:50 PM | | Trust me, the bad boy thrill wears off quickly. They don't change and more often than not you'll end up feeling crappy. I would much rather have someone nice who I won't be afraid to go out in public with. | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 11/5/2006 1:50:28 PM | Or had he not responded positively, I may have dispassionately thought: "He's not at the same place, oh well."
Then I congratulate you, you are one of the few. 
I agree that the attitudes extended on alot of these threads are negative--that does not mean that EVERYONE thinks that way. Gawd, why would either of us be here if we thought that?!?
Actually I came here because I was bored, but now it's like an addiction to me. 
Unfortunately, no matter what I say, I get the sense that you are going to stay strong in your position only for the sake of doing so. Personally, I like the scientific approach to mistakes in that there are no real mistakes, just lessons and fodder for creating the final version.
In fact, I've acknowledged my mistakes in threads before. And I partially agree: mistakes can be lessons, too. But for that, it's necessary that we learn something from that lessons. Even if it's only to avoid doing the same mistake again. If we don't, they remain just mistakes. I'd say the same about a guy who always falls for gold-diggers or female abusers, so it's not like I'm placing a higher standard on women or something.
Again, I'm not saying that it's like "three strikes and you're out", but, at least in this "I'm hot for bad guys" issue, I've seen too many examples of how disastrous can this mindset be.
I've met women who squandered their lives going after them, and only when they realize they are too old, too fat, or they already have several fatherless children, and can't attract bad boys anymore, only then they seek for a good guy to pick up the pieces. They're not a pretty sight, let me tell you.
And to say the truth, I'm deeply offended when one of them sets her sights on me. It's like, "so after she gave everything she had to jerks, after she had several fatherless children, after she lost her youth and beauty, now that she's only a sad shadow of what she used to be, NOW I'm good enough for her?"
Unfair? May be. But to all those "I love bad guys" women out there, just remember: The good guy may not wait until you have your fill of bad guys.
Think about it. | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 11/5/2006 2:11:44 PM |
I would prefer a good guy with bad boy moments... Most of the time really nice guys are just too nice... A perfect blend would be a guy who treats you like gold but doesn't take anyones crap and calls a spade a spade!
That's called a "man". | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 11/5/2006 3:18:03 PM | hmmm...I think I like my man the way most men like woman....a man on the street and a freak in the bed...who says you can't have the best of both worlds...I found it.  | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 11/5/2006 3:36:09 PM | Thank you for posting Simbad.  That was very gentelmanly of you. If we were in the police force, I think we'd make a great good cop/bad cop team.
For some reason, I think you got the gist of where I was going--it sounds like you and I have both made some of the same mistakes in the past.
If anything, I think we both know how to fight fair--even when we disagree.
My point for women about being the picker rather than the pickee can be applied to men too.
I'm merely saying that not all single moms are "damaged goods"--I think that's a harsh term. You can tell whether or not a person is making changes in their lives and not repeating the same mistakes. Do they take courses? Have healthy friends? Perfer chamomile tea to martinis on at least half of their weekend evenings? Do they do sports or other physical activities? Are they respectful of you and others? Watch how they speak and how they listen. What are the topics of conversation they choose?
I think this is how you can spot a healthy person, regardless of their past.
Boy, I  New York.... | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 11/5/2006 4:05:24 PM | Dear PrettyPicky
You will get absolutely no disagreement from me on your planes analogy. Seems everyone travels on different levels. Some feel they are above everyone and look down on them with contentment and dismay. Some feel they are below everyone and look up with fear and envy. Some walk in the nexus between them all. They will not walk in front of people because they don’t want to lead. The defiantly won’t walk behind people because they don’t want to follow… rather, they will walk side by side with others around them. They will bring those below them up, and those above them down… usually it’s a lot easier to bring those that need help up because, well… they want the help. It’s a lot harder to help the arrogant because realization of what their doing goes against their own superior like complex principles and they really think/believe they don't need help.
James | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 11/5/2006 4:57:15 PM | Y aknow what I find ironic??? The fact that the conversation has gone the way of concentrating on how guys refer to their ex's in a bad boy/good boy thread.
What about this??? Why does it have to be guys saying bad things about their ex's??? What about women saying bad things about their ex's??? There are also "bad girls". Which was kind of the point of my input here.
Some of those guys (I like to think of myself as one) who say bad things about their ex's are only telling the truth.
In respect to this conversation, I think the best any of us can do is use the intelligence that we were born with and make honest and fair judgements. Take into consideration the context of the situation, listen for consistencies and inconsistencies, and hear a little more of the situation before making your call.
I'm some what of a bad boy, I suppose. That's probably what causes me to tell it like it is. Yet, I still do the same things I just suggested here. Just because a woman says her ex was an idiot doesn't make it so. I have met plenty of women who were a bit off their rocker that claimed it was all their ex's fault.
I don't shed responsibility for my mistakes, but I can call them mistakes because I recognize them as being something I didn't see coming. Not something that was my fault.
Some things just are. | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 6/30/2007 4:29:21 PM | Im 22years old, and Im in wheelchair so i do prefer man who is able body and who will accept me the way i am(in wheelchair). I've been in a relationship for 6 months. Now im back on the market, i wonder if guys here on pof is willing to date someone in wheelchair.
Yes i do have full feeling from the top of my head to the end of my feet.
Thx
Milouche  | |
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B.Ann
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Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 116 | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 7/13/2007 3:41:03 PM | I like girls who act nice and sweet when in public, but are absolutely filthy when you are together.
I like a challenge just like a guy. You know NOTHING about guys.
Bad boys aren't a challenge. Just deny them sex, and they'll do anything for you, and nothing for anyone else. Bad boys want sex, and will do anything to get it. Bad boys will tell you anything you want to hear, and will always tell you that good guys are no good. Why? Because if you ever dated a good guy, you'll never go back.
Good guys do stuff for you. But they do much, much, MORE for everyone else. That's why they're good guys, because they are good to people, not to just you. If you ever get a good guy to actually do MORE for you than an 80-year-old man, tell me how. Because I've never seen it. Ever. Good guys don't tell you what they can do. They're confident that they can. So why do they have to? If you can't see it, it's not because it's not there. It's because you have blinkers on.
I also like to know what turns the good guys to bad ones. When you stop worrying about whether or not they're good guys, that's when you'll find out that they can do all the things bad boys do.
Honestly, women!
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 7/13/2007 3:43:44 PM | | You're cute. But I cannot say for 20-28 year olds. Only for myself and my compadres. | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 7/13/2007 3:49:01 PM | | I like a good boy in the streets, and a bad boy between the sheets . | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 7/13/2007 4:01:01 PM | well i would like a good guy but i generally seem to attract the not soooo good guys, though they can be fun they leave u heart broken and penny less. But i have had a good time, mostly, lol.
Now as i get older i just want someone whos not high maintance and who wants me to be me. I think were all attracted to the 'naughty' cos it draws attention to the fact that sometimes it is nice to live life on the edge and do things we know ant gooood.
softie | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 7/13/2007 4:17:20 PM | | I have an interesting theory on this , actually a couple . First off nobody , male or female wants a doormat. Be yourself , and good things happen. I want a woman to challenge me in conversation, competition[if we play a game], and have input on what to do , where to eat etc. Its no fun having a yeswoman and I would imagine its the same for ladies . Another theory of mine is that the proverbial good guy might not be as persistent in courting a lady , feeling he has alot to offer the right lady , so why kiss ass for the priviledge of taking her on a date. Where as the "bad" guy , so to speak , has issues and hates rejection and just keeps going after "said" lady, with reckless abandon and persistence . This eventually flatters the lady into relationship submission so to speak and WHAM you have a connection . | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 9/6/2007 12:29:27 AM |
lovableladywanted
I have an interesting theory on this , actually a couple . First off nobody , male or female wants a doormat. Be yourself , and good things happen. I want a woman to challenge me in conversation, competition[if we play a game], and have input on what to do , where to eat etc. Its no fun having a yeswoman and I would imagine its the same for ladies . Another theory of mine is that the proverbial good guy might not be as persistent in courting a lady , feeling he has alot to offer the right lady , so why kiss ass for the priviledge of taking her on a date. Where as the "bad" guy , so to speak , has issues and hates rejection and just keeps going after "said" lady, with reckless abandon and persistence . This eventually flatters the lady into relationship submission so to speak and WHAM you have a connection .
Admittedly, I didn't read all the posts for this thread but this one confused me! Correct me if I have something wrong here but what makes you think that women who like bad boys are doormats?!
I have dated some bad boys in my time and they can be a helluva lot of fun. I can argue with them without any emotions getting out of hand. Things aren't taken personally and they are exciting because they live life on the edge.
I don't like dating guys who are afraid to do something 'slightly illegal', (of course nothing that hurts anyone else), or just have no problem taking more risks. Life is to LIVE!
And, I don't "Kiss Ass", never have, never will.
I don't think you understand what the bad boy mentality really is. | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 9/6/2007 2:06:02 AM | | The truth is that girls always devide boys into two categories, good or bad, and want both. They want the good boys, the kind you take home to mother, to give them the security that they need, but then a bit of the bad boys with whom they can feel more sexually ravished and used for their sexual fantasies. That is why bad boys always fare better, with the good boys paying for it. So all you good boy, beware. | |
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| Good boys or bad ones?
Posted: 9/6/2007 3:11:00 AM | I was married to a good 'bad boy' for 11 years. It's not all black & white!
Edit: Read Msg 101 mandrake48 | |
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