| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 9/26/2006 7:14:42 PM | | If l was to fall in love with someone in the military HELL YA l would. Its not about the type of work they do, it's who they are as a person that matters the most. I think if there's trust and a good relationship then i could deal with being seperated from my partner for periods of time. | |
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| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 9/26/2006 7:16:40 PM | | If l was to fall in love with someone in the military HELL YA l would. Its not about the type of work they do, it's who they are as a person that matters the most. I think if there's trust and a good relationship then i could deal with being seperated from my partner for periods of time. | |
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shinxy
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Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 253 | |
| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 9/30/2006 8:22:03 PM | I am waiting for my military man to come home to me...He was injured in the Sept 14th blast at the Army outpost. He is very severely hurt and I hope that he can return home soon.
Yes I would marry him in a heartbeat...for the first time, I met my soulmate. | |
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| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 9/30/2006 9:19:32 PM | | I have been there and done that. I was married for 2 and half yrs to a military man until he started cheating among other things. I was soo excited when he joined the military. I know alot of women out there that go out while there men are overseas. I told myself no way in hell would I ever do that. Before he joined he cheated and I forgave him of that... My husband was gone for 6 months for training. I sat by the phone everyday waiting for his call. I wrote him 3 or 4 letters a week, I emailed him everyday. There were days I didnt hear from him bc he was in the field, but I was waiting just in case I got to hear from him. I was very supportive, sent anything he needed. I was 110% faithful! When he arrived home I was soo excited to see him and the reunion was great. But after a few weeks of him being back the cheating started again and thats when I left. Now he is my ex husband. We are still friends and he is getting ready to go to Kuwait. But anyhow YES I would date or even consider marrying a military man..bc I know what to expect for the most part. While they are gone just think about the reunion to come. Believe me its great! Yes there are some of us faithful women out there. | |
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shinxy
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Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 257 | |
| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 10/1/2006 3:10:41 PM | | Thank you cuddles24. I guess I was lucky. He was stationed in West Baghdad (I saw him be pulled in on a stretcher on CNN). He was very heavily wounded but I have still heard from him and he just asked me to be patient while he goes through the healing process. He was 5 feet from the bomb when it went off. I know that I am still in his thoughts. He has just been through a big ordeal. I have known him for 20 years and I have to believe that he is back for a reason; however, he is getting ready to go through a divorce with three kids. He also is going through the nightmares and such also. It just makes me feel helpless to not be able to go through things with him, but that doesn't make me not want to be with him. I would marry him in a heartbeat and he knows it! | |
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FunFab
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Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 258 | |
| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 10/1/2006 3:17:49 PM | Yes,I would and am currently in that situation...You really can't help who you click with and fall in love with...So yes,I can wait...He's currently in Iraq...I pray everyday and hope for the best...and to one guy who mentioned women keeping their legs closed while he was away...some of us have integrity and morals...and are old enough to be realisitic about what it is to really care for someone and wait for that person  Its a choice and there's not a day goes by that I regret that choice | |
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shinxy
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Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 259 | |
| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 10/1/2006 3:39:40 PM | | I started talking to my soldier in Iraq in November....I haven't been unfaithful to him since November and he knows it. We have talked and there are still complications, but we bide our time. He knows that I will wait for him...He was my first love 20 years ago. Even though, my life moved on, my love didn't. I never got over him. He knows that and I can only pray that he will realize my love for him. However, he has demons to deal with...with being hurt mentally, physically, emotionally....but that doesn't change my love for him. I would be with him as much today as I would have been 20 years ago...it was just a different time and different place. | |
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| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 10/2/2006 1:45:47 AM | | shinxy, your welcome. Just hang in there sounds like you have a keeper! No matter what he is going thru (divorce, fighting for his kids, being hurt overseas) whatever it may be keep letting him know that no matter what happens you will be there for him and with him. Just wait til he gets to come home the reunion is awesome. I wish the best for the 2 of you. Just hang in there. | |
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shinxy
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Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 262 | |
| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 10/6/2006 2:46:09 PM | Cuddles....
He is going through alot. He was injured in an explosion on Sept 14. He had filed separation from his wife just three days prior and was planning on coming home and spending time with me. However, due to complications with the injury, they sent him home to his wife in Germany. He is living miserably now. We can't talk like we did because she is monitoring his every move. I got a letter yesterday from him that was dated the day of the explosion and he ended it with "I Love you and I miss you." I think that that is the only thing that hangs me on now, but it is very hard to do. I miss him extremely bad and pray every day for his return home. I just wish he were here. I just don't know what to do now. I don't know if I should stay or let him go. | |
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| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 10/12/2006 6:32:17 PM | Yes!!!! I would marry a military man. If he got sent overseas then we would deal with it, when the time comes. I was an Army Brat and know how it can be.
I have always been faithful to my man and it would be no different with him.
I would trust him to be faithful as well. | |
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| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 10/13/2006 9:20:41 PM | | I'd date a military man and marry him..Though no matter where he went on deployments or how long he was gone for as long as i trusted in him to be faithful and he trusted in me to be faithful as well..I will never cheat on anyone that i date ..1. because why do something to someone when you dont want it done to you..2. I have more respect for myself and the person im with than to go out and screw some random people ..no matter what!..Being in a relationship means being in it with that person you care for not being in a relationship and screwing everything else that comes by..If anyone ever cheated on me and i found out..he wouldnt be walking any longer..but if you know any single military men send some my way..Would love to date one.. | |
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| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 10/13/2006 10:20:41 PM | I was engaged to the love of my life. During that time, the draft was in and about a year after graduation, he was drafted. He eventually went to Viet Nam, later was seriously hurt and sent to Denver for rehabilitation. I wouldn't look at anyone else. As he had surgeries and began to heal, he was allowed leaves home for a few days at a time. We had made plans to be married that year around Christmas. The week-end he came home after he was released, which was 18 months later, he didn't call or show up on the day we'd made plans for. When I called the next day to find out if he was OK. I found out that one of the
"nurses assistants" had followed him home. She knew he was to be married, but she was pregnant. This was before any sort of DNA was available. So-in many cases sir, it isn't the women who cant keep their legs together. Men just don't think they'll ever have to face their erring ways. I loved him then, never stopped, we were friends. He died in 1997 from cancer due to "agent orange". | |
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izz4us
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Joined: 1/10/2006
Msg: 269 | |
| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 10/14/2006 12:22:15 AM | cubano
Why would anyone marry someone who is never going to be there? And why would men marry someone knowing they are going away? Sounds like desperation to me. Desperatate people do desperate things. Misery loves company and calls it "LOVE". | |
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| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 10/14/2006 2:02:27 AM | I can't help but notice a lot of "of course, and if I loved him, I'd marry him" answers.
Dating thing, good on you. But I don't think you quite understand what you're saying with that marriage answer. Simply put, unless you happen to blunder into one of those storybook/movie romances (hint, they make movies about them because they're rare) love alone is going to face some pretty steep obstacles.
Obviously there's the away time. There's deployments, with that whole host of issues. I won't get into infidelity, but it is a major issue to the point where platoon and company leadership has to seriously consider its effects on combat potential. Now, presuming you can get through one 12 month separation, are you ready for another in two years time, max? God forbid they're 3ID, they'll practically live deployed with vacations home. Alright, even with that going on, you can't expect to see them all the time when they are home. Train ups, field exercises, schools, NTC/JRTC deployments will all eat up time stateside. Some days are going to be long and hard, not your standard 6 - 5, and they'll always be at the least convenient time. The first time a day predicted to end at 4 ends at 10 that night and you miss your dinner reservations because of arms room issues, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. If you're marrying an NCO or officer, it'll only be worse because they'll have paperwork to do, soldiers to look after, and assorted other time eating responsibilities beyond that.
Are you ready for when they come back form a deployment and they aren't the same person? Maybe they now booze heavily, and you'll be thrilled the first time your spouse jams the brakes or hammers the gas because theres a trashbag with wiring sticking out alongside the highway. Are you strong enough to help them or at least deal with it?
Add the omnipresent chance of death and injury to the equation. Don't think its just soemthing that happens at war either. When you work with 60 tosn of moving steel, and your job involves fuel, explosives, machinery, and sleep deprivation, accidents happen. A drop short will kill you just as dead as an enemy, so will rolling a vehicle in a wadi.
Next, the military, for all its benefits, does not pay well. At the lower end of the pay chart, making ends meet for a family isn't impossible, but it sure as hell isn't easy. Nothing will tear up a marriage quicker than financial issues and unless your dead on with cash management they will show up. NCO pay is better, but not great either. A couple bad money decisions and you can still count on those late notices. Lets say you marry an officer, the big bucks so to speak. You shouldn't run into debt, but the life of luxury it is not, certainly not compared to what say,a first year college graduate makes. Unless you get a General, they have all sorts of neat toys...but typically they're already taken. Try not to look at this as shallow, just realize that certain lifestyles will require a sizeable outside income to maintain, and at lower ranks it is definitely a hand to mouth existence.
Finally lets look at junior enlisted as this group in particular has problems. We're talking your 18-22 year old PFCs, spec 4s, and the occassional SGT and SSG or their branch equivalents. Some of these guys/girls are more or less staright out of high school and into the force, meaning their real world experience is pretty limited. Which is fine when they're single, because even if they blow their payday on a huge night on the town (and some will) the Army takes care of them for the next two weeks until they can do it again. Many will run up bills beyond their paycheck without the help of the local bar scene. If they make too much of a habit of it, they get slapped upside the head and a talking to, but they're still taken care of. Occassionally their leadership may have to make a midnight run down to a holding cell to pick them up for behavior many would call immature, but that same leadership will make sure they're aok before smoking them. Hell, there's even free medical for those times the clap rears its ugly head. They're usually great people and soldiers, but they're still experimenting in the real world. The military gives them a safety net so that they can scrape by in survival mode after fecking up. The problem is this safety net is rarely strong enough to hold two people, so what you get is a marriage being strained to its limits by real world familiarization, and many are just not ready for it.
So, looking at all that, if you really think love alone is going to be enough to handle a marriage, you'd better be freakin committed. A military marriage is perhaps one of the msot difficult relationships in the world, and it requires a certain personality and caliber of spouse to make it work. Unfortunately many either don't understand this or don't understand themselves and their hasty "of course, I love them" answer becomes a divorce a few years later. | |
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| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 10/14/2006 1:43:33 PM | I think if you truely love someone it doesn't matter where they are. You can always work out something or find a way. I dated two guys in the military when I was younger and it was never the military that was the problem. It was more of what they did with their time when they were home. A girl needs attention sometimes. You can't be gone forever and then not be there when you are there. So if a girl going to take on the military you better be willing to give the love when your home. | |
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| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 10/15/2006 2:46:04 AM | | my grandfather and grandmother would have been married for 51 yrs this oct. if it wasnt for my grandfathers passing..and he was in the Air Force for 20 years and not a day went by that he ever stopped loving my grandmother and he spoke so highly of her and would walk a thousand miles for her because they had an unconditional love that never died even when my grandfather passed away in June 06 ..My grandmother resides in a nursing home in her hometown in Ga ...Because she has alzehimers and even in 05 when it got to the point we had to put her in a nursing home because neither myself nor he could take care of her anymore he still could not bring himself to the fact that he had to put his wife in a nursing home..two days before he passed away he had told me on the phone that he still could not bear the fact that his wife was away from him and he had wished that she was better and he was with her..He said that he wished he could see her one more time before he passed away but he wasn't able too due to the fact that he was in the hospital...So if you say that people who are in the military always some how screw themselves into fidelity its because they truly dont know what its like to get hurt by someone you love..and its not always military folks who comment fidelity its ordinary folks like me and you..Though i would never cheat no matter the circumstances...... | |
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| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 10/15/2006 6:26:27 AM | | I haven't ever dated a guy who was in the military, but my mom keeps telling me I should. For one, I'm pretty independent (also financially), so it would be ok with me if my husband was away for long periods of time, as long as he came home eventually. For another reason, many military men who have been overseas and witnessed some of the sights of war or participated in them come back with emotional trauma often in the form of Post Traumatic Stress, and as it happens, I am studying to be a therapist, I'll be a counsellor in 7 months and hopefully graduate school after that - I am well equipt to handle such issues (as in I can be empathetic and helpful). Finally, I have a great respect for anyone what would put themselves in harms way to protect others. I don't think there is a scarier profession to be in, but so important. | |
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| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 10/16/2006 3:25:08 PM | | Just cause you had one guy do that to you doesn't mean that all military people are the same. It could have been any guy for that matter. If he was gonna cheat on you, it doesn't matter what he did for work. A cheater is a cheat and will cheat no matter who he is or what he does | |
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| Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military?
Posted: 10/16/2006 3:27:43 PM | | Well Shinxy, I wish you and him all the best. I am glad that you are there to support him and stand by him now that he is hurt. Alot of women don't. They find out what has happened to him and they run. God bless you for standing by your man. Good luck to the both of you. | |
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