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Joined: 5/11/2004
Msg: 26 | |
| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 10/14/2005 8:24:36 PM | You don't need to tell her just yet. Once your relationship becomes a bit more serious, heading down that "sexual road," then you need to come clean and let her know. If she cares for you, the same way you care for her, she will respect your honesty and she will decide whether or not she feels she can deal with this with you. Unfortunetly, genital herpes is a virus you can never rid of; however, it could stay dormant just like cold sores for many weeks, months, years prior to having another breakout. You cannot transmit the cold sore virus to another if you do not have a cold sore at that time. It can be the same for genital herpes. You just have to be careful.....
Good luck! | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 10/14/2005 8:38:59 PM | Of course at what point "sexual road" may be is obviously subject to interpretation. However at the point of (before)KISSING(which could be considered "sexual")is when disclosure should EHTICALLY occur.
You cannot transmit the cold sore virus to another if you do not have a cold sore at that time. NOT true!
http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcArticles.nsf/pages/Cold_sores?open :
"How the virus is transmitted
The herpes simplex virus spreads between people, usually through contact with saliva or direct contact with a blister. The most infectious time is in the first few days when the blister is forming. Sometimes, people can pass the virus to others when they have NO SYMPTHOMS. This is because the virus may be lying dormant in the skin cells of the lips."
Tell her. | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 10/17/2005 11:00:17 AM | Marathon man,
This is 1 of the points I made "There is growing evidence that herpes type 1 or some strains of it can lead to type 2. "
Here is a qoute: In the past, HSV-1 rarely caused genital herpes, but that is changing, especially among people who begin having sex at a young age. Still, in most cases, genital herpes is caused by the second type of herpes virus (HSV-2).
Link:http://my.webmd.com/content/article/52/49855.htm?z=1814_00000_0014_rl_01
...and it is a VERY incorrect point to make. That is what I am getting at, MM. This is misinformation through misreading information.
You are quoting in your own words medical and viral information and in the process you are spreading false information. I don't mean to insult, I always enjoy your posts, but it has to be said. I didn't have the time to reply and honestly forgot that I had even participated on this thread but I still disagree with you. Rather than paraphrasing, please copy and paste. And if you can, use well known sources like CDC and Planned Parenthood. They have EXCELLENT sources for viral awareness.
A) Strains do not mutate into one another. HSV 1 is always HSV 1, whether it is on your genitals or on your lips.
B) (i) The virus does not lay dormant in the skin cells. It lays dormant in the neural ganglia and when reactivated, it pushes itself through neurons and comes to the surface of the skin where the virus initially entered the body (HOWEVER, the location of the outbreak CAN move, so long as it is in the same 'region'). It never 're-enters' the ganglia either.
(ii) You CAN infect your partner although no symptoms show. This is called an asymptomatic viral shedding, and approximately 20% of HSV 2 sufferes are asymptomatic, maybe even more since many unknown sufferers go unreported.
(iii) The longer one has the virus in them, the more used to the antibodies they get the less likely they are to suffer noticeable and uncomfortable outbreaks. They DO have outbreaks, but they are so minor that the body fends off the virus before it has a chance to blister up - thus, no symptoms, but the virus is 'shedding' nonetheless.
(iv) Also, it can be 1 or 2 days of no symptoms before a blister does begin to form, and the virus is still shedding.
(v) You can autoinnoculate yourself, meaning you can transfer the virus through mucus membranes and skin from one region to another, since there is both ganglia that rests at the base of your skull and in your genital region. If the virus is present in the upper ganglia, you won't wake up one day with herpes on your genitals because it's travelled. You have to reintroduce the virus to the other region of your body, usually through picking your sore and wiping yourself.
Finally:
By the way,type 1 oral blisters/sores are NOT as common as the common cold perhaps 20% of the adult population have suffered from them however.
Not as common as the common COLD or common COLD SORE? MM, HSV on the lips/nose/chin IS the common cold sore. And there are stats out there that suggest upwards of EIGHTY PERCENT (80%) of the population would test positive for the HSV-1 strain.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herpes_simplex_virus#Transmission
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/pp2/portal/files/portal/medicalinfo/sti/pub-sti-herpes.xml
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 10/17/2005 3:42:03 PM | Not as common as the common COLD or common COLD SORE?
BB,I too enjoy many of your post. Of course here I was speaking of the common cold and you of cold sores thats a orange and seedless orange comparasion some have them and some don't. We don't disagree there.
In the past, HSV-1 rarely caused genital herpes, but that is changing, especially among people who begin having sex at a young age. Still, in most cases, genital herpes is caused by the second type of herpes virus (HSV-2).
This is what I quoted,are you saying this doesn't mean HSV-1 has EVER caused genital herpes? If I misread that please show me how. Now,if there is evidence that differs from this that is something else to consider. I am not a professional in this field,so I'm willing and looking at the possiblity that I misread or misinterpreted this info. Yet,it seems clear. There is simply conflicting evidence that is yet another reason to use caution. Or simply misinformation on the medical advice site ?
I"ll check it out. But you asked for a link and I gave you one :>)
I'll see what else I can find on topic. I DO NOT EVER WISH TO MISINFORM. I'm never insulted when wrong,only enlightened.
v) You can autoinnoculate yourself, meaning you can transfer the virus through mucus membranes and skin from one region to another, since there is both ganglia that rests at the base of your skull and in your genital region. If the virus is present in the upper ganglia, you won't wake up one day with herpes on your genitals because it's travelled. You have to reintroduce the virus to the other region of your body, usually through picking your sore and wiping yourself.
Would the wiping oneself apply to men? | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 10/17/2005 4:05:31 PM | v) You can autoinnoculate yourself, meaning you can transfer the virus through mucus membranes and skin from one region to another, since there is both ganglia that rests at the base of your skull and in your genital region. If the virus is present in the upper ganglia, you won't wake up one day with herpes on your genitals because it's travelled. You have to reintroduce the virus to the other region of your body, usually through picking your sore and wiping yourself.
I meant to continue to edit by saying THAT seems to have cleared it up. I did misread the info. Misinformation due to misread indeed.Lo siento
Ok,dude,I was wrong about being able to catch it from kissing. Tell her before you do anyway for the other reasons ;>) | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 10/17/2005 9:03:58 PM | This is 1 of the points I made "There is growing evidence that herpes type 1 or some strains of it can lead to type 2. "
Here is a quote: In the past, HSV-1 rarely caused genital herpes, but that is changing, especially among people who begin having sex at a young age. Still, in most cases, genital herpes is caused by the second type of herpes virus (HSV-2).
Link:http://my.webmd.com/content/article/52/49855.htm?z=1814_00000_0014_rl_01
Okay, the above is a direct quote from you and the quote I had trouble with was this:
"There is growing evidence that herpes type 1 or some strains of it can lead to type 2. "
What it looked like to me was that you were assuming that HSV-2 meant genital herpes. A lot of people confuse that. HSV-2 is just a strain, and it is true that it mostly occurs genitally, and that the sacral ganglia and lower regions of the body seems to be its preferred site. However, HSV-1 is the common cold sore and what most people don't know is that it can and very OFTEN does transmit to the genital region. Therefore, is is not only possible, but quite common that a person being infected with genital herpes, albeit from the HSV-1 strain, about 30% of genital infections and recurrances are thought to be from HSV-1.
In the past, HSV-1 rarely caused genital herpes, but that is changing, especially among people who begin having sex at a young age. Still, in most cases, genital herpes is caused by the second type of herpes virus (HSV-2).
This is CORRECT. See above. But the virus isn't named 1 or 2 depending on the ganglia it makes its 'home base'. This is what your paraphrase that I re-quoted made it sound like.
This is what I quoted,are you saying this doesn't mean HSV-1 has EVER caused genital herpes?
I would never suggest that. That would be plain out wrong information.
I am not a professional in this field,so I'm willing and looking at the possiblity that I misread or misinterpreted this info.
I'm not either, but I have what some would call a morbid curiosity for these things. What happened was that when I was a teen, a friend of mine at school got Chlamydia from an older boyfriend that was screwing around on her (among other things). She landed in the hospital and, at 16, was rendered infertile from the complications of it being undetected for so long. She was made to be the social pariah of the school because another girl that was supposed to be her friend blabbed to everyone. It really hit me hard for some reason, partly because she was so sweet, and partly because it is such an unfortunate thing to have someone who was, for all intents and purposes NOT sleezing around get an STD, suffer socially because of a big mouth, and have to deal with the aftermath for the rest of her life.
I suffer from cold sores and since I rarely break out in sores these days after having it since I was young, I am VERY aware that I can pass it on to someone and I think I would hang myself if I did. EVERY single partner I've been with knows full well that they can get it from me in both areas. If they didn't know that before they were with me, they know after I promptly tell them. The biggest fear for me would be to transmit it to someone genitally, have them suffer the pain and the social stigma from it, accuse me of having it genitally and never telling them, and them resenting me for it and possibly ending the relationship.
Would the wiping oneself apply to men?
YES. The transfer is done through infected bodily fluids like saliva, etc. If you suffered from cold sores and unknowingly touched your sore on your lip, went to the bathroom and touched yourself, you COULD get it transfered if the virus was present on your fingers. You could also get herpes whitlow (on the fingers) from that, and can also autoinnoculate yourself in your eye by the same method and end up with ocular herpes which can render you blind. It isn't that easy to autinnoculate yourself though, as having the virus already in your system provides for some protection - but it is documented and CAN happen.
Ok,dude,I was wrong about being able to catch it from kissing. Tell her before you do anyway for the other reasons ;>)
She could catch it from kissing if he has it on his mouth. You have to be in contact with the area that the virus is present and shedding. If he has it genitally, she can't get it from kissing him on the mouth.
Read this, it's really informative:
http://herpesonline.org/hsv1vs2.html | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 10/18/2005 12:59:03 AM | I must say,I've learned more details on this topic. I appreciate the discussion. Its always good to be better informed and since I work with children and teens its added incentive. I appreciate your story. I often say there are many kinds of std's and not all of them are physical,some are spiritual. I try to inform young people on how to avoid/protect themselves from all.
I've gone to a variety of sites since my last post. I agree that both type 1 and type 2 herpes can be genital. Type 2 is rarely oral because many people already have some strians of type 1 which seems to give some protection against type 2.
Now,can either be transfered during oral sex? YES
Can either type of genital herpes be transfered through kissing? Both HSV-1 and HSV- 2 oral herpes can be transmitted through kissing.
A person can have both HSV-1 and HSV-2.
I believe someone who knows he/she is infected and is seriously thinking of KISSING another should INFORM that person regardless of obvious outbreak. | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 10/18/2005 1:27:15 AM | Sorry, I tried to edit but apparently it took too long.
Can either type of genital herpes be transfered through kissing? Both HSV-1 and HSV- 2 oral herpes can be transmitted through kissing. Yet, you won't kiss someone who ONLY has genital herpes and wake up with a infection on your genitals. | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:05:11 PM | Now,
I don't know how she'll take it either way... I'm not sure that I'd be happy to hear that from anyone... SCARY.
But, go in armed with information. Knowledge is key. Bring back up, hard copies... visit your doc's office, pharmacy or sexual health clinic for pamphlets. Make sure that you can assure her (and prove) that you can and will take all of the necessary steps to ensure that the virus is not transmitted to her.
And, sorry, but be prepared for rejection/upset either way pal.
I don't think that I could handle the STI guy myself... no offence.
That said, telling her is definitely the RIGHT thing to do!
Good luck,
Kiki | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:07:39 PM | On one of the links I posted here, I read that the ratio for good and bad responses to revealing you have HSV is 20:4.
Not bad. Give it a go, and God bless you for being so honest. We need more of you around.
Good luck | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 10/22/2005 12:10:25 PM | Good thread in here as well as the info....but let me ask all who have answered Anonymus...Would you have a relationship with a person who has HSV-2.....and please be serious............thanks, very curious | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 10/24/2005 12:45:08 AM | | I believe you've confused HSV-1 and HSV-2. As you will be able to see clearly from reading the post and links on this topic,50-80% (60%)of the population may have a strain of HSV-1 NOT HSV-2. About 20%(18%-22%) have HSV-2. | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 11/18/2005 10:48:08 AM | I'm enjoying reading this thread too, I got herpes when I was 18 and ended up giving it to a few women in the past including an x wife. I have looked at different sites on this topic and I can say with an emphatic certainty, don't be so self rightous about not having herpes if you don't have it people. I am a handsome,athletic, charming, fit man who could and have convinced good women that I have nothing.
Back to the original pos on this thread, I know exactly what you are going through because I am in that position too. I've met an amazing woman and we are both very much into each other. If this relationship doesn't pan out I know that in the future I will be looking for women who have already been exposed, this topic is just too hard to bring up. | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 11/23/2005 1:42:37 PM | I can't believ how many people are still uninformed as to this virus,...
first of all there is no difference between the 2 kinds,...
NO DIFFERENCE IN THE VIRUS,....the only difference is location and it can be transferred from one to the other but chances are if you get cold sores on the mouth eyes throat etc,....you yourself will be unlikely to get this virus transferred to your genital area,....you already are infected and in your case the virus has it's chosen area,....
having said that one certainly can get infected by someone if they have never had a cold sore,..in the genital area,...something which is potentially very dangerous,...in the case of a pregnancy to the unborn baby which is whay a woman who is known to have genital outbreaks should err on the side of caution and a c-section is required,.....
since this disease can also be SPREAD BEFORE AN OUTBREAK OCCURRS,....you can never actually KNOW when you are safe,.....so erring on the side of caution again is the best policy,.. | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 11/23/2005 3:55:48 PM | the thing is before you tell anybody anything,...
get the facts for yourself,....all of them,....
so you can say dear,..before we go the next step here is what you need to know,.... | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 11/23/2005 4:00:04 PM | | I have a friend who has herpes. Hes now in a serious relationship and just had a healthy baby and is the happiest Ive ever seen him. So,not to sound flippant, just remember through everything its not the end of the world. But you still gotta be honest right away. | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 11/23/2005 4:11:53 PM | there is danger to the baby only if the delivery is vaginal and the mother is in any stages of an outbreak,....your friend was lucky,....perhaps discussing before they decide to have another might be a good idea,..and btw,....
it is possible for one person to have the virus and not infect his or her partner,....
but again without all the information they are playing russian roulett | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 12/13/2005 12:27:05 PM | | Honesty. But herpes is a very serious STD. I don't know why you say it is not. Doesn't it stay with you for life? And when in remission, it can still be contagious! | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 12/13/2005 3:14:29 PM | I have never been in that situation for which I am very thankful. But reading thru the postings I have to agree with those that suggest being honest about it. You should be able to get a pamphlet from the doctor that has all the info you will need to explain to the person what exactly it is and how to be protected from catching it. I have to admit that i cant see how to bring it up without the other person running away. I know myself that it is extremely unlikely that I would risk it even for someone I thought would make a great partner for the long term.
I did have a friend about 10 years ago that did meet a woman he really liked. they took it slow getting to know each other and after a few datres and she decided he was a keeper she did tell him...before they ever had sex. He called me that night as he needed to talk to someone and I told him I wouldnt risk it. He was torn up because he could not decide. They continued to go out but not have sex for a couple of months. After learning about it from the doctor and weighing the risks and his love for her he decided to make the commitment. He said he would protect himself as much as possible but understood that there would always be the risk. I dont know if he ever contracted herpes as they moved together down to Texas.
She did the right thing and told him first. Best thing to do is find the info about the disease and how to not pass it to a partner. Then just sit down and say "look before we go to the next step (sex) you need to know something". Have the info on hand to answer questions and be prepared for them to just say "see ya". But i am sure there are people that would be willing to read the material and decide if they are willing to risk it.
Just be honest. Dont just wear a condom and hope for the best. She will then be justafiably angry when she finds out later..even if she doesnt catch it. Starting off being dishonest will just doom the relationship. And you may lose someone that would have accepted you otherwise. People often react more to the lie than what the lie was about.
sorry this was my first ever post and I will try to be brief next time! | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 12/14/2005 4:24:08 AM | Sxxxy,...the virous once you have it,..until something changes in Medicine,..is in your body forever,....and it is infectious,...BEFORE you see signs or lesions,....
That is in fact the problem,....the very fact that you can contract this disease without ever knowing you've been exposed until it's too late,...UNLESS your partner not only tells you but knows about the disease and the possible health risks themselves,...
and as I said before but bears repeating,..the simple cold sore on the mouth,....
****IS THE SAME VIRUS****,.....
the only difference of the disease is where each is exposed and where they break out,...if a partner with a cold sore on the mouth performs oral sex then that person exposes their partner to a possible genital attack,....and vice versa,....
and in women,...an outbreak during pregnancy and especially a vaginal delivery is exposing her child to a huge laundry list of potential,...and permanent side effects,...like birth defects,...blindness,...mental deficiancies and even death,..these are of course the biggies there are many not as bad but would you really want to risk it? so any woman pregnant and known to have genital herpes is told that a C-section,....
What I haven't said before is WHY,..so I will rectify this oversight,....
The virus is held at bay and in check by your immune system,....as long as you are healthy,...you should be ok for the most part,...
When you are overly tired,...run down mentaly, or physically or sick,....your body can't keep it in check because it's busy fighting off whatever else is going on,...and you are prone to an outbreak,....
now most people who have had more than two outbreaks have clues they are getting one,...it can be by a speciffic tingling,...slight pain,...or even numbness to the area of usual outbreak,...apparently this varies for every person but for each the signs are usually the same there after so they can get some idea,....if,...they are in tune to their own bodies,...not everyone is,....this disease is so pervasive that many people don't even know they have it,...because in some people the outbreaks are so mild,...
in others it's torturous and debillitating,...some people get outbreaks in their mouths,...their nose (inside and out) and even their eyes,....there is so far only one drug that can be given in several different strength and forms that combat this virus,...and all this can do is lessen the severety,...and this drug is the same one for babies,... children,...and adults,...and in the former two,...this medication itself can be very harsh,....on their little systems,...and they can have serious side effects,..but that has to be weighed againgst the possible side effects stemming from the virus itself,....
so many people just brush this off as a minor annoyance compared to so many other STD's,...
They shouldn't,.....because the possibilities and the symptoms of one person can not be compared to that of another,....it's not fair,...or wise,....so,....buyer beware,....
If you have a new partner,.....ASK QUESTIONS FIRST,...because after,....is just too late,....
and when in doubt,...go without seems to be a good rule to follow,....
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j-mix
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Joined: 10/4/2005
Msg: 50 | |
| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 12/14/2005 8:40:47 AM | i would appreciate if somebody tell me that she have it, and i will not quit from dating because of that
from some point it is a plus for both parts. if you knew that and going into relationship then this is not the game for sure.
Again... to many people have it.
Each 4-th women and 5-th men have a herpes-2.
That's means if you dated more then 4 women then one of them probably have herpes :-( | |
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