| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/12/2007 4:16:19 PM | If you are having trouble telling someone you have herpes.
You can visit your local support group.
They usually have one in every state.
For the Southern California People. Which the percentages are
about 33% that have it.....
You can contact:
www.lahelp.org
They have info on the orange county and san diego help locations.
You can go there for medical advice from doctors and ask questions
on how to tell, etc... From those who have successfully given the "talk"....
Meetings are once a month....
Hope this helps... | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 3/15/2007 11:33:09 AM | For anyone in the O.C. who would like advice or talk to those who have given the talk.
Here is a link for a social group in Orange County, California
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OrangeCountyFriends/join | |
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| How to tell someone you have..
Posted: 5/1/2007 6:37:38 PM | no offence, but ur rude. PERMANENTLY BRANDED? Where do u get off saying something like that? You try living with a permanent infection; like my sister who got it after being with a guy for 2 years. You just TRY and see if you're strong enough. People like you make me sooo angry.
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/2/2007 8:55:09 AM | I would appreciate it if you would tell me what you meant when you said "hurry up and get clean and you won't have to tell her".
Whatt do you mean by "get clean"? Do you know of a cure for Herpes? I am 56, and just found out two years ago that I had Herpes when I had my first outbreak. I felt and still feel that my hopes of finding a decent guy are over now.
Thank You,
Pat | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/2/2007 9:07:30 AM | I feel in some ways you are right, at least in my case. Even though I am 56, and only had my first outbreak two years ago, I have thought about getting a tatoo right above my "rack, as guys call my chest".
What is everyone's, anyone's opinion of that? The only reason I haven't is because I don't want to embarass my adult children or friends, or confuse and embarass my young grandchildren. | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/2/2007 10:45:53 AM | There's no cure I'm aware of, various meds do help somewhat but not much.
If you're including fellow infected people amongst your dating pool, I don't see why one of those can't turn out to be the decent guy for you. So long as they have the same variation of Herpes, neither of you are likely to cause harm to other, now are you? And, I believe there are also herpes dating sites, for precisely that purpose -- being able to date without harming the uninfected through spreading the disease. But this is such a big site, that there ought to be a more than fair chance of your finding partners here.
I am 56, and just found out two years ago that I had Herpes when I had my first outbreak. I felt and still feel that my hopes of finding a decent guy are over now. | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/2/2007 2:14:10 PM | | You can transmit it even if you do wear condoms--and even if you don't have an active outbreak--so there is no "being safe"... everyone you are intimate with should be told. | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/3/2007 9:31:17 AM | I know what you mean with feeling that finding a decent guy is over now. I found out that I have herpes 2 about 7 months ago. I told my current bf at the time he was ok with it at first then shortly after he left me. Even after I told him he still said that he wanted to be with me and start a family we never used protection as we were planning to start a family.
So it doesn't matter if you tell them at the beginning or later they could react the same way. I new this guy for a couple years before we started dating and now it is all over not even a friendship. So yes it hard to tell someone that you have this. But you need to stay strong, I believe that there is someone out there for everyone.
Why should we have to go to a dating site for people infected with this virus? There are people all around us that have this they just as open with everyone or they might not know that they have it. | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/3/2007 9:58:54 AM | Why?
Because you know, with absolute certainty, that you have an incurable, infectious and contagious disease, that would not, with care, cause any harm and probably considerable emotional and possibly considerable physical pain there to someone for the rest of their life, that's why. You cannot say that for other dating scenarios, though.
Those that do not know they have it, are not nearly so guilty imo, if they accidentally spread herpes to someone they're dating.
Why should we have to go to a dating site for people infected with this virus? There are people all around us that have this they just as open with everyone or they might not know that they have it. | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/3/2007 10:21:12 AM | Anonymousdude ...this is something that i hold dear because i to have Herpes and no i am not afraid to say it and look i even have my pic ...This is something no one goes out to get and yes 80% of the people dont even know they have it ( 1 in 5 people u have been with they have it or been in contact with someone that does ) ...but for your question i had to do it also but Please dont wait because if she is not ok with u having this VIrus she should be able to make that choice ...but when u tell here this is maybe one of the way u can go ...have information for her ..# she can call so she can ask all the questions she has but let her be the one to make that choice.. If u like her that much u will let her make the choice its not easy but only she can ...but if u give her places to go see on line and # for her to call ..it may help her feal like u are willing to help like u are ...Its one day at a time after that and i know its shitty but the only way
And for all the other people out there ....if u dont know about the VIrus not Disease for all that think that please go and read up on it ...Its not all as bad as people think ..if u know enyone that has cold sores its the same but vaginal ...so u can still kiss give oral sex to your partner just for him\her cant go to the genital area ...but like i have been told by so meany after i got it ( i did lots of reading and calling ) this is the time were u have to comunicate with your partner and maybe get creative for the times were and if outbreaks apear ....its not a death sentenc to have Herpes ...u just need to be honest with yourself and other about it....And others should not judge ither its not fair for us that do have H ....But remember 1 ou of 5 people u had sex with got it of been in contact with someone that had sex with someone who did .....so dont be so fast to jugd and remember next months it may be u that ends up with the YOU have H from your DR
But good luck on telling her if u have not already .....
Safe Sex all | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/3/2007 10:32:38 AM | I'm pleased that the herpes affliction has touched you so lightly, merely cold sores from time to time. But for others, it can be a miserable, painful affliction during outbreaks, which may also be both frequent and long lasting.
There's considerable individual variation on just how badly someone is going to suffer if they catch this disease. True, herpes is not deadly, merely very contagious.
But some who catch it, consider it's impact on their social lives and health to be so worrisome and painful, that they come to envy the dead (or so I'd figure, from hearing some of their laments).
Your complacency is the real danger to others, as you're prone to treat this affliction too lightly based on your personal experience, imo.
Its not all as bad as people think ..if u know enyone that has cold sores its the same but vaginal | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/3/2007 1:39:38 PM | Yes, i do kow that I have this virus...NOT disease...buti see no reason to go to another site as long as i am honest with whomever I come in contact with...even if it isn't sexually. I have told my some of my friends as they have children but I don't think that I need to tell everyone. As long as you are clean...it isn't like I am going to be touching myself and then going and touching other people.
If you don't know about the virus then go and do some reasearch on it. | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/3/2007 1:41:49 PM | | I completely agree with you on this ANYONE you choose to be any what intimate with should know...even if it is only touching/kissing they should know....I know i wish i was told. | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/3/2007 4:54:26 PM | I think it's no one's business, except for someone that you're contemplating kissing or becoming intimate with.
Branding sounds too painful and disfiguring, but I agree with the tattoo concept. How about a discreet but clearly understood tattoo? Something like 'Be careful, I'm contagious.', or just B.C.I.C., for short.
Since kissing spreads the disease it does need to be readily visible: how about under the tongue? or on the inside of the lips (like race horses have)? Discreet, yet readily inspected by anyone who's concerned. For community health purposes, are readers agreeable to this becoming a legal requirement?
msg 9 > I think the infected ones should be permanently branded, perhaps a tattoo on the arm letting everyone know what's up. Would save some awkward conversations later on.
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/4/2007 9:55:48 AM | | I think that a tattoo somewhere that no one would notice it unless it was showed to them would be ok. I wouldn't want it to be put somewhere that just anyone could see if I was walking down the street or at work. It would make it a lot hard for people to find work other wise. | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 7/4/2007 10:17:56 PM | You should tell as soon as you think you might be interested in getting physical with the person. If you see the interest from them and feel the interest yourself, just say it in a conversation. I have dated people with and without, and with my new "handle " I have had people approach me to tell me they are ok with it. People have alot of respect for honesty, especially the tough kind. I think it shows an inner strength. Here are a few examples of how I've said it...
"so, let me ask you something...have you ever been tested for STDs?"...usually the answer has something to do with how clean they are and they don't actually answer, lol....."the reason I'm asking is because I have one. It's not fatal but can be uncomfortable and I just want you to know I have herpes so you can find out some information about it and decide if we're going to continue developing this or if we are going to just be friends..."
or
"I think with the evening we just had I kinda feel like this is getting interesting between us. (insert charming phrase about how he made you feel sexy etc) Before we take this any further I want you to know something, just to get it out in the open..."
It's important to say it OUTSIDE of a physical moment, perhaps at a park bench or while walking home. I also, without exception, make them find out more information FROM A RELIABLE source before making a decision.
When my doctor told me I had it the way she did it was exactly what I needed. She explained how non-problematic it is for most people after a few years, explained what I can do to make my immune system stronger against it, and treated it as a simple fact of life.
Now I am grateful for it. If I get pregnant, I know that my baby is NOT at risk of the terrible effects that can happen if a woman is exposed for the first time during her first trimester. I live normally and it has forced me to develop a finely honed sense of my honest self.
Learn the facts people, and get tested. When you know you have it you are less likely to spread it. Many people mistake the symptoms for a rash (or in my case I thought I had a bug bite)
PS 1 in 3 women in North America have it and 1 in 5 men. 80% of the population DO NOT KNOW. source: herpes.com, anatopia.net, valtrex.com - all great sites | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 7/6/2007 3:20:55 PM | | I would be furious with a partner if they engaged in intercourse with me then told me afterwards. If you have an STD, the partner has a right to know IMO. Relationships are supposed to be about trust! | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 7/8/2007 5:17:25 AM | A lot of the people posting here will have it and not know. Unfortunately there is common misunderstanding about the virus. Nor does having it mean someone sleeps around!
I would tell her pretty soon. But I would have information and sources of info which she can take away or read up on in her own time. Good luck. | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 8/11/2007 1:35:22 PM | I continue to be amazed at Doninvictoria's attitude and ignorance about this condition. Most people carrying HSV become infected with SOME form of herpes virus before the age of 12 since there is NO stigma attached to getting cold sores on the face and lots of adults who are thusly infected kiss children in their lives on the mouth, thus spreading the virus.
There is a TV commercial now trying to convince you that 70% of people who contracted the virus got it when their partner had no symptoms. I have FINALLY found the print version of that ad which contained the following info in very fine print.
Based on a clinical study to determine the risk of spreading genital herpes (GH) in 144 heterosexual couples in which one partner had GH and the other did not. Couples were followed for a median 334 days and were counselled to abstain from skin to skin contact in the presence of lesions.
Twelve dozen couples. Wow. And they weren't cautioned to avoid contact when prodromal symptoms were present, only when LESIONS were present. And there is no mention of how longer after their initial outbreak this study was conducted. Talk about manipulating statistics!
Dr. Stephen Sacks' book The Truth About Herpes mentions that same study, which was a test for a vaccine (which proved ineffective). Couples had been advised to use safer sex practices during asymptomatic periods but only 15% of the couples actually did so. Only 14 of the 144 acquired the virus (9.7%) - and my money is on them being among the 85% not using condoms! Of those 14, 4 had intercourse when there were signs of the virus present. No data was available on the other couple.
Women were more than 4 times as likely to contract the disease as men based on this study. Additionally this study proved that antibodies from type 1 herpes (facial cold sores) reduce the risk of contracting genital herpes.
So the next time you see those scary statistics about 70% of people who catch genital herpes get it from a partner who had no symptoms present, PLEASE remember that they are talking about 9 people in a study of 144 uninfected partners who were NOT practicing safe sex!
And it cannot be stated often enough - herpes outbreaks are related to stress, therefore how a person FEELS about having the virus has a DIRECT bearing on how frequent, painful, and disabilitating their outbreaks will be. Type 1 herpes has potentially FATAL complications like herpetic encephalitis. The greatest problem with genital herpes is in women giving birth, and this is not an insurmountable problem.
If Don were to suggest that [insert ethnic group here] only dated [insert ethnic group here] he'd be banned from this site faster than you can say Markus. Too bad his form of ignorance and prejudice is so prevalent. When was your last blood test Don? The herpes test is NOT included in routine STD screening. Since at least 20% of adults in North America have genital herpes, if you've been intimate with more than 5 women in your life then the mathematical probability is you've already HAD a partner who has this virus.
Those other dating sites were created primarily for the benefit of those who have tested HIV positive, and perhaps hep C and other potentially FATAL conditions which can be transmitted through sexual contact. Earth to Don - there are NO HERPES ORPHANS IN AFRICA!!!!! | |
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| P.S.
Posted: 8/11/2007 3:36:01 PM | | Doninvictoria you really should get your facts straight - kissing does NOT spread GENITAL herpes! It is spread only through skin to skin contact. That's why would-be blood donors are not tested for the virus as it cannot be passed even through a blood transfusion! | |
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M.I.
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Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 121 | |
| P.S.
Posted: 8/11/2007 11:21:15 PM | ^^^ Luckily, DonInVictoria and his irrelevant/incorrect facts is no longer here--under that name anyway!
No more incorrect "facts" from him, and everyone can research for themselves anyway, it just makes posts like his seem more believable to those that don't bother. | |
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| getting oral facts straight
Posted: 8/13/2007 10:50:01 PM | Yes Bodaceous11, straight facts are good.
Kissing can indeed spread HSV2 (genital herpes). If you perform oral sex on your partner (male or female) who has HSV2 and then continue back to kissing or any other mouth to body part activity, the virus can be spread. They could end up with lesions on their mouth (anus, nostril, any place with damp skin) that would not test as HSV1 (common cold sores) but are still one of the 28 known forms of the herpes virus. Its not to say that the virus will definitely be spread (as pointed out, presence of one HSV usually helps to act a a protective immunity booster) but the potential is most definitely possible just as the virus can transfer even during condom use, as any skin cells (thigh, butt cheeks etc) within contact can be viral or receptive, and as is the transferance by toilet seat, shared towel or washcloth, etc. The risks of these happening are of course much less than those offered by direct skin to skin contact, but are documented as possible nonetheless.
I've had herpes HSV2 since 1985, and have done a lot of research, participated in study groups with the UBC Infectious Disease Clinic, and have learned alot by both research and direct experience. Most folk that suffer from either 1 or 2 are generally lucky enough to have mild and sporadic outbreaks, if they show any syptoms at all. But for some the prodrome itself, as well as the actual lesions and periods of active viral shedding can be a nightmare, affecting day to day health, ability to work, and of course to have and maintain intimate relationships.
Be honest, up front, and informed. Dr Sacks book is awesome. There are many sites to explore and alternatives to expensive chemical preventatives - I've had very good experience through the naturopathic tinctures and salves from Christopher Scipio in BC www.natropractica.com . Be self aware, and as potentially difficult as it may be to face, always choose abstinence and honesty over the momentary thrill of a completed sexual encounter. "Do unto others..." in the original sense of the expression, not the"...and then split!" attitude.
Everyone, good luck with it all, and have hope. | |
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| getting oral facts straight
Posted: 5/1/2008 9:15:17 AM | | I think that you should tell the person right away. You need to be honest and upfront if you intend to be intimate with them. You will save yourself the heartache if you wait and are rejected. | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:51:16 AM | OP; With all due respect; You need to tell her. NOW
You have a condition you can give to someone else.
You have a responsibility to others, not just the one's you care about to inform.
One of the reasons there is a stigma is because of people who do not inform and pass it on. That kind of behavior screws it up for everyone.
If you've got something you can pass on to someone else for a lifetime you have an obligation to inform. It's called caring. It's being responsible.
It's not all about you. | |
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| How to tell someone you have herpes?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:43:05 PM | Had a friend of mine who just recently found Valtrex in her boyfriends luggage. She asked about it and he gave an answer that she naively believed. She calls me out of the blue to explain this situation and that an outbreak had occurred that had her concerned. Sent her to physicians I work with and sure enough "Baaam". Poor girl.
She is upset and knows that she will carry this for life. I was able to get her the information on how to suppress it with a less expensive option than Valtrex, anti-oxidants and dietary changes to help keep it in remission but it will never go away. She must now, hopefully, share that information with all those she chooses to have an intimate relationship in the future - condom or not. That's your answer in my humble opinion. I think you realize the same since this was apparently how you obtained it.
Don't wait until you are so deeply invested and then tell her only to possibly have your heart broken. If she cares you both can discuss it like adults and figure out how to keep her safe when the time comes.
Good Luck and best of wishes. | |
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