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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 11/16/2005 8:02:40 PM | I'm probably the oldest with the youngest. I'm presently going through the court process to have the 'continuing custody' order changed. I'm taking parenting classes and I got my Childcare First-Aid ticket. I get 2-day visits per week, soon to be three. My house has been 'child-proofed' at a great cost in time and $. My next Case Conference is in January.
My (truly) miracle toddler has made great strides in only 5 home visits so far. Tomorrow, N.17, I use my (newly certified) car seat for the first time. I'm going to see this to the absolute end. I've done ALL that was expected of me, and THEN some. I have NO bad habits and I easily passed the C.R.I. with flying colors.
I've spilled my share of tears so far (the last time was in court N.03) but I have plenty to shed in the future. I have absolutely NOBODY else in my life (not counting a handful of supportive friends) and the only family that gives me utmost encouragement lives 3000 miles away.
It is indeed the 'stuff' books are written about, but all I can (and will) do for now is take one day at a time. I salute all you other (single) parents out there, particularly those with absolutely NO contact with the other parent. Thank you (and Bless you). | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 11/17/2005 3:48:15 AM | | I work in the child care field and there are very few men who do want to spend time with there kids then there are those who the ex won't let the fathers spend time with the kids alot of times it's just that they want the child support (the moms) or the moms try to turn the kids against there father. I think A single dad is the most loving person and they seem to respect women more when they are raising there own children.If you are a single father raising your children Don't be afraid to ask for help your not expected to know everything with women it's a mothers instenct and most of all never put a woman before your children no one can ever replace them. I commend all you single fathers .Give your selfs a pat on the back you deserve it. | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 11/17/2005 4:26:26 AM | | iam a devorced 46 yr old i have had my three adopted daughters since day one of the devorce;there has never been any contact with the mom in god ;;;; 9 yrs;they were all born fetal alcohol; ;but today wonderful kids; wouldnt trade that for anything;and yes the nick came from my girls; my question is why do women not date men with kids? | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 11/17/2005 6:58:10 AM | Well its good to see so many single dads out there. I am a single dad of 4 girls.
I wouldnt have it anyother way.I believe to be a good parent you have to be there 24-7.
Theres no such thing as being a part time parent.I tell you though it is the hardest job on the planet.Im exhausted at the end of the week.You realy dont have a clue what its like untill you do it.I have no support outside the home.Its all me.I work night shift so that Im home in the mornings to get the kids off to school and Im home when they get home from school to make there dinner.I do home work dishes ( no dish washer) hair washes at bath time and I put my kids to bed at night.We camp in the summer and tobogan in the winter.
Im the luckiest guy in the world because I get to be a part of my kids lives.( all the time not part of the time)
I do get a break everyother weekend ( I do enjoy the sleep) lol
I realy dont know why Im on this site.I dont have anytime for a relationship.But who knows.maybe theres someone out there who actually wouldnt mind a dedicated father and understands that the kids come first. ( ALWAYS ) | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 11/17/2005 5:27:25 PM | I have a question for all those fathers on this thread, that have full custody of their children 24/7. I am a single mother raising my 3 yr old son alone. It has always been on my mind from day one of giving birth to my son. I gave birth to our son all by myself in the hospital. His father didn't come to see him until he was 2 weeks old and he was phone and told of the due date, the complications prior to birth, but he chose not to come.
Anyways, I lived with his father after my son was 7 months old. We lived together, up to February of this year. We had to leave because of his mulitple abuses.
Since we moved out on our own, even though it made me feel like I was raising my son alone when we were together. From March to May, he came ever two weeks to see his son. Then after May, he did not come until October. Once in a while he would call for him. Sometimes my son talks to him and sometimes not. In the beginning of November this year, our son had surgery. His father was made aware of the surgery in July, but I found out, four hours prior to surgery, he was not coming to be with his son at the hospital, due to "work". He has yet to come and see him since the surgery. My son is going to celebrate his 4th birthday in two weeks. My son recieved a message stating that he would like to see him prior to his birthday, to give him his presents.
Okay, with that information, do you feel that his father, truely loves his child? He has stated that he thinks about him all the time, that he cries about him, but now I truely believe he's feeding both of us a line. My opinion, is, if he cared for his child, he would do whatever it took to be there on the day of his surgery. He had 4 months notice of the surgery date and all the information to come. As well, I don't think he should visit him prior or after his birthday, but he should be here for his birthday.
What is a true father's opinion? I have my thoughts, therories and ideas,which aren't positive, but I want a guys opinion. And yes, I do not mention to our child what I think, he doesn't comprehend this topic and I dont' want to hurt him anymore than he possilbe feels right now. | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 11/17/2005 7:27:32 PM | Hi Onlytime....Im a Dad ... Sounds like a similar story to mine ...What you need to do!!! is get extreemly tough with your EX OK.... its quiet simple ..... he is more than likely playing Emotional Mind Games He is and knows what hes doing... BUT you need to hit it on the head now so your kid dont suffer any longer... Kids dont deserve Adult Bullshit...and all it is for the adult is a win over the opposite partner,,,, Heard all this before ... my kids grew up with me they had an awsome upbringing ....JUST STOP THE EX'S BULLSHIT  | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 11/18/2005 4:34:49 AM | I hear you, but seriously, I don't know what to do in terms of getting tough. I've had all the conversations with him. I told him, if you treat your son this way, he's going to grow up not knowing you, disliking you etc.....I don't know how much more I can do.
He called this week and left a message, I have asked my son, since that phone call, do you want to talk to daddy, do you want to call daddy and his response has always been a clear, "NO". I am not going to push him to do something he doesn't want to do.
I am in the middle of having papers done at court, which I don't think his father knows yet. I do have to play it safe right now and not give him any fire power, to take with him to court.
Hey, I am up for suggestions though.I thought I was playing it tough with him, but I guess not tough enough. For the last four years, I have had to deal with drug and alcohol abuse and played tough with him, quit or we are leaving and don't you think that your son notices these actions. Never being home, out parting all the time. Finally, I had enough and left.
I clearly believe what he's doing is "mind games" with me. He wants full control of the situation. He hates now, that my son lives with me. Currently, I do not allow him to take him alone out of my house, due to the drugs in the car, him travelling in the car in the past with no booster seat for my son, just to run for McDonald's, him being drunk in the past. These are very valid concerns, and I won't allow him to continue to do these things around my son, or more, but my son in jepordy. So, if he wants to see him, the door has been open since March of this year. All he need to do was give me 48 hrs notice he was coming to see him.
I've suggested the visitation centre,but he feels that he should have to pay 10 bucks to see his child and have someone watch him. It goes the same for here, he doesn't want me watching him either. He leaves messages on the phone to my son, saying it will be alright very son, he's got a lawyer. He's introduced a girlfriend 4 weeks after we moved out. He's left a message that his 8 yr old daughter (by the way, it's not his daughter, this child belongs to his new g/f) wants to see her brother. Of course,I don't allow my son to hear these silly messages, because I know how they could possibly damage my son.
Anyways, I would love some suggestions. | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 11/18/2005 7:54:32 AM | Well, to all of you fathers for being there for your children! I didn't even realize that many men cared so much, seriously. In my experiences my children's fathers only pay attention to their kids when they are trying to get on my good side and that is BS to put a kid through. You all give me hope that one day my children's fathers will grow up and care. | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 11/18/2005 6:04:47 PM | Seen the thread, a great many more men are out there that have custody , part and full time. Being on the net I guess you can see how some of us take up a bit of the slack time.
Its not about who get the child or being bitter, its about what is best for the child and if mom makes a better full time parent so be it, but if the responsibility falls on the father, what to say he should not step up and take up the responsibility.
The difficult line to walk is to make the child / children feel wanted by both parents. Sometimes the family thing just can't be held together.
Wonder what type of review the child would give these parents say 10 years after leaving home.
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 11/18/2005 6:16:45 PM | | I didn't get full custody, not because I didn't want it either. I just didn't want to take my daughter away from her mother. Shes a good mom just a sh**ty girlfriend. So now I only get her every other weekend, which sucks and is most definately not enough time. I'm working on that, trying for every weekend with a midweek visit. Still not enough but I can't get too greedy. | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 12/30/2005 8:53:14 PM | sorry.. not really contributing much... but for the topics sake~
I care for my daughter 24-7..well..I mean she is 9...in school, has a babysitter...but I have unofficial "custody" I take care of her very well~ nuff said. i have too much time on my hands.. | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 12/31/2005 2:45:51 PM | Dear onlytimecantell,
Your situation is similar to the one I was in, although there was no alcohol or drugs. Well he brewed his own beer but didn't drink and drive.
The mind games used to get at you in front of the children can be heart-breaking. There is nothing worse than being in tears in front of your children.
I stopped all contact and moved away after two years of trying to work things out. Best thing I ever did. Now I have complete and total peace.
I didn't do the visitation centre thing as I had to deal with the mother-in-law as well and didn't trust them not to take off with the kids. So I supervised visits in the park which I pre-arranged with him. I kept logs of all appointments etc. and kept a diary too.
Hope this helps.
Carena | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 12/31/2005 5:49:23 PM | I have custody 24/7.
It is coming more common place,for dad's to have custody of there children.
As women have now,learned many of the bad traits that us men seemed to have had a monopoly on,The courts are seeing that it is in the child's interest,to be with the dad instead of the mom.Thank god for womens rights. | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 1/4/2006 7:35:06 PM | | ive got two kids by my first wife and i have full custody they havent seen her in 6 years i have a 3 year old by my second wife with shared custody and it is hard. i miss her tremendously when she isnt here and so does her brother and sister. im hopefully as she gets older she will ask to stay with me more i know she loves her mother and im happy her mother is in the picture but it is hard to not have her around all the time | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 1/4/2006 10:26:48 PM | I agree with AML4U.
We always hear about the "deadbeat dad" but no one ever talks about the "deadbeat mom".
I have full custody of my 2, and the courts were only involved to make it "official" with the divorce.
The agreement between us is that if she wants to see them, let me know when and where, and I will make sure to be there
Their mother has only made an attempt to see them 3 times in the 2 1/2 years they have been with me. No Christmas cards, no birthday phone call. Nothing!! She has no idea what she is missing by not being part of their lives.
My little girl will be 4 in a few days and she really has no idea who her mother is, my 5 year old kind of remembers her but dosent recognise her in a picture.
To the rest of us single dads, even the part time dads....
My hats off to you, believe me its worth it!!!
A Proud Single Dad | |
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| How many single dads actually take care of there kids..
Posted: 1/4/2006 10:31:08 PM | I agree with AML4U.
We always hear about the "deadbeat dad" but no one ever talks about the "deadbeat mom".[/qoute]
I have full custody of my 2, and the courts were only involved to make it "official" with the divorce.
The agreement between us is that if she wants to see them, let me know when and where, and I will make sure to be there
Their mother has only made an attempt to see them 3 times in the 2 1/2 years they have been with me. No Christmas cards, no birthday phone call. Nothing!! She has no idea what she is missing by not being part of their lives.
My little girl will be 4 in a few days and she really has no idea who her mother is, my 5 year old kind of remembers her but dosent recognise her in a picture.
To the rest of us single dads, even the part time dads....
My hats off to you, believe me its worth it!!!
A Proud Single Dad | |
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